Seen roadside, outside a church:

"Thou shall not park here on Sunday"

And if that doesn't discourage the congregation from attending Sunday services there's always the "Getting-hit-on-the-head-with-a-hammer Mass."

And, pedant that I am, shouldn't that have been "shalt not" instead of "shall not"?

pedant that I am, shouldn't that have been "shalt not" instead of "shall not"
_______________________________________

OK, CJ, thou shallot not eat leeks. Although I hear it was OK back in the days of the Soviet Onion.

Now, if any of this maketh sense to any of ye, thou art bedeviled.

Septic Tank Truck sign reads: "We're #1 in the #2 business".

At a military hospital-door to endoscopies: "To expedite your visit please back in"

On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a nonsmoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

At a propane filling station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop: "Best place in town to take a leak"

There is a family-owned business not far from here that:

a) Runs an ambulance service and often takes expectant mothers to hospital.

b) Runs a banquet hall that often caters to wedding parties.

c) Operates a funeral parlour.

The sign out front says:

Hatching--Matching--Dispatching

In the 1930s, when many homes still did not have electricity, there was a corporate advertisement that has been used even since in UK schools as an example of the confusion caused by an ambiguous pronoun. It ran:

"Don't kill your wife with work. Let electricity do it!"

Richard English

quote:

---

Originally posted by Richard English:
"Don't kill your wife with work. Let electricity do it!"

---

That's kind of like the saying "He was at death's door, but the doctor pulled him through".

Tinman

To revive an old thread, I came across a sign in a supermarket that literally caused me to laugh so loudly as to attract the attention of passers-by. It was for Krispy Kreme doughnuts (roughly 120% sugar - absolute death for dieters) and proudly proclaimed them to be "pre-boxed."

This struck me as odd since doughnuts haven't been sold out of a big barrel for some decades now. I think the "pre-boxed" comes in as a comparrison to how you buy them when you're actually in a Krispy Kreme store as in "I'll take that one, an' that one..."

Still, "pre-boxed" doughnuts. What an odd selling point.

So let's see then

pre-boxed (good thing) = no choice of flavour (bad thing) ?

It's all in the spin.

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Oh, there's plenty of choice of flavo(u)r.

There's "Sweet," there's "Extra Sweet," there's "Extremely Extra Sweet with Chocolate Topping," etc etc etc.

Do you guys have "Krispy Kreme" doughnut places over there in the U.K.? I understand it's one of the fastest growing franchises in the states, in part because you get to look through the glass to see the doughnuts being made in this long conveyer belt contraption.

(Some people are easily amused.)

The saints be praised we have, so far, been spared this particular excess!

Richard English

For what it's worth, I find them putrid. They are too sweet, greasy, and empty tasting to me.

quote:

---

They are too sweet, greasy, and empty tasting.

---

And those are their good points!

(Not to mention their cutesy "K" spellings, yet another assault on the language.)

quote:

---

Originally posted by C J Strolin:
[
(Not to mention their cutesy "K" spellings, yet another assault on the language.)

---

But they aren't alone in this. When I was doing my travellibg in the US I often spent the night in my tent at the local KOA - Kampgrounds of America, I believe.

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Reviving a thread...

While we already have a thread going about 'signs' right now, it specifically is addressing that one sign. I remembered that we had a thread where people posted some funny signs that they had seen.

I am in Vermont now at a conference and had to drive to get to the conference center. All along their freeways were signs saying, Moose Crossing!. I guess I have lived in the big city for too long, but that just cracked me up!

The further north you go, the more often you see these and variations of same. I stopped by the roadside once to take a picture of a wordless sign (a "pictograph," I think they're called) cautioning drivers to be wary of caribou. One of the locals advised that compared to a caribou/car collision, hitting a deer is like encountering a good-sized bug on your windshield. Run into a caribou and family members who aren't even in the car at the time will get their legs broken!

Drive safely, now.

MC NIMBY

A friend in Montana writes: "The local office of the Highway Department got a call from a man complaining about the large number of messy car / moose collisions at the Moose Crossing, requesting that the Crossing signs be moved farther from his house."

Yes, I remember the Watch for Buffalo signs in South Dakota. We have pictures of the buffalo lying down next to the road!

I am reviving this thread for old-time's sake, with Jerry, CJ and Morgan all past posters here who really lit up our place. (As you can see I am in a nostalgic sort of mood tonight.)

Anyway, I have been driving across the country and am always enamored with the signage when I do that. These two signs struck us funny:

1) "You are leaving the safety corridor." My dad say, "So should we drive less safely now?"

2) On a two-lane divided freeway: "Do Not Drive into Smoke!" Well, that's probably good advice, but what would you do if there were smoke? There was no way to turn around on the road and no place to pull off.

Well, this is an old thread that I am reviving. Morgan and Jerry have died. Asa has changed to Geoff. Bob is still here, but is moving to China! CJ is over at OEDILF, our stepchild site, now. Richard only posts in the limericks section these days. Tinman is around. Where has Duncan been?

Anywho...I have seen two great signs recently.

One was in a bike store:

Caution: We give espresso and free puppies to unattended children.

The other from a new burger place:

Epic Burger: The Home of the Mindful Burger

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Well, this is an old thread that I am reviving. Morgan and Jerry have died. Asa has changed to Geoff.

You forgot Jheem.

Jheem

You rang?

I've seen a whholesaler's truck that says "You can lick our chops but you can't beat our meat."

quote:

Originally posted by jheem:
Jheem

You rang?

Did you know झीम apparently means "thin"?

You probably did.

quote:

You forgot Jheem.

I was only counting those who had posted in this thread. There are many more whom I've wondered about. Like where have CW and WM been lately? And what happened to Aput? Remember, one day he just said that he was not going to be on the Internet anymore and then he was gone. That sounded ominous to me. I guess life would be boring without mysteries!

Did you know झीम apparently means "thin"?

Nope. If only I were.

Sign I saw in a women's clothing store in India. It was just outside the changing room:

Handbags and Gents not allowed

Annnnd, where's Safi?

As for your post, Metic, how about gents with handbags?

quote:

Annnnd, where's Safi?

I haven't heard about Safi since 2002. What brought him up?