A correction printed in a Canadian newspaper: "The Ottawa Citizen and Southam News wish to apologize for our apology to Mark Steyn. In correcting the incorrect statements about Mr. Steyn, published Oct. 15, we incorrectly published the incorrect correction. We accept and regret that our original regrets were unacceptable, and we apologize to Mr. Steyn for any distress caused by our previous apology."

Now that is as clear as mud!

Good to see that the Monty Python influence is still being felt in Canada!

LadyBeth, perhaps we should invite that author on our site for a little instruction? That writing is horrendous!

I highly doubt this is true, but it's a funny read. This is apparently
a true story which occurred very recently in the Telecom Call Centre in Lower Hutt.

The Operative received a call from a somewhat irate and very worried Pacific Islander who it seems needed some urgent marriage guidance.
The call went like this:

Telecom: How may we help you?

Customer: I haff a big problem with my phone bill. My wife, she think I haffing an affair!

Telecom: Okay Sir, and how can we help you with this?

Customer: My bill haff all these calls to Salulah and my wife think I haffing an affair with this woman, but I never heard of her before. I need to trace these calls please.

Telecom: Sir, I'm sorry but the bill won't actually tell you the name of the person you're calling, just their number.

Customer: This one is.

Telecom: What phone do you have, Sir?

Customer: A mobile. I tell you this.

Telecom: No, Sir, what make? What do you have in your hands?

Customer: An erection.

After a moment's silence, the gallant Telecom worker continued.

Telecom: Um, sir? Could you spell that for me?

Customer: For sure - E..R..I..C..S..S..O..N. Erection.

Another moment's silence from Telecom, and suddenly the penny dropped.

Telecom: Sir? Can you spell Salulah for me?

Customer: For sure. C..E..L..L..U..L..A...R. Salulah.

The end of the conversation was unfortunately not reported.

[This message was edited by LadyBeth on Wed Jan 8th, 2003 at 16:24.]

[This message was edited by LadyBeth on Wed Jan 8th, 2003 at 16:25.]

quote:

---

Originally posted by LadyBeth:
...suddenly the penny dropped.

---

I've never heard that expression before. I like it.

Tinman

I'm surprised. That's a very common and longstanding expression here.

It refers to slot machines (of all sorts, not just gaming machines) and the sound of the penny dropping was confirmation that all was progressing in the works. Of course, that sound was so much more satisfying in our pre-decimalisation days when we had our seriously heavy pennies (about 4 to the ounce, as I recall), which dropped with a very satisfying clatter.

Richard English

Suddenly the euro dropped just won't have the same ring.

In either sense.

Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum

Read all about my travels around the world here.

Similarly, the line "Go ahead, it's your nickel!" (as often spoken by the hard-drinking, strong-jawed, Mickey Spillane detective to the frail and helpless yet astoundingly beautiful dame who has just phoned him for help) is hopelessly outdated. When was the last time anyone got a call through on a pay phone for five cents?! Still, "Go ahead, it's your nickel!" has such a great sound to it!

And one more: "To drop a dime on somebody" used to mean to inform on him or her, particularly to the police, since that's how much a pay phone charged for a call until about 10 years ago. "To drop 35 cents for the first 3 minutes on somebody" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

I always liked the Travis Tritt song, "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares". There was also a song by The Wilkensons called "Twenty-six Cents". "Here's a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call, and all of your mama's love."(hear me singing?)

Well, a pay phone call just went to 50 cents here in New York, so I guess those two are outdated too!

Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

Those are great, LadyBeth!

We were in a restaurant recently, and the following was printed on the menu:

For your convenience an optional 15% gratuity will be added to parties of 8 or more

Hmmmmm--first of all, is it really "for my convenience"? But, secondly, is it really optional when they also say it will be added? Just call me Scrooge!

[This message was edited by Kalleh on Sun Jan 19th, 2003 at 18:25.]

I suppose it's convenient that you don't need to calculate 15%...

In the UK it is perfectly legal to deduct a "service charge" if a customer feels that adequate service has not been provided.

Few would have the nerve to do it but they should.

Richard English

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Those are great, LadyBeth!

We were in a restaurant recently, and the following was printed on the menu:

_For your convenience an optional 15% gratuity will be added to parties of 8 or more_

Hmmmmm--first of all, is it really "for _my_ convenience? But, secondly is it really _optional_ when they also say _will be added_? Just call me Scrooge!

---

Just out of curiosity did the waiters in the restaurant also expect a tip ?

This is something that I always find difficult when visiting the US. Tipping in England is something that isn't nearly as widespread as in the US (actually in the US it's pretty much universal). I do tip but in England I have no problem in not tipping if I feel the service hasn't justified it. In the US no matter how poor the service or how bad the food tipping seems to be expected - even when a service charge is already shown on the bill (er.. check).

Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum

Read all about my travels around the world here.

I never tip if a service charge has been added to a bill.

It is a common, but to my mind reprehensible practice in most restaurants, to add a "service charge" and then leave the credit card total blank in the hope that you will add a further sum.

Frankly I dislike the whole concept of tipping since it is illogical and certainly not egalitarian. For example, in the UK you tip a hairdresser but not a dentist; a taxi driver but not a bus driver; a waiter but not a barman. It's a stupid and pointless system that benefits nobody but confuses and annoys everybody.

Richard English

quote:

---

Originally posted by Richard English:
Frankly I dislike the whole concept of tipping...
Richard English

---

I am philosophically opposed to tipping and for years I never tipped. But eventually I began to tip. I opposed it because I felt it was the employer's responsibility to adequately pay employees. I began tipping because I realized that restaurant employer's paid their employees very meager wages, and the employees depended heavily on tips to make a decent living. To make matters worse, the IRS began to assume that employees derived a certain amount of income from tips and began taxing them on that assumed amount!

I'm still philosophically opposed to tipping...but I tip. I just figure it's part of the cost of the meal.

In an ideal world, tipping wouldn't be necessary. In the real world, it is. Maybe C J will outlaw tipping in Strolinia and require all employers to pay their employees a decent wage.

Tinman

I agree with all of you. Tipping is rampant here in the U.S. More and more people are expecting tips, and sometimes it is hard to know whom to tip. My son, a teenager and rather oblivious to the world in general anyway, used a red-cap at the airport and had no idea that you were supposed to tip him. The red-cap said, "I do take tips!" so my son gave him $5. However, we never found his luggage. It evidently went to England (maybe one of you has it?), but the airline never found it. We are certain it is because of my son's ignorance about tipping.

I always find those envelopes a maid leaves in my room a joke. I have seldom found a hotel room that I found suitably clean.

When in a hotel in Kansas City, MO on a business trip, I found the bed I was to sleep in had feather pillows and a wool blanket, both of which I am extremely allergic to. As our flight had arrived late, it was about 2:00 am when I made the discovery. I phoned the front desk and new hyper-allergenic linens were brought to my room, and my bed was made with the new linens for me. I set the old linens aside, and left a note that they were not to be used on my bed. At 7:00 am I went to my conference, only to return at lunch to find the old linens on my bed, and no sign of the new ones! I found a maid in the hallway and asked about them, only to discover, none of the maid staff understood or read English. You would think they would wonder why there were extra linens in the room and why their standard issue was in a pile in the corner with a note on them!

Actual Want Ads - Engage Brain Before Writing

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.

7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

10. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

11. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children = $2.00

12. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

13. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

14. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

15. For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

16. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

17. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

18. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

19. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

20. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

21. Man, honest. Will take anything.

22. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

23. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

24. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

25. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

quote:

---

Tipping is rampant here in the U.S.

---

In the U.S., we tip at toll booths!

(This is not to be confused, of course, with another American pasttime called "cow tipping.")