When wildflowerchild mentioned the phrase "dumber than dirt", it made me wonder what other metaphors we have for stupidity. "Dumb as a dodo" and "dumber than a box of rocks" came to mind, but are there more colorful phrases? Or even more colourful ones?

""dumber than a box of rocks," quoth wordnerd.
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Which type of rocks? Igneous rodks have a firey nature, and cannot be considered dumb; metamorphic rocks have been transformed in their basic nature, so they're out. That only leaves sedementary rocks, Mother Nature's dandruff, I suppose.

I've always liked the phrase, "Nice cage; too bad the canary's dead."

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sedementary rocks

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The couch potatoes among minerals.

A common expression over here is "as thick as two short planks". Why the planks specifically have to be short I have no idea.

of a dumb blonde: nice staircase, but nothing upstairs
(or, shifting the emphasis: nothing upstairs, but a nice staircase

"The couch potatoes among minerals."
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Yes, arnie, them's me sediments exactly!

I have always heard dumber than a post.

When I was working in pediatrics, my boyfriend at the time was a pediatric resident who would always make jokes about the kids, saying: "He'll be able to sell newspapers on the corner, but he'll never be able to make change". Needless to say, that relationship never worked out!

I found this quote about a legal trial, I think you will agree goes right along with this thread:

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The most impressive thing I found out in relation to the defense attorneys defending the guys who were trying to kill him was: one is as dumb as a box of rocks, and another is as dumb as a box of hammers, and surprisingly enough, rocks are slightly smarter than hammers.

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we need to have coffee!

There are lots of expressions that consist of "a few... short of a...". A common example in England is "a few bricks short of a load".

I agree, wildflowerchild! I am coming to Savannah to a conference in the winter--close to you? (My geography is failing me now!) If so, coffee it is!

One I hear a lot is "He's not the brightest light in the harbor!"

any excuse to go to that place. coffee with bourbon and sugar.

ok: dumber than ants in nutrasweet.∞

What a vivid word-picture, wildflowerchild. (Say that 5 times fast: "word-picture, wildflowerchild". )
These don't measure up to that standard, but:
---He doesn't have his oars in the water.
---His bread ain't baked.

Hey, can I join you ladies in Savannah? Sounds like a fun time!

His elevator doesn't reach the top floor.

absolutely, morgan.

ladies three, we stay up all night a-talkin', storm a brewin' out over the water, a caldroun steamin', somethin' in the coffee maybe.....and all of a sudden, come up thunder and lightnin' like no one ain't seen in a hunnerd yahr and the night sky turn light as day and green as copper......course wouldn't be us havin' nothin' to do with that. right??

word[witch]crafters?

Great, Savannah it is! Coffee with bourbon sounds sensational! I believe my conference is in February, but I will check the dates. Anyone is welcome!

A few sandwiches short of a picnic

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word[witch]crafters?

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Now, now....that wasn't very nice!



He's missing a few marbles.

(Hey anyone notice, other than the "dumb blonde" mentioned above, these are all about men?)

(And while we are on it...anyone know why "dumb blonde jokes are so simple? Answer)

"And while we are on it...anyone know why "dumb blonde jokes are so simple?"
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Ever wonder why so many people assume that all blondes are women? Say, what color is your hair?

Asa, whose hair blew away, leaving more room for the important cranial tissue

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Say, what color is your hair?

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Blonde.

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Ever wonder why so many people assume that all blondes are women?

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A male would be a blond, rather than blonde. It's from the French; the -e indicates feminine.

A male would be a blond, rather than blonde.
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Of course, how could I forget, "Blond, James Blond." Beter than Bland, I suppose.

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metaphors we have for stupidity ... are there more colorful phrases?

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Regionalisms from Texas tend to be particularly graphic and earthy:

--- "You couldn't find your ass if you were using both hands!"
--- "You couldn't pour piss out of a boot if te instructions were printed on the heel!"

Hic et ubique said, ""You couldn't pour piss out of a boot if te instructions were printed on the heel."
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I've heard that 'un from all over the USA, but I've always thought that the REALLY dumb one was the guy who let his boot collect piss in the first place.



REALLY

"Strong as an ox and twice as dumb" or "strong as an ox and almost as smart". I knew a man who used the phrase, "dumb as (or "dumber than") a day-old baby". Of course, he didn't really say "baby". Insert your own pejorative.

Here's a few more:

His elevator doesn't reach the top floor

He checked out of Hotel Brainy years ago

If he was any more stupid he would photosynthesise in sunlight

Thicker than a donkey's dangler

He's got a rip in his marbles bag

She hasn't got both hands on the steering wheel

When you look in his eyes you can see that there is no one driving

Lights on, door open, no one at home

Trying to explain something to him is like trying to give a fish a bath

She's like the Venus de Milo, very pretty but not all there

If she went to a mind reader they wouldn't bother charging.

First a hearty WELCOME to tinman! Great to have you here!

Second, Arnie, I hope I never end up on your list!

Well, arnie, you certainly have cornered the market on "Dumber than" phrases!
Since I was gone for 8 days (business, not pleasure!), I missed the "blonde" comments. Do you Americans really agree that a man is "blond", rather than "blonde"? While my dictionary does indicate that "blond" is masc and "blonde" is fem, I have not seen it used that way here in the States. Could it be a midwest variance? Americans?

FOR YOU, A SPECIAL UPPERCASE WELCOME! I'm so glad you are here. People, if this is who I think it is, you have just gotten an ultimately excellent poster to this board.

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People, if this is who I think it is, you have just gotten an ultimately excellent poster to this board.

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Poster...board? Does he draw too?

Thank you, Morgan and wfc. I can draw straws, sometimes I can draw the line, but mostly I just draw a blank.

tinman

Good to see another voice from the Pacific Northwet, tinman!

Yes, welcome TINMAN! I think we're a fun group.

Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

Yo momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

Yo momma's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Yo momma's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.

Yo momma's so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.

Yo momma's so stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.

Yo momma's so stupid, she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.

Yo momma's so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.

Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought asphalt was a skin disease.

Yo momma's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

Yo momma's so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.

Yo momma's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

Yo momma's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.

Yo momma's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911".

Yo momma's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

Yo momma's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
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Back in the days before corporal punishment was not forwned upon, it WAS!

As for throwing out all the "Ws" at the M&Ms factory, what did she do with the sigmas?

Often our local board of education is as dumb as a piece of wood, and makes a real ash of itself.

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Yo momma's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

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OK, I admit it...the coke spurted out my nose!

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the coke spurted out my nose!

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Another board I visit uses an acronym to indicate that sort of ocurrence: YOMANK, standing for You Owe Me A New Keyboard!

That's assuming you are referring to coke in its liquid form, not the white powder...

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Another board I visit uses an acronym to indicate that sort of ocurrence: YOMANK, standing for You Owe Me A New Keyboard!

That's assuming you are referring to coke in its liquid form...

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The only coke around this house, has the word "Diet" in front of it and comes in a pull top can, darlin!

Welcome, Tinman! If you "can draw straws", "can draw the line", and "draw a blank", you may want to look at the third post in the "Riddles" thread.

And reverting to the subject of stupidity, upon which I am deemed by my teenagers to be eminently qualified:

-- He was born ignorant and has been lossing ground ever since.

-- Not all asses have four feet.

Kallah greeting Tinman, as above

by Samuel Taylor Coleridge:

Sir, I admit your general rule,
That every poet is a fool,
But you yourself may serve to show it,
That every fool is not a poet.

dumber than a caterpillar humping a french fry.–

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Hic et ubique:
[URL=http://www3.sympatico.ca/thetrainingoasis/tinman.gif]

Tinman:D

[This message was edited by tinman on Thu Aug 22nd, 2002 at 1:44.]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by shufitz:
Welcome, Tinman! If you "can draw straws", "can draw the line", and "draw a blank"...


Yep, I drew a blank all right. I'll have to try and figure it out.

Tinman

Richard, try this:

>> "Richard, try this"

With Kalleh, you are Rich indeed! We are heartened to see you. (Now, if I only had a brain.)

PS: Does "dumb as a doormouse" refer to dumb = stupid or to dumb = speechless; mute?

i want to know how you are doing that. i sat up all night just about trying to post my squirrel picture.

wfc,

You're using a Mac, right? I don't use one myself, so I'll have to guess.

1. First, find your picture on the Web.
2. Click on the picture and hold hold down until a menu pops up.
3. Choose "Properties" or "Image Properties" or similar.
4. Look for the picture's address. It'll look something like this:

   http://www.squirrel-rehab.org/misc/SQ409p.jpg

5. Copy the code to the clipboard
6. In the message window, click the "Image" button.
7. Paste the address into the box and click OK.
8. Send your message.
9. Voila!

Note that if you're using a Windows machine, you should right-click on the image to get the menu. Also remember that the image must be on the Web. You can't use an image on your own computer without it being uploaded to the Web first.

OK...I have been out of it for a few days (and will continue through the weekend, unfortunately), but can someone please tell me? Who is Richard?