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Kalleh has been asking for a limerick and, as I can't get my head around this wiki concept I am starting something here. One of my favourite devices in a limerick is when the wordplay is based on the eccentricities of English spelling and pronunciation and I have submitted a number of limericks using this device on OEDILF. However, my suggestion is that we post a few here (preferably our own compositions) and as a starter I submit the following: A randy young fellow from Bicester Was known to be rather a blicester. His girlfriend (from Hampshire) Caught him with no pantshire When the blicester was kissing her sicester. Those from the UK will probably get the joke immediately; those who need help should mouse over below The market town of Bicester is pronounced "Bister" "Blister" is a rather old-fashioned term for a scoundel. The county of Hampshire is usually abbreviated to "Hants." For "kissing" use whatever verb you desire adjust the raunchiness to your taste. Richard English | ||
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Here's another one: A clever young fellow from Oz Once made a large hat from a doz. But his beer got dil. When he was thus sil. So the doz. hat was a foz. Oz = Australia Dil. = diluted Richard English | |||
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And another: My cousin who lives out in Australia Can't visit me here, that's becalia The fare in our Ls (Strange though that Ss) Is more than his bank balance walia. Australia = Oz L is the symbol for a UK pound Richard English | |||
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Here's some data on ducks if you please: Eider ducks don't live in trees. They put down in their nests Grow their own down-filled vests And they often get down on their knees. Loosening or ignoring "rules" about meter and stuff, new rhythms emerge ...... "I'm seeking some down," said the unemployed clown "I've sought it now all over town." Said the vicar, "Of course, Just get down off your horse. To fill pillows you've got to get down."This message has been edited. Last edited by: jerry thomas, | |||
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Help Help I'm being held hostage in a Limerick Factory !! What is the proper pronunciation of "either" ? (We're trying here to rhyme it with "neither.") To make this report We took it to court, Where His Honor the Judge says, "It's NEITHER !" | |||
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It's true that the right way to say "either" Is to make sure it rhymes well with "neither". But if you can't see the Correct way is neither Then why don't you simply say "Hi there?" Richard English | |||
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Down in Texas I heard that a bride Had to go to the altar un-bra’d. The dress fit, at the store, ‘Fore she started to show. But now she was too broad, tho she tried. | |||
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If a French island's name is "Antigua", Why not stick to it in "Martinigua"? Sail Caribbean-- the Leewards, Caribbean air stewards-- Can't we settle on one way to spigua? | |||
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I'm not sure why our Wordcrafter, Ricky, Can't negotiate Kalleh's new wiki. It shouldn't be hard For an Englishman bard... It's easy and not at all tricky. These are great guys; let's keep them comin'! BTW, I really don't care at all about the wiki. I'd just like to see us write a few limericks now and then. This thread works, too. | |||
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The curious thing about Z Is the differing ways that it's said. The Yanks call it Z (And rhyme it with glee) But in England we much prefer bed. Richard English | |||
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A slight variation that occurred to me. The curious thing about Z Is the differing ways that it's said. For the Yanks call it Z And they rhyme it with glee But the British all rhyme it with dread. And if either of us is around in about fifty years we can put it in the OEDILF! "No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson. | |||
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The WI based in Gloucester Wrote all their names on a roucester Showing what each would do But when it came to Sue They discovered, alas, that they'd loucester "No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson. | |||
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An upper crust gel, name of Cholmondley Was thought by all sorts to be colmondley She was wedded to Beaulieu She loved him most treaulieu Though both of their names were said rolmondley. The upper classes have a habit of spelling and pronouncing their names in some very peculiar ways. For example Cholmondley is usually said, Chumly, while Beaulieu is usually said Bewly. Now if only I could manage a limerick on Featherstonehaigh, pronounced, as I'm sure you all knew, Fanshaw. "No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson. | |||
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I think that's better. I was trying to make some saucy comment about "bed" but couldn't really find one that worked. Richard English | |||
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True. Which has inspired another one: An elderly Viscount called Belvoir Once promised his girl he'd not levoir. But sad to relate That was shortly her fate As old Belvoir then died of a felvoir. Belvoir is pronouced "beaver". Richard English | |||
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A beer-drinking fellow from Buckinghamshire Said "Budweiser? That stuff just suckinghamshire. I'll keep hearty and hale With fine English ale And feed Anheuser Busch to the Duckinghamshire". Richard English | |||
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A clumsy young carpenter, Featherstonehaigh Cut off his right hand with a beatherstonehaigh. But to look on the bright side, Though he can't use his right side, He'll never again get that heatherstonehaigh Edited for typo L 2This message has been edited. Last edited by: Richard English, Richard English | |||
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There once was a young man named Taliaferro Who promised a girl he’d have aliaferro. Tho she said “go aweigh” He insisted, “I’ll steigh,” Indeed, Taliaferro was soon the downfaliaferro. | |||
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I think I need a clue about this pronunciation. Richard English | |||
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Very interesting. And doubtless of great interest to those who have heard of the family. Now, for those of us who haven't a clue as to how the family's name is supposed to be pronounced... And unless it is something like "Taffairswither", I can't think of any rhymes that would work. Richard English | |||
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Try "Tolliver" Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life. | |||
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Hmm. Stretching any conceivable rhyme that I can think of - and many inconceivable ones as well. Richard English | |||
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A seamstress by name of McMahon Found it tricky when she tried to dahon Her father's old socks, That she found in a bocks, She claims it's the fault of the yahon. Richard English | |||
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Although they're a fairly large No. The smokers in no way outNo. That nonsmoking majority Who speak with authority And refuse their good health to enCo. No. = number. Richard English | |||
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Well this is just a limerick. I am bad enough at spelling, without worrying about the eccentricities. The cicadas have ascended in Chicago! For seventeen years I've had peace. (When last they were here, I'd no niece.) "Buzz buzz"...SPLAT on my head; Oh I wish I were dead! This cicada invasion must cease! (and desist) | |||
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Don't you pity the poor male Cicada? For years he waits, cooling his ardour. Then just for one day He has his own way With the females - well, life could be harder. Richard English | |||
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It's enormously hard that I pity The bug that takes over our city. Those pesky cicadas I very much hate-uz... They're loud and intense and not pretty! | |||
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"Loud and intense and not pretty"? Excuse me, it's rather a pity That you're not a cicada - You ought to try harder Then you'll see the truth of my ditty! Richard English | |||
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Aha...the big "how do you pronounce 'cicada'" dilemma! Shu said that some pronounce the second syllable with an "ah," though we have always pronounced it with a long "a." In looking it up, it can be either way. I see you used the "ah." Further, I'd think you'd put an "ar" at the end of "cicada" (like "idear"), while at the same time removing the last "r" from "harder." Not sure though. | |||
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Tomahto or tomayto, cicahda or cicayda. I use the broad A for both. Richard English | |||
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If you're using a B.C.C. Make sure that your email's not sloppy. By putting in CC, What should be in BC, Might make some recipients stroppy. B.C.C = Blind Carbon Copy. Richard English | |||
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OH, hi, sorry to be so slow on Q about "Taliaferro." Isn't that pronunciation a howl? The fellow I knew was a well-to-do attorney on Wall St, who advised his was 'an old English family.' I was a young bumpkin & assumed he was putting on airs or embarrassed to be Italian or both. Luckily I googled the name before writing my ditty (came up w/the same link Jerry did)-- so then I figured any Englishman would have heard it-- wrong again! | |||
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Since we're talking cicadas here, there was a great article in the Tribune today about cicadamania. People are flying in from all over to see them, and there is/are cicada cuisine, cicada sculptures, cicada poems, cicada blogs, cicada tank tops, cicada baseball hats, cicada coffee mugs and even a traveling CicadaMobile. I even saw a cicada sale at the mall! Funny! BTW, our dog loves them (to eat, of course!) The article said they were being fed to the zoo animals as delicacies. | |||
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blurp (& cicada recipes?) We got ours here in the mid-'90's, in a neighborhood with loads of ancient trees, so the shells were so deep you had to shovel them. Gosh I just can't wait for the next round... | |||
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I'm sure it must be. And it is...? Richard English | |||
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Don't you believe me, Richard? Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life. | |||
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As far as I can see Tollover works perfectly. "No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson. | |||
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Sorry, RE! As per Jerry's link, 1st para. showing other spellings, the pronunciation is "Tolliver." I'm guessing the long-ago immigrants to England swallowed their endings as the Sicilians do, so their pronunciation would have sounded like TAHL' FAIR'. | |||
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My guess is that "Taliaferro" in Italian translates to "Blacksmith" in English. | |||
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I found this 2004 contest for cicada limericks...what a hoot! I also found this site as I Googled for cicada limericks. It talks about OEDILF, and I thought the last limerick quite funny. Now bethree seems to think I'm a tease About eating cicadas from trees. They're great in a medley Of veggies...not deadly. I'll take a bit more, if you please! | |||
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Hey...I have an idea. Why don't we have a cicada limerick contest for a month or so? We could judge limericks weekly, and then have a big winner. I am sure I could get someone from OEDILF to judge for us. What do you think? | |||
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If we do have such a contest, here, off the top of my head, is a brand-new one that might qualify as the First Entry ..... A cicada became a magician His brother, a family physician. When the two hocus-pocussed For nubile female locusts, They found they were out of condition. | |||
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The Essence of the Cicada Scree SCREE scree scree SCREE scree scree SCREEEEEEEEE Scree SCREE scree scree SCREEEEEEE scree scree SCREE Scree SCREEEE scree scree SCREEEEEE Scree SCREE scree scree SCREEEEEEEEE Scree SCREE scree scree SCREEE scree scree SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (Most will probably think this is some of my best work to date ) Myth Jellies Cerebroplegia--the cure is within our grasp | |||
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A cicada will sing for a fee Out of rhythm and often off key; His energy's focussed On a nubile young locust Saying "You''ll get a buzz outta me !!" | |||
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Why anyone would go out of their way to call Belvoir "beaver" is beyond me! Near here there is a school which used to be called Beaver College whose trustees changed its name (they chose Arcadia University). The reason was that they were losing applicants because the porn filters in high school guidance counselors' offices were locking out students' visits to their web site. In this country, "beaver" is considered a naughty word, unless you are referring to the aquatic rodent, and your context had better make it clear that you are. Wordmatic | |||
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O....M....G. Arcadia is... Beaver College???! No wonder I haven't seen any Beaver College T-shirts/sweatshirts in so long! They used to be a regular & entertaining staple of campus life. | |||
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MORE ON TALIAFERRO The Booker T Washington name is replete with American fame Though slavery was all over The 'T' (stood for Taliaferro) Harked back to his owner's claim. | |||
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But you see "beaver" isn't used over here with that meaning. "No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson. | |||
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Myth has the concept of a cicada down pat! I remember a few limericks like that one on OEDILF, such as this one by the EiC himself: Aeolistic's when somebody's talking And talking and talking and talking And talking and talking And talking and talking And talking and talking and talking! And this one by our own Arnie: An asthmatic old fellow named Clem Was cursed by great masses of phlegm. "Ahem, ahem, (spit), Ahem, ahem, (spit), Ahem, ahem, (spit), and ahem!" | |||
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