Though this belongs in our "Great Emails" thread, it has so many anecdotes that I'm putting it here.

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A woman called the poison control center, very upset, because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Boeing employees on the airfield stole a life raft from one of the 747s. But when they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employees.

A robber walked into the Bank of America and wrote "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line to give his note to the teller, he worried that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police. So he left, crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank, and handed his note to teller there. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
. . .Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left. He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
. . .Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
. . .He immediately mailed in his $40.

A guy robbed a little corner store at gunpoint, demanded all of the cash, and told the cashier to toss in a bottle of scotch. The cashier refused the scotch "because I don't believe you are over 21." After a bit of dispute over age the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk as proof, thereby convincing the clerk, who put the scotch in the bag. Once the robber left, the cashier promptly called the police with the license information. They arrested the robber two hours later.

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop, nervously waving revolvers. One shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

A guy wanted some beer pretty badly, and decided to throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. He lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

A gent called the local government office to request removal of the Deer Crossing sign. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

A woman ordered a fast-food taco "with minimal lettuce." She was told, "I'm sorry, but we only have iceberg."

The mechanic had locked our keys in the car, and mechanic was working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched on the other side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply? "I know - I already got that side."

Those are absolutely hilarious, though I hope the little anteater lived. Richard, was that you who threw the cinder block through the liquor store window? I really couldn't believe the bank robber or the guy robbing the corner store, though. What dufuses! The picture of the handcuffs though, as the Mastercard ad would say, was "priceless."

We had a stupid mechanic once who locked the keys in our car. The car had this complicated electonic lock system, and he had to somehow disengage that system, and then engage it again, in order to unlock the car.

As soon as I hear that something arrived via email my urban-myth alarm system goes off.

Very funny though, and snopes does in fact list the handcuffs story as true (though noting it wasn't stupidity as much as deliberate silliness and rather older than 2006).

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BobHale,

quote:

Richard, was that you who threw the cinder block through the liquor store window?

We don't have liquor stores in England. (Or cinder blocks, come to that).

quote:

What dufuses

Please, get your Latin correct! The plural of dufus is dufii. Right, zmj?

Please, get your Latin correct! The plural of dufus is dufii.

That's right, bait the Latin tutor. Anywho, the plural of doofus is doofuses. It's not really Latin, even though it ends in a -us. The closest Latin equivalents would be: stulti, stolidi, fatui, fungi, bardi, blenni, buccones, macci, etc. Except in provincia Britannia, where gittus, gittores was the norm.

Meha!

Oh, yes, you are right about the spelling. I suspect the dufus developed by someone (like me!) misspelling it. After all, it seems to have evolved from goofus.

I had just wanted to be 10% right.