Just because bethree5's gentle reminder also reminded me of the time I got lost on the Inca trail* here is the most ludicrously easy challenge so far. Answers in the usual place please.

(*For those who don't know the Inca trail, it is a single trail that though steep has no side trails and it should, in theory be impossible to get lost on it. I of course manage three impossible things every day before breakfast.)

quote:

reminded me of the time I got lost on the Inca trail

And you're allowed out in public by yourself?

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two...

A perfidious girl from Peru
Told tales about insects she knew:
"'Let us fly,' said a flea
Said a fly. 'Let us flee.'
Then they flew thru a flaw in the flue."



Ancient buildings we find in Peru
Have walls that are rarely askew.
Seldom wrong or awry,
We can now reveal why ...
They're all stuck together with glue.



A linguist who lived in Peru
Spoke a language that only he knew.
This polyglot elf
Often talked to himself
Sharing thoughts that would shock even you.

( These are not for competition .. just entertainment ... off the top of my head )

~~~~~jerry

I didn't want to overburden BobHale so here's a few off the bottom of my head.

High up in the peaks of Peru
You won’t run into much lobster stu.
And you’ll find that their steak
Is invariably feak
Since it’s made from ersatz kangaru.

There once was a young girl from Peru
Who was to her young fellow so tru
That despite what men said,
She got not in their bed.
Bet you thought I would say that she’d scru.

ON TRYING TO WRITE A LIMERICK FOR PERU

While wracking my brain for a cue
I thought of a Wordcrafter who
Writes verse in such excess
There’s no room in Texas
For drafts of his oeuvre on Peru

While wracking my brain for a sign
On the name of the Wordcrafter fine
Whose verse in such excess
Leaves no room in Texas
For drafts of his oeuvre: They’re mine?

Said a lady from Lima, Peru
"There are some things I simply won't do.
Though I'll lie on my back
In your leaky kayak
Your canoe is strictly taboo."

Geez, you guys are too good for me! How about a few epicaricacy limericks for my Blog?

Mine will be in tomorrow, Bob. I don't have enough in my brain to post here and there.

If we were in Lima, Peru
We could put lima beans in our stew.
We could learn about Incas,
Haciendas and fincas.
And ask of the ancients, "What's new?"


When tourists tour rural Peru
Some think they don't have much to do,
When they see the Pacific,
Some say it's terrific
And I would agree, wouldn't you ?



Los of words rhyme with Peru
We've already seen quite a few ...
While awaiting a fella
The fair Cinderella
Sought a mate for her one ... wooden shoe.(?)

It's really quite far from Peru
But it's in the news now and that's new!
Its rich fauna features
All sorts of weird creatures.
It's a reef that is named Ningaloo.

Epicaricacy: a word one should treasure
"From others' misfortune your pleasure".
As if you enjoyed a
Quite short Schadenfreude
Since this word has similar measure.

I posted one on your blog.

Rather than reprint it here I'll encourage the others to go and up your hitcount.

Oh yes. I'm sure everyone knows this but for the limerick contest (any more entrants?) only limericks sent to me via PM are eligible. Limericks posted in this thread DON'T COUNT.

And that's a pity, coz there are some great ones here.

I've been a bit tied up lately, Bob, but if the competition is still open I'll try to enter something by tonight.

OK. I'll hold off posting the entries until Monday morning (UK Monday morning, that is).

Thanks, Bob. I'm in (Sunday night).

Kalleh? Yoo-hooo!
I haven't got your promised one yet.

Anybody else before I post the results?

Oh, yeah, sorry. This has been one of the worst meetings since an off-hand comment I made suddenly got announced to the 1900 people here that our organization will be taking action on what I had "promised." I immediately had to contact our CEO and explain the situation and then talk to their CEO about what we could realistically do. I think it's worked out now, but I learned a big lesson. Don't make off-hand comments!

I am at the aiport now and will write it on the plane, Bob, and send it when I get home. Sorry!

It shows how important you are, Kalleh.

On her plane, Kalleh queried the cru,
“Can you help fix a lim I must du?
While we wait for the guy
To get us in the skuy,
Can you find a great rhyme for ‘Peru’?”

Said the cru, “We don’t fly to Peru.
So there’s really not much we can du.
We’ll rhyme on Chicago
Perhaps even Fargo
But nothing south of Kalamazu.”

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

quote:

It shows how important you are, Kalleh.

It's very nice of you to say that, and I wish it were true. But not really. The audience had taken one little piece that I had said, when I was trying to clarify some inaccurate comments that were being said about our organization, and ran with it. The entire message they had missed, and they had only heard what they wanted to hear. I suspected I might have been in trouble when they applauded at that offhand comment. I can't say that has ever happened to me before, and I learned a huge lesson. I think it will be okay, but I didn't realize that until I had breakfast this morning with their CEO, and she was very reasonable, listened to me, and wants us to work together. Whew! BTW, she just came to that organization from the Royal College of Nursing (or something!) in England.

Great limericks, Proof, but I can hear that Rhode Island accent in your pronunciation of Chicago. Interestingly, I had a conference call recently with one of my committees, and we had a guest on the call from Canada. I said, "You don't have an accent!" She responded with, "You do!"

When I was at Fort Dix, most of the other trainees were from Philly or New Jersey. Because Kennedy was president, I spent a lot of time saying, "Ask not what your country can do for you . . . ", which they seemed to feel was a more than adequate impression of JFK.

I don't have a really good fix on what a RI accent is, but I think that Chicargo isn't. Chicager is more like it. I've certainly heard Alasker.

Shi CAH go
Fah go

quote:

The entire message they had missed, and they had only heard what they wanted to hear.

This is more often true than not. Many people choose what they want to believe and are very selective about what they recall. This is as true of the written word as it is of the spoken - although, of course, the written word can be checked.

However, I often wonder how many of those who castigate such books as Darwin's "On the origin of species" have ever read them - even in part.

quote:

how many of those who castigate such books as Darwin's "On the origin of species" have ever read them - even in part.

True censorship does not require a literate act by the censor.

Returning the thread to its actual purpose...



Well, what an abundance of riches. If I count all the ones submitted to the thread (and hence not eligible here) we've had a record breaking 25 limericks for Peru.

Here though are the eligible ones.

From jerry we have a duo

At the grocers' in Lima, Peru
Speed Checkout lines beckon you
"TEN ITEMS UNLESS
You are under duress.
If you are, then you're in the right queue."

The tour guide in rural Perú
Said, :"Of rivers we have quite a few."
And then he recalls,
"There are some waterfalls
But not like the famed Iguaçú."

From Richard, a trio

The Inca's a trail in Peru,
Where you can't lose your way walking through.
So how did Bob Hale
Lose his way on this trail?
I suggest analytical review.

I met a young girl in Peru
(She spoke Spanish as most such girls do)
I whispered "La cama"?*
She replied "No no, lama!"
Which means "Out of it sea-slime", to you.

*The bed

To my Lima-based girlfriend I said,
"My knowledge of dancing is dead.
So please, in Peru,
Which is right - twist or screw?"
She replied, "Is that dancing, or bed?"

Likewise a trio from stella

The stew made by Prue in Peru
Was a brew that the fewest could chew;
Her slew of roo livers
And caribou slivers
Was goo that’d do you for glue.

A sailor I knew, name of Hugh,
Played a didgeridoo in Peru,
Till his crew had a fit,
Pleading, “Hugh, will you quit
With that ludicrous piece of bamboo!”

A parson was passin’ Peru
With a parcel of pasta for stew:
“Though I’m partial to parsley
I sprinkle it sparsely,
And pass on the parsnip tips too."

But a whole quintet from Proofreader

A good compass is de rigueur. You
Might get lost in the wilds of Peru.
When Bob did lose his way
He could hear his friends say,
“Just keep screaming. Those wolves will spare you.”

On a trail mountain high in Peru
BobHale’s buddies let tempers acru.
“We’d go far on this trek
But, you pain in the nek,
We’ve spent three days just looking feru.

Once a chief by the name of Biru
Had the Spanish think he said Peru
When they asked him the name
Of the place whence he came.
He was conquered. A fine howdee-du.

On a mountain-top high in Peru
Sits the city of Machu Picchu
‘Twas built by the Inca.
As work - a real stinka,
Yet well worth the spectacular view.

Of the guys living deep in Peru.
There’s a fact only few know is tru:
That the lost numbered ten
Tribes of Biblical men
Are the Incas. They are all Hebru.

And finally very worthy singletons from bethree5…

While traveling in Lima, Peru
I suddenly had to go poo:
“El picante me hace daño—
dios, ¿dónde está el baño?”
Since then I have toured every loo.

…and Kalleh

I once knew a Sue from Peru,
A floozy who fooled the men too.
Her tattoos were in blue,
But hoo...could she screw!
[So, Shu, if you see her...skidoo!]

And, although there is much fine work here, my judgement is to hand the baton back to stella, partly for the sheer number of rhymes in her first limerick but mostly because I really like the didgeridoo one.

Well done one and all.

I’m glad you liked the limericks, Bob - I’m always interested to see what pops up when I open the rhyming dict and scan for possibilities. Didgeridoo / bamboo was a gift for an antipodean, I have to say, but for some reason my own favourite is the parsnip / parsley one. I’m hoping there’s a way to fit it into the OEDILF and, just guessing, it’ll be 10 - 15 years getting to ‘p’ which gives me time to figure out what it can be defining.

Right then, I’m off to stick a pin in the map of NZ.

I agree Stella. I am in awe of your tongue-twistin' parsnip tips. That one is worthy of A A Milne.

Thank you, bethree, for that praise. I had a completely different last line, which was quite lame, before the parsnip tips popped up. It's nice the way words sometimes work out when you're not expecting it.