There has been an ongoing discussion in the newspaper about what children should call their friend's parents. Some say, "Mrs. Smith," others say, "Kalleh," still others say, "Miss Kalleh." The trend however seems to be "Kalleh's mom."

I have opinions on all (what else is new? ), but before I weigh in, what do you think? Which is used most often where you are?

Edited on 11/6 from "parent's friends" to "friend's parents." Thanks, Cat!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,

I don't know about mothers, but with me it's "Hey, you, or sometimes no form of address at all.

Asa, who don't get no respect

You sound like my dad who used to say, "You can call me anything; just don't call me 'late to dinner!'"

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Originally posted by Kalleh: There has been an ongoing discussion in the newspaper about what children should call their parent's friends.

And a related question: what should minor children call their friends' parents?

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"Kalleh's mom."

Isn't that a friend's parent rather than a parent's friend, or have I really misunderstood (a not-unheard-of phenomenon )?

My friend's 3yo calls me by my name, which I like - and if I ever have kids I'd ask my friends their preferred method of address (most would say 'first name').

It makes me smile that when I was a child, I thought I had far more relatives than I did, because my parents' friends were Aunty and Uncle So-and-So. It took me a while (and some questioning) to work out who I was actually related to .

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Originally posted by Cat:
It took me a while (and some questioning) to work out who I was actually related to .

Welll, were you regularly taken home by the same person(s)? Both of my supposed parents had been previously married. It was confusing for me when I heard what I thought was my mother in a heated argument with what I thought was my father. She screamed, "MY kid? I thought he was YOUR kid!"

Insecure Asa

I realize I'm a bit older now, but I was a kid not too long ago, so I feel like I have a good grasp on this.

For John Smith, talking amongst the kids, the mother would always be "John's mom", never mother, or any other variant. Speaking to her, it would be "Mrs. Smith". This is for kids old enough to know their friends last names. It is probably different among 4 year olds.

Another thing that is difficult is to remember to refer to the kid's parents to them as 'your mum' and 'your dad', not by their names. Calling the 'Ted' or 'Alice' only confuses them, especially if their names are 'Bill' or 'Mary'.

I know just what you mean, Cat. I particular, a friend of my grandfather's was known as 'Uncle Fred'. He was a plumber, and as a four-year-old having a plumber as an uncle seemed really cool. I was quite disappointed when I found out we were not really related.

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Isn't that a friend's parent rather than a parent's friend,

Oh, Cat, you are so right, and I have changed that first post. I had meant to ask what kids should call their friend's parents, not their parent's friends, though I suppose the situation would be the same.

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For John Smith, talking amongst the kids, the mother would always be "John's mom", never mother, or any other variant. Speaking to her, it would be "Mrs. Smith".

This is precisely what our kids and their friends did, Sean. I don't really agree with kids calling parents by their first name, and I think "Kalleh's mom" sounds contrived. Cat and Arnie, I do like the Aunt and Uncle idea, though. I'd forgotten about that!

When I was a kid, I was "Howard's boy." After I grew up and kids of my own, I was "Brian's dad." Now that my kids are grown, I don't know who I am!

I prefer to be called by my first name or an acceptable nickname by young people or old. I don't particularly like titles and don't like to be called Mr., Uncle or sir.

Of course, it depends partly on how well you and the other person know each other. I wouldn't have expected for a friend of my son to call me by my first name on first meeting, though I wouldn't have objected.

I remember one little boy, though. He was my son's best friend since the third grade. His name was David and we were on a first name basis. One day I was talking to him and I said, "David ..." He interupted me and said, "Don't you think I'm old enough to be called Dave, now?" He was probably all of 12 years old. But he was Dave from then on.

Tinman

tinman notes, "After I grew up and kids of my own, I was "Brian's dad." Now that my kids are grown, I don't know who I am!"

Now that my kids are grown and out of the house, several people around the neighborhood refer to me as "Flirt's dad" -- Flirt being my dog. It's somewhat bemusing to realize that my identity is dependent upon hers.

Aside to Kalleh: I know you'll want to respond to tinny's "David" story, and I'll defer to you.

A friend at work is originally from Louisiana and is appalled at how familiarly children in the North adress parents of their friends. She prefers to be addressed as "Miss Libby" (even though she is married), and I well remember "Miss Ellie" from "Dallas." Libby has her 8-year-old son address his stepmother as "Miss Brandy." When my children were at home, their friends called me "Mrs. V" until they became regulars around the house, at which time I asked them to call me Anita.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: saranita,

I have been trying to keep my son atuned to what he calls people of all ages. We teach him to call someone the name they used to introduce themselves. When I introduce him to people at work, I use their formal forms of address: Mr. Murphy, Ms. Brown, and the same goes for other adults to whome I introduce him. Now, if that adult introduces him/herself to my son with a first name, he certainly has permission to use that name.

I visit a lot of school classes and I interact with people of so many different ages and cultural backgrounds it can sometimes be confusing. I introduce myself to kids and adults alike simply as "Cathy" but many times the teachers will balk at that, and will encourage the kids to at least call me "Miss Cathy". I am like you, Tinny, in that I don't like titles, but the culture prefers this form of address, so I acquiese.

Of course, there are days when I prefer to be addressed as "She-Ra, Princess of Power" so I keep an extra name badge handy at work to indicate those days.

I had an Aunty Mary, Aunty Bobbie and all sorts of other non-relation aunties when I was little. It was quite cute I suppose, but then by 11, we realised how stupid it was and ripped the piss out of Autny Mary's son.

My students tend to call me by my first name, frequently mangling the dipthong, and sometimes adding assorted titles. Mr Grahm, to rhyme with palm, is quite common.

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I don't particularly like titles and don't like to be called Mr., Uncle or sir.

It is interesting to hear what different clerks, waiters, cab drivers, etc. call you, and it does seem to be related to where you are. When I was in London, the waiter called me "madame," with the stress on the "dame." I did like that! Just today, I heard the waiter calling the man at the table next to me "Sir," while he called me "Lady." He'd say, "Lady, do you want more coffee?" I hadn't heard that before (I was in Pittsburgh). When I was in South Carolina recently, the cab driver called me "Cutie." The first time I didn't think anything of it, but he kept calling me that. I felt a bit like a 3-year-old!

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I have been trying to keep my son atuned to what he calls people of all ages.

That is very important. While some of you like to be called by your first names, I can tell you others don't. My students must ask their patients what they'd like to be called. For a 20-year-old student nurse to call an 80-year-old patient "Jenny" can be a real insult.

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My students tend to call me by my first name,

Funny...I always tell my students either to call me by my first name or to call me "Dr.", but I don't like them to call me "Mrs." I think that's because being called "Mrs." indicates that I most likely don't have my doctorate...and I worked hard for that degree!

Over here, it's considered rather 'pushy' for someone with a doctorate to expect to be addressed as 'Doctor', apart from an MD. That applies to the outside world, not those within the towers of academia, of course. Is it the same in the USA?

To judge from TV shows, dentists in America also seem to be accorded the title of 'Doctor'; they would never be addressed in that way here.

I think it's pushy ineveryday life to demand that the greengrocer, for example, call you doctor. But in education, titles are important. I'm on your side, Kalleh!

I would avoid addressing my friend's parents as anything when I was young- too shy & scared to say the wrong thing! I would speak when spoken to
I have a friend in Canada whose kids & their friends all called her 'Mom'

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My students must ask their patients what they'd like to be called. For a 20-year-old student nurse to call an 80-year-old patient "Jenny" can be a real insult.

I think all nurses must be taught this. Well, at least the ones who've taken care of me were taught to call me Mrs. It took me a while to realize how icky I felt being called Mrs. Williams instead of Cathy. I kept looking around for my mother-in-law. I kept saying "Please call me Cathy . . ." especially considering how much they already knew about the personal details of my life.

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Over here, it's considered rather 'pushy' for someone with a doctorate to expect to be addressed as 'Doctor', apart from an MD. That applies to the outside world, not those within the towers of academia, of course. Is it the same in the USA?

I think it is the same here, Arnie, and I wasn't talking about out in public. Surely I never call myself "doctor" in public.

The physicians here, however, often call themselves "doctor" in public. Their reasoning is that if someone is ill, they will know who is the real doctor. Well, it doesn't pass muster, in my mind. Physicians can be radiologists, dermatologists, pathologists, or pediatricians who know nothing about adults or gerontologists who know nothing about kids, etc. Meanwhile, a nurse with a PhD can be advanced practice nurses who teach critical care medicine, emergency medicine, or the like. The term "doctor," even for the medical doctor, isn't all that helpful for emergency assistance.

I think all professions, including physicians, should keep "doctor" for professional use only.

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Physicians can be radiologists, dermatologists, pathologists, or pediatricians who know nothing about adults or gerontologists who know nothing about kids, etc.

They all went to medical school, and took the same classes. IIRC, the specialization typical occurs after you've graduated from medical school. Certainly dentists can be left out, but who would you rather have do CPR on you? A person with a medical doctorate, or some random guy off the street?

And about their reasoning for using their title in public? They want the respect that being a doctor accords. I sincerely doubt it has anything to do with someone getting ill, although that may be what they tell themselves.

When I was in the U.S. Navy a few decades ago, it was common knowledge that the only answer to any order or command is "aye, aye, Sir."

Lacking sufficient ambition for further research on the modern navy, I chuckle at the fantasy of a 35-year-old Chief Boatswain's Mate's regulation reply to a 24-year-old female Lieutenant Commander's order to launch the Captain's gig.

Better aye, aye, Sir than yes ma'am, I spose.

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They all went to medical school, and took the same classes. IIRC, the specialization typical occurs after you've graduated from medical school. Certainly dentists can be left out, but who would you rather have do CPR on you? A person with a medical doctorate, or some random guy off the street?

And about their reasoning for using their title in public? They want the respect that being a doctor accords. I sincerely doubt it has anything to do with someone getting ill, although that may be what they tell themselves.

Once again we will have to agree to disagree.

Yes, they all went to medical school, that I give you. However, I work closely with physicians in my work, and many of them (not all, of course) specialize so that they have lost emergency medicine competencies, which are really the only competencies we are talking about. They themselves will readily agree that they shouldn't step up in a situation for which they aren't competent. BTW, at no point in time was I comparing physicians to the random man on the street. I was comparing them to others with doctorates...big difference, in my mind.

And, as for getting the respect that they deserve, well, that goes for anyone who is educated at that level, including, by the way, lawyers who also have a Juris Doctor. There is no earthly reason, to me, why physicians should be the only ones given this "respect."

The fact is, I have the utmost respect for the medical profession. I just don't think there is a need to make a reservation in a hotel or a restaurant in the name of Dr. Smith. It smacks of arrogance and elitism.

Feel free to call me "Master Cat" . . . maybe that should be Mistress Cat . . . no, that sounds like I run a cat house . . hmm

Well, the cats have the run of our house.