quote: a pheasant plucker ... was a miserable git.

Well, that's better than being a shushing git.

Colonel Angus has gained much renown
As the most cunning linguist in town.
He won't boast, bray or brag,
But his tongue sure can wag;
Knows his subjects in, out, up and down!

This linguist, lean, muscled, and mannish,
Has a wit that no umbrage can banish;
His polyglot maw
Can produce a guffaw
In Greek, English, Russian, or Spanish.

Let's be sure that we know when we speak
Of this linguist who's cunning with Greek,
That his tongue is effective
From the vocal perspective
Or if it's some other technique!

My favorite limerick is one attributed to Sir Wm Schwenk Gilbert:

There once was a man of St Bees
Who was stung in the hand by a wasp;
When asked, "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "Yes, it does;
I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet."

Rather filthy, too, nudge pas?

The cadaver of swimmer McCall
Was found in the spring in the fall.
What a horrible thing!
Had he drowned in the spring?
No, the fact is, he'd died in the fall.

(body, not bawdy)

Well, if we are to use others' limericks, here's one of my favourites:

A callow young fellow from Ryde
Fell into a privvy* and died.
His silly young brother
Fell into another
And now they're interred, side by side.

*Use your own euphemism here.

Mind you, I would prefer that we write our own - this is the first I have borrowed in this thread.

Inspired, by a very old song....

Now Sean was a comely young lad
Who went regimental, kilt clad.
He'd stop at the pub
For same ale and some grub,
But his tolerance for drink was quite sad.

He often passed out at the table,
After only three turns at the ladle.
His pasties grew cold
And his kilt slipped its fold,
To reveal what slept in his cradle.

The lasses agreed, with great sighs,
That it looked quite forlorn 'tween his thighs.
When he woke 'n saw his willy.
He said, "Now that's silly.
While I's gone you have won a first prize!"

Jack certifies, that means he attests,
To the naturalness of Jill's breasts.
He knew her in college,
He has first-hand knowledge
(And all that implies or suggests).

On the breast of a lady named Gail
Was tattooed the price of her tail,
And on her behind
(For the sake of the blind)
Was the same information -- in Braille.

quote:

Originally posted by jerry thomas:
And on her behind
(For the sake of the blind)
Was the same information -- in Braille.

Ouch!

Apropos of not much:

At work we are having some refurbishment done, and one of the lifts (elevators) that look out over the atrium has been lined with padded paper with a warning "Caution - Glass Behind". I've heard of a boxer having a glass jaw, but never a glass behind before.

Apparently they are worried that the builders will manage to put something through the glass windows that comprise three sides of the lifts.

That's funny, arnie! BTW, I've not heard of a glass jaw.

Richard's wit is remarkably keen
As befits one who is from Partridge Green
He speaks patois and cant
Both extinct and extant
Maybe now you can see what I mean.

There was an A B from C D,
Whose E was occasionally B.
The F of his G,
Was Hing so P.
That K and M B from C D.

Sorry, if it was too X.

zmj, I'm a little confused by your limerick.

Tell me, for my N4mation: . . . . . . . . . . . . .[information]
Are you talking about 4nication? . . . . . . . . [fornication]
Or an N-flated male . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .[inflated]
Getting DV-ant tail? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [deviant]
Or the later nine months' NQ-bation? . . . . . [incubation]

Now please do not think I'm B-rating . . . . . [berating]
Or require from you XP-ating. . . . . . . . . . .[expiating]
But you must X-plicate, . . . . . . . . . . . . . .[explicate]
Or we cannot D-bate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .[debate]
If your limerick merits X-rating.

[OK, I'm going to C-date myself with an O-P-ate.] . . . . . [sedate; opiate]

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Hic et ubique,

what the heck???

Tross, I'm adding the "translation" in white letters, that can be seen by painting over.

what the heck?

What's wrong? It rhymes and is metrical.

I definitely think you should log into OEDILF, Z, and have a go at them! [I have become so much more British over the last couple of years, haven't I? I would have never said "have a go" a few years ago.]

quote:

[I have become so much more British over the last couple of years, haven't I? I would have never said "have a go" a few years ago.]

What comparable phrase would an American use?

"have a go at them" would generally be said "give them a try"

at least by me

quote:

"have a go at them" would generally be said "give them a try"

That has the opposite meaning here.

"To have a go at them" means that you are going to take issue with them and probably have a row. "To give them a try" means that you will use their services, on an experimental basis, to see whether they meet your needs and standards.

It's a shame that this bawdiness thread
With its limericks hinting at bed
(And not, I suggest
Of bed just for rest)
Is now talking TxtSpk instead.

Though I see, now I've read the translation,
That the TxtSpk's about fornication!
Old but still grand
And I now understand
Just the words are a strange aberration.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Richard English,

To Richard, regarding TxtSpk:

The method you mention's not new.
There's a poem of a lady of Q, . . . [Kew]
Who was stung by
A B, in her I, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [bee] [eye]
To which verses I now refer U. . . . [you]

This comes from the eponym discussion of priapism.

A priapic young man known as Peter,
Whose erection was almost a metre,
Lay on the bed
And quietly read,
‘Stead of going to the street meet-'n-greeter.

quote:

What's wrong? It rhymes and is metrical.

Good point! And here is my take on your take:

There once was a woman who failed the 2-crack test
With her pants and her blouse lower than the rest
Of the ladies -- who abhor her
(Though the gentleman adore her!).
Yet her ass was a beauty...and look at that breast!

It rhymes, makes sense, and is funny. You just have to smoosh syllables and re-stress words, and it works!

From the Eponyms page - the other meanings of stonk

An inebriate fellow (a plonker)
Liked to brag to his girl ‘bout his stonker,
(By which word I mean his
Spectacular penis),
Though stonkered (drunk), he couldn’t bonk her.

Very nice, Stella, and so timely. I just saw a post over on the Realbeer.com pages by someone named "Stonk," and I had wondered about his name.

quote:

There once was a man of St Bees
Who was stung in the hand by a wasp;
When asked, "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "Yes, it does;
I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet."

OK, I just don't get this.

An ambitious young lady named Alice
Used dynamite for a phallus.
We found her vagina
In North Carolina
And some parts of Alice in Dallas.

Jerry, you have hit upon one of my favorites, though here is how I've heard it:

Nymphomaniacal Jill
Used a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

Wally, I'm with you.

OK, I just don't get this.

It doesn't rhyme, but it has meter. and it was allegedly written by one half of Gilbert and Sullivan. What's to get?

Gilbert or Sullivan way ahead of his time IMHO. I would expect this sort of deadpan, offcenter humor from the comedians of SNL.

actually, that sort of humor is what I teethed on, listening to a British comedy program on radio that I cannot remember the name for. They preceeded Monty Python, and I do recall that many of the Pythons credited this show with being their inspiration. Someone please help me recover this name from my addled brain! I recall hearing the Bucket of Bricks, and one particularly hillarious show about sailing Dartmour Prison to the south coast of France for a holiday.

The Goon Show? I also enjoyed Beyond the Fringe. There's a good book on British humor by Roger Wilmut called From Fringe to Flying Circus: Celebrating a Unique Generation of Comedy 1960-1980. He followed it up a few years later with the equally informative Didn't You Kill My Mother-In-Law?: The Story of Alternative Comedy in Britain from the Comedy Store to Saturday Live.

Coming late to this thread....

1. Isn't "bawdy limerick" an oxymoron?

2. I have a book of limericks (found at a used book sale) that is decidedly X-rated. It includes an entire cycle of limericks about The Farter from Sparta, which I was able to find here. Not for your Sunday brunch with the vicar, but try not to giggle.

This might be beyond bawdy.

When I first learned this one, several days passed before I was able to recite it for an audience without cracking up.

For me, it's the mixture of high royalty and low obscenity that does it.



... As I sat with the Duchess for tea,
... She inquired, "Do you fart when you pee?"
... I replied with some wit,
... "Do you belch when you shit?"
... I felt it was one up for me !!

Another favorite of mine -

I love to go hiking at Hanks
And stroll on the river's banks
Once in tall grass
I stepped on an ass
And heard a girl's voice murmur, "Thanks."

One of my favorites is one of the many written by Isaac Asimov.

There's something about satyriasis
That arises psychiatrists' biases.
But we're both of us pleased
We're in this way diseased,
As the damsel who's waiting to try us is.

quote:

one particularly hillarious show about sailing Dartmour Prison to the south coast of France for a holiday.

Definitely The Goon Show.

Many of the Goon Show scripts were once displayed on the walls of a pub in Strutton Ground, called The Grafton. Jimmy Grafton let Messrs. Secombe, Mulligan and Sellers use his upstairs room for creative meetings.

However, the pub was sold and the purchasing company (whose directors should be painfully executed) turned the whole thing into a mock-Irish bar and the scripts have gone. I hope they weren't destroyed, but no action of a chemical-fizz brewery would surprise me.

Said the dowager duchess De Vere,
"These damp airs don't suit me, I fear".
Said her friend, "Goodness me,
If they so disagree,
Then why do you eat pears, my dear?"

Yes, the Goon Show. Morgan and I (my late husband) would listen to it on National Public Radio every Saturday morning. It was one of those little rituals that enhance your life immeasurably for so small an effort. We found a little bakery in LA that had a tiny Irish baker (she was really tiny; don't know how she managed the ovens). She made honest-to-god Irish soda bread and oatmeal scones that were so chewy good. We would eat those with clotted cream and coffee every Saturday, listening to the Goon Show and wiping the tears from our eyes. I don't know of anywhere now that has that kind of humor. SNL lost me long ago, never quite came close. There was one American comedy show...and again my brain fails me. The one with Rita and the telephone lady, and Artie doing the dirty old man... help?

Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In?

Yes! And the Muppet Show. There was awhile there when everyone who was anyone was a guest on the Muppet Show. The spousal unit just discovered that all of the episodes are available on DVD. Guess what I'm spending my next chunk of money on?

The short, quick-fire Laugh-In sketch format was apparently inspired by That Was The Week That Was, commonly known as TW3. The satirical show launched the careers of lots of the Pythons and other comedians, along with that of David Frost and others in the fields of entertainment and the arts.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/That_Was_The_Week_That_Was

Which British comedian did the sermon on the text, "For I am a plain man, but my brother Esau is an hairy man"?

quote:

Originally posted by bethree5:
Gilbert or Sullivan way ahead of his time IMHO. I would expect this sort of deadpan, offcenter humor from the comedians of SNL.

Yes, you are all quite right, I got this backwards. G&S, Beyond the Fringe, TW3, M. Python, Faulty Towers, & let's not forget Dr Who.. well what can I say except for thank god for you Brits. In my childhood, Lewis Carroll and A A Milne also made major contributions in the department of hilarious non-sequiturs.

SNL ain't much without Will Farrell & Cheri Oteri. IMHO there are only a few timeless American shows which match the above for ROFLOL quotient. I would nominate The Honeymooners and Seinfeld.

Oops... back to thread business:

The self-styled seducer from Texas
Thought he'd score hot babes with a Lexus.
All he got was a slap,
Plus a fierce dose of clap
And two painful swift kicks to the plexus.
courtesty of one David Jaggard and his Fifty Filthy Limericks, 1 for ea. state

quote:

Originally posted by Richard English:
Well, if we are to use others' limericks...
Mind you, I would prefer that we write our own - this is the first I have borrowed in this thread.

Okay, giving this a first try.

There once was a guy from Ohio
Who sighed aloud, “Why, oh, why-o?
Online-dating matches
Send pix of their snatches
When all I request is a bio.”

A randy young lady from Nantes,
A town full of rascals in France,
Was cajoled and persuaded,
And quite often aided,
To expose the contents of her pantes