I work with statistics, both their collection and their interpretation. I've been collecting a few quotations on statistics.

Here's a few; anyone got any more?

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- attributed to Benjamin Disraeli by Mark Twain

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
-- David Letterman

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-- Fletcher Knebel

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
-- Joseph Stalin

Sturgeon's Law: so legend has it, coined in response to the following question, asked during a speaking engagement: "Don't you think 90% of science fiction is crap?" Sturgeon's Law: "90% of EVERYTHING is crap."
-- Theodore Sturgeon

74% of all statistics are invented.
-- ??

Round numbers are always false.
-- Samuel Johnson

In the space of one hundred and seventy six years the Lower Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. That is an average of a trifle over a mile and a third per year. Therefore, any calm person, who is not blind or idiotic, can see that in the Old Oölitic Silurian Period, just a million years ago next November, the Lower Mississippi was upwards of one million three hundred thousand miles long, and stuck out over the Gulf of Mexico like a fishing-pole. And by the same token any person can see that seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Lower Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long, and Cairo [Illinois] and New Orleans will have joined their streets together and be plodding comfortably along under a single mayor and a mutual board of aldermen. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi

arnie, have you ever seen How to Lie With Statistics (1954) by Darrell Huff?
If not, you really must beg, buy, borrow or steal a copy.

From the introduction: This book is a sort of primer in ways to use statistics to deceive. It may seem altogether too much like a manual for swindlers. Perhaps I can justify it in the manner of the retired burglar whose published reminiscences amounted to a graduate course in how to pick a lock and muffle a footfall: The crooks already know these tricks; honest men must learn them in self-defense.

I agree--"How to Lie with Statistics" is a must! I have taught research to students, and they marvel at the differences, for example, in graphs--depending on how large or small the numbers are. For example, if you want the increases to look big, use very small numbers and vice versa if you want them to look small.

Quote:

"July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is inadequate, the country has grown so."

~~Mark Twain

"Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital."

- Aaron Levenstein

We have a TV commercial here for a painkiller. The punch line is "90% of Solpadeine users swear by it."

So, of those people who use it, 90% think it is worth using? Hmm... not a very strong recommendation.

Originally posted by arnie:

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
-- attributed to Benjamin Disraeli by Mark Twain"

I've seen this quote by Mark Twain before, but never knew he attributed it to Benjamin Disraeli.

One site I visited (http://executive-speaker.com/spkib008.html) quoted it as you did with the addition of "Mark Twain Autobiography (1924) vol. 1, p. 246 ". The site said this was taken from The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations.
Another site (http://www.twainquotes.com/Statistics.html) quoted Mark Twain as saying,

"Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: 'There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.'"
- Autobiography of Mark Twain

Twain didn't attribute the quote to Disraeli, according to this source, but said it was "attributed to Disraeli". At least, that's the way I read it. Now I'll have to check the book out.

Tinman

"Figures don't lie, but liars figure."

On checking, I find Mark Twain cited as the author of this saying. He sure seems to pop up often in this thread, doesn't he?

"Three statisticians go deer hunting with bows and arrows. they spot a big buck and take aim. One shoots and his arrow flies off three metres to the right. The second shoots and his arrow flies off three metres to the left. The third statistician jumps up and down yelling; We got him! We got him!"

[This message was edited by Morgan on Mon Aug 26th, 2002 at 10:07.]

I remember looking that quote up some time ago. The source I found (sadly not bookmarked) said that Disraeli's speeches and writings had been checked and the quote had not been found, and no other contemporary source mentioned it. Of course, Sam Clemens may have had access to some source not known to us, but he may have simply made it up himself, and wanted to give the saying some gravitas by attributing it to a prominent politician. Hence my "attributed to Benjamin Disraeli by Mark Twain".
___________________________________

Like dreams, statistics are a form of wish fulfillment.
-- J.Baudrillard

A statistician is a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.

Most people use statistics the way a drunk uses a lamp post: more for support than enlightenment.

"A statistician is a person whose lifetime ambition is to be wrong 5% of the time."

Statistician: Someone who doesn't have the personality to be an accountant.

Statistics means never having to say you're certain.

A couple I've seen variously quoted and variously attributed.

The trouble with million to one chances is that they happen all the time.
(I've also seen this as 'The trouble with million to one chances is that they happen nine times out of ten.')

There are lies, damned lies, statistics and Government White Papers.



Also

The essence of life is statistical improbability on a collosal scale.
- Ricahrd Dawkins

If your experiment needs statistics you ought to have done a better experiment.
- Ernest Rutherford

Habent Abdenda Omnes Praeter Me ac Simiam Meam

Welcome, Bob! Pull up a chair and join the madhouse. I particularly like your Rutherford quotation, and though I can't equal it, here's a smile:

There are lies, darned lies, and statistical outliers.

Be still, my beating heart! Another man from England!
Welcome aboard, Bob Hale!

"It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest."

Like dreams, statistics are a form of wish fulfillment. - J.Baudrillard

anyone remember that old statistical saying: "a woman over 30 who is still single is more likely to be killed by a terrorist than ever to marry"?

first, people spent a lot of time believing that. then spent even more time trying to disbelieve it. it was repeated in Sleepless in Seattle, and meg ryan said "but that's not true". then rosie o'donnell said "no. but it feels true". i guess it would have felt true to her.

now, not to do with any hideousness of single women over 30, it is probably more true than ever. and it still isn't funny. but it feels true now. still, i feel fortunate to be happy and alive and not to be sleeping next to a domestic terrorist, like many of my married friends are. ü

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."

The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."

While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?"

To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."

Ahhh--but the Japanese have a much higher rate of esophageal/stomach cancer from all that sushi!

"Logic is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with confidence. Statistics is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with 95% confidence."

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Ahhh--but the Japanese have a _much_ higher rate of esophageal/stomach cancer from all that sushi!

---

Sushi is vineagared rice, not raw fish, as many people believe. Sashimi is raw fish. Sushi is often garnished with sashimi, which probably accounts for the misconception. Look that up in your Funk and Wagnels!

Tinman

Some say that if you laid all the statisticians on the face of the earth end to end it would be a very good thing.

Others note that if you laid all the statisticians end to end, two thirds would be under water.

Did you hear about the statistician who had his head in an oven and his feet in a bucket of ice? When asked how he felt, he replied, "On the average I feel just fine."


There was a very old Peanuts cartoon in which Charlie Brown was addressing his baseball team at the end of the season. He recited numerous dismal statistics such as: Runs scored by us 12, by opponents 125. At the end of the speech he yells out: "And what are we going to do about it?" to which the team answers in unison: "Get a new statistician!"

I read that there's about 1 chance in 1000 that someone will board an airplane carrying a bomb. So I started carrying a bomb with me on every flight I take; I figure the odds against two people having bombs are astronomical.

Various professionals considered the proposition that all odd numbers above 1 are prime numbers. "Here is the data," said the physicist. Three is odd and prime; five is odd and prime; and seven is odd and prime. The proposition is established experimentally."

"But wait," said the mathematician. Nine is odd but is not prime, thus disproving the proposition."

Rejoined the statistician, "You need to consider gather more evidence. Continued testing of the the next values reveals that eleven and thirteen are each odd and are prime. Thus five of those six odd numbers are prime -- which proves the proposition within normal experimental errror."

The theologian said, "Your secularism makes this far to complex. Three is odd and is prime -- and therefore all odd numbers are prime, because God is three-in-one and God is perfect."

The engineer droned and intoned,
"3 is odd and is prime;
5 is odd and is prime;
7 is odd and is prime;
9 is odd and is prime;
11 is odd and is prime;
13 is odd and is prime;
15 is odd and is prime ..."

THE TOP TEN REASONS TO BECOME A STATISTICIAN

Deviation is considered normal.
We feel complete and sufficient.
We are "mean" lovers.
Statisticians do it discretely and continuously.
We are right 95% of the time.
We can legally comment on someone's posterior distribution.
We may not be normal but we are transformable.
We never have to say we are certain.
We are honestly significantly different.
No one wants our jobs.

"If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will."

credit...Paul Harvey

Good DAY!

Ambrose Bierce noted in his Devil's Dictionary (compiled 1911), under "dullard":

quote:

---

According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.

---

Of course, there has been significant inflation since Bierce's day.

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a true/false test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The statistics professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin... writing the answer... flipping the coin... writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying, "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"

The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin), "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"

There are three kinds of liars...men, women, and statistics.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
--Rita Mae Brown

I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a political statistic.
--Winston Churchill

You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that.
--J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Lottery: A tax on the statistically-challenged.

Did you hear about the politician who promised that, if he was elected, he'd make certain that everybody would get an above average income?

I asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate.

"Give us a copper Guv," said the beggar to the Treasury statistician when he waylaid him in Parliament square. "I haven't eaten for three days."
"Ah," said the statistician, "And how does that compare with the same period last year?" ~~Russell Lewis

Here are the results of our drug testing study on rabbits: 1/3 of the sample died; 1/3 of the sample survived; the other one ran away.

Speaking of drug testing on rabbits, here's an interesting nugget:

There used to be a saying (I haven't heard it for years so it may have died out) "The rabbit died." It meant that someone (usually the speaker) had learnt they were pregnant.

The first reliable pregnancy test used rabbits, and the test involved checking the state of their ovaries after they'd been injected with the urine of the woman being tested. If the woman was pregnant there would be an observable change in the rabbit's ovaries. People thought that if the rabbit died, the test was positive.

Alas, the rabbit always died! The animal had to be killed before its ovaries could be examined. Later it became possible to inspect the ovaries without having to kill the rabbit first, and so the rabbit never died (not as a result of the test, anyway)!

Nowadays, of course, we can test without needing the rabbit as an intermediary at all.

Quote from a State Department of Education staffer during a seminar meant to invigorate teachers,

"We will not stop in the pursuit of improvement utill all of our students are above average."

Somehow, I don't think she was a math major in college.

It is quite common to read, in the less worthy press, statements along the lines of: "...Half the school-leavers in Britain today are of below average levels of literacy (or numeracy, or whatever)..." The implication is, of course, that this is a terrible reflection on the standards of teaching in our schools and, if things were to be improved, then fewer than half would be below average.

Of course, assuming that the levels are normally distributed, if half are below then the other half will be above - and this alone shows what nonsense the statement is!

If standards were to be improved, then all that would happen would be that the average level of ability would increase; there would still be 50% below average and 50% above, no matter what!

Richard English

quote:

---

If standards were to be improved, then all that would happen would be that the average level of ability would increase; there would still be 50% below average and 50% above, no matter what!

---

Of course if every student had a perfect 100% score all of them would only be 'average', and the newspapers would undoubtedly demand further improvment !

si hoc legere scis nimium eruditiones habes

Read all about my travels around the world here.

"Like dreams, statistics are a form of wish fulfillment." - J.Baudrillard

"A statistician is a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion."

"A statistician drowned while crossing a stream that was, on average, 6 inches deep."

"Figures don't lie, but liars figure." - Mark Twain

The Coffee Garden in Salt Lake City serves quiches, each with four fresh eggs for each quiche.

A County Health Department inspector visited recently and pointed out that the Food and Drug Administration indicates that one in four eggs carries salmonella bacterium, so restaurants should never use more than three eggs when preparing quiche.

The manager on duty wondered aloud if simply throwing out three eggs from each dozen and using the remaining nine in four-egg-quiches would serve the same purpose. The inspector wasn't sure, but she said she would research it.

LOL!

Some people just don't get it, do they?

quote:

Originally posted by arnie: I've been collecting a few quotations on statistics. Here's a few; anyone got any more?

Here's one I just now stumbled upon.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
- Mark Twain

quote:

arnie, have you ever seen How to Lie With Statistics (1954) by Darrell Huff?

For the record, this book is still in print, and still highly applicable to todays "statisticulating".

It is an amazing book, even though it is quite thin. It taught me a lot.