Someone sent this to me and I thought you'd all enjoy.
My favorite is the last one.


Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-- Babe Ruth


An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his
fools. -- Ernest Hemingway


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Paul Hornung


24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
-- H.L. Mencken


When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- George Bernard Shaw


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry


Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C. -- W.C. Fields


Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
-- Professor Irwin Corey


To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
-- Leo Durocher


One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

LMAO

Some very wise sayings.

Beer is probably the finest alcoholic drink there is, although, sadly, wine gets far more publicity. Beer is available in a greater range of styles than wine, of strengths than wine and of complexities than wine.

Throughout the world, beer will be a safe and reliable drink and one which, to boot, is far less fattening or otherwise deleterious than most other drinks - including the awful, sugary and acidic concoctions of the cola companies.

However, because of the obscene marketing efforts of the mega-breweries, lead by the American giants such as Anheuser Busch and SAB Miller, most people are beginning to believe that all beer is a cold, yellow fizzy liquid with little taste, whose main characteristic is that of making its consumers sick, and leaving them with dispepsia and a foul headache the following morning.

Good beer is absolutely nothing at all like this and a session on good beer will send the drinker home feeling pleasently merry and somewhat soporific. And in the morning having a completely clear head and settled stomach.

Sadly the majority know nothing of this, and one of the characteristics of the marking efforts of the mega-breweries is their ability to spend millions on excellent advertisements (which, incidentally, never say anything about the beer itself) and one such is shown here http://www.bigad.com.au/

This brewer produces some of the foulest liquid that ever disgraced the grand name of beer - but you have to admit, the advertisement is remarkable.

The best beers in the world, incidentally, are all made by smallish concerns whose annual profit is probably less than the cost of making this advertisement, let alone airing it.

The only hope for any of them is through the efforts of consumer organisations such as CAMRA http://www.camra.org.uk to which all beer drinkers should belong.

From Dave Barry, "The English language is a rich verbal tapestry woven together from the tongues of the Greeks, the Latins, the Angles, the Klaxtons, the Celtics, and many more other ancient peoples, all of whom had sever drinking problems."

The current recordholder for world oldest beverage is traces of a 9K-year-old wine found this year in Jiahu, China. This beats out the beer contenders (and other wine contenders) of Mesopotamia (Iraq and Iran) which are about 7K years old. Me, I love both wine and beer, just not ogether in the same glass.

I think there's little doubt that wine is the older drink. In fact, I am quite sure that wine existed before human beings were around to drink it since any grape, when squashed and left where it won't be eaten, will turn into a kind of wine.

That same thing doesn't happen with barley. Squash barley and you get a kind of flour; wet it and you get new barley plants. To make beer the barley has to be germinated and the new shoots have then to be killed and the malt sugars formed in them dissolved out. Only then can the process of fermentation begin - and it needs more care and attention than does the process of wine fermentation - albeit it is a quicker process.

Even now the process of wine-making is not much different from the natural method. The grapes are squashed and left - no yeast is needed as it's already present on the grape skins (that's the bloom you can see) - and, when they have finished fermeting the wine is ready to drink. Of course, that is a very basic process and modern wines go through many more processes such as blending. But the basic process is still the same as it was millennia ago.

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In fact, I am quite sure that wine existed before human beings were around to drink it since any grape, when squashed and left where it won't be eaten, will turn into a kind of wine.

Indeed, yes: I remember being fascinated by the noisy antics of the starlings and blackbirds getting drunk on the fermenting berries of the firethorn plant.

Ah, zmj, now I know why those blackbirds are so noisy in the morning!

Wasn't it Homer Simpson who said, "Beer: the cause, of, and solution to, all of life's problems."? Or words to that effect.

To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. Although Homer is a prolific drinking of Duff beer, the quote is about alcohol in general.

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Originally posted by Cat:
Wasn't it Homer Simpson who said, "Beer: the cause, of, and solution to, all of life's problems."? Or words to that effect.

What would HE know? Springfield, Homer's home town, is a mere 140Km from here, so I've been there a time or three, and they have NO brewery there! You have to come to Portland to get beer in Oregon!

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Portland

Actually, Matt Groenig grew up in Eugene, OR, and there is some conjecture that the Simpsons' Springfield owes a great deal to that wet, northwestern city next door, Portland.

Springfield is WAAAAAAY closer to Eugene than to Portland!

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WAAAAAAY

But, face it, Portland is way better known to the average citizen.

Well, yes - AND there's a thriving microbrewery industry here! This IS a beer thread, after all!

But Duff beer is clearly not microbrewed.

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Originally posted by Asa Lovejoy:
What would HE know? Springfield, Homer's home town, is a mere 140Km from here!

The TV show doesn't tell you which state. You're thinking of Springfield, Oregon, but durn near every state in the union has a city, town or village named 'Springfield'. (Indeed, I found a site saying that all 50 states have one, but I haven't verified.) It's the capital of Illinois.

Yeahbut - since Matt Groening is an Oregonian, it does follow - at least to me.

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durn near every state in the union has a city, town or village named 'Springfield'

I always thought that was the joke: Springfield is Everytown, USA.

Well, given the contextual clues, you can determine Springfield borders both the Atlantic and the Pacific, borders West Springfield which is the size of Texas, contains the largest mountain in the world, etc.

Of course, in the episode "Behind the Laughter" they say that Springfield is in Kentucky, but I believe Matt Groening is quoted as saying this is a joke.

Back to beer, the bartender Moe is asked for an import, and with a creative umlaut turns Duff into a German beer.

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contextual

And remember, the whole town was physically moved one episode when they'd polluted the other location.

'Duff' is used in the UK as an adjective meaning 'sub-standard, poor'. I don't know if it has that meaning over there. It certainly means the brewery is well-named!

Speaking of beer...

Apparently not everyone in England wants the notorious 11 p.m. bar closing times to change? I read in our local newspaper that Judge Charles Harris, in a report to the Home Office on pub hours, wrote, "It simply means that our towns and city centers are abandoned every night to tribes of pugnacious, drunk, noisy, vomiting louts."

Have the bar closing times been changed yet? If so, is that true?

Many establishments have applied for different hours; J D Wetherspoon has applied for 24-hour opening in some of it railway station locations - very sensible considering that some stations are open 24 hours and people waiting for night trains need somewhere to wait.

There is presently a strong (and rather late) lobby being run by the police and the judiciary to try to overturn the new legislation. Fortuntately it will fail and then, once flexible hours are in and people find (as they have already found in other countries) that they create no additional problems and, indeed, in many cases fewer problems, then everyone will wonder what the fuss was all about.

The judge's remarks are complete nonsense - as are the comments of most judges who know little about the real world. When did Judge Charles Harris last walk around a city centre at night? I have done so many, many times in many, many places and there are relatively few instances of drunken behaviour in most cities. And the bad behaviour that happens takes place because the bars all close at the same time and everyone spills out onto the streets at 2330, all looking for taxis and fast food. Inevitably you will get problems in such a situation. And, incidentall, the problems are almost invariably confined to bars (not pubs - there's a big difference in England) that cater for young people by providing lots of loud music and chemical fizz beer.

The liberalisation of licensing laws is proceding apace and, after 88 years, we will finally be seeing the end of the Defence of the Realm Act - and good riddance to it!

Would you please explain the difference between a bar and a pub?

Certainly.
A pub is a building where you go to sit and drink alcohol.
A bar is a room either in a pub or another building (an hotel for example) where alcohol is sold for consumprtion on the premises.

Pub stands for "Public", a public drinking establishment.

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Pub stands for "Public", a public drinking establishment.

Almost. It actually stand for "Public House" and this is a hangover from the days when pubs were rooms in people's houses that were open to the public for the consumption of alcohol. Legally there are differences in English Law between Public Houses, Inns, Taverns and Hotels. However, these need not concern most visitors.

The pretence that a pub is still a private house to which visitors are invited is still evident in many ways in English Pubs. For example, you don't tip a Landlord (like you wouldn't tip your host in at a private party). If you know him well enough you might offer to buy him a drink and he might accept.

By the way, don't use the expression "Public House" outside of England. In many countries a Public House is a brothel - as I discovered on my first visit to Spain when I asked for the nearest "Casa Publica". Which might be why so many drinking establishments outside of the UK are called bars, not pubs.

And then there is always "tavern." I think "pubs," "bars," "taverns" are all fairly similar. It's just that pub sounds so much more warm and cozy to me. I told that to my British friend who lives near us, and he said that Americans tend to "romanticize" pubs. I suppose he is right.

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I think "pubs," "bars," "taverns" are all fairly similar.

As I said, there is a legal distinction between them in England. Furthermore, a bar, in England, is nothing like a pub. Next time you're over I'll take you to some so you can appreciate the difference.

But they're all places to go buy beer, right? And other spirits? I was just at a place that called itself a tavern. We had pizza and beer.

I just don't get the difference. I think a goodly ammount of field testing will be necessary. I look forward to a proper education if I ever get over there.

Had 2 Blue Moons tonight - I'm a bit drunk. I'm a cheap date, according to the hubby and his buddies.

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Almost. It actually stand for "Public House"

I knew that. Let me rephrase. Pub is short for Public, as in "Public House". : ) Need more sleep.

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Had 2 Blue Moons tonight - I'm a bit drunk. I'm a cheap date, according to the hubby and his buddies.

As far as I can tell, Blue Moon is predominantly a midwest beer. People outside of the midwest rarely have heard of it. I was in Seattle at a place called the Taphouse, with over 200 beers on tap, some from Belgium, including Blue Moon. I said, "wait, that's not from Belgium", and they answered sheepishly, "Well, it's a Belgian style beer". Among other things, I had the Rogue Shakespeare stout that evening, as I recall.

As for being a "cheap date", that is a complement in every possible sense.

On more beer notes, I went out to a local restaurant/microbrew and had $1 frickin' pints. THe food was overpriced, but hey, $1 pints is too good a deal to pass up.

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Had 2 Blue Moons tonight

Ahhh, and I had a Coniston's Bluebird Bitters. Now, that was good!

Okay, Sean, being from the Chicago area and all, we really must meet and have one of those $1 pints! Where in the heck is this? The Yardhouse has $2.50 pints on Mondays, and I thought that was good!

Unfortunately, I've moved to Texas, so the $1 pints were at a place in North Dallas. I was pretty astonished by the price. Haven't been around too much, but beer seems to be cheaper here.

Oh, for heaven's sake we should have met before you left! Darn!

I hear it is rather warm, shall we say, in Dallas these days? I am sure I'd have a continuous "bad hair" day there!

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I look forward to a proper education if I ever get over there.

September 2006.

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I look forward to a proper education if I ever get over there.

September 2006.

I'm sure that's a promise, too, and I can't wait!!!!!!

Is there something I should do to study up? I mean, if I'm going to get a proper education, perhaps I should drink more beer between now and then so that I'm not plastered on just 2!

They do have half pints in England. That's how I was able to manage. I remember at one pub I actually ordered a full pint, and Richard looked very shocked!

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Richard looked very shocked!

Kalleh wasn't telling you the whole story. The pint (an Imperial pint, by the way - 10% bigger than a US pint) was of Fuller's ESB. Colloquially known as Fuller's GBH (grevious Bodily Harm) ESB is their strongest cask-conditioned beer and is of around 6.5% abv. Not a beer to be trifled with!

Anmd CW, check on the Real Beer pages to get an idea of the good beers in your area and then, as you say, just practise.

Oh - I know of a place with Cask Conditioned beers - I took Kalleh and Shu there when they came to visit, and it's gotten their seal of approval. I'll do my best to prepare!

Also, there are good bottled beers to work with, too. What do you all think of the bottled Guinness we can get here? Anyone care to comment?

CW, I can't comment on bottled Guinness, mainly because I don't drink it that much. However, I am in St. Louis now, and of course this is the Anheuser Busch area of the country. Shu and I were shopping today, and I found a wonderful t-shirt that I wanted to buy and send to Richard. However, Shu, not one to waste money, talked me out of it. Here is what it said:

Budweiser...The King of Beers!

THE EDUCATION OF CW:

Last night I had a yummy Guinness on tap at a place called Fado Irish Pub. It's fun to visit, but I doubt it's authentic at all because it's actually a chain or a franchise or something. The Guinness was yummy, though. I got a Black on Black - Guinness with blackberry liquor.

Guinness and blackcurrant is a popular drink with ladies because the sweetness of the blaccurrant essence hides the differness of the Guinness. Guinness is a bitter drink for two reasons. Firstly, of course, it is quite heavily hopped but, added to that, is the bitterness imparted by the heavily roasted malt - a sort of burnt toast bitterness.

Another drink you might try is Guinness and Champagne (or sparkling wine or even cider if you can't run to Champagne). That mixture is also less bitter than Guiness on its own.

Bottled Guinness is slightly more fizzy and less creamy than draught Guinness but both are acceptable. There are, though, many far better bottled beers; Guinness is OK if there's nothing else but try to get a real cask-conditioned beer (draught, or draft, Guinness is not cask-conditioned, incidentally).

So far as good bottled beers are concerned, anything that's bottle-conditioned (look for the words on the label or check to see if there's a sediment in the bottle) will be much better than anything that's brewery-conditioned (all US mega-breweries' bottled beers are brewery-conditioned and are, without exception, poor drinks).

Hey...he's back!

Good to see you!

I like the Guinness taste better w/o the other stuff, personally.