A six-year-old boy came home from school one day and proudly announced he had learned how to make babies.

Somewhat shocked, his mother asked for more details. 'Leave off the "y" and add "ies"' he explained.

Anyone have any similar stories?

It might have been that same six-year-old boy, arnie. He asked his mother, "Where did I come from?"

She quickly decided that the time had come for answering his question, so she spent the next hour doing that. She describied the biological processes involving anatomy and physiology ....... When she paused to catch her breath, her son said, "Oh. I just wondered. The new kid on the block said he came from Indiana."

~~~ jerry

...which happened to me at college last week. It isn't side-splitting but it amused me at the time.

I was walking from class back to the staff room when I saw one of my Somali students from last year talking to her new teacher. As I passed I said
"Hello Ferdusa, how do you like your new class ?"
"I like your class better." she answered.
At this her new teacher said
"What's the matter, don't you like my class ?",
to which Ferdusa replied
"It is very good but I am experienced with Bob."

Glaubt es mir - das Geheimnis, um die größte Fruchtbarkeit und den größten Genuß vom Dasein einzuernten, heisst: gefährlich leben.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Oh, Bob, that's great!

In tandem with Arnie and Jerry (Shufitz, don't be mad if I tell a story on you!), when my husband was about 6, he asked his mother how the baby got out the mother's stomach. She said, "Oh, it comes out between the mom's legs." Shufitz's brain cells were whirring as usual. Then he said, "But, what about an octopus?"

I tell it better. It is an example of a young mind thinking in a variety of ways:

Kid: Where do babies come from? (ontology)
Mom: They grow inside the mother's body.
Kid: How do they get out? (topology ["inside" implies a separation from the "outside"])
Mom: Through a hole.
Kid: Where is the hole? (botany [seeking anatomical specificity])
Mom: Between the mother's legs

(... pause while kid thinks; you can imagine what must be going through mom's mind. ...)

Kid (linguistic, focused on "between"): What about an octopus???

... octo .... pus ....

<anyone got an eleven-foot pole?>

quote:

---

I tell it better

---

Perhaps I will "post a poll" to see who told it best...no, on the other hand...

I have another story: My daughter's 4 grade class was talking about the Constitution. Her teacher was being really serious about how important it was and how it was the basis for all our laws. Catherine's brain cells started whirring, just as her father's did about the octopus question; then she got a horrified look on her face. "What would happen if it got ripped?" I am sure she imagined total chaos!

[This message was edited by Kalleh on Mon Nov 3rd, 2003 at 21:22.]

Getting back to the subject at hand, here is an e-mail received earlier today.

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad and asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished, his daughter was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the father asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Mom says that dinner will be ready in just a couple of sex."

My mother was babysitting one of my young cousins several years ago. She got chilly, and asked him to bring her an afghan from the other room.

He came back in after a minute and said, "There isn't one in there."

She said, "Yes, there is, honey, it's on the couch."

He came back from the other room, again. "There isn't one on the couch," he said.

My mom asked him, "Honey, do you know what an 'afghan' is?"

And he replied, "Yeah, they're those dogs with long noses and lots of hair--but there isn't one on the couch in there."

I love it!

I am going to tell one on me. When I was 5 I took a sharp knife and carved my name on my parent's desk. My mother came in, saw it, and angrily said, "Who wrote that on my desk?!" Being a bit worried, I said, "Sarah did!" Sarah was my 3-year old sister who couldn't write!

When I was about four my parents were talking about different kinds of cheeses. Of course, in the early 1940s the only cheese we ever had was just boring yellow stuff and that was rationed to just a few ounces per person, per week.

After hearing them talk about the delights of pre-war cheese and using names like "Stilton" and "Double Gloucester" I remembered my lesson that day at school and the new name I had learnt.

"Yes", I said, "And there's Lord Jesus as well". It took some time before there was enough breath in their bodies to resume our gloomy, rationed meal!

Richard English

Similarly, I've heard tell of an owner of a cheese shop who had the wit to open up the place under the name "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses."

Sounds apocryphal, yes, but if it isn't true, it ought to be.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Richard English:
in the early 1940s the only cheese we ever had was just boring yellow stuff and that was rationed to just a few ounces per person, per week.

---

What, old friend?! Ye hadn't cheeses?

Speaking of cheeses, what cheese is made backwards? Remember, I am a Wisconsinite (so glad not to be a Tampan!).

Edam.

You got it!

By the way, if the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Buccaneers were to merge, would they be called the TAMPAX?

Three-year-old girl: "So, are you not married any more, Grandma, now that Grandad's gone to Heaven?"
Grandma: "That's right. I'm a widow."
Three-year-old girl (shocked): "Well, I don't think you're a weirdo, Grandma!"

quote:

---

Originally posted by C J Strolin:
Similarly, I've heard tell of an owner of a cheese shop who had the wit to open up the place under the name "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses."

---

What a Friend We Have in Cheeses
or, Sing a Song of Liederkrantz
By William Cole

What a friend we have in cheeses,
For no food more subtly pleases,
Nor plays so vast a gastronomic par;
Cheese imported - not domestic -
For we all get indigestic
From the pasteurizer's Kraft and sodden art.

No poem we shall ever see is
Quite so lovely as a Brie is,
For the queen of cheese is what the call the Brie;
If you pay sufficient money
You will get one nice and runny,
And you'll understand what foods these morsels be!

How we covet all the skills it
Takes in making Chevre or Tilsit,
But if getting basic Pot Cheese is your aim,
Take some simple curds and wheys, a
Bit of rennet - Lo! you've Käese!
(Mich is what, in German, is a cheese's name.)

Good lasagna, its a-gotta
Mozzarella and Ricotta
And a lotta freshly grated Parmesan;
With the latter any pasta
Will be eaten up much faster,
For with Parmesan you'l find a charm is on.

Ask Ignacio Silone
What he thinks of Provalone,
And the very word will set his eyes aflame;
Then go ask the bounteous Gina
Her reaction to Fontina-
If you'll raise your eyes you'll see she feels the same!

A Pont-l'Évèque au point! What ho!
How our juices all will flow!
But don't touch a Pont-l'Évèque beyond that stage,
For what you'll have, you'll surely find
Is just an overfragrant rind-
There's no benefit to this fromage from age.

Claret, dear, not Coca-Cola,
When you're having Gorgonzola-
Be particular to serve the proper wines;
Likewise pick an Beaune, not Coke for
Pointing up a Bleu or Roquefort-
Bless the products of the bovines and the vines!

Ave Gouda! Ave Boursault!
Ave Oka even more so!
Ave Neufchâtel! Saluto Port Salut!
And another thing with cheeses-
Every allied prospect pleases-
Ah timbale! Ah Welsh rabbit! Ah fondue!

And we all know that "Say cheese" is
How a cameraman unfreezes
A subject in a stiff, or shy, or dour way;
There's no other food so useful,
So bring on a whole cabooseful
Of the stuff of life - the cheese of the gourmet!

[This message was edited by shufitz on Tue Jan 20th, 2004 at 21:07.]

reviving a thread...

In today's St. Paul newspaper there was a funny letter to the editor. For those non-Americans here, you must understand that both Kerry and Bush, on all their campaign ads, say, "My name is ...... I am running for president, and I approve of this message." Quite annoying really. So, this lady's second grader was running for president of her class. I can't imagine a second-grader giving a campaign speech, but when she began hers, she said, "My name is Rachel. I am running for president, and I approve of this message."

My son says great things all the time (he's 10)! Last week he was having some oral surgery done in preparation for getting braces. The Surgeon used a laser - it was very quick. As the Dr. was finishing, my son said "Something smells like toast."

The Dr. said "that's you, Son. Nurse, get the butter!"

Ugh

poor kid was embarrassed, but it was kinda cute

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caterwauller:
poor kid was embarrassed, but it was kinda cute

---

Imagine how embarrassed he is now that you've told the whole world!

Tinman

[/QUOTE]
Imagine how embarrassed he is now that you've told the whole world!

Tinman[/QUOTE]

Oh heck - ok - nobody tell him, ok???

Sheesh - I'm lousy at this mom gig.

Nah. You sound pretty good to me, CW.

However, sometimes when I post about people at work, I wonder whether someday someone from my work will log in and figure it all out!

I remember Richard once saying to consider anything you put on the Web to be on the front page of the paper.

Yes, Richard is right . . . same with email, in general, although I think sometimes people overestimate the lengths others will go to.

So back to the thread - what other great things are kids saying out there?

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caterwauller:
... what other great things are kids saying out there?

---

Well, I don't know how great it is, but ...

A long time ago a friend told me about when he was a little boy in school. He heard a new phrase one day. He didn't know exactly what it meant, but he thought he'd use it. That night he said to his Dad, "I know what you are, Dad. You're a son of a bitch!"

Tinman

Who is that comedian who's said

"My mother never understood the irony of calling me a Son of a Bitch."

My mother told me several times during my formative years that I was a trial and an error.

Jerry, you remind me of one of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics. Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree when Calvin says, "I asked Mom if I were a gifted child.... They said they certainly wouldn't have PAID for me. They both sit in silence, thinking about that statement, then Calvin says, "You can relate this little story when the reporters ask how I went bad."

Growing up as a virtuous lad
I never did anything bad
What seemed in confession
Like monstruous transgression
My mistake was in thinking I had.

I assumed, as if anyone cared,
That by doing whatever I dared,
Then to confess I was driven.
I'd soon be forgiven
My mistaken belief that I'd erred.

one on myself...

My father worked for the Soil Conservation Service, which at the time was very top heavy with Mormons in the upper levels of management. This was due to Ezra Taft Benson being Secretary of Agriculture and also One of the Twelves (a high rank I guess among the LDS). At any rate, these very religious men often dined at our house. They were funny, warm, and gregarious; and they made this little 6 year old feel quite comfortable. But they were also quite proper. I never heard one of them swear, and of course none of the smoked or drank.

So one particular day, I was quite anxious to tell all of them the new joke I had heard at school. About six, including Matt who was a Bishop!! were coming to dinner. I was especially fond of Matt.

When they had all gathered, I breathlessly rushed up to my father, proclaiming, "Daddy, Daddy, they're building a new company right here in Jennings Lodge." They all gathered around to find out why I was so excited. "They're going to dehydrate cats and sell it for instant pussy."

Needless to say, the deafening silence was topped only by the hysterical laughter from one and all. The family never let me forget the story, especially when I became old enough to learn what I had said.

Now I know why you're in Iowa, Jo, you were deported! It's safe to come home now, though.

This won't top jo's story -- nothing could top jo's story -- but Bill Bryson tells a cute tale from 1950s Australia.

. . .A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to build a house on the lot. The family had a four-ear-old daughter who naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door. She hung around on the margins and eventually the construction workers adopted her as a kind of mascot. They chatted to her and gave her little jobs to do and at the end of the week presented her with a little pay packet containing a shiny new half crown.
. . .She took this home to her mother, who made all the appropriate cooings of admiration and suggested they take it to the bank the next morning to deposit it in her account. When she went to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her own pay packet.
. . ."I've been building a house this week," she replied proudly.
. . ."Goodness!" said the teller. "And will you be building a house next week, too?"
. . ."I will if we ever get the fucking bricks," answered the little girl.

A four-year-old girl was helping her grandmother to stick stamps on the Christmas cards. She stuck one stamp on the envelope upside-down, and was jokingly warned that the Queen wouldn't like that. "Why? Will her hat fall off?" she asked.

Note: the Queen's head appears on all British stamps.

Although the Queen's (or to be more precise the reigning monarch's) head appears on all British stamps, the name of the country appears on none of them - and never has.

Why is that Richard?
Did we perchance invent stamps?

quote:

---

Originally posted by Caterwauller:
Who is that comedian who's said

"My mother never understood the irony of calling me a Son of a Bitch."

---

I made a search for that saying on Google and got 11 hits. One of the sites had some witty sayings on it. I really liked this one

quote:

---

There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't.

---

Tinman

Did we perchance invent stamps?

I remember when I was a little girl, my mom lost the diamond from her wedding ring. I was quite upset about it because I was sure that meant that she and my father were no longer married.

Tinman, that was an interesting site. People were posting in at least 2 different languages. I am not sure if there were more.

Quote "...Why is that Richard?
Did we perchance invent stamps?..."

Yes. We did indeed. A certain Roland Hill usually takes the credit.

Yes. We did indeed.

I am not surprised.

This site and this one , however, do confirm that. The first stamp, the Penny Black, was introduced in 1840.

Unfortunately, the latter site calls Thomas Edison the inventor the the incandescent lamp.

Now, this site has a good word discussion of stamp collection. Apparently "timbromania" was first suggested as a word for this hobby, from the French word "timbre" for stamp. However, a man named George Herpin suggested "philatilie" (anglicized to "philately"), which combines the Greek root "phil" (meaning "loving") and the the Greek word "ateleia" (meaning "tax exemption"). That name stuck. (Now, don't I sound just like jheem? )

Now, for the reason I came here in the first place.

There was an excellent cartoon today where the little girl asks her father what he is doing. "A cross word puzzle," he says. She says, "Hey, can I help you? I won't tell Mom!"

I never thought of cross puzzle that way!

Quote "...Unfortunately, the latter site calls Thomas Edison the inventor the the incandescent lamp. ..."

Yes. And it got Alexander Graham Bell's nationality wrong as well.

Funny, I had always thought Alexander Graham Bell to be American too. Perhaps they meant that his inventions didn't begin until he moved to America? I don't know if he bacame a citizen here or not.

Funny, I had always thought Alexander Graham Bell to be American

Funny, I always thought of AG Bell as the son of the inventor of the phonological transcription system for the deaf called visible speech.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jheem,

Jheem, have you read Seeing Words by Oliver Sacks? It gives an interesting look at the world of deaf communication.

When I hear the name, "Bell," I think of the maker of the first airplane to exceed Mach one.

My son just used the language well. We were talking about the power cords that go into the back of our portable dish washer. We pull them out to plug it in, and push them back in when it's not in use. He suggested (he's got a very active imagination) that perhaps they dissolve when we put them in, and resolve when we pull them back out!

I think that use of resolve is lovely.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Richard English:
"...Why is that Richard?
Did we perchance invent stamps?..."

Yes. We did indeed. A certain Roland Hill usually takes the credit.

---

Yes, but it was an American, Silas Lickum, who invented the saliva-activated adhesive on the back. The first British stamps had no adhesive and had to be held to the corner of the envelope with the thumb, which worked fine when only the upper classes used the post as they would just send a servant to accompany the letter throughout its journey. Later, with the rise of the middle class, stamps were attached with a small iron tack called a podipost. Unfortunately these completely obliterated the stamp which is why there are so few of these early stamps left.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Asa Lovejoy:
_Seeing Words_ by Oliver Sacks? It gives an interesting look at the world of deaf communication.

---

Asa, can you give me more information about this? Did you mean _Seeing Voices_ by Oliver Sacks?

quote:

---

Asa, can you give me more information about this? Did you mean _Seeing Voices_ by Oliver Sacks?

---

Yes. How does one say "duhhh" in ASL?