A couple of answers caught my attention on a recent edition of The Weakest Link (I only watch because it's on when I'm eating after I get home from work - really).

The first question was

What word combines with the word "smoke" to form the word "smog" ?

The contestant's answer ?

"Cloud".

The second was , I thought even better.

Which Shakespeare play contains the words "Double, double toil and trouble" ?

The answer given ?

The Witches of Eastwicke.

The Weakest Link is a fine source of dumb answers to very easy questions. I may post more when I watch again. Every show has some.

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

My favorite (so far):

Quizmaster: "Shakespeare wrote a play named 'The Tempest.' What is a tempest?"

Teenage contestant: "A tempest is ..... like ....... a Buddhist Monk?"

~~~ jerry

This programme is a fine source of stupid answers.
Q. Name a dangerous race.
A. The Arabs.

Q. Name a part of the body beginning with the letter N.
A. Knee

Q. Name a number you have to memorise.
A. 7

Q. Name a famous bridge.
A. Bridge over Troubled Water.

Q. Name an animal that lives wild in Britain.
A. Lion.

Q. Name something a blind person might use.
A. A sword.

An American "classic" (?)

On "The Newlyweds," Quizmaster Bob asked, "What's the most unusual place where you've made love?"

And the eager bridegroom answered, "Duh ... that'd be the butt, Bob."

FatStan (and welcome back FS) beat me to the punch regarding "Family Fortunes" (known over here as "Family Feud") although, to be fair, the answers are given in response to rapid-fire questions which must be answered in a brief period of time. The "difficult number to memorize" question is a favorite since it was obvious they were looking for something along the lines of "social security number" (or its British equivalent) and the poor pressured contestant just didn't get it. A great source of humor.

Other favorites:

Q: Name something you might accidentally leave on all night.
A: Your shoes.

Q: Name a month in which a woman might first show her pregnancy.
A: September.


Oh, and as a sidenote J.T., it was the bride who gave the infamous "in the butt" answer, much to the shock of her husband sitting at her side. Game show screw-ups such as these have been recently mined and presented in very popular "Best of..." specials. I have the show which included that particular clip on tape and, along with a first edition autographed copy of "Alice Through the Looking Glass," it is one of my most precious possessions.


(Private topic to R.E.: This may be a joke. Let's give B.H. a chance to bite on it before you jump in with an outraged response.)

Another "Family Fortunes" gem:

Q: Name something red.
A: My shirt.

I mentioned this in Saturday's chat, so apologies to those who saw it then...

quote:

---

Q: Name something red.
A: My shirt.

---

I don't get it, arnie.. Was the shirt some color other than red?

The producers go out earlier and ask 100 people the same question. The idea is that the contestant gives an answer that has been given by vox pop earlier.

I don't often watch quiz shows, so I didn't think I'd be able to respond here. However, on the plane I saw "Battle of Jay-Walk All-Stars" with Jay Leno. These are not your best or your brightest high schoolers, though their answers are legitimate; that is, the show is not a fake. Now, please, Brits, don't think all American kids stupid by these answers. We have some good kids, too!

Question: Attila the ?
Answer: Oh?

Question: Who lived in Mount Vernon?
Answer: Saschatch?

Question: What is the largest river in the world?
Answer: California?

Question: Who was a general in WWII and then became the President of the U.S.?
Answer: George Washington?

Now the above questions were answered correctly later by other contestants. However, the following was not answered correctly by anyone, and it is my personal favorite:

Question: What is the nationality of someone who lives in Zurich?
Answer: Zurichian? Answer 2: Israelites?

I wouldn't have known the answer and I can't even remember the name of the player involved (which is why I've left it our) but I think I could have made a slightle better guess than this one.

(from Weakest Link)


Q. In which equestrian sport does _______ represent England ?

A. Badminton.


Equestrian badminton ?

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Ping-Pong Polo ??

As I said previously, I never watch quiz shows. Funnily, I have seen 2 rather foolish ones lately, the one on the plane that I posted about above, and tonight my son introduced me to Howard Stern's quiz show.

In tonight's show, drop-dead gorgeous women are being quizzed. One of them got the following wrong: "The rain in Spain falls mainly on the ------" She said "spring." She also had no idea who wrote "The Cat and the Hat."

However, my favorite was the supposed medical student who had no idea what the "cranium" was.

Quote "...In which equestrian sport does _______ represent England ?

A. Badminton..."

Actually that's not as daft as it sounds since there is an event known as the Badminton Horse Trials.

Don't ask me to tell you anything about them but if you're interested they are here http://www.badminton-horse.co.uk/

Richard English

As I was getting ready to go out on Saturday there was TV program with a selection of clips on this subject. Here are some of the good ones.

Weakest Link

Ann Robinson : What "J" is the point where two or more roads meet ?
Contestant : Dual Carriageway

Ann Robinson: Which famous racehorse had a name that is "murder" spelled backwards ?
Contestant: Shergar

Ann Robinson: What is one half expressed as a decimal ?
Contestant: A quarter

Family Fortunes

Host: We asked 100 people for a famous person named "Arthur".
Contestant:Shakespeare

and the following surreal and disturbing exchange

Host: Give me a slang term for "money".
Elderly Contestant (very quietly): Bitch
Host Pardon ? Bitch ? Bitch for "money" ?
(Contestant: Mumbles something inaudible )
Host: No dear, not "mummy", "money".

Actually for the recording of that last one my friend's sister was in the audience and she says that it went on for much longer to the embarrassment of everyone concerned (remember on FF there are other members of your family on your team). Only a very short version of it was shown on TV.

And one final one from the same show that I remember, which is technically correct but not exactly what they had in mind.

Host: Name a fictional character who can fly.
Contestant: Biggles.

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Oh, Bob, those are hilarious!

I had a sobering experience, though this wasn't at a formal quiz show. At a Christmas party recently we had to give parts of speech for inclusion in a story (mad-libs). Ummm, I was shocked at how people, at very high levels, were clueless as to parts of speech. "Give me an adverb." Answer: "Beautiful." "Give me an adjective." Answer: "Usually." Now, I was much less diplomatic than my colleague (our editor) who was writing these down. On impulse I would say, "That's not an adverb!", while our sweet editor would quietly say, "I'll put 'beautifully.'"

[By the way, I am becoming clueless as to where to put the punctuation with quotations. Look above. Should it be 'beautifully.'" or 'beautifully'."????? Should it be "That's not an adverb!", or, "That's not an adverb!,"???? Recently I have come across these questions frequently. I suppose I can just rewrite all the sentences. Is that what I should do?]

[This message was edited by Kalleh on Tue Dec 16th, 2003 at 8:13.]

There are two schools of thought on the subject of punctuation with quotation marks.

The classical (and to my way of thinking wrong-headed) view is that punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. Always. No exceptions. Where there is a conflict between the punctation that would go inside and the punctuation that would go outside use the punctutation that would go inside.

Let me make it clearer with an example.

John said "Should I end this sentence with a question mark or a full stop?"

That would be the classical way to do it even though the sentence itself isn't a question, only the quoted material is.

The other way, and to my mind better way is to use inside the quotes any punctuaton that belongs there logically and outside the quotes any punctuation that belongs there logically and don't worry about using two marks where you had one before.In other words write

John said "Should I end this sentence with a question mark or a full stop?".

I'd stretch a point and say that if both marks are the same it's OK to use just the inner one to avoid it looking silly

Did John say "Should I end this sentence with a question mark or a full stop?"?

but that's about as far as I'd go.

This isn't the classical or conventional view and you are unlikely to find it in many style guides but if I had to campaign for punctuation reform on one issue - this would be it.

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

My simple rule of thumb is to ask, "Is the quotation in the sentence or is the sentence in the quotation?"

In the instance above, the sentence is in the quotation and thus the quotation marks follow the final puntuation (in this instance an question mark) of the quotation.

It seems to work for me.

Richard English

I could have sworn on this board somewhere (when I have more time I will look), there was consensus that all punctuation should go inside the quotation marks. For example, to me it seems illogical to say, "That's not an adverb!," Kalleh said callously. It seems more logical to say, "That's not an adverb!", Kalleh said callously.

It sounds as though you both agree with me. I can tell you that my editor doesn't, but who cares! I finally feel quotationally freed!

Not only logical but also correct. The sentence, with its exclamation mark, is quoted and thus inside the quotation marks. The comma sets off the quotation (it is not part of it) and is thus outside the quotation marks,

Richard English

Another clips show last night had more from the ever ridiculous Family Fortunes.

Remember each question begins

"We asked a hundred members of the public to name..." and the contestant just has to guess what they said.
These were all genuine questions and answers.

...to name something made of wool.

a sheep
--------------------------------------------------
... to name something that comes in sevens.

fingers
--------------------------------------------------
...to name a famous Dick

head
--------------------------------------------------
...to name something that you wheel around

a hammer
--------------------------------------------------
...to name a sign of the Zodiac

April
--------------------------------------------------
...to name a country in South America

Kentucky
--------------------------------------------------
...to name an animal that makes you scream

a squirrel
--------------------------------------------------
...to name something a bridegroom would wear

a dress
--------------------------------------------------
...to name someone who starts work very early in the morning

a burglar
--------------------------------------------------
...to name a liquid you put in your car

beer in the boot when I go shopping
--------------------------------------------------
...to name a character from Alice In Wonderland

the Tinman
--------------------------------------------------
...to name a creature that is unwelcome when it comes into your home

a double glazing salesman
--------------------------------------------------
...to name something you put out for the birds

worms
--------------------------------------------------
and my favourite from this show

...to name something you can get onto and ride

your partner

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Part of the fun of this show is that the contestants are under pressure, hence the frequent hilarious answer.

On the other hand, I've been sitting here calmly for a couple of minutes and I can't come up with a single answer for the "things that come in sevens" question. "A Baker's half dozen of doughnuts," maybe? "Two barbershop quartets during flu season"?? Any others, gang?


(OK, that last answer just prompted "a septet" which, in turn, prompted "septuplets" but I still think that question was a toughie.)

colours of the rainbow
days of the week
dwarves
deadly sins

off the top of my head in five seconds !

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Seven Seas.
Seven Hills of Rome.
Seven Wonders of the World.

Tinman

Which crustacian is an anagram of "bolster" ?

Crab

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

(grumble, grumble...)

(grumble, grumble, grumble...)

OK, so maybe "Things that come in sevens" wasn't as difficult as I first thought. ("in 5 seconds off the top of my head" HMMPH!)

I still claim the best response however, "two barbershop quartets during the flu season." (especially if they're wearing an air of authority!)

A barbershop quartet with an air of authority?
Seems a trifle unlikely. An air of the ridiculous perhaps.

Don't grumble too much at not getting the "sevens" though. At least you don't think "crab" is an anagram of "bolster".

(Or maybe it is in that fine new reference work, the CJED. )

Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

quote:

---

Originally posted by BobHale:
A barbershop quartet with an air of authority?
Seems a trifle unlikely. An air of the ridiculous perhaps.

---

It's not the quartets, per se, that are ridiculous - it's those white coats with the wide vertical red stripes they always seem to wear. (And why is that, do you suppose?)

One last answer to the "things that come in sevens" poser: A man who's dating septuplets. (more than a trifle unlikely but a good answer nonetheless!)


I've mentioned elsewhere that I have written a fair amount of poetry in my day, mostly for my own enjoyment and little of it published anywhere but that's fine by me. The above brings to mind the fact that my titles occasionally are far superior to the poems they introduce. The piece which came to mind was a poem dealing with colored condoms which was entitled "Fiesta Brand Condoms Come in Five Colors So That Men May Do Likewise."

(Can't recall the poem at the moment but I'm quite proud of that title!)

"Fiesta Brand Condoms Come in
Five Colors So That Men May Do Likewise."
---------------------------------------------
And so might a randy UN delegate.

...though perhaps intentionally so, I suppose.

A "special" edition of Weakest Link recently featured nine contestants purporting to be descended from famous ancestors.

One described himself as a "27-greats grandson of William the Conqueror" that's 29 generations removed.

By my estimate every native citizen of this country can claim the same honour as twenty nine generations ago we each needed 536,870,912 ancestors or put another way around ten times the current population of the country. (I don't know what the population was then.)

Every silver lining has a cloud.
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.