I started a new job recently and am perplexed by some of the terminology used. For example the CFO of the company, along with many professionals with Ph.D.s, are called staff. Now, when I think of staff, I think of foodstaff in restaurants, receptionists, secretaries and the like. I certainly don't think of CFOs.

Furthermore, as with all jobs, we have projects that we need to accomplish throughout the year. The Board of Directors, with the staff formulate them, based on our strategic plan. However, these projects are called tactics. From AHD a "tactic" is "an expedient for achieving a goal; a maneuver [Fr. tactique and Gr. taktika]". I would think it pushing the envelope to use "tactic" to describe our projects. These projects involve data collecting, publishing reports, conducting conferences, writing position papers, etc.

Do any of you use these terms like this? Am I nitpicking?

Kalleh, have you been reading Dilbert in the funny papers? That gobbledygook sure sounds like it! Now, as for position papers, is that like, prone, supine, and such? Well, you DID say you were in the medical field...

I do read Dilbert every so often but will do so with more regularity now that I have this job. The trouble is, I am a bit rebellious sometimes, and this terminology drives me wild.
As far as the position papers, I'll keep you guessing.......!

As far as the position papers, I'll keep you guessing.......!
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Since you don't tech yoga, you don't have to worry about the REALLY disgusting ones!

Pick up a copy of the old Dilbert cartoons, and you're sure to see your organization in them!

I thought you might enjoy this, Kalleh. A nice twist on all the pat little labels used in corporations intending to sound important.

Work policies

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR of INTENSITY
PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.). If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

I suggest that the IMG form an adjunct Human Engineering and Development Staff
(S.H.I.T.H.E.A.D.S.) to guarantee universal implementation of this S.H.I.T. program.
Any Volunteers?

Dreamweaver HTML editor has a nifty extension called "Corporate Mumbo-jumbo". It's used to provide "filler" text; when the Web page is being designed and before the actual copy is available it is placed on the page to show what a completed page would look like. Here's an example of its output:

through a top-down, proactive approach we can remain customer focused and goal-directed, innovate and be an inside-out organization which facilitates sticky web-readiness transforming turnkey eyeballs to brand 24/365 paradigms with benchmark turnkey channels implementing viral e-services and dot-com action-items while we take that action item off-line and raise a red flag and remember touch base as you think about the red tape outside of the box and seize B2B e-tailers and re-envisioneer innovative partnerships that evolve dot-com initiatives delivering synergistic earballs to incentivize B2B2C deliverables that leverage magnetic solutions to synergize clicks-and-mortar earballs while facilitating one-to-one action-items with revolutionary relationships that deliver viral markets and grow e-business supply-chains that expedite seamless relationships and transform back-end relationships...

OMG! That's all one sentence! And it's still going...and going...and going...

transform back-end
relationships...
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Are they talking about buggary? This is verbal bubble-wrap!

Museamuse and arnie...hilarious! I will definitely share them both with my colleagues, though I think I will wait until I have been there a bit longer to share them with my boss.

We have all these terms for projects (excuse me, tactics!) that are ridiculous, like CORE, PERC, TERCAP. Of course anyone who has been there long enough gets it; those of us who are new, look stupid when we ask what is meant.

Kalleh, that reminds me of when I first started teaching English as a Foreign Language. All the teacher trainers were talking about teaching ESP. I was amazed that all these rather prim looking English teachers were all so in touch with their sixth sense. I later realized to my chagrin that ESP was English for Special Purposes.

Hilarious, Muse.
Of course, in medicine there are far too many abbreviations. Depending on the clinical focus, there is a new set for each rotation. My favorite is BS--either Bowel Sounds or Breath Sounds, or.....

Professional football here is run by the National Football League, a/k/a NFL.

Confession: when I hear that acronym, my immediate reaction is to hear it as Not F***ing Likely. (Which admittedly is an accurate assessment of our local team.)

I also teach English as a foreign language and there is an apparently endless proliferation of initialisms.

My training is in CELTA (Certificate of English Language Teaching to Adults) which is a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Langiage) qualification. Later I may take my DELTA (Diploma of English Language Teaching to Adults).
I am currently employed teaching ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Langauges).
Of course ELT (English Language Teaching) is commonly used as is TESOL ( for the qualification to teach ESOL). ESP we have already dealt with but we shouldn't forget EAP, IELTS, TOEFL, KET, PET or FCE which are all examination subjects.

My head aches trying to remember what initialisms I should be using in any given conversation or circumstance.

si hoc legere scis nimium eruditiones habes

Read all about my travels around the world here.

Under the heading of medical terms with multiple meanings (and at the risk of unnecessarily distressing any friends or semi-friends I may have made so far on this board) I was diagnosed, informally, several years ago with AIDS. The good news is that I completely recovered to the point were I was able to contract AIDS again several times and, each time, make a full recovery.

There are some seven or eight medical conditions which share the acronym AIDS, one of which is the condition I had repeatedly "suffered" in my younger days. AIDS = "alcohol induced dehydration syndrome," a situation where the more alcohol you drink, the more actual water is taken from your system to process it.

I finally, officially, can use initials after my name! I received my CVM after a year of hard work and seminars, and the production of a video to train our 1800 volunteers for our agency.

CVM ~~ Certified Volunteer Management

Hey...I'm happy about it!

In our place, we just had a big argument about where the letters should be placed after our names in official documents. The discussion was where RN should be; I like it directly after my name with the degrees and certifications following it. My colleagues all think the education degrees and certifications should go first, followed by the RN. I lost the vote. There was not authority for us to consult on the subject. Academics seem to use the method I prefer, while nurse executives seem to use the other. Ah--the trivia that we worry about!

Hey, Morgan, I thought that CVM was a religious title, "Certified Virgin Mother." I guess you'll have nun of that, though...

quote:

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Academics seem to use the method I prefer, while nurse executives seem to use the other. Ah--the trivia that we worry about!

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Once this board taught me the meaning of caca, I more fully appreciated a word I'd heard, coined to note how academia focuses on minutia: cacademics.

Following up, Hic, I have always loved Poem for Academics, as posted on the Verse's thread in The Written Word forum.

A follow-on to Museamuse's work policies:

EMPLOYEE TERMINATION EXPLANATION

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,
we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this
plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus
permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect
immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for
jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records
before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the
program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early
Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal
with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems
appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to
get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or
CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are
considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP
will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company

The story of my life here!

Five weeks ago, I asked for a leave of absence from my job for four weeks. I had 45 sick days coming to me and asked if I could take the time off as sick time as I was going to be caring for my ill child. Sure, no problem. On day 17 out of 20, my boss called to say, I could only take 7 days off for a sick child, and if I took 3 consecutive days myself, I needed a doctors excuse!

I think I have been screwed, slapped, and everything else mentioned above by my employer!