Kids can have the darndest way of misunderstanding words. And so can adults who, facing new technology, are babes in the woods. According to my e-mail, the Wall Street Journal ran an article about the troubles of unsophisticated computer users, including these language-misunderstandings.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

3. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

4. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

5. TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

Along similar lines, when the 9-1-1 emergency system was first developed many years ago, in some cases it was referred to, instead, as "Nine-Eleven." This name was dropped when it was discovered that some people would suffer confusion, especially in an emergency situation, because their phone did have a "nine" but did not have an "eleven."


I don't know who said it first, but:

"By making things perfectly clear, you will confuse someone."

For the latest Polack joke, dial 1-800-911-POLZ

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Originally posted by jerry thomas:
For the latest Polack joke, dial 1-800-911-POLZ

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That must be a very old joke jerry! Most new phones have all the letters missing from older phones, the Z and the Q come to mind. With so many companies spelling their names or their slogans, they must now include them on the dialpad.

[This message was edited by Morgan on Tue Jun 3rd, 2003 at 10:54.]

Recall my literalism. I can understand some of these mistakes. Now, I wouldn't make the "p" on the keyboard mistake , but I could understand number 4, Hic. And, perhaps I would look for the 11 on the phone, CJ.

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That must be a very old joke jerry! Big Grin

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Before posting it, Morgan, I inspected my own telephone, which has no Z

Must be a very old phone.

The only moving part on the first telephone I saw in daily use (at my grandparents' home, 1936) was the crank on its side. Giving the crank three rapid turns produced "one long." One turn produced "one short."

In Britain (where the emergency telephone number was invented) we used (and can still use) 999. This number had the significant benefit that it was easy to find the "9" on dial phones in the dark (it's the hole next to the hole adjacent to the finger stop). What's more, once the hole has been found and the dial rotated, it can be allowed to spin back with the users finger still in the hole.

"0" would maybe have been easier but it was already used to summon the operator."1" was not used because, in the days of pulse dialling, intermittent contact of telephone wires in wind could make a succession of single pulses.

Because it takes a few seconds longer to dial 999 than it takes to dial 911, the USA chose the latter number. However, in the days of push-button telephones and tone dialling this distinction no longer applies and 999 is as quick to dial as is 911. In the UK, with our genius for compromise, you can summon the emergency services with either code!

Richard English

Richard, I think you'll find that we can use 999 or 112, but not 911.

112 is the international standard recommended by the ITU, who suggest it should be used alongside the historic national number if different until at least the year 2030.

In the U.S. there is legislation (introduced by President Clinton 1n 1999) prohibiting use of anything other than 911. This puts the U.S. out of line with the rest of the world (not for the first time in telecomms) and may endanger U.S. tourists abroad, where 911 will not be recognised.

Article here.

I confess I haven't had the nerve to try it!

However, that the US government continues to pursue its policy of glorious isolationism does not surprise me at all...

Richard English

[tongue in cheek]

Whatever can you mean by "isolationism"? After all, a pint's a pound the world around.

[/tongue in cheek]

Aw, come on, Richard and Paul. We're not that bad, are we?

Interestingly, in American hospitals the announcement for a medical emergency even varies from hospital to hospital, with such announcements as "Dr. Cart" or "Dr. Blue" or "999", etc. I have seen some very confused residents.

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Originally posted by Kalleh:
Aw, come on, Richard and Paul. We're not _that_ bad, are we?

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In telecomms, I'm afraid you are. The U.S. almost never follows an established International Standard, preferring to believe that the world should just follow America. ISDN, T1 lines, mobile (cell) phones, and many other examples.

Also TV (NTSC, HDTV).

We don't hold it against you.

Yes, we are bad at following standards. You probably think that's because we are arrogant, thinking we are the best, why follow standards. However, I don't think that is the case at all. I do think that we are still somewhat isolationist and also resistant to change. When my kids started school, the whole country was supposed to be changing to the metric system, but we haven't done that yet.

BTW, are telecomms telephones with video and audio communication?

Is everyone familiar with the Lily Tomlin character Edith Ann? She is the little wise-beyond-her-years 5-year-old kid who sits in the oversized rocking chair observing the world and dispensing wisdom.

The above discussion regarding America's lack of adherence to the standards of others brings to mind a favorite Edith Ann line. When questioned regarding why she frequently argued with her playmates, she replied

I am not bossy! My ideas is just better.


(an' that's the truth. [phhhhhftp!])

[Deleted; double post.]

[This message was edited by pauld on Tue Jun 10th, 2003 at 2:41.]

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Originally posted by Kalleh:
BTW, are telecomms telephones with video and audio

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Kalleh, that's one weird glossary. Derived from science-fiction nerds, I think!

No, telecomms is short for telecommunications - phones, computer networks, all that stuff.

As for why the U.S. is so poor at following standards, I guess it's a mix of reasons. Your internal market is so big that the non-U.S. market is usually very secondary for your manufacturers, and you have a tradition of "let's get on and do it" and worry about the standards later (which is generally a good thing).

Sometimes (often?) it makes commercial sense -- many companies (Microsoft?) believe that following standards makes it easier for competing products to attack their market; as a country, having your own ways of doing things makes it harder (or more expensive) for foreign companies to sell to the U.S. - this may or may not be a good thing: better for employment, worse for consumers?

There is also, I think, a slight assumption that other people won't have developed something as much as you have, or as well as you have, so there's no point in researching what's happening outside the U.S. - sometimes that's right, but sometimes it's wrong.

It's not just the U.S. who are guilty of that though -- for many years we in the U.K. told ourselves that we had the best TV/Police force/Parliament/Health Service in the world. The increasing prevalence of world travel has led to a few shocks for some people!

Sorry for the double post. I confused the quote icon with the edit icon, of course.

-- You think the "escape" key will beam you out of the building in case of fire.

-- You don't know where the "any" key is.

-- You try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 98 what to do.

-- You try to use the microphone on your PC to tell DOS what to do.

-- You use AOL disks as coasters. (Also a sign that you're a computer geek.)

-- You've used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.

-- You've used the CD-RW tray as a cup holder.

-- You think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.

-- You think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.

-- You've ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.

-- You've ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.

-- You went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies... -- ...and you really needed it.

-- You think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you want it to. (Geeks have this problem too.)

-- Someone gives you a 5-1/4" Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2" Drive and wonder why the drive doesn't work.

-- You immediately move to Mexico or Canada because you got an "Illegal Operation" error on your computer screen.

-- You want to drive your car on the 'Information Super-Highway' as you'd reach your destination quicker

-- You think that computer viruses can be passed onto humans through the keyboard

-- You don't know the difference between a Meg or a Gig

-- You think a kilobyte has something to do with Teeth

-- You worry about the size of the spider that spun the 'World Wide Web'

-- You put down some food for you 'mouse' in case it gets hungry

-- You head for the Xerox machine when someone asks for a copy of your disk.

With a lot of help from our communications person, I am putting together a Web page. In so doing, I have been using Jacob Nielson's book, "Designing Web Usability." He published some statistics from 1999 (old--I know) about the distribution of Web users. I imagine that it has changed a great deal since then. However, I was surprised by the U.S.'s 100 million, compared to the others. There also seem to be some large countries missing, like China and Russia:

U.S. - 100 million
Canada - 8 million
U.K. - 12 million
Germany - 9 million
Scandanavia - 9 million
Italy - 5 million
France - 3 million
Spain - 3 million
Netherlands - 3 million
Australia - 5 million
Japan - 15 million
South Korea - 3 million
Taiwan - 3 million
Brazil - 3 million
Other - 14 million

Speaking of Americans being arrogant, I just realized yesterday how arrogant I am. A group of nurse educators from Thailand will visit our organization to learn about licensure in the U.S., and I am organizing the visit. I got all the guests lined up, food planned, etc., and my administrative assistant said, "Do they speak English?" I realized that I hadn't even thought of that! So, I called the university who is hosting the group and asked her. Do you know that she wasn't sure, either! We in the U.S. (perhaps in England and Canada as well?) just assume that everyone speaks English. Now, that's arrogant!

We in the U.S.
(perhaps in England and Canada as well?) just assume that everyone speaks English.
Now, that's arrogant!
=================================================

Many times I've observed people here in the USA, when confronted with a non-English speaker, begin yelling, on the assumption that increasing the volume will increase comprehension!

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Many times I've observed people here in the USA, when confronted with a non-English speaker, begin yelling, on the assumption that increasing the volume will increase comprehension!

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Don't take all the responsibility for this one.
The English abroad are just as bad. I wish I had a penny for every time I've seen some English tourist (often in a Union Jack or a Bulldog T-shirt) shout very loudly and very slowly at some poor waiter in the apparent assumption that he is retarded rather than simply that he doesn't speak the language.

Apparently it also helps the comprehension if you initiate your remarks with a racial slur such as "Oy Manuel".

Edited to add: For those who haven't been lucky enough to see Fawlty Towers, Manuel is the incompetent Spanish waiter in the series. The name has been hijacked by certain sections of the English abroad to apply to all waiters in Europe (not even just all waiters in Spain - nobody said these tourists were bright).
It's rather like the drunken lager louts' habit of calling all dark skinned ethnic waiters "Gunga Din".

Non curo ! Si metrum no habet, non est poema.

Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

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Kalleh, that's one weird glossary. Derived from science-fiction nerds, I think!

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Paul, I did what any red-blooded American does when he doesn't know a word--plugged it into dictionary.com and then Google, looking until I got a site that defined it. I thought perhaps it was a slang word. Sorry!

Kalleh, not at all, I didn't mean to be dismissive of your efforts. Indeed, you've taught me something which I didn't know and which I will find useful: the US usage is telecoms rather than the British telecomms.

Dictionary.com does define telecoms as an informal term for telecommunications, but I couldn't find a single dictionary entry anywhere for telecomms, although there are plenty of examples of usage on .co.uk websites.

I didn't know that, and as I sometimes write for an international audience, I shall have to consider which one I use. Thank you!

I found this one entry for "telecomm" through one-look. But in terms of google hits, telecom greatly outweighs telecomm, by about 3,300,000 to 138,000.

Isolationism is not necessarily all bad but it does have consequences that its adherents might not be aware of. Around 150 years ago Great Britain was the world's super-power and we certainly practised isolationism in the sense that we did what we wanted and if any Johnny Foreigner stood in our way - we sent a gunboat!

When we ruled a large part of the world that worked quite well since the world had to adopt our standards, like it or not. One reason why, of course, English is so widely spoken.

For the USA to adopt a similar tactic these days is maybe less sensible since imperialism is not really an option these days and so the rest of the world is not likely to fall into step with the USA than was the case with Britain 150 years ago.

One area only where US standards are now being accepted is in computers and their applications. Because of the USA's lead (esepcially thanks to Bill Gates) is such that most systems and standards are now US driven.

Richard English

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Originally posted by wordnerd:
I found this through one-look.

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It's the one Kalleh posted earlier, and it appears to be a dictionary of "Star-Trek" slang. It defines "telecomm" as a videophone, so not much help to us. ("Get me Uranus on the telecomm, Mr Spock.")

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Originally posted by Richard English:
One area only where US standards are now being accepted is in computers and their applications. Because of the USA's lead (esepcially thanks to Bill Gates) is such that most systems and standards are now US driven.

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I disagree, actually. (That's where we started -- I pointed out that in telecomms or telecoms the US and the rest-of-the-world tend to differ.)

The non-US world has proved remarkably resistant to following American "standards", preferring to try to formalise and internationalise things once the US has blazed the path. The pre-eminent body for telecom standards is the ITU-T (which operates under UN charter and is based in Europe) and many computer-related standards (ISDN, ADSL, GSM) derive from the work of the ITU and related bodies. Even in "pure" computing, ASCII hasn't found favour (because it only defines American characters) and is being superseded by Unicode and other international character codes; Compact Discs are spelt the European way (because they were invented by Philips, in Europe). As for Windows, Microsoft, have, to their credit, made it truly international with many different languages, character sets, and locales (which define things like the formats used for times, dates, numbers and currency).

Even that most American of inventions, the Internet, has (in the IETF committees) made great steps in breaking away from a US-centric view, and is becoming much more internationalised. And the Web, of course, as we've discussed recently, was invented in Europe and many Web standards are defined in Europe (where the W3C is based).

All of this makes me think that Americans in general would like to be more international in their outlook, and are quite prepared to be when given the chance. It's hard for them to realise that so many things they take for granted are in fact specific to the US, but that's not arrogance, it's that they are exposed to very little non-American stuff.

This is an interesting discussion. I wonder....would this same criticism be made toward Europeans, from say, those in South America? If not, it must not be a distance problem. Then, what is it? It sounds like arrogance to me; yet, in my heart, I don't think we are more arrogant than those in other countries. I also have a hard time thinking that we are isolationists. So, I am just confused.

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Originally posted by Kalleh:
This is an interesting discussion. I wonder....would this same criticism be made toward Europeans, from say, those in South America?

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I don't think so. I do think most people in developed but non-US countries are quite aware that other countries are different from them. Many Americans seem (to me, so through a glass darkly) entirely unaware that non-Americans are in fact different -- they are not just Americans speaking a funny language.

I think the reason is your TV and press, especially the news media. Perhaps your politicians as well.

Having said which, we British are certainly sometimes guilty of lumping together Indians, Pakistanis, Sri Lankans etc as "Asians", and I think many Brits would be surprised to find they have quite different cultures, religions etc (different from each other, I mean).

I would call myself educated and liberal, so I hope I wouldn't be like that. However, when I first went to "The Far East", as we called it then, I was surprised to find how different Taiwan, Singapore, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Thailand were from each other. I fear I had thought of them all as "Chinese", at least subconsciously. I had realised they were different from each other, but now how different. I had no idea Malaysia was a Moslem country, for example.

I remember lecturing to a group of Singaporean students; Singapore's two largest racial groups are Chinese and Malay; the two groups have different alphabets, traditions, languages, names, attitudes, skin colour, and religions, but get on remarkably well, at least in recent times.

Afterwards, I was chatting to a group of exclusively Chinese students, and it emerged that many of them were Hakka, and spoke Hakka and/or Mandarin at home, but were of course fluent in English (the Singaporean language of teaching and adminstration). I asked them if they considered themselves "Hakka" or "Chinese".

"Singaporean", they replied firmly.

Delightful people, very pleasant and very clever in my view, but the more I get to know them, the more I realise I don't really understand what is going on!

I think we all make assumptions about cultures we don't know well, but maybe Americans are less good at understanding that they don't understand!

I was really referring only to PCs and their applications, not to telecoms.

It's seems to me that many of the conventions (and the spellings) are US and, of course, can't be changed. For example, my "favourites" button is misspelt as "favorites" and I have found no way of putting it (or any other of the misspellings) right.

Richard English

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Originally posted by Richard English:
It's seems to me that many of the conventions (and the spellings) are US and, of course, can't be changed.

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Yes, that's true. I'm pleased that the underlying standards aren't US-centric, but the spelling is definitely US spelling. Windows does allow you to make your "regional settings" indicate your language is English United Kingdom, but Windows and IE don't (so far) use that to alter their spellings. Ironically, if you installed Windows in French, you'd get correct French settings.

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I think we all make assumptions about cultures we don't know well, but maybe Americans are less good at understanding that they don't understand!

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Perhaps, but I also wonder if people in other countries (especially the Europeans?) make some false assumptions about Americans? Perhaps I am wrong, but I just don't think that we are different in that respect to the average English man or woman. We also have directions on our applicances written in Spanish, French, Chinese, and other languages. I often go to Web sites with the English spelling of words ("flavour" and the like). I am never irritated to see those references to other countries; I rather like it! The "honours" and "realises" just remind me of my wonderful board friends.

Kalleh, I'm sure that as human beings you are very like us. However, I think the environment you grow up in is very different (some parts better, some worse) from ours. Different attitudes, different assumptions.

Have you ever been to England? (Genuine question, not meant as any sort of snide comment.)

Unfortunately, no I haven't been to England. My husband and I were planning, in fact, to go to France because we love impressionist art. However, this board has completely changed our minds, and we do plan to visit England. We have had 2 children in college until this May. Now that we only have 1 in college, it is a good time for us to begin making plans.

Of course, once you're in London it's only around three hours on the train to get to Paris or Brussels - or you can fly it in under an hour.

Richard English

Going back to the original intent of this thread, computer words, I heard a new one yesterday. Based on the continued theft of music from computer users, the music firms here are going after the "Net pirates." Now, I rather like that one!

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful computer error messages with Haiku poetry messages. They're used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity. Here are 13 actual error messages from Japan:

1. The Web site you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist.

2. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.

3. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.

4. Windows crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.

5. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.

6. Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.

7. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.

8. A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.

9. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred.

10. You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here.

11. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will.

12. Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped.

13. Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

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Originally posted by Morgan:

actual error messages

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Bet they're not. Amusing though.

quote:

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Originally posted by Kalleh:
When my kids started school, the whole country was supposed to be changing to the metric system, but we haven't done that yet.

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I wish we had changed then. Here's a site extolling the virtues of the metric system.

Tinman

Intresting that, although they keep talking about the English system, (and even refer to it as the Imperial system) it's actually the American system they are discussing since there is a difference shown between a liquid and a dry pint. That's a US aberration; both pints are the same in English (Imperial) measures.

Having said which, I do agree with the premise - but will the Americans ever change when they can't even agree what measures to serve drinks in? I somewhow doubt it!

"what measures to serve drinks in"

Speaking of which - what constitutes a Swig?

what constitutes a Swig?

Somewhere between a pony and a gill.

A "swig" is one of those gloriously imprecise terms that gain precision by their vagueness.

Eevery boozer knows exactly what a "good swig" is, just as every engineer knows exactly how much is a "gnat's"

REGARDING "4. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine." "

I have a dear friend who was starting a garden here in the city. After a weekend, I asked her if she'd gotten everything planted. She said, "Well, everything except the tomatoes. It was overcast all weekend, and the tags said to plant them in full sun!"

This was a degreed librarian. Go figure!

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Originally posted by Caterwauller:



plant them in full sun!"

This was a degreed librarian. Go figure!

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Hey, Kalleh, see? You've got a kindred spirit in Ohio!