I don’t know if anyone here watches Colbert but he sometimes has a weird interview technique he calls the Colbert Questionnaire where he asks the same set of questions to each guest after which he says the guest will be trully “known”. Here are his questions and my answers to them.

What is the best sandwich?
Cheese and tomato. Specifically strong Cheddar cheese and sweet cherry tomatoes, Even more specifically they have to have been wrapped and left squashed in the bottom of your bag for at least half a day. That’s they way we always ate them when we went for family outings to the seaside on the charabanc. They taste so much better when they have been squashed flat for a few hours.

What's one thing you own that you really should throw out?
I have a few old concert T-shirts that no longer fit and will almost certainly never fit again and I should throw all of them out. - or at the very least cut the pictures off and get them sewn onto new, bigger T-shirts.

What is the scariest animal?
No longer alive now but the scariest animal was my neighbour’s poodle. The two houses had a shared drive to their respective garages and in the morning when I used to go to get my car this diminutive terror would hide and wait until my back was turned then hurl itself at the fence yapping as if possessed by the spirit of the Poodle of The Baskervilles.

Apples or oranges?
Apples. In particular russet apples. An apple in one hand and huge chunk of cheese in the other is the food of the gods.

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
Chris Claremont. Frank MIller. Various other comic book writers. Still have the autographed comics somewhere in storage. I think I still have a Steve Gerber autographed Howard the Duck #1. I’m expecting Howard to make his cinematic come-back in the MCU phase 4.

What do you think happens when we die?
It involves bugs and worms. Let’s not get too graphic. If you mean spiritually then nothing happens. Dead is dead.

Favorite action movie?
Hard to choose, possibly The Magnificent Seven. My Dad was a big fan of westerns so I was brought up watching them. Actually that one wasn’t his favourite. It couldn’t be because it didn’t have John Wayne in it.

Favorite smell?
Olbas oil.

Least favorite smell?
Grey peas cooking. (“Gray pays”, as it’s known locally is a Black Country “delicacy” but even the smell makes me feel sick to my stomach. Another of my Dad’s favourites. I could never even stay in the house when they were cooking.)

Exercise: worth it?
I’ll let you know if I ever try it.

Flat or sparkling?
Flat. Goes for juices too. And beer should have a head produced by the natural fermentation process NOT by pumping CO2 into it. While we’re talking about drinks, let’s dispel the myth that the British drink warm beer. Whether it’s water, fruit juice or beer we do like it cold, just not chilled to the point where you can’t actually taste it which is the American way.

Most used app on your phone?
Whichever podcast app I currently have installed. I’ve tried several. I listen to a lot of podcasts so I need an app to keep them organised.

You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
Cheating a bit but technically it is one song - Tarkus by ELP. Just twenty minutes or so long.

What number am I thinking of?
3.14159… Nothing wrong with thinking about pie.

Describe the rest of your life in 5 words?
The rest of my life.

Those are the answers I’d give if Colbert ever interviewed me.

The image of the Poodle of The Baskervilles is nothing short of hilarious - unless it was a full-sized one.

That reminded me of the time a very small woman came to visit me when I lived next door to a 150 lb Newfoundland. As she walked along the fence the Newfie jumped up on the fence and let out a 110 decibel WOOF. I took her in and did her laundry.

It was a miniature poodle that had the ironic name of "Maxi".

You are truly known now, Bob. And, to be honest, your answers suit you to a T. I particularly like your description of your best sandwich.