So says the newspaper. To give you the flavor, here are the first two entries and the starts of the others. Anyone care to try his/her hand completing them, or adding any further species?
Time-Wasting Sapsucker: This boss mistakes activity for productivity. Can be seen pounding head against wall like a woodpecker and encouraging others to do same. A stickler for punctuality, he'll retaliate against latecomers with passive-aggressive scheduling. Can damage homes as well. Habitat: under your skin. Call: "I have a new project for you." No meaningful creative ability, poor social skills, but leaves a lot of droppings. Not to be confused with the Yellow-Bellied Fence Sitter, whose preferred habitat is uncertainty.
Winking-Eyed Rooster: A morning person, this cocky strutter manages by fear. He picks on everyone but favors young and weak. Prone to sarcastic clapping. Diets on negatives, pointless rules, and supercilious displays of power. Greets friends by fake-boxing. Habitat: the spotlight. Call: "Whodda Man". Very easy to spot: just listen for shouting.
Red-Faced Cardinal: Ferocious in defense of his place in the pecking order, ...
Micro-Tanager: Common control freak circles the floor and hovers over desks. ...
Sharp-Tongued Grouse: Grumbler; displays permanent disappointment. ...
Puff-Chested Nuthatch: This boss is a nimble climber. ...
Eleven-Fingered Vulture: Loves to chew out people in public. ...
Two-Faced Snipe: This boss's courtship ritual involves huge promises that are never kept. ...
Once-Crested Bufflehead: Walks like a boss, talks like a boss but is really a quack. Had a great idea once and won't let you forget it. ...
Sage Dove: Tame and approachable, this variety nods while walking. ...
I used to work for a winking-eyed rooster, but now I work for a time-wasting sapsucker. I can tell you the former is the worst!
Though this bird-thread may have laid an egg, I'll add a few:
Red-Faced Cardinal: Ferocious in defense of his place in the pecking order, this boss is so territorial he'll attack his own reflection in windows. Still upset about something that happened decades ago. Prefers unthreatening cohorts and limits their contact with outsiders. Nostril flare and spitting distinguish him from a Tanager (see below).
Habitat: behind closed doors.
Call: throaty, unpublishable exclamations.
Micro-Tanager: Common control freak that circles the floor and hovers over desks. Has firm, stifling grip. Hoards credit for himself/herself. Can't believe that anyone else is going to do the job right. Can't let go of things. Misdirects others to keep everyone guessing.
Habitat: other people's business.
Call: a clipped "I better do it."
Sharp-Tongued Grouse: Grumbler; displays permanent disappointment. Beaten down by superiors and unimpressed with staffers. Feathers always ruffled. Stays low to the ground, calls out how he'd run the place, but is too chicken to tell it to bosses. Thinks he's proved himself and shouldn't have to work for advancement. Makes you write your own performance review but never submits it.
Habitat: pharmacies and ledges.
Call: a plaintive, whining moan.
Puff-Chested Nuthatch: A nimble climber. An excellent sell-promoter who want nestlings to work hard so he can look good. Desperately tries to be chairman's wingman. Spends all his time preening his personal image. Distinguished from the similar Sharp-Elbowed Loon in that he's not good with hallway chatter or name-calls, and is more self forgiving. Blames lapses on his secretary and thinks she doesn't know it.
Habitat: the mirror.
Call: overzealous laughter at CEO's jokes, interspersed with a rhythmic "Absolutely."
Eleven-Fingered Vulture: Chews out people in public. Grabs prime office space from freshly fledged colleagues. Tiny head relative to body. You wouldn't want one as a pet.
Habitat: racquetball courts.
Call: "Not much of an athlete, are ya?"
One species of boss that from my limited point of view defies description is the Double-breasted Seersucker.
I think I've seen some, but not sure.
Can anyone supply a scholarly description of this one?
Two-Faced Snipe: This boss's courtship ritual involves huge promises that are never kept. Will readily abandon anyone under his wing. Can sing charming song but often stabs in the back. Prefers cover of dense brush to open fields. Verbal lacerations common. Eats off other people's plates.
Call: a conspiratorial "c'mere a minute."
Once-Crested Bufflehead: Walks like a boss, talks like a boss but is really a quack. Had a great idea once and won't let you forget it. Coasts on his own hot air. Gathers periodicals for the men's room. In evolutionary terms, has advanced as far as he will ever go.
Habitat: threadbare laurels
Call: "Once, when I …"
quote:Hmmm, interesting, Jerry. Since I hate seersucker, I'd say they'd be fake people who don't have any perception as to what others think of them. Yet, they are practical (wearing clothing for the hot weather), though a bit narcissistic. How's that for a scholarly description?