'Twas the night before Christmas; Olympia's height
Was ringing with laughter and blazing with light.
The gods and the goddesses (see Murray's Manual)
Were holding their regular Christmas-Eve annual.
In the gorgeous Olympian dancing-pavilion
Apollo was leading the mazy cotillion,
When out at the gate there arose such a clatter,
The deities ran to see what was the matter.
There they found Santa Claus in a terrible plight,
His sleigh, heavy-laden, had broken down, quite.

Poor man! He had started in gladness and mirth
With his yearly consignment of presents to earth.
And now, each fair gift designed for a mortal
Was dumped on the ground at Olympia's portal!
But the gods and the goddesses generous are,
And Aurora say, "Santa, I'll lend you my car."
The offer was gladly accepted. Saint Nick
Transferred all his bundles surprisingly quick.

Then he said, "Your assistance is of such great worth
I'll bring you a beautiful present from earth.
Now if you and the others will mention, my dear,
Whatever you want that you can't get up here –"
"You love!" cried Aurora, with jubilant squeal.
"I'll take, if you please, an automobile!"
"You darling!" cried Venus, "pray bring me from town
A big picture hat and a new Paris gown."
"My order," said Mercury, "is roller skates."
Achilles said, "I'd like a pair of heel-plates."
Fair Niobe sobbed, "Since I always must cry,
Of handkerchiefs bring me a goodly supply."
Said Laocoön, "They say whisky's a cure
For snakebite – if so, I should like some, I'm sure."
"I'm not quite in form," said old Hercules,
"So I'd be obliged for a punching-bag, please."
Said Ajax, "A lightning-rod, sir, is my choice."
While Mars said Krupp gun would make him rejoice.
Minerva (you know she's exceedingly wise)
Said late Boston Transcript she greatly would prize.
Well, Santa Claus finally finished his list,
And said, "Is this all? Is any one missed?"
"Well, yes, "Aesculapius said, "if you please,
I've encountered the old-fashioned forms of disease;
But my pupils and I think 'twould greatly delight us
If you'd bring us a patient with appendicitis."
"All right!" answered Santa Claus, "I shall obey.
Merry Christmas to all!" and he hurried away.

By Carolyn Wells (1869-1942). (Murray's Manual of Mythology was a standard reference work.)

I'm amused at how mention of all the ancient characters seems fine, but "Krupp gun" makes it seem archaic! And as we know, we can't have archaic and eat it too!