Goofy, did you attend university in Guelph? If so, write a limerick about it, along with the regulars.

Per Haberdasher, I encourage comments regarding your choice post-voting.

Great one...though I'll have to figure out the correct pronunciation.

Yes I was wondering about pronunciation too.

Goo-elf or Gwelf or something completely different?

Guelph rhymes with "elf, self, shelf," etc. It does not rhyme with "taxi."

That's a pity. I was hoping it would rhyme with taxi, because there is no "etc", which means every limerick will be about a guy or gal from Guelf, who finds something on the shelf, to gratify him- or herself, and the winner will be the best yarn of this type, unless someone finds a really creative way to get the elf into a story. I can't see any other limericks emerging.

Do some research, Greg! You'll find at least one rhyme from the history of the name.

Two good ones in already. We're oph to a gued start.

In the words of Audrey II, "Feeeed me!"

I'll get to it. Sorry for the delay.

I'll not be here for ten days, so you've all got time to think of a Guelph limerick.

We'll miss you.

I may get a chance to pop in, but I'll wait until I'm back to post the lims.

I still haven't come up with one, but tomorrow - I promise. Life has been quite full lately, to say the least.

Thanks for yours, Kalleh. I now have three, and would like to have at least three more.

And now you have four.

Indeed, Bob, and fine works they are! Keep them coming.

BTW, for inspiration one might want to look up "Guelph" in senses other than that of a Canadian city.

Shoot. Maybe I'd better write another one if Bob's are so good!

I assume he means all of them are good as I only sent one.

Well. two now.

quote:

Shoot. Maybe I'd better write another one if Bob's are so good!

No need to bother - mine will win!

I'm in!

Got 'em! Some good ones!

Got 'em! Thanks!

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
I'll not be here for ten days, so you've all got time to think of a Guelph limerick.

Do we have enough to vote on 'em yet?

Yes, but I haven't posted them. Tomorrow, I hope.

1.
A tiny old man from Guelph
Was rumored to be an elf.
He drank only grog
And served roasted frog
On a small china tile from Delft.

2.
Magazines that are on the top shelf
Can be purchased in bookshops in Guelph
Said a dwarf, "It's a crime"
For at the same time
I must both raise and lower myself.

3.
Ahm on tiptoes as ah walk fru Guelph
Ahm treadin' the pafways wiv stelf
Ahm on the look aht
For wha'ever's abaht
Ter find ways of increasin' mi welf

4.
There once was a cute little elf
Who lived on a shelf up in Guelph.
He made the kids laugh;
They'd tease and they'd chaff.
But I didn't get it myself.

5.
An hermaphrodite up in Guelph
Whose archaic given name's Welf
Has good lovers aplenty
Even though there aren't any
She simply makes love to himself!

6.
At a seasonal do in Guelph
I saw Santa do things to himself -
Then fill up a Stocking,
But even more shocking
Was what Santa then did to his elf!

7.
Education at Univ. of Guelph
Is not what I'd seek for myself,
Though Canadian, citily
Not Papist Italy.
Maybe S. Claus needs an elf?

Post your comments concerning which one(s) you like. It seems a couple of them assume a knowledge of catholic church history and/or classical literature. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guelphs_and_Ghibellines and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symposium_(Plato) See speech of Aristophanes

No poll, just this!

I like 2, 3, and 5 most, but I have to give props to 2, for sparkle.

Going for 5 for the clever last line even though line 2 seems a bit of a cheat.
Almost went for 6 but stumbled too much on the L1 metre.

And the fact that "any" and "aplenty" don't rhyme doesn't bother you, Bob?

I think that depends on which version of English one speaks. They rhyme for me, but then I'm in the USA.

I find #2 to be the cleverest, and I can't fault the meter - or metre, as you prefer. I also liked the dialectical fun with #3, though one might argue that it's overly-contrived.

I think there's an inaccuracy in #5. The hermaphrodites depicted in The Symposium faced away from each other, so they couldn't have been self-satisfied, IIRC

#7 amused me because it eschews erudition while requiring a high level of knowledge to comprehend.

As for #6, one can pronounce "Guelph" with two syllables and make it work. I doubt the natives do, though.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,

I decided that the author must intend it to be pronounced "aplenny".

I vote for #6, as long as the author consents to add "up" in the first line; that is, "At a seasonal do up in Guelph." Not much of a change really.

And, yes, pronunciations depend on the accent. I'd say the Northeast is closer to the British accent. Stresses on words aren't universal either. I will read a line and try to make it work. I just couldn't for #6, thus the suggested change.

I almost went for 5.
But my vote goes to 2. Very clever!

Two things about #5: Do all of you say "an hermaphrodite?" I say "a," though of course that wouldn't stop me from selecting it. More importantly, did you find a syllable missing in Line 1? I did and didn't see how it could be easily changed, as with limerick #6.

I also liked #2 (and coincidentally am reading a book about a little person), but I had problems with the meter.

If one sounds each syllable in "hermaphrodite," using "an" with a silent "h" makes it scan properly for me.

I agree re #6. I can't make L1 scan properly. Otherwise it's a proper bawdy limerick.

Are we ready to agree that #2 takes first place?
If so, is #3 or #5 superior?

3 ) I vote: minor technical flaws in both,
5 ) but co-equals for Honorable Mention.



Edit: Now that was confusing, wasn't it ?! I meant for the words to apply to both numbers equally, not to the adjacent line.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: haberdasher,

Well, I'm disappointed that neither Shufitz nor Proofreader submitted one, and that Goofy ignored a Canadian city, but we still had a very good bunch of limericks.

#1 was B3's; 2 and 3 were Bob's, 4 was Kalleh's, 5 was Mine, 6 was Greg's, and 7 was Haberdasher's.

Take it away, Bob! Well done!

PS: "Welf" really IS the name from which Guelf was derived. See the link above.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,

quote:

I agree re #6. I can't make L1 scan properly. Otherwise it's a proper bawdy limerick.

That's because you didn't answer my question in the 3rd Post in this thread, properly. I asked if it was "goo-elf or gwelf" and didn't get an answer so I assumed "goo-elf" in which case it scans. If I had known it was "gwelf" then I would have put the very word, namely "up", into Line 1 as Kalleh suggested, when submitting it in the 1st place, in which case it would have scanned for everybody.

I didn't get to vote because I've been away for a couple of days and hadn't made up my mind. Anyway I probably would have voted for Bob's other one, No. 3 simply for the clever way he extended the range of available A-rhymes.

Congrats, Bob!

We don't normally do runners up, but also kudos to Bob #2 and Geoff!

.

Greg, I did suggest that one should research the name for both history and pronunciation, so no sackcloth and ashes of "mea exima culpas" from this quarter!