The poll is now open!

Question:
1
Said a Chinaman living in York:
“These Amerlicans think me a dork.
At our Super Bowl feast,
Like ancestors in East,
I use chopsticks instead of a spork.”

2
A clerical spy in New York
Practised hard his American talk.
But it wasn't the sermon
Caught Herman the German
But the way that he ate with his fork.

AN: For the benefit of those who haven't noticed this phenomenon, Americans use their knives and forks separately; Europeans use them together. Apparently this was the downfall of several spies in WW2.

3
In England I met a big dork
In that cultural city of York.
His manners atrocious
And temper ferocious,
He'd rip through his food with his fork!

4
A Muslim magician from York
Had religious aversions to pork -
But where was it taken,
That nice crispy bacon,
That vanished *Shazam!* from his fork?

5
A bosomy damsel from York
loved dog-treats (those smoked twists of pork)--
"My gullet," she sighed
is but one finger wide
and requires twenty foot-pounds of torque


6
Said a nerd in a zoo down in York,
"Is that flightless bird there a Great Auk?"
Said his friend, as he laughed,
"Please don't be so daft.
"That Auk is a penguin, you dork".

7
On a sight-seeing visit to York
Mindy ended up sleeping with Mork,
But, cajoled to the church,
Mork was left in the lurch,
When our Mindy ran off with the stork.

8
Cate Howard's Grand Process to York
Did begin at the drop of the stork:
Mannox-handled as a tween,
Dereham-derelict when a teen,
On the Process she Culpeper'd her pork.

historical note: HenryVIII's 5th queen dallied with music tutor Mannox from age 12, was Dereham's lover until she became lady-in-waiting to Anne of Cleves. As queen, she carried on with Culpeper before & during the court's grand process to York in 1541. All except Mannox were subsequently executed.

9
A greedy young man from York
Ate masses of bacon and pork
He also loved ham;
He said "Sure I am
A real pig in wielding my fork!"

10
There was a young woman of York
Who thought babies were brought by the stork
She'd already had eight
When a friend put her straight
And the problem was solved with a cork

11
A roll-playing gamer of York
Was regarded by some as a dork
At a fancy dress ball
He astounded them all
With how often he'd come as an orc.

12
There once was a yatchie from York
Who found a good spot 'e could walk,
Where twice on the way,
At the same time each day,
He'd pass a young hottie from Cork.

13
In Ascalon (Really a York)*
Sat Churchill, eating some pork
and beans as he flew
O'er the Old World and New,
With his spoon.(He'd forgotten his fork.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avro_York
See under "Specials"

14
When a spaceship crash-landed in York,
Out stumbled an alien, Mork.
His oversized penis
Caused havoc on Venus
Since screwing involved lots of torque.

Mork was the visitor from another planet on a US TV show many years ago.

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14

 

Lots to choose from, and a lot of very clever ones there - albeit a rather liberal interpretation of the place name for some of them.

I started thinking about this one far too late, but did manage to squeeze a fairly ordinary late entry in, but as soon as Mike published the Poll this one popped into my head.

There was an old couple from York,
As different as cheese is from chalk -
When she wanted sex
His muscle would flex,
And when he did she'd bloody well talk!

Inspired by an old episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" I just saw.

Some genuine laugh out loud ones here! Re the note on #2, don't we also typically use our forks in opposite hands? (Left in the UK, right in the US?)

Is this the first time there have been explanatory footnotes?

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
Some genuine laugh out loud ones here! Re the note on #2, don't we also typically use our forks in opposite hands? (Left in the UK, right in the US?)

Is this the first time there have been explanatory footnotes?

My observation of some Americans is that they hold a knife in the right hand and a fork in the left to cut their food but then put down the knife and transfer the fork to the right hand for eating.
This is, I emphasise, SOME Americans that I know but I have never seen a Brit do it.

And the old joke:
What hand do you use to wipe yourself?
In [country], they use the right; in [country], they use the left; in America, we use toilet paper.

Oh, #10 is a big winner. It was great and one of the few with "stork." Wish I'd thought of that rhyme!

[edited for typo]

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,

Yes, #10 was a corker! Who wrote it?

Well as it seems pretty obvious that there won't be enough extra votes to change the result, I'll out myself as the author of numbers 10 and 11.

Excellent, Bob. That trip did you good!

By the way, if you are awake late tomorrow night, we will be chatting on gmail. I know you can't chat there, so if you go into WC's chat, I'll go there as well. Would love to talk with you.

Brilliant Bob. I was going to use the same 3 rhymes myself, wherein the "yatchie from York" and "the hottie from Cork" were gonna have a baby delivered to "a cottie by stork", but it was crap.

So, Bob. What's up next?

Who wrot wot others?

quote:

Who wrot wot others?

Although it's obvious Bob won (deservedly and by a distance) the game isn't really over until Mike declares the winner and reveals who wrote the other entries.

I'm sure mine is obvious!

Geoff the aeroplane nut

Mine was number three.

I perpetrated number 9.

One and fourteen for me.

I'll own up to half a crown (that's two and six for those who don't remember proper money)

The gross #5 and the unwieldy #8 here.