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It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky's”. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. | ||
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Nicely done. Is this yours? If so, one minor suggestion: In the sixth paragraph, I think you meant an NPR (National Public Radio) station on the radio. PBS is television. Along similar lines (and PLEASE believe me when I say I am not intending to start a political discussion here) was a button I saw worn before a recent election: "Vote Republican - It's easier than thinking for yourself!" P.S. Just read Morgan's new beer post "In hono(u)r..." elsewhere and, my goodness, cynicism seems to be running rampant in the northern states these days! | |||
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quote: No, it isn't mine. Got it in my email amongst other jokes. I think you are right, it should have been NPR, not PBS. I would have changed it had I thought more about it. | |||
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I think the local TA groups should be called Paragraphs instead of Chapters. Chapters require too much thinking. Just a thought. What do you think? ~~~ jerry | |||
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quote: I sometimes drink in a pub where the local chapter of the Hell's Angels hang out. Next time I'm in I'll go over and ask why they are called a chapter and not a paragraph. On second thoughts maybe I won't. Vescere bracis meis. Read all about my travels around the world here. | |||
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Maybe it's just a phrase the Hell's Angels are going through ! | |||
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