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1. (Extract from an Epic Poem)

The dragon came and breathed his fire
Down upon the village.
The village isn't there today.
I think the dragon still is.


2.

Let me praise thee, oh my love.
Your eyes like stars do glitter.
I cannot praise thee high enough
For no love could be better.
Your lips be red and cherry ripe,
Your skin be alabaster smooth.
I love you with my very life
As I pray this ode does prove.

3. (A previously unpublished work attributed to Francis Bacon)

Bill Shakespeare stole my plays, so how come no-one sees
He's a bloody rotten poet, I'm a better man than he is.
My only hope's posterity will recognise the fraud
And realise that Billy Boy wrote not one single word.

4.

There was an old lady of Dover
Who took for herself a young lover
But he left her in tears*
Saying "Your advanced age
Means you're older than my grandmother.

(* It's a little known fact that there are no perfect rhymes in English for "tears".)

5. (In the interests of fairness and accuracy I must point out that if you are English the next limerick has perfect rhyme and metre. Of course as the WP is a US publication I have no problem with submitting it.)

Vegetarians oft treat with scorn
Any food that has ever been <i>born</i>.
They will simply not eat
Of a dish made with meat
(Although some stretch a point for a prawn.)

6.

Whenever she was feeling down,
Whenever she felt hurt
She sought comfort in the ice cream tub
Or sometimes in yoghurt.
So when her boyfriend left her
And said he would not marry
She ate a king size tub of chocolate chip
And six cartons of Black Cherry.

7.
There once was a fellow of Slough (1)
Said I've lived here for long enough.
But it's all been for nought
Now because of the drought!
How I wish that I lived near a lough. (2)

(1 Pronounced to rhyme with "now", 2 pronounced the same as the Scottish "loch".)

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(* It's a little known fact that there are no perfect rhymes in English for "tears".)

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Boy, I bet Bob Hope never had these problems.