"Man kills mother, then 26 at Conn. grade school
416 people recommend this."

I find this a bit unnerving myself, but if 416 recommend it, who am I to quibble?

New technology, new way to say what you didn't mean to, I always say.

"Man Sues to Void Election, Claiming his Opponent is a body Double"
That was a local headline. In Oklahoma, a man named Murray lost a primary to Republican incumbent Lucas by 83-5% of the vote. But Murray refused to concede and is suing to overturn the result. He says that Lucas is dead, that he was executed for crimes against the state by the "World Council" last year, and replaced by a body double or clone. Lucas has said he has never died nor has he ever been a robot.

Many years ago, the local Democrats were unable to find a candidate for city council in my neighborhood and someone had the bright idea to ask my father (who never mentioned politics that I can remember) to run for the office. I had a job on Saturday mornings and came home at noon to find my father wasn't there. My mother said he was walking the area with the candidate for governor, who eventually became a state senaror. I grabbed my camera hoping to get a picture of the two campaigning and found them a little later. They had been trudging the streets for two hours, shaking hands and ringing doorbells, annoying common folk.

When I tried to get close to take a picture, one of the governor's henchmen stopped me from getting close. I told him who I was and the man said, "Governor, this is Mr. Nordquist's son and he'd like your picture."

If you ever wonder why I dislike politicians, his answer is why. After several hours of extolling my father's virtues to the voters, he looked past my father and said to his assistant, "Who's Nordquist?"

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
"Who's Nordquist?"

Grover?

Sometimes it's best not to read the story since it may make the headline less ludicrous. This was the headline in one article today:

POLICE ABANDON PLAN TO PHOTOGRAPH TEEN'S PENIS

At first I was so intrigued by the headline, I didn't read the story. But the story is funny in a way, too.

The boy got a sext message and picture of his naked 15-year-old girlfriend and reciprocated with his own crotch shot. The police learned of it and charged him with child pornography. But they needed evidence that the picture sent to her was of him. So they took a picture of his genitalia but, since it was flaccid, identification wasn't possible. They determined to induce, through chemical injection, an erection, which they would then photograph.

But the boy's lawyer warned them that to do so would mean THEY were creating child porn and the idea was dropped.

Really? So funny!

Perhaps not the place for this but here is a map listing some of the "dirty" names on the map. Slide the mouse over different regions to find the names.

They omitted Beaver Creek, Oregon.

I kinda like Reddick Florida.

Nasty place for a sunburn. Or is that an alternate for redneck?

Reddick

Reddick, Florida, (like many place-names in the States) comes from the surname of an early settler. The English surname (as with many in the UK), in turn, comes from a place-name, in this case Redwick (< Old English Hreodwīc 'reed' + 'settlement; dairy farm; building'.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: zmježd,

quote:

Reddick, Florida, (like many place-names in the States) comes from the surname of an early settler

Or it could be the result of an unfortunate sunburn.

quote:

Originally posted by zmježd:

dairty farm;.

Aye, all the farms oy've seen is dairty, they is!

all the farms oy've seen is dairty

Yes, my typo seemingly was caused by channeling an inner stage Irish brogue coach,

In today's Providence Journal:

SPIKES IN CHILDREN REMOVED FROM HOMES

I hope they are treated properly in the hospital

Not exactly a wacky headline -- just an observation, but
Now that Daylight Saving Time lasts for nine months, is it now Standard Time/ And if it is, is Standard Time now Substandard Time?

You sexually assaulted a what?

Man arrested after sexual assault on Cradley Heath bus

Damn! I wish they'd sent Flo! http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2461419,00.asp

Putin's been at it again.

Wow, I've not heard of that before. We have so many craft beers these days that something like this is bound to happen.

English beer would never do this, y'know.

my home brew sometimes used to

Yes, both my dad and my brother used to brew their own and exploding bottles were not uncommon.

quote:

"It has come to our attention that some of this product may be experiencing secondary fermentation in the bottle, causing over carbonation," said Bec Milgrom of 10 Barrel.

Secondary fermentation was intended, induced by the addition of a little sugar to each bottle.

I was facetiously alluding to a British beer snob who no longer posts here.

A headline for a gynecologist's convention?
Brooklyn bid to host DNC faces major test
And why is a Dilation aNd Curettage a big deal in Brooklyn anyhow???

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
I was facetiously alluding to a British beer snob who no longer posts here.

He was out-snobbed?

Headline in today's paper:

POLICE SURROUND MAN IN HOUSE WITH A SAMURAI SWORD

I didn't know houses were being armed.

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
Headline in today's paper:

POLICE SURROUND MAN IN HOUSE WITH A SAMURAI SWORD

I didn't know houses were being armed.

Actually I understood that differently. I understood that the police, who were wielding a Samurai sword, surrounded a man.

quote:

Originally posted by BobHale:

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
Headline in today's paper:

POLICE SURROUND MAN IN HOUSE WITH A SAMURAI SWORD

I didn't know houses were being armed.

Actually I understood that differently. I understood that the police, who were wielding a Samurai sword, surrounded a man.

No! By using a Samurai sword, the police surrounded him.

Even the misplaced-modifier-image could make sense. Ever seen a barn with a horseshoe over the door? Why not have a house with a Samurai sword mounted prominently? That'd qualify as a house with a sword. I suspect we could even find a picture if we looked hard enough.

(Not that I think was what the headline writer had in mind...)

Annnnd another:
BBC News

Iceland eruption near volcano triggers red alert

Iceland has erupted? The whole country?

quote:

triggers red alert

Putin's invading?

Headline in Huffington Post:

FAMILY SUES POLICE AFTER DEATH IN CUSTODY

They arrested an entire family and killed them? And they still managed to take advantage of the court system? Wonderful country, this America.

I don't even get what it means.

It means they sent my spouse after them. Her name is Sue.

An albino cobra was loose in LA.

Californians were taken aback:
A white cobra was poised to attack.
The police in this crisis
(Which seemed worse than ISIS)
Apprehended six snakes which were black.

Albino cobra but six black snakes? Any link to the article?

quote:

Albino cobra but six black snakes? Any link to the article?

This is what is known as satire. A joke.

However, sometimes it is wrong to tell jokes, especially blonde jokes. From today's Providence Journal;

"NORTH KINGSTOWN, R.I. — An elderly man who was driving up to women and telling them blonde jokes has been asked to stop.

One woman reported that she was walking alone on a path last week at Rome Point when a man approached her and started telling blonde jokes, North Kingstown Police Capt. Patrick Flanagan said Monday.

On both occasions, the women called the police after the encounter.

“They thought about it” and concluded, Flanagan said, that “this doesn’t sit right.”

The man laughed at his jokes, but the women “thought it was awkward and suspicious,” Flanagan said.

The man, identified by his license plate, was visited at home and asked to stop.

“It turned out he’s harmless, ” Flanagan said. It was “bad timing” in a “bad place.”

Imagine someone calling the police because you told them a bad joke. I think that places me in line for the death penalty.

I found another account of the incident and it said:

Police responded to the man’s house later on Sept. 6 and in the presence of his wife, told him the women were uncomfortable to the point they felt the need to report it to police.

He was advised to avoid the two women and the cross country team.

Police said the man could be arrested if he continued telling jokes and he reportedly said he understood and would stop.

My question is, what would be the charge? Apparently, from the witnesses' accounts, the man did not tell dirty jokes, just blonde ones. Where is the crime, other than wasting their time?

I don't think they have a leg to stand on.

Yesterday a man was convicted of killing a young man by firing into his van ten times.

The anchor on our local news said, "Davis was convicted of killing the young man ten times." Talk about cats having extra lives.

You just can't make these things up. This headline in Poland is priceless: "Donkeys reunited at Polish Zoo after Sex Scandal."

"...when mothers expressed outrage that children had to witness their mating."

It's bad enough you have to watch animals screwing but the kids' own mothers? Now THAT'S a sex scandal.

Leave it to Poland.

Not to far from a wacky headline, but....

A law firm is advertising on TV, asking for people who have used a particular product and “suffered from [a list of possible side effects] or death” to contact them regarding possible lawsuits against the company. However, if you have used the substance and died, are you really the appropriate demographic to be pursuing?

After all, consider the problem getting that person into the courtroom. There would need to be a minimum of three attendants with a gurney, and most likely at least one funeral director and a mortician to make them presentable for the jury. Then, at the oath-taking, wouldn’t the person’s failure to affirm or attest willingness to testify be grounds for dismissal of the their testimony (assuming they could in some way converse)? The person couldn’t use sign language, since their ability to move their hands would be strictly limited. If they did sign in some way, wouldn’t the opposing lawyer object that the person was being manipulated in some way? Suppose the person had been in a cryogenic tank. Would that make it a cold case? No matter. This is now a dead issue.

Or - the estate could sue. I'm just saying...

From BBC News: "Cleveland police shoot dead boy..."

Why shoot if he's already dead? I guess I'll never comprehend English.

Can we assume he was unarmed?