A little lyric that may perhaps relate to the Courtship Cads thread.

The Unfortunate Man
There was a lawyer they called Mr. Clay:
He had but two clients and they wouldn't pay.
At last, of starvation, he grew so afraid
He courted and married a wealthy old maid.

At the wedding this lawyer made one big mistake
'Twas not in omitting the wine or the cake
The ring was well chosen, they had a big feed
But the lawyer did not get a warranty deed

(Chous; insert periodically: )
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man.
(oh yes!)
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man.

At night in their chamber, the lady arose
And began to prepare to retire and repose.
Her husband sat near her admiring her charms
That gave him such pleasure to hold in his arms.

She went to the washstand to bathe her fair face
And thus she destroyed all her beauty and grace!
The rose on her cheek quickly grew very faint
And he saw on the towel, 'twas nothing but paint.

She went to the mirror to take down her hair
And when she had done so, her scalp was all bare.
Said she, "Don't be frightened to see my bald head.
I'll put on my cap when I get into bed."

She hung her false hair on the wall on a peg,
And then she proceeded to take off her leg!
Her trembling husband got quite a surprise
When she asked him to come and take out her glass eye.

The husband stood watching, with trembling lips,
While she unfastened her counterfeit hips;
Just then her false nose clattered down on the floor
And the poor lawyer, screaming, ran out of the door.

Now all you young men who would marry for life,
Be sure to examine your intended wife.
Remember the lawyer who trusted his eyes
And a little while later got quite a surprise.

He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man.
He's a very unfortunate, very unfortunate, very unfortunate man.

I haven't been able to verify this Midi file.