From This Generation to the Next

There’s my daughter and son-in-law Kent
And my grandkids (who were heaven-sent).
“Seeing you makes me glad.
You’re the world’s greatest Dad...”
“Cut the crap. Where the hell is my rent?”

Parental Relief

From his pocket a condom is seen
Like a badge. He's mature as a teen,
But the packet's well-worn
From the pocket, not torn.
As his dad, I'm not mad he's still green.

A Teen-Ager's Ode to a Condom

Oh, my Trojan, I don't want to lose ya
Or let time and bad weather abuse ya.
And if I find a girl
Who will give sex a whirl
Come that time, I might not even use ya.

Big Vocabulary, But Not Much Use on the SAT

My daughter knows words my wife don't.
Hearing "milf" she will laugh. My wife won't.
She's unmoved. Does she doze?
But who knows what she knows?
I could use something rhyming with "-on't".

Can't remember the last time she phone't.

"Are you sure that it's in me?" she moan't.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Those will work! If she ever reads the limerick, I'll likely be the one who moan'ts.

Ah...limericks again. Amy Dickinson wrote this one, with apologies to her distant relative, Emily:

I don't want to sound overly picky,
But using a spoon isn't tricky.
If you manage to do,
You'll sidestep the flu.
And your digits - they won't get all sticky.

Yes, definitely apologies were in order.

My wife has the flu. What a state we're in
Since nobody can open the aspirin.
This damn cap won't unsnap --
It survives hammer tap.
Curse the robot that squeezed this damn stopper in.

With apologies to my cousin, Forty Percnt Proof.

Another book chapter, another limerick. Here is this one:

It is time that our leaders unite
To get safety and quality right.
For nurses the fact is
Transition to practice
Right now is a terrible fright!

It's probably more of an "inside limerick." This was a chapter on safety and quality in nursing, and my thesis was that we need a standardized program to transition new nurses to practice because now we only have variable programs. Some newly licensed nurses get no orientation or transition!

I am reading a book about George Putnam, a publisher, and he wrote this limerick, which I really liked:

A publishing fellow named Putnam
Discovered he couldn't quite butnam
What caused the hiatus
Was meant and potatoes
And eating whole pies without cutnam