I haven't gone on a bender (sans capital "B") in a long time, and am not familiar with Bender's poetic bent, but my feeling is that she bent grammar too far in writing "My sister and I." It is not just, as her daughter suggests, a matter of prescriptive vs. descriptive grammar, but my sense that the use of "I" doesn't scan as smoothly as "me" in this context. That counters her linguist daughter's belief, and, since I only have a Bachelor's degree, I must therefore be wrong, but it's how I reacted to it.
I have to agree with Asa. It's a basic grammar rule--not something out in left field. Furthermore, in her rationalization of her grammatical error, she made another which dusts my doilies! She said, "...I told her how badly I felt about my mistake..."
I had seen that article before and didn't think much of it. True, the following phrases from the article are often used and may one day be considered "correct" (I hope not): “the ones my father gave my sister and I”, "Kim and me went to the store", "Me and Kim went to the store", "John and them went to the store". But for now they are grammatically incorrect and their use in print indicates the writer is uneducated and ignorant (Yes, I know that's redundant.)
Even extremely intelligent and educated people make mistakes once in a while, but they admit to them, unless their ego gets in the way. Then they make excuses. That's what this article does. The article quotes from "Samuel Pepys diary" (shouldn't that be "Pepys'" or "Pepys's"?) of 1666: "...and full of kindness to their power to my wife and I". I doubt that was considered proper English then (336 years ago!), but it certainly isn't now. I suspect Pepys just made a mistake. And I think the Benders did too.
I read the article, and I must say, I do agree that the language is changing. It is evolving (or devolving if you think the change is negative). Change is inevitable, and without it, what would we ever discuss on forums such as these?
I am sure I am in the minority with my opinion here, and I am NOT agreeing with the usages that are being debated here.
I am also frequently guilty of misusing words and grammatical errors. In my case, it is haste, or just that I didn't pay enough attention when I was in school!
After considering Angel's position above, I counter that while it is true that language inevitably changes, including its grammar, a writer must understand how to use grammar well before using it in an ungrammatical way. Take, for example, Shakespeare's writing, in Julius Caesar, "This was the most unkindest cut of all." Improper grammar, but the impact it gives to Antony's words is tremendous. A fine wordsmith knows how to break the rules. The article by Bender does not suggest that she broke the rules creatively, as did Shakespeare, and she seems to acknowledge that. It's the hot-shot PhD daughter that doesn't get it
Well said, Asa, though easy on the PhD! I agree, Angel, that we all make grammatical mistakes at times (even Asa forgets a period now and then!) I never even realized that I have "apostrophe deficit" until I joined this board! However, rather than to give in to it, I think it is more important to learn from it. Otherwise, I fear that our language will deteriorate to the point of the thread about using too many "likes"--or worse.
[This message was edited by Kalleh on Mon Oct 7th, 2002 at 20:14.]
Reading Bender, I'm struck with the sense of "methinks the lady doth protest too much". She goes well beyond a causal attitude of saying, "OK, I goofed. So what?" or alternatively, "In my view, this usage is acceptable." The Bender essay strikes me as someone embarrassed by a mistake but embarassed to admit it.
