I will often get into this game with friends of like minds. One person will use a "big" word in conversation. Then, to be funny, the other person will say oh, that word, doesn't it mean something else? The "something else" is always a word that rhymes or sounds somehow very similar to the word used.

For instance . . . to get us started . . . my husband was talking last night about mixed metaphors.

I said "metaphors . . . aren't those the little cake pastries totally covered in fancy frosting?" (petit fours)

Then he said "No, those are called pastries."

And I said "Pastries? Arent' those the little tassle things that strippers put on their nippies?" (pasties)


see how it goes? Someone else take it from here!

Those are "paste-tease," silly girl! And if they get stuck, you use Paste-Ease to remove them.

I learned that from the kiddie show, "Nippleodeon."

Isn't the Nippleodeon an old-timey musical instrument?

Yes, and it brings us abreast of all the new music.

Abreast? Isn't that what you need after too many abdominal crunches?

Hmmm, depends on your gender. They can provide interference.

This thread is a variation of the three-deaf-old-ladies-on-the-train joke:

"Is this Tewksbury?" (or sometimes "Wembley?")
"No, Dearie, it's Thursday!"
"So am I. Let's all have some tea!"


Isn't dirty at all. Sorry if I've disappointed you! :-)

PS Arnie - or anybody - is Wembley short for anything, as is "Chumley" for Cholmondeley"?

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Originally posted by Jesse Frankovich:
Abreast? Isn't that what you need after too many abdominal crunches?

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Unless you've got scleraderma, or you're a rusty Timman, you don't likely have crunchy abdominals.

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is Wembley short for anything

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Nope. It's a place-name for an area in NW London. There's also apparently a Wembley that is a suburb of Perth, Western Australia. It's pronounced as it is spelled, unlike the name "Cholmondeley", which is pronounced "Chumley".

scleraderma? Isn't that another word for the earth?

"Sclerodermatous" - having horny scales.. Yes, it's the Tinman..

And how did Worcestershire become Wuster?

Sclerodermatous . . . sounds like the name of a Christmas Carol to me.

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Originally posted by KHC:
And how did Worcestershire become Wuster?

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Not quite, but almost. Worcester is Wuster (usually rendered as Wooster, with the -oo- as in foot). And Leicester is Lester, and Leominster is Lemminster. New England is full of such elisions, as is [of course] Old England, whence they came.

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Originally posted by Caterwauller:
Sclerodermatous . . . sounds like the name of a Christmas Carol to me.

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So how come poor Carol only gets to sing at christmas?

Maybe Carol is wencelsasus?

Nah, otherwise we'd have a song called "Good Queen WENCH-islaus."

King Wence had a wonderful castle. However, it had been in the family for many generations, and some of its systems were breaking down. The first repairs were made to the moat.

Stephen's Moat Builders was the lowest bidder, and work began forthwith. Because of the importance of the client, Stephen himself headed up the crew.

It was his habit to eat his noon repaste whilst sitting on the tool cart, wearing only a kilt and sturdy boots. He was a handsome, well built young man who attracted much attention.

Amongst the young women who attended the daily show was a particularly beautiful girl who held herself with special grace. However, she never ventured close enough to the battlements to be able to view the young man.

Finally one day, egged on by her ladies in waiting, the Princess (you knew it was she now didn't you?) ventured close and peered over.

It was then that Good King Wence's lass looked out on the feast of Stephen.

To get back to the other kinds of puns . . .

hoi poloi . . . isn't that a kind of fish?

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Originally posted by Caterwauller:
To get back to the other kinds of puns . . .

hoi poloi . . . isn't that a kind of fish?

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No, that's a spoonerism. It's poi holloi, a tuber dish - or at least I think that's it, but I've forgotten. At least I think I've forgotten; I can't remember if I have or have not.

Speaking of forgetting, do amnesiac psychics forget the future? And is polynesia group amnesia? And is Indonesia an entire country that's forgotten India?

Isn't a spoonerism a special kind of pudding?

No, it's when you're finished eating the pudding and you then have "fun" with the eating utensil!

Tubers . . . aren't those hand-rolled cigarettes made of special plant matter?

I thought they were big brass instruments .

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Originally posted by Cat:
I thought they were big brass instruments .

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...you mean "Bostonian big brass instruments," suitable for going oom-pah-pah in the Red Sox parade...

("parade," of course, being what the musicians did with those instruments in Chinatown - they parade music)

. . .. what a pain in the brass . . .

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Originally posted by Caterwauller:
. . .. what a pain in the brass . . .

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Which is a compound plural of "bra," for women with polymastia.

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...polymastia

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Parrots have breasts?

Of course they do! Polly want a cracker and a bra....preferably a D cup...

polymastia

Oh, I almost forgot. "Polymastia" was the trade name for those plastic breast inserts! (Or was it scornful shorthand for the wearing of falsies?)

I thought polymastia was a name for those huge sailing vessels . . . a bouyancy of a different kind.

So does it follow that a mastiff is when two or more breasts get into a row? That is, they have a falling out, so to speak?

I thought mastiff was when pa's wife took too much moonshine.

Naw, it's a French mountain range, the Mastiff Central. Here, we've got another French mountain range, the Grand Tetons.

I thought the Grand Tetons were Germanic nobility.

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Originally posted by arnie:
I thought the Grand Tetons were Germanic nobility.

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I haven't kept abreast of the Windsor lineage, so perhaps you might Tudor me?

Did you want your lessons tudor or tumorrow?

You have permission to jot this down in your Book of Little-Known Facts:

In Chinese internet cafes you can get chopsu e-mail.

Chopsu email? I'll try to keep that in my noodle.