CJ wrote this delightful limerick that is one of my favorites:

Much more than the sound of a schwa,
But not as robust as "Aha!"
This word is used best
At the sight of a breast
When you look, give a smile, and say "...ahhhhh!"

However, in his author's note he posted this limerick from the woman's perspective:

Much more than the sound of a schwa
But not as robust as "Aha!"
Like a guy with no gut
And a beautiful butt,
When you look, lick your lips, and say "...ahhhhh!"

The woman's is so much tamer than the man's, and I'd like for a real woman to write one that's a little off-color. Any suggestions? I haven't come up with one, but I am trying!

How about this:

Much more than the sound of a schwa
But not as robust as "Aha!"
As at the conclusion
Of sexual fusion
When you mutually gaze and say "ahhh".

Well, I like it, but I should have been more specific. I really think it should be written by a woman since it is to be the female perspective.

I think what I don't like about CJ's limerick is that instead of writing about a sexy aspect of a man, he writes about a negative-made-positive aspect of a man ("guy with no gut"). That's not sexy.

I have been thinking about it. How about:

Much more than the sound of a schwa
But not as robust as "Aha!"
Like a guy who is fit,
With an ass like Brad Pitt,
When you look, lick your lips, and say "...ahhhhh!"

The fact is, I don't much like Brad Pitt...he is to much of a pretty boy to me. But many women love him. A woman likes a great ass, and they don't call it a "butt."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,

So why can't a man try to write from a woman's perspective or, as is the case here, from a couple's perspective?

Or do you not agree with me that sex is much more fun when there's someone else involved ;-)

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
... I should have been more specific. I really think it should be written by a woman ...

You were specific. You said, "I'd like for a real woman to write one that's a little off-color." That's why I was surprised to see Richard answering it. Or maybe there's something he's not telling us.

Tinman

how bawdy do you wish it to be?

Is this to demonstrate a particular word? Which one?

Richard, CJ wrote the breast limerick, obviously from a man's perspective; he then wrote another from a woman's perspective. How does he know a woman's perspective (unless the brain in the jar has an 2 X chromosomes ). His female perspective limerick certainly didn't do it for me.

CW, this particular limerick will remain behind a curtain, meaning that there is a firewall (not sure that's the right term) to protect it from kids' eyes. Therefore, I suppose it could be very bawdy, though I haven't seen too many really bawdy ones there so I don't know. I had thought about the word "hung," but it doesn't rhyme with very sexy words (stung, dung, lung, etc.) Gimme whatcha got, and I'll try! Oh...the word that CJ's defining is "ahhhh."

quote:

You were specific. You said, "I'd like for a real woman to write one that's a little off-color." That's why I was surprised to see Richard answering it. Or maybe there's something he's not telling us.

I realise that - but I suspected there would be few entries unless someone started things off (and so far I have been proven correct).

Incidentally, until I becaame involved with the OEDILF project I'd have said that limericks were the preserve of men. However, there are some very good women limerick writers on OEDILF and I therefore stand corrected. It remains to be seen how many there are on Wordcraft.

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Or do you not agree with me that sex is much more fun when there's someone else involved ;-)

It most definitely is . . .

He may be as old as your Pa . . . and
inclined just to fondle and paw
but if he is fit and
can handle your clit,
you are likely to finally say "...ahhhhh!"


Or maybe this?

He may be as old as your Pa . . . and
say things that will stick in your craw
but if he is hot
and can find your g-spot,
you are likely to finally say "...ahhhhh!"

No doubt there are problems with these, grammatically and so on, but maybe they will get you started?

Scorching, CW!

Hmmmm, scorching for sure. And they need a little workshopping...but maybe...

Thanks, CW. I knew you'd come through!

quote:

No doubt there are problems with these, grammatically and so on

Grammatically suspect but sexually perfect

quote:

Grammatically suspect but sexually perfect

I think I'll put that in my profile from now on!

Don't even listen to him, CW. Limericks were never meant to be in complete sentences, and most limerick experts agree on that. Besides that, your grammar is fine anyway. Your meter also can work, though I tend to stress the "say" in line 2 of the second limerick.

My biggest suggestion would be with the rhymes. In the first limerick, "Pa" and "ahhhh" rhyme to me, but I say "paw" more like the vowels in "ought." Also, you would need to move the "and" in line 3 to line 4.

With the second limerick, similarly you'd need to remove the "and" from line 1 and put it at the beginning of line 2. Also, to me "pa" and "ahhhh" rhyme in the second limerick, but "craw," again, I say more like the vowels in "ought." They may rhyme for others, though.

See how fiddly we can get? People who aren't used to it can take the workshopping too negatively. It's just meant for quality improvement and in most cases the workshopping greatly improves the limericks. I have seen a few (one of mine, in fact) that have miserably declined because of workshopping, however.

Thanks, Kalleh - I'm fine with this, actually. I think I'd prefer sexual perfection over grammatical perfection, given the choice. Honestly, it's a fair representation of my outlook on life! I don't bother much with following grammatical rules - particularly in this sort of situation where it is meant to be humorous or casual.

I'm still thinking about the rhyme issue - it might take a while for me to resolve it.

Hmm ... just how old is your husband, anyhow, CW?

Tinman

LOL - he's about 8 years older than me . . .but it's just a poem. It's not autobiographical, necessarily.

quote:

Don't even listen to him, CW.

Damn cheek!

Damn cheek? Not sure what you mean.

When writing our lim'ricks we try
To write so creatively by
Our rhymes and our meter,
Though grammar may peter
Cuz standards are really so high!

There's humor, too!

quote:

Damn cheek? Not sure what you mean.

Ask any UK English speaker.

Incidentally, is there a difference in meaning (or sound) between the word "aaah" and the word "ahhh"?

quote:

Originally posted by Richard English:
Incidentally, is there a difference in meaning (or sound) between the word "aaah" and the word "ahhh"?

The difference ‘tween ‘aaah’ and ‘ahhh’
Is truly and madly bizarre.
A question ridiculous,
Childish and frivolous,
Why don’t you ask your Papa?

quote:

Why don’t you ask your Papa?

Sadly, without the intervention of a Medium, I can no longer speak to him :-(

But, thinking about it, I believe that the former is likely to be a sound of understanding or revelation, whereas the latter is more a sound of pleasure or contentment.

So Pearce, as a "UK English speaker," what did Richard mean by "damn cheek"...since he wouldn't tell me?

Cheek means 'impertience' in that context. (And stop calling me, Pearce.

quote:

Originally posted by zmjezhd:
Cheek means 'impertience' in that context.

Indeed it does. However the meaning of saying "Damn cheek" to someone, like anything else is really context dependent. You might mean "you are an arrogant jerk and have no right to say that to me" or you might mean "because I like you I'll let you get away with that" or you might even mean "I know you are right but you'll never get me to admit it".

All depends on who you are talking to and the situation.
Looking at the context here I'd say it means "that might be considered impudence by some but as you're my friend I'll treat it as the off the cuff humourous remark I'm sure you intended it to be. Don't let it happen again. "

Isn't English a nice concise language at times?

quote:

Originally posted by zmjezhd:
Cheek means 'impertience' in that context. (And stop calling me, Pearce.

If not impertinence.

{the real Pearce}

quote:

Originally posted by Richard English:

quote:

Why don’t you ask your Papa?

Sadly, without the intervention of a Medium, I can no longer speak to him :-(

RE. Sorry you took my feeble rhyme literally.

Incidentally, Conan Doyle used Media to good effect, or at least he thought so. Personally, I'd steer clear.

However the meaning of saying "Damn cheek" to someone, like anything else is really context dependent.

When I came out of the other end of the linguistics sausage machine at university, this is what I was left with:

1. "Meaning is neither in words nor in people, but somewhere in between."

2. "The meaning of all words is context sensitive."

Not terrible original or brilliant, but I considered it worth the price of admission.

quote:

Originally posted by zmjezhd:
However the meaning of saying "Damn cheek" to someone, like anything else is really context dependent.

When I came out of the other end of the linguistics sausage machine at university, this is what I was left with:

1. "Meaning is neither in words nor in people, but somewhere in between."

2. "The meaning of all words is context sensitive."

Not terrible original or brilliant, but I considered it worth the price of admission.

As someone else is paying for my course, I too consider this to be worth the price of admission.

Another way of writing "damn cheek" is "harrumph!".

quote:

"you are an arrogant jerk and have no right to say that to me"

Well, I hope Richard didn't mean that!

Sorry, Richard!

quote:

Incidentally, Conan Doyle used Media to good effect, or at least he thought so. Personally, I'd steer clear.

Is not the plural of Medium (in this sense) Mediums?

As my father died some 12 years ago I now longer mourn him - though I still miss him, of course. But your posting did not offend me in any way, so please don't concern yourself.

quote:

Another way of writing "damn cheek" is "harrumph!". Cool

That's pretty near to my comment's meaning, which, as has been amply demonstrated by the sagacious comments here, is very context-driven.

I like the phrase "damn cheek" and laughed when I read it. I assumed it was a light-hearted ribbing. I have a friend who will sometimes call me a "cheeky mare". Does this have the same set of mixed messages? I never realized that "damn cheek" could be actually anger-driven. Is that common? Maybe I've watered it down in my own head because of the quaintness of British phrases.

quote:

Originally posted by Caterwauller:
Maybe I've watered it down in my own head because of the quaintness of British phrases.

CW. Before I take offence on behalf of all good Brits, what do you mean by quaint?

Cheeky mare!

Calling our phrases quaint!

Damn cheek!

[QUOTE]

Glad you agree Arnie. Thanks for taking offence on my account!

hehehe

I figured that would get a rise out of you.
<smiling broadly>

Hmm . . . by quaint I mean . . . charming, interesting, classy, unusual, and a bit colorful.

Oh yea, and eminently sexy, of course.

quote:

Originally posted by Caterwauller:
Oh yea, and eminently sexy, of course.

Funny that, CW. I seem to remember an unusually explicit limerick you wrote. Obsexed?

quote:

Oh yea, and eminently sexy, of course. Wink

Other nations have sex; in England we have hot-water bottles.

(How to be an alien, George Mikes)

quote:

Funny that, CW. I seem to remember an unusually explicit limerick you wrote. Obsexed?

Yes, but she was rising to a challenge to write a bawdy limerick. Normally she is the most reserved librarian you can imagine.

(NOT!!!!)

Originally posted by pearce:

---

The difference ‘tween ‘aaah’ and ‘ahhh’
Is truly and madly bizarre.
A question ridiculous,
Childish and frivolous,
Why don’t you ask your Papa?

---

Reminds me of this:

There once was a gal from Bryn Mawr
Who committed a dreadful faux pas.
She loosened a stay
Of her décolleté,
Thus exposing her je ne sais quoi.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhh

quote:

Originally posted by Richard English:


Or do you not agree with me that sex is much more fun when there's someone else involved ;-)

"My first sexual experiance was really scary - it was dark and I was all alone at the time."
Rodney Dangerfield

quote:

Funny that, CW. I seem to remember an unusually explicit limerick you wrote. Obsexed?

Probably.

quote:

Normally she is the most reserved librarian you can imagine.

(NOT!!!!)

Both are probably reasons Kalleh thought asking for a woman to write a bawdy limerick would yeild some results.

quote:

Other nations have sex; in England we have hot-water bottles.

LOL - pity, that.

quote:

Originally posted by Richard English:
Incidentally, is there a difference in meaning (or sound) between the word "aaah" and the word "ahhh"?

There's ahhhhh and there's aaaaah. What's the dif?
I'd say ahhhhh is appropriate if
I am watching a slow
Sultry striptease, although
I'd use aaaaah!! if I fell off a cliff.

I think Chris captured it perfectly: "ahhhh" is a (contented) sigh -- emphasis on the back of the throat guttural -- whereas "aaaah" is a (desperate) yell -- emphasis on volume in the front vowel "a".

D

This one is not very bawdy and not original, but ...

A woman, athletic and handsome,
Got caught in a sleeping-room transom.
When she offered much gold
For release, she was told
That the view was worth more than the ransom.

These are original ... certainly not bawdy .. FWIW ...



For to deed the past is not dead
And the past of to read is not red
Grammarians who find us
Often serve to remind us
That the past tense of to lead is led


The past tense of to heed is not head
And some leading pipes are of lead
Are we thinking metallicly?
Should we write it Italicly?
The past of to lead is ... led

quote:

think Chris captured it perfectly: "ahhhh" is a (contented) sigh -- emphasis on the back of the throat guttural -- whereas "aaaah" is a (desperate) yell -- emphasis on volume in the front vowel "a".

Yes, I think you are right, Froesch. That's why I had loved CJ's original "ahhhh" limerick. However, then it got all complicated because of women objecting. I finally signed off on the whole workshop.

Nice, Jer, and thanks for the reminder on "led."

Oh well, guess my limerick wasn't what you were looking for. LOL Didn't think it would be. No harm done.