Is this sort of thinking normal in women? I realise it isn't a word post, but it relates to communication.

A weekly columnist in my newspaper writes fairly entertainingly about life as a young single woman living in London. This story is compiled from my memory of several columns so I hope she will forgive any lapses of memory concerning the facts.

She went into a chemist's shop (druggist's) and (as you do) got talking to a fairly good-looking young man who invited her out. She accepted. However, she noticed that the two girls behind the till seemed to be in fits of hilarity, and, when the young man had gone, she went over and asked what was so funny. They answered that he was widely known in the neighbourhood as gay, and that he'd been seen recently in the shop hand-in-hand with a boyfriend.

Now, our heroine had already written about previous love affairs with men who later turned out to be gay. Apparently her first kiss was from a boy who later "came out". She also had recently met again her first "serious" boyfriend by chance, and when she enquired after his love life it came out that he, too, was gay. She had therefore begun to wonder if there was something about her that "turned" men...

Despite what had been said by the shopgirls, she decided to keep the date, but decided not to waste any more time with men who later turned out to be gay. Immediately after sitting down with their drinks, she asked, "Are you gay?". He stared at her and replied "No." "Are you sure?" "Yes". After a couple of similar questions she excused herself to visit the ladies', confident that he'd be gone by the time she got back. To her surprise, though, he was still there, and they spent quite a good evening together. She won't be seeing him again, however. The reason?

Any man who would stay after being quizzed in that fashion must be desperate.

quote:

Originally posted by arnie:
Is this sort of thinking normal in women?

Er, no. That's idiotic and childish.

Two things spring to mind. First, the guy could simply be bi, for goodness' sake. Ask a bi person if they're gay (or straight) and you'll generally get a negative answer. As biphobia is so prevelant in both the gay and straight communities, he might just have decided to wait and see how things went before potentially opening himself up to prejudice. Most of us don't tell people everything on a first date.

Second, if both the guy and the shop girl are relative strangers to the protaganist, there's no point believing one over the other. I'd have told him what I'd been told and asked again if he was gay - or bi. That'd give him the chance to be honest about it if he had indeed been seen with a boyfriend, and I'd take it from there - I'd see him again if it had gone well and he'd spilt from the boyfriend. Should he still say no, I'd be unsure of what to do next, not knowing either him or the girls well enough to know who to trust. I expect I'd give him the benefit of the doubt as the girls could have an agenda - plus my gaydar's pretty damn good, lol, so I and my gay/bi friends would probably work it out pretty quickly .

Good point, Cat, about him being bi. I hadn't even thought of that. I thought it must have been a "mistaken identity." Or...the women in the drug store were playing a trick on her.

While I am a little past "dating age," and things probably have changed, I'd admire a man who would not be bothered by such an inane question. I'd consider him self assured. But...I'll ask my daughters who are of the dating age.

I've never understood that "he seems perfect, but he's trying so hard he must be desparate so I won't go out with him" train. I find perseverence flattering and admirable. Now, if there are other things about the person that make me uncomfortable when we're together, that's different. When I read things like you've just described I generally roll my eyes and assume that most of it is said simply for the laugh. Of course, I know that there are such shallow people out there (men as well as women, I must point out).

Also, Kalleh - I don't think you're past "dating age" so much as you are out of "dating need" since you are happily married. There are plenty of women your age (or there-abouts) who still date (or wish they could).