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I hereby demand that President Donald Trump stop setting a poor example for America’s schoolchildren by misusing the word “hereby.”

Sunday afternoon, Trump tweeted, “I hereby demand, and will do so officially tomorrow, that the Department of Justice look into whether or not the FBI/DOJ infiltrated or surveilled the Trump Campaign for Political Purposes - and if any such demands or requests were made by people within the Obama Administration!”

At least he spelled it right. In March 2017, Trump took to Twitter to “hear by” demand an investigation of House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s ties to Russia, deleted that and “hearby” demanded it, then deleted that and finally “hereby” demanded it.

Of course his “demand” turned out to be an empty, feckless pronouncement given that no such investigation has apparently taken place.

In fairness, that particular tweet about Pelosi did have the virtue of conveying an understanding that the adverb “hereby” implies: that the accompanying words themselves are a means to an end — think of a wedding officiant’s proclamation, “I hereby pronounce you husband and wife,” a judge’s declaration, “You are hereby sentenced to 20 years in prison” and so on.

To say you’re “hereby” going to do something officially at a later time, as Trump did, is redundant, gratuitous and borderline incoherent.

Even in the best of circumstances there’s an archaic pomposity to deploying “hereby” in place of “by means of these words.” So pompous, in fact, that even I, a newspaper columnist, haven’t once until today used “hereby” in more than 30 years of offering suggestions, exhortations, musings and screeds.

I hereby resolve to use it more often. Paired with the word “demand” it carries with it a swagger that feels just right for these times — times when the words signifying conventional appeals to reason (“should,” “ought,” “it is imperative that …”) are proving inadequate.

To “demand” an action is bold. To “hereby demand” an action is explosively arrogant. It seals its own deal and brooks no negotiation.

I hereby demand that President Trump hire an assistant to proofread his tweets for spelling, usage, punctuation and Random Capitalization, lest our nation’s young students come to think of him as an imbecile.

I hereby demand that Trump show us his tax returns, like he promised, and that he keep his tiny, grubby paws off “the FBI/DOJ” — Federal Bureau of Investigations and U.S. Department of Justice — and let those agencies do their jobs as they investigate Russian interference in our elections.

I hereby demand that conservative gun-rights apologists stop blaming video games, abortion, atheism, divorce, mental illness and prescription drugs for our nation’s grotesquely out-of-scale rate of death by firearms. I further hereby demand that they concede that they believe the carnage is an acceptable price to pay for our virtually unlimited and lightly regulated access to weapons of mass slaughter.

I hereby demand that Democrats in Springfield generate a realistic estimate for next year’s tax revenues and that Republicans, namely Gov. Bruce Rauner, either stop complaining about last year’s income tax hike or lay out a budget proposal that doesn’t include the additional money from that tax hike.

Well! This feels good. It also reminds me why I’ve never used the words “I hereby demand …” around the home. Not with my children. Certainly not with my wife. At best they would simply mock me.

I hereby demand that nobody mock me for issuing these demands, and that nobody issue his or her own counterdemands that cast me or my lineage in an unfortunate light.

I hereby demand the “Medicare for all” option.

I hereby demand that the Illinois Constitution be amended to allow for graduated income tax rates and that Congress impose greater progressivity in the federal system in order to shift more of the burden onto those now benefiting disproportionately from last year’s GOP tax overhaul.

I hereby demand that President Trump stop trying to whip up opposition to the investigation of his administration by falsely implying that special counsel Robert Mueller and Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein are Democrats.

I hereby demand that it become a crime punishable by crippling fines to make unsolicited calls to mobile phones for commercial purposes.

I hereby demand that online retailers compensate city and county governments for lost retail sales tax revenues.

I hereby demand that we start referring to government regulations as “consumer/environmental protections,” and that our lawmakers prioritize the health of the planet over the rights of industrial polluters.

I hereby demand full transparency on all online data collection — who knows what about me and when? — and easy-to-use opt-out or not-now features for browsers and phones.

I hereby demand immigration policies untainted by prejudice and informed by the same compassionate, welcoming and economically practical ethos that allowed my grandparents to come to America more than 80 years ago.

And, finally, I hereby demand that congressional Republicans get up on their attenuated hind legs for once and stand up to the autocratic, tyrannical, Constitution-shattering impulses of a president who thinks it’s ever OK for him to “hereby demand” anything.

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Originally posted by Kalleh:
Yes, the whole thing isn't, goofy. But the beginning is, and I see his point about the lack of clarity of saying you are hereby going to do something at a later time.