1. A gentle dame, screwing in Drums,
On paper was totaling sums.
She wrote down "thirty-four"
But then added one more
Every time her date yelled "Here it cums!"

2. I asked a young woman of Drums,
Who hadn't a tooth, only gums,
"Is it hard when you eat?"
She replied, indiscreet,
"They're hard when I swallow their cums."

3. There's a busker you'll find down in Drums
As he sits and ferociously strums
On his 12-string guitar,
And although he's a star
All the passers-by feed him mere crumbs.

4. Now I've done all the numbers and sums,
When it comes to big sport Drums succumbs
To most teams that they play
But then Drums has its day -
Cause they all take a beating in Drums.

5. Frogs are aplenty in Drums
All night there's croaking and thrums
People go out at night
To catch 'em for spite
Or cook 'em with brandy and plums

6. There is little for Dan up in Drums
He can drink at a bar with his chums
But he’s got a fast car--
Interstates are not far:
Forget Scranton: New York, here he comes!

7. Said Fred of a girl met in Drums
I'm hoping this lass soon succumbs
But when tried in his car
To take off her bra
He was really all fingers and thumbs

8.Near Lehigh's a city named Drums,
Where live a whole lot of bums,
They live on the edge
But always do pledge
To live without stress - with their Tums!.

9.The dentist I went to in Drums
Said, "This novacaine rapidly numbs"
But my fears were ignited
That he was so shorted
He could not tell my teeth from my gums

10. An Englishman, living in Drums,
Had a craving for little boy bums.
But the best derriere
And the one he holds dear
Was no boy's. No, instead, it's his mum's.

Question:
Vote for your favorite

Choices:
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten

 

There are some nice ones! For some reason this easy one was hard for me - plus I completely messed up my L2. Not sure what I was thinking!

Hi Bethree,

There are some very likeable limericks here, which will make voting considerably more difficult than usual. Anyway I am pretty sure that there is a typo in Line 4 of Limerick 9. Maybe the typo was of the author's doing but I am pretty certain they meant short-sighted not shorted.

Greg, I had the exact same thought. I logged in to say that myself, and saw you had beat me to it. I suggest the voters read that into the limerick.

I agree: FOLKS WHEN YOU READ LIM #9, ASSUME LINE 4 TO BE "SHORT-SIGHTED".

If that remedy had occurred to me I would have PM'd the author... but it didn't.

It's interesting how one can so easily miss typos. When I first read through the lims I totally missed the 'shorted/short-sighted' error and had already voted before I saw the post from Greg.

Well...I enjoyed 3 because I had to look up "busker" in the dictionary and reread it. Chiefly British...that might narrow down the author too. I also liked 7 and had to reread that one with making "car" rhyme with "bra". Love it. Someone from Boston perhaps? 10 was also most excellent. But I have decided on my vote for my most favorite.

Funny, I read #9 like it is and thought, "What was he/she thinking?"

quote:

I had to look up "busker" in the dictionary

We call them "buskers" here in Aus too. I thought it was universal English, but obviously not. So what do they call "street performers" in the US of A, hopefully not something as boring as "street performers"?

In his book Busking with H. Allen Smith, H. Allen said, ""To Busk is to peddle raunchy songs and books in public houses....Buskin' was a common pursuit all over the United States back in Civil War times. Professional enterainers went buskin' to get eatin' money, or more probably, drinkin' dough."

Smith was probably one of the best humorists of the '40s. If you can find one, read his book The Compleat Practical Joker. Most of the practical jokes perpetrated on April 1 are juvenile and also could potentially harm the victim. That wasn't the case with those in Smith's book.

For example, he recounts the story of the students who took a hippo foot from the science lab and attached it to the center of a long pole. Then the jokers "walked" the foot in the snow across the frozen reservoir to a hole in the ice. Everyone thought a huge animal had fallen into the city's drinking water and some refused to drink while others claimed they could taste the offending animal.

quote:

To Busk is to peddle raunchy songs and books in public houses...

That's not how we understand it here in the UK. To us, to busk is to perform music in the streets and other public places for money. It could I suppose be extended to include 'street theatre' and similar performances but not really the sale of books, raunchy or not. In fact, I'd think that any buskers performing raunchy material are likely to get swiftly moved on, since busking is done in public.

Busk? That's what Popeye called Olive Oyl's chest.

quote:

are likely to get swiftly moved on, since busking is done in public.

You must live in a much more sedate society than mine.

quote:

We call them "buskers" here in Aus too. I thought it was universal English, but obviously not. So what do they call "street performers" in the US of A, hopefully not something as boring as "street performers"?

God forbid calling a street performer a street performer. (edit: added the winking face. You're right we don't have a good colorful term for street performer that I can think of)

Actually I found "busker" it in several locations on line. It might be just me that didn't know the term. I don't have a huge vocabulary.

quote:

God forbid calling a street performer a street performer.

They do here

You may want to go here next year.



Although you have unlimited choices.

Then there is Dr. Busker who is famous for this song. I think this answers Arnie's comment about "no bawdy songs."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

I could read them to rhyme when I use my Eastern accent, but otherwise for my midwest accent, #7 far and bra totally don't rhyme.

Alright, already, Beethree5, cast your tie-breaker and declare a winner. I voted for ten myself, but could have voted for several others. It was a coin toss. Some were gross (mine), some were cute (several), but none really made me laugh.

Sourpuss Geoff

PS: I STILL can't read the poll! I have to hold a piece of paper up to the screen to be sure the number goes with the bar

I just count them, Geoff.

Hey, Kalleh, I really AM a sourpuss! My witch doctor called to tell me I have Gilbert's Syndrome! It's an excess of bilirubin, so I'm certifiably bilious!

Interesting, Geoff. I hadn't heard of it before, so I just looked it up. I am glad that it's a pretty benign condition, requiring no treatment. However, I was intrigued with how it is pronounced: zheel-BAYRZ When I read it, I pronounced it like you'd normally pronounce Gilbert.

I presume that the Gilbert for whom it's named was French.

Slightly jaundiced Geoff

quote:

Originally posted by arnie:

quote:

To Busk is to peddle raunchy songs and books in public houses...

That's not how we understand it here in the UK. To us, to busk is to perform music in the streets and other public places for money.

Ah, enlightening! We have a whole lotta buskers in the NYC subways & have had for decades

Sp what do you call them, B35?

Are the polls closed, or are the hanging chads still to be counted?

I call them wand'ring minstrels
Just back from a trip, will publish results today (after consulting 9 old men)

Thanks for the great turn-out, limerickers!
#1, by Proofreader, nicely parsed & sufficiently bawdy, is a contender with two votes.
#2, by Geoff, same features but no votes.
#3, by Greg S, well-written & featuring word of interest (buskers) - no votes.
#4 also by Greg S featured excellent rhyming & a nice close, but no votes.
#5 Another by Geoff relating tasty amphibian treats, no votes.
#6 By yours truly, well-parsed but no punch, 1 vote.
#7 by Bob Hale, car sex in precise meter and rhyme, is a contender with two votes.
#8 by Kalleh, describing modern rural poverty complete with angst, no votes.
#9 Poor Drums, according to Bob Hale, suffers also from a legally blind dentist. No votes.
#10 Our third contender at two votes is by Proofreader. Despite the slant rhyme in the middle, it is perfectly metered and startles a belly-laugh out of me with that oh-so-cute perversion! For shame
Winner Proofreader

quote:

Originally posted by arnie:
Sp what do you call them, B35?

troubadours

quote:

Originally posted by arnie:Sp what do you call them, B35? troubadours

Damn hippies

It seems we pretty much ignore them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnOPu0_YWhw

quote:

It seems we pretty much ignore them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnOPu0_YWhw

It might be due to the creepy violin music.

I didn't scroll back far enough, so I've been silently cursing someone for not posting the results. Apparently it was a tie between me and myself, and I won, so I'll be putting up a new game very shortly.