quote:
FLAPPERANTO—
“It was Greek to me.”
–Julius Caesar—Act I.
Flapperanto is a tongue, by the cub reporter sung, which he says is used by every modern flapper. Dictionaries we opine must be served now with her line, or he will not know if he should kiss or slap her. Still it’s quite a pretty thought, if she should be caught, with a man who doesn’t meet her expectations, she can call a taxi there, and depart with head in air, having squirreled her mad money ’gainst vexations. Did I hear upon the breeze, “What is that in English please?” Why, don’t you know, ‘mad money’ is a cache, that a maid keeps always near, like a squirrel—is that clear?—so she can leave him cold if he grows rash. ‘Button shinning,’ ‘mugging match,’ ‘necking party’ there’s a catch, in each of these cryptic statements I am sure, tho’ you want descriptions filed, of a party that was wild, in this language can you ever be demure? “Jewelers”—of all dreadful sins!—measure their success by pins, frat or class it’s all the same to them. You see, scalps are what they’re looking for and they’re always wanting more, but, of course, we don’t have that at U. B. C. “Seraph,” “owl” and “monogos”—good gracious, what are those?—men and maids whose habits are a trifle quaint. For this language, I must say, has a very playful way, of making things sound just like what they ain’t. Well, you know it had to rhyme, grammar can’t rule all the time, and I need, some license ‘cause it’s hard to do, in fact lots of words I miss—I can’t handle them in this method of communicating thoughts to you. But before you cease to read—lots of other things indeed well worth seeing in the Ubyssey—let me name a creature here who you’ll find is always near, like exams and who is called in brief—G. G. Gullible and Goof they mean, such a one I’m sure you’ve seen, who they co-eds have a name that’s new for him; he has neither a good line, nor a haircut, nor a shine, and he thinks that time in dancing’s just a whim. Often in the daily round, such a one I’m sure you’ve found, and you’ll join me when in parting I declare—Flapperanto, Dutch or Greek, one has never far to seek—goofs most gullible are with us everywhere.
And just to show that we do know grammar:
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AN EXERCISE IN PARSING
TO ..KISS—Verb, personal, transitive and irrational
Voice—Should be Passive.
Mood—Generally Indicative, though sometimes Imperative
Tense—Very .
Number—Sing, but always used in plural.
Person—1st and 2nd only. (The absence of a 3rd person makes this an effective Verb.)
The Gerund “Kissing” may be parsed as follows.
Class—More Common than Proper
Gender—Masc. and Fem.
Kind—Should be Demonstrative. Avoid use of the Indefinite or Impersonal.
Case—When Masc., Progressive; when Fem. (pro) vocative
N. B.—Remember for your next essay that a mistaken use of this Verb constitutes a dramatical impropriety, when appropriately used the verb is hard to decline.
JOB 935 D. W. P.
