I read a column where a widowed woman wrote about how she goes to weddings and the men there dance with their wives. She wished that some of them would dance with her. The columnist called her a "wallflower." To me, a wallflower is more that. Here the men had wives to dance with and probably just didn't think to ask a single woman to dance. I think of a "wallflower" as being really unpopular...no one would even think of dancing with her. How about you?

Besides that, how did "wallflower" become a word for an unpopular woman at a dance? A wallflower is a sweet-smelling flower, after all. AHD says that it was first used to mean an unpartnered woman sitting along the wall in an 1820 work by Mrs. Campbell Praed. But why?

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AHD says that it was first used to mean an unpartnered woman sitting along the wall..

That sums up the meaning exactly to me. A wallflower is simply a woman who has not been asked to dance. It may be that she is unpopular, but not necessarily; there simply may be more women than men at the dance.

I'd guess that the 1820 coining referred to the women, dressed up in their finery, sitting by the wall, like flowers in a garden.

How interesting! I've always thought of a wallflower as being somebody who is incredibly shy and who therefore hides against the wall / in the corner / in the kitchen at parties. Again, not unpopular, just someone who finds it hard to socialise in groups.

Am I completely wrong, or has the term evolved to have this meaning too?

Cat - I have to agree with you on this one (were we seperated at birth or something?), too! I always thought a wallflower was someone who chose not to dance, rather than someone that nobody chose. I've been partnerless at some dances, but I've never been a wallflower. It's been a choice of my own not to dance, and (I HOPE) not been because I'm unpopular. Therefore, not a wallflower, but just taking a break.

Also, I've thought that wallflower-ism was a position of the person's own choosing because I've been told "don't be a wallflower, get out here and dance!" which implies that I have control over my flower-state.

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were we seperated at birth or something?

Lol! And I used to have a snake too... A garter snake, name of Ebony. Died at the ripe old age of eight and an half (old for that breed).

That settles it! We're practically twins! Of course, I think I have about 10 years on you in age . . .

My timekeeping's not always that great, CW .

To me, wallflower applies to a woman trying to fade into the wall (visualize old fashioned room with floral wallpaper)because she's shy... it's through HER choice that she blends into the wallpaper. This is NOT speaking from personal experience.

While I have thought a wallflower to be shy, I hadn't thought of it to be her choice not to be dancing; after all, wouldn't she just stay home then? A woman can be shy, but she still may want to dance; she is just not assertive enough to flash that smile or to wiggle those hips! However, I have also thought of a wallflower as being a woman who is unpopular. The AHD says that it now means either a man or a woman (which is a good thing!) and also is used in situations remote from a ballroom.

I am not sure how well men blend into floral wallpaper!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,

As a male wallfolwer, I can assure you that men CAN blend into floral print wallpaper quite well! And just think of all those military types who do their utmost to blend into the scenery - but they call it camouflage.

There are party animals, and there are party vegetables (wallflowers). And there are party minerals - the ones who get stoned.

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I can assure you that men CAN blend into floral print wallpaper quite well!

I suppose (though maybe not literally), but at a dance usually the man asks the woman so he at least has more of a chance. I know that times have changed and all, but even at my kids' school dances, the guys still ask the girls to dance.

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Originally posted by Kalleh:
but even at my kids' school dances, the guys still ask the girls to dance.

Which is why those men who find that difficult to do are in a worse position than the women. At least as a woman there's an outside chance that however wallflowerish you are someone will come and chat you up.
For men that chance is next to zero and is why some of us develop an absolute loathing that borders on a phobia of not just dancing but social situations in general. (I'm sure cat will verify just how much I hate dancing.)

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I'm sure cat will verify just how much I hate dancing

Yes, absolutely - which is why I consider getting you up on the dance floor at Mensa Christmas party 2003 to be one of my greatest triumphs (boy, was it hard work!).

And I have the photos to prove it, so no denials now .

Back when I was a Mensa member I never saw any of them dancing. Terpsichore was NOT our patron muse! You must be a saucy lot in the UK!

It's all the good West Midlands ale!

Mind you, one of the problems anywhere is that there are so few "proper" dances these days - you know, where people hold one another and make steps in a properly agreed pattern and in time to dance music.

One good thing about dances being more informal though is that you can just dance with your friends (or on your own, if you're brave enough), without having to wait for someone to ask you - which has a knock-on positive effect for men who are too shy to ask: they can just dance next to the girl they like and see if her body language is positive.

Also, it takes forever - and loads of money - to learn how to tango / foxtrot / salsa / waltz etc really well, although it can be easier if you know where your foot's supposed to go next. Freestyle dancing can lead to the odd bit of creative block during which time you temporarily lose the beat and feel an idiot - not that that's ever happened to me!

I learnt to dance at school - we had a dancing club that twinned with the local girls' school. So it cost me nothing. I don't think I dance very well - but you don't need to be competition standard to have a good time.

Personally I don't dance at all and that is a combination of factors. As far as modern dancing is concerned, I'm with Richard. It all seems to be aimless shuffling to me and what's the point if you can't actually get your hands on a girl? My parents taught me how to jive many years ago and for the first time in my life I had girls flocking to dance with me because nobody else our age could teach them. Along with the revival of crooner style music we are also getting a revived interest in ballroom dancing in this country so perhaps we may yet see proper dances again.