Kalleh has been asking for a limerick and, as I can't get my head around this wiki concept I am starting something here.

One of my favourite devices in a limerick is when the wordplay is based on the eccentricities of English spelling and pronunciation and I have submitted a number of limericks using this device on OEDILF. However, my suggestion is that we post a few here (preferably our own compositions) and as a starter I submit the following:

A randy young fellow from Bicester
Was known to be rather a blicester.
His girlfriend (from Hampshire)
Caught him with no pantshire
When the blicester was kissing her sicester.

Those from the UK will probably get the joke immediately; those who need help should mouse over below


The market town of Bicester is pronounced "Bister"
"Blister" is a rather old-fashioned term for a scoundel.
The county of Hampshire is usually abbreviated to "Hants."
For "kissing" use whatever verb you desire adjust the raunchiness to your taste.

Here's another one:

A clever young fellow from Oz
Once made a large hat from a doz.
But his beer got dil.
When he was thus sil.
So the doz. hat was a foz.
Oz = Australia
Dil. = diluted

And another:

My cousin who lives out in Australia
Can't visit me here, that's becalia
The fare in our Ls
(Strange though that Ss)
Is more than his bank balance walia.

Australia = Oz
L is the symbol for a UK pound

Here's some data on ducks if you please:
Eider ducks don't live in trees.
They put down in their nests
Grow their own down-filled vests
And they often get down on their knees.

Loosening or ignoring "rules" about meter and stuff, new rhythms emerge ......

"I'm seeking some down," said the unemployed clown
"I've sought it now all over town."
Said the vicar, "Of course,
Just get down off your horse.
To fill pillows you've got to get down."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jerry thomas,

Help Help I'm being held hostage in a Limerick Factory !!


What is the proper pronunciation of "either" ?
(We're trying here to rhyme it with "neither.")
To make this report
We took it to court,
Where His Honor the Judge says, "It's NEITHER !"

It's true that the right way to say "either"
Is to make sure it rhymes well with "neither".
But if you can't see the
Correct way is neither
Then why don't you simply say "Hi there?"

Down in Texas I heard that a bride
Had to go to the altar un-bra’d.
The dress fit, at the store,
‘Fore she started to show.
But now she was too broad, tho she tried.

If a French island's name is "Antigua",
Why not stick to it in "Martinigua"?
Sail Caribbean-- the Leewards,
Caribbean air stewards--
Can't we settle on one way to spigua?

I'm not sure why our Wordcrafter, Ricky,
Can't negotiate Kalleh's new wiki.
It shouldn't be hard
For an Englishman bard...
It's easy and not at all tricky.

These are great guys; let's keep them comin'!

BTW, I really don't care at all about the wiki. I'd just like to see us write a few limericks now and then. This thread works, too.

The curious thing about Z
Is the differing ways that it's said.
The Yanks call it Z
(And rhyme it with glee)
But in England we much prefer bed.

A slight variation that occurred to me.


The curious thing about Z
Is the differing ways that it's said.
For the Yanks call it Z
And they rhyme it with glee
But the British all rhyme it with dread.

And if either of us is around in about fifty years we can put it in the OEDILF!

The WI based in Gloucester
Wrote all their names on a roucester
Showing what each would do
But when it came to Sue
They discovered, alas, that they'd loucester

An upper crust gel, name of Cholmondley
Was thought by all sorts to be colmondley
She was wedded to Beaulieu
She loved him most treaulieu
Though both of their names were said rolmondley.


The upper classes have a habit of spelling and pronouncing their names in some very peculiar ways. For example Cholmondley is usually said, Chumly, while Beaulieu is usually said Bewly.

Now if only I could manage a limerick on Featherstonehaigh, pronounced, as I'm sure you all knew, Fanshaw.

quote:

A slight variation that occurred to me.

I think that's better. I was trying to make some saucy comment about "bed" but couldn't really find one that worked.

quote:

The upper classes have a habit of spelling and pronouncing their names in some very peculiar ways.

True.

Which has inspired another one:

An elderly Viscount called Belvoir
Once promised his girl he'd not levoir.
But sad to relate
That was shortly her fate
As old Belvoir then died of a felvoir.

Belvoir is pronouced "beaver".

A beer-drinking fellow from Buckinghamshire
Said "Budweiser? That stuff just suckinghamshire.
I'll keep hearty and hale
With fine English ale
And feed Anheuser Busch to the Duckinghamshire".

quote:

Now if only I could manage a limerick on Featherstonehaigh, pronounced, as I'm sure you all knew, Fanshaw.

A clumsy young carpenter, Featherstonehaigh
Cut off his right hand with a beatherstonehaigh.
But to look on the bright side,
Though he can't use his right side,
He'll never again get that heatherstonehaigh

Edited for typo L 2

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Richard English,

There once was a young man named Taliaferro
Who promised a girl he’d have aliaferro.
Tho she said “go aweigh”
He insisted, “I’ll steigh,”
Indeed, Taliaferro was soon the downfaliaferro.

I think I need a clue about this pronunciation.

here's one clue ......

There was a young man named Taliaferro

Very interesting. And doubtless of great interest to those who have heard of the family. Now, for those of us who haven't a clue as to how the family's name is supposed to be pronounced...

And unless it is something like "Taffairswither", I can't think of any rhymes that would work.

Try "Tolliver"

quote:

Try "Tolliver"

Hmm. Stretching any conceivable rhyme that I can think of - and many inconceivable ones as well.

A seamstress by name of McMahon
Found it tricky when she tried to dahon
Her father's old socks,
That she found in a bocks,
She claims it's the fault of the yahon.

Although they're a fairly large No.
The smokers in no way outNo.
That nonsmoking majority
Who speak with authority
And refuse their good health to enCo.

No. = number.

Well this is just a limerick. I am bad enough at spelling, without worrying about the eccentricities.

The cicadas have ascended in Chicago!

For seventeen years I've had peace.
(When last they were here, I'd no niece.)
"Buzz buzz"...SPLAT on my head;
Oh I wish I were dead!
This cicada invasion must cease! (and desist)

Don't you pity the poor male Cicada?
For years he waits, cooling his ardour.
Then just for one day
He has his own way
With the females - well, life could be harder.

It's enormously hard that I pity
The bug that takes over our city.
Those pesky cicadas
I very much hate-uz...
They're loud and intense and not pretty!

"Loud and intense and not pretty"?
Excuse me, it's rather a pity
That you're not a cicada -
You ought to try harder
Then you'll see the truth of my ditty!

Aha...the big "how do you pronounce 'cicada'" dilemma! Shu said that some pronounce the second syllable with an "ah," though we have always pronounced it with a long "a." In looking it up, it can be either way. I see you used the "ah."

Further, I'd think you'd put an "ar" at the end of "cicada" (like "idear"), while at the same time removing the last "r" from "harder." Not sure though.

Tomahto or tomayto, cicahda or cicayda.

I use the broad A for both.

If you're using a B.C.C.
Make sure that your email's not sloppy.
By putting in CC,
What should be in BC,
Might make some recipients stroppy.

B.C.C = Blind Carbon Copy.

OH, hi, sorry to be so slow on Q about "Taliaferro." Isn't that pronunciation a howl? The fellow I knew was a well-to-do attorney on Wall St, who advised his was 'an old English family.' I was a young bumpkin & assumed he was putting on airs or embarrassed to be Italian or both. Luckily I googled the name before writing my ditty (came up w/the same link Jerry did)-- so then I figured any Englishman would have heard it-- wrong again!

Since we're talking cicadas here, there was a great article in the Tribune today about cicadamania. People are flying in from all over to see them, and there is/are cicada cuisine, cicada sculptures, cicada poems, cicada blogs, cicada tank tops, cicada baseball hats, cicada coffee mugs and even a traveling CicadaMobile. I even saw a cicada sale at the mall! Funny!

BTW, our dog loves them (to eat, of course!) The article said they were being fed to the zoo animals as delicacies.

blurp (& cicada recipes?)
We got ours here in the mid-'90's, in a neighborhood with loads of ancient trees, so the shells were so deep you had to shovel them. Gosh I just can't wait for the next round...

quote:

Isn't that pronunciation a howl?

I'm sure it must be. And it is...?

Don't you believe me, Richard?

As far as I can see Tollover works perfectly.

quote:

Originally posted by Richard English:

quote:

Isn't that pronunciation a howl?

I'm sure it must be. And it is...?

Sorry, RE! As per Jerry's link, 1st para. showing other spellings, the pronunciation is "Tolliver." I'm guessing the long-ago immigrants to England swallowed their endings as the Sicilians do, so their pronunciation would have sounded like TAHL' FAIR'.

My guess is that "Taliaferro" in Italian translates to "Blacksmith" in English.

I found this 2004 contest for cicada limericks...what a hoot! I also found this site as I Googled for cicada limericks. It talks about OEDILF, and I thought the last limerick quite funny.

Now bethree seems to think I'm a tease
About eating cicadas from trees.
They're great in a medley
Of veggies...not deadly.
I'll take a bit more, if you please!

Hey...I have an idea. Why don't we have a cicada limerick contest for a month or so? We could judge limericks weekly, and then have a big winner. I am sure I could get someone from OEDILF to judge for us. What do you think?

If we do have such a contest, here, off the top of my head, is a brand-new one that might qualify as the First Entry .....


A cicada became a magician
His brother, a family physician.
When the two hocus-pocussed
For nubile female locusts,
They found they were out of condition.

The Essence of the Cicada

Scree SCREE scree scree SCREE scree scree SCREEEEEEEEE
Scree SCREE scree scree SCREEEEEEE scree scree SCREE
Scree SCREEEE scree scree SCREEEEEE
Scree SCREE scree scree SCREEEEEEEEE
Scree SCREE scree scree SCREEE scree scree SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(Most will probably think this is some of my best work to date )

A cicada will sing for a fee
Out of rhythm and often off key;
His energy's focussed
On a nubile young locust
Saying "You''ll get a buzz outta me !!"

quote:

Originally posted by Richard English:

Belvoir is pronouced "beaver".

Why anyone would go out of their way to call Belvoir "beaver" is beyond me! Near here there is a school which used to be called Beaver College whose trustees changed its name (they chose Arcadia University). The reason was that they were losing applicants because the porn filters in high school guidance counselors' offices were locking out students' visits to their web site. In this country, "beaver" is considered a naughty word, unless you are referring to the aquatic rodent, and your context had better make it clear that you are.

Wordmatic

O....M....G.
Arcadia is... Beaver College???! No wonder I haven't seen any Beaver College T-shirts/sweatshirts in so long! They used to be a regular & entertaining staple of campus life.

MORE ON TALIAFERRO

The Booker T Washington name
is replete with American fame
Though slavery was all over
The 'T' (stood for Taliaferro)
Harked back to his owner's claim.

But you see "beaver" isn't used over here with that meaning.

Myth has the concept of a cicada down pat! I remember a few limericks like that one on OEDILF, such as this one by the EiC himself:

Aeolistic's when somebody's talking
And talking and talking and talking
And talking and talking
And talking and talking
And talking and talking and talking!

And this one by our own Arnie:

An asthmatic old fellow named Clem
Was cursed by great masses of phlegm.
"Ahem, ahem, (spit),
Ahem, ahem, (spit),
Ahem, ahem, (spit), and ahem!"