Okay, folks, here they are. Pick out your favorite and vote. I'll post the results in about a week. If I made any mistakes, let me know right away so I can correct them. Have fun!
Bless me, Father, for I must atone
I committed a sin in Ione
It now tears me apart
I did lust in my heart
I even went so far as to moan
There was a young man from Ione
Whose tech skills were really high-flown.
He programmed his shitter
To tweet smells on twitter
And drop-ship the contents by drone.
I was home on my own in Ione
When the gnome that I'd thrown made of stone,
Had I thought killed my cat -
But what did, if not that?
The aroma I'd blown from my throne??
I wander the streets of Ione
Bedraggled - a vagrant - alone
It was not long ago
I had somewhere to go
How I miss that home of my own!
There once was a girl in Ione
Treated with the female hormone.
Though she felt fine at first
She soon found the worst -
They'd given her testosterone!
He moaned and he groaned in Ione
In bed with the sexy Simone
As he was rocking
She was just talking
To some other guy on the phone
7 (This has a first syllable stress; So I, thigh, and my should be stressed.)
There was a young man of old Ione
Whose cock was the size of a thigh bone
But he thought it too small
And was oft heard to call
It's a very poor thing but it’s my own.
The sign I saw in Ione
Said if I wanted my own
Sweet house of my dreams
It wasn’t moonbeams
“Sign in blood here and don’t moan!”
A young man who lived in Ione
Found his wife's erogenous zone
He fingered it some
Oh how she did cum
And his dick got hard as a bone
Told a gold-digging girl from Ione:
"I must have all your love for my own."
"We shall wed come next summer
And I know that's a bummer,
But my pussy this year is on loan."
There once was a girl in Ione -
So gorgeous I wish I could clone
Her body and face..
Her movement of grace.
(The closest I got was her phone!)
A child that was born in Ione
Was named for a famous Tyrone
“This doll is my toy!
I am NOT a boy!”
Now grown-up her stage name is Joan
I was home all alone in Ione
When a girl in sweet tone on the phone
Said to me,"Can we meet?"
I said, "Sure love that's sweet."
And before long my boner was blown.
Butterstomping’s the best in Ione
Don’t attempt while trying to phone
The girl that you love
Or order a sub
If you do, your guts will be strewn!
There once was a man name of Stone
He laughed at a girl from Ione
Who asked for some money
He said, "No way, honey."
And that's how he made a whore moan
A fencer who lived in Ione
Took a dose if Phytonadione
(That's Vitamin K)
So he won't bleed away
When he wrestles the Sword from the Stone.
You better not ask in Ione
On why there’s a strict no-fly zone
You’ll hear the whispers
“Tiny green misters!
Beamed up, and away, you’ll be flown!”
So said the young girl from Ione
"Now I've got a mind of my own
Don't give me no shit
You ignorant twit
Just stick it where the sun never shone."
A child that was born in Ione
Was named for a famous Tyrone
“This doll is my toy.
I am NOT a boy!”
She said in a rather wry tone!
So you're done having fun with Ione
Now just maybe you'll leave me alone
I'm swamped to the gills
With all of these pills
I just want to be left on my own
...with a strong second for # 20. It's just that I can't attach the last line to the first four and make them into a whole story!
Hab - did you deliberately omit to say which one came first for you?
I am yet to decide but I am unlikely to vote for any that used "my own" as the A-rhyme, because I consider it as virtually a homophone of "Ione".
Since there are only two votes, and one is mine, Hab must have picked #11.
I hate to create an almost certain winner so early in the voting with so many good limericks for people to choose from, but I am with Geoff and whoever else just voted for it, I can't see past #2. It is perfectly structured rhyme-wise, it scans easily, and is just so bloody hilarious. Such an absurd concept or two buried in there as well, but then you think about it and think well who knows some geek might just do it. So after posting this message I will vote and #2 will have 3 of the 4 votes cast so far, and that will almost certainly be the end of the ball game.
Even the US Dream Team, Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt or Mo Farrah, would struggle to come back from that big a deficit, especially in a contest where no more than 9 of the eligible judges actually bother to cast a vote.
I'm afraid I made a blunder in posting #3. I left out 2 commas, which affects the reading. It should read
My apologies to the author. If I made any more mistakes, please point them out to me!
#2 is good, don't get me wrong, but there is another that I think is just fantastic (and, no, it's not mine; I never vote for mine). There are some good ones here.
No, Greg, it's just that I thought doing this in Poll form was a desire to keep the votes anonymous at first so as not to prejudice the Assembled Multitudes who hadn't voted yet.
I think my favorite was, indeed, #11.
My only objection to Number 2 was that it's hard to articulate out loud. Try saying "tweet smells on Twitter" out loud three times fast - the tongue gets in its own way. ("I can't say such blibber-blubber; my tongue isn't made of rubber!"). It reads fine, but it doesn't sing.
3 is too much of a good thing.
12 and 19 are all-but-duplicates? Still a work-in-progress.
Rhythm or word-stress problems are distracting in 1,4,5,6,8,9,10,14,18. I guess I'm just not flexible enough.
Sorry to be such a stickler. CJ would be proud of me.
The trouble is if we don't talk about them during the voting process, we don't talk about them at all. The authors and the winners are published and that's it - on with the next game.
I've tried and tried especially after it pulled a couple of votes, but I must be thick as a brick, but I am just not getting the point of #11. I assume the punch line is funny, but sadly for me it may as well have read (But the meaning of this is unknown) - to me only of course.
Had the author used "moan" instead of "phone" it would have worked for me.
Idiot Geoff, who hit a brick wall on this one.
I translate it as "She was lovely and I coveted her - even an imitation - but she wouldn't even agree to a date!" Or words to that effect. More plaintive than funny, but self-contained, as #20 wasn't.
Undoubtedly. I had a different problem with #2. Lines 1 & 2 just didn't flow smoothly for me. L1, for example, would have been better with "There once was a man from Ione."
More about # 11 later.
Yep, that's basically it here, though these side conversations are nice. Have you been on OEDILF? Remember, it started here, and all the workshopping drove many of us Wordcrafters mad. Therefore, we just try to have fun with them, rather than to attempt to make them better (though that's what I did with # 2, isn't it? ).
I am interested to see who the authors are. I suspect I know who wrote the one I voted for, but one is never sure.
Only 7 Wordcrafters have opted to vote so far, and I suspect there are many more out there. So why don't you let your choice be known. Don't be unduly influenced by the various opinions that have been expressed. That's all they are - opinions - and you know what they say about opinions. Pick the one you like the best and vote for it. I'll leave it open for a few more days, then post the results Monday at 6 p.m. DST.
No - OEDILF sounds like too much hard work when you're just looking for a bit of fun, but having a bit of light-hearted banter about the entries in the game, is also part of the fun.
I don't think anyone's vote is affected by what other people may have already said about the one or two that took their fancy.This message has been edited. Last edited by: Greg S,
And while we are waiting please feel free to throw in another one or two just for the merriment ...
There's a hermit holed up in Ione
Whose seed has been so widely sown,
In most other places
In each group of faces,
He'd recognise one as his own.
...and I would change Line 2 to "whose technical skills were highflown...", feeling that "skills" has to be an accented syllable. Etc.
What about "With technical skills so high-flown, ..." that way the whole limerick is one sentence. Not that workshopping the game's entered limericks is necessarily the best sort of light-hearted banter, but we are workshopping the game's likely winner, so I think that's okay.This message has been edited. Last edited by: Greg S,
The vote count is now up to 8. Who'll make it 9? Come on. You must have an opinion. Are they all so good you can't make up your mind, or are they all so bad you don't like any of them?
I hope to find out the story behind 12 & 19 at some stage. I assume it is real and I tried to find it on Google before voting but couldn't, but I assume a real actress born in Ione with the stage name Joan, was cruelly named by her parents "Tyrone" after Tyrone Power. Kind of the reverse of Johhny Cash's "A Boy Named Sue" which was a No.1 hit even here in Melbourne in the late 60s/early 70s.
I totally agree.
Hab, I like your rewrite of L2; that makes it flow better.
When I vote for my favorite, I don't look at the votes first so that they won't sway me. I often vote for a limerick that no else has voted for so I think my taste in limericks is a bit different from others.
If it makes me laugh and it scans well enough for me I call it a good one, rules be damned! But then I was only a "C" student in school, so whadda I know!
In the brain of a man from Nantucket
Was a limerick ending in "suck it."
But he hadn't the time
To deliver a rhyme
So he put it aside and said "**** it!"
There are now 9 votes ... and a tie. Both #2 and #11 have 3 votes. Who will break the tie? Or will enough people vote for a different limerick to make a difference? Read all the limericks over and over. Sometimes you like a limerick on first reading, but don't care so much for it later. And the same in reverse. A limerick you didn't care for grows on you and it becomes your favorite. So think about it, but don't think too long. You have until 6 p.m. PDT Monday to make up your mind and vote.
(I previously said DST. Shame on me.)This message has been edited. Last edited by: tinman,
The game setter, as in you Tinman, can use a casting Vote to break a tie, in a game where there is one, and no more votes appear to be forthcoming.
I realize that, but I'm hoping others will chime in and spare me that decision.
More votes needed!!!
10 votes so far, but #2 and #11 are still tied for first with 3 votes each. #12, #13, #16, and #18 each have 1. I know there are more than 10 people who have read these. Please vote!
I voted already.
"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
My current blog.
Photographs to accompany Anyone Can DO It available from www.lulu.com
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As they say, "Vote early and vote often!"
I voted early between Geoff and Greg S.
I was kidding about the "vote often." You're allowed only 1 vote. But you knew that.
That's a Chicago mantra...
I'm having problems with my computer, so I may not be able to post the results until Tuesday.
Let me know if I can help, Tinman. Who was it here who used to call you "Tinny?" Was it Cat? Or Morgan?
It was Caterwauller. Is she still around?
I've got it back for now. Let's hope it's still working tomorrow.
You now own a computer? Did you wear out your welcome at the library? If I lived as close to a library as you do I'd ditch my computer and let the library do the maintenance. I'd save a bundle!
Just wondering if "Tinny" has the same usage as a synonym for "very lucky" elsewhere as it does in Australia?
Another word for it in use here, which does not exist in the US, is the word "Arsy", derived from the word "Arse", meaning backside, for which you guys use the word "Ass" (donkey), and pronounce it like mass, or crass, whereas we pronounce our special word "Arse" to rhyme with grass, or class. I mention this because my old man used to get the nickname "Arsy", as in "Tinny", because of his initials which were R.C.
Both those words rhyme with "ass" here.
Which reminds me of a story hat originated in the publishing industry of the '40, when working conditions were a bit more genteel. One boss seldom used ad lauageeing thought of as a real getlea, a image he was careful to propogate (think of an opposite to Donald Trump).
A writer called him, knoing his office was open ad surrounded by numerous young women performing various secretarial functions. He said he was writing a story but was stuck with wording. Could the boss hep out?
Of course the exec agreed. "Whayt's your problem?"
"I'm having trouble with this. Is it 'Angels is souls' or 'Angels are souls'?"
"That's easy. Angels are souls"
"I'm sorry. This is a bad connection. Did you say 'Is soul'?"
"No, I said 'are souls'"
Raising his voice: "Are souls."
"ARE SOULS! ARE SOULS!"
Which raised quite a few pretty heads.This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,
Don't look at me I voted last week
Hahaha I love that kind of joke, proof! Even as a small child I would annoy friends by having them repeat the magic phrase "Owah... tagoo... siam." And then there are the countless similar Simpson jokes phoned in to Moe's Tavern, like
Bart: Hello, is Al there?
Bart: Yes, Al. Last name: Coholic.
Moe: Let me check... [calls] Phone call for Al. Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?
I'm reminded of the silly book titles that went around in my first childhood, such as "Fifty Yards to The Outhouse" by Willy Makeit or "Fleas in the Russian Army" by Ivan Awfulitch.
We oughta have a thread for 'em!
"The Chinaman Who Broke A Testicle" by Won Hang Low
The Cannibal Russian Pervert" by Hugh Bitcherockoff.
I hate to disillusion you, but there is no story. I was thinking of all the things that would rhyme with Ione and Tyrone came to mind and the name Joan. I just brought the two together. Actually, in my mind, it is the story about a child who feels he is the wrong sex and becomes a girl. I have an online friend who is transsexual and prefers to be called "her" or "she". I chose to use "her" in the final line. Had I used "his" it might have been more clear, but I preferred the ambiguity.
I also did the butterstomping one. I was thinking of all the crazy things you shouldn't do while engaging in that. Of course, people use their phones all the time in so many places where they shouldn't. It occurred to me after writing it, that it could be possible that a few people might not know what I mean by ordering a sub. Here ordering "take-out" food is very popular. We have a local place here where people order "subs", shortened from submarine sandwich. No one calls it by that long name anymore.
As promised, I chose not to write any really off-color limericks this time!
I chose number two because I thought it was so clever. We were talking in chat the other day about how and why we prefer some limericks to others. One of the things I have noticed is that what sounds and flows good to me is not necessarily what someone else would think. Speech patterns do differ from place to place.
Some of what I am looking at in these limericks: Did they use something about the place in the limerick? I like that people take the time to find something about the place, even if that doesn't make it the most important factor in judging. Did the limerick make me smile? How well did it flow? I think probably did it make me smile and the cleverness of the limerick is the deciding factor for me.This message has been edited. Last edited by: sattva,
I was thinking maybe we could help tinman out if we posted the ones we did. As for the tie, I am not sure how to settle that since tinman gets the final choice.
Mine were 8, 12, 14, 17, and 19. I am prolific, but not necessarily good at limericks. The only one of mine to get votes was # 12.
Okay, the votes are in and there's a tie. #2 and #11 each have 3 votes each, and #12, #13, #16, and #18 each have 1. I was hoping someone would break the tie for me so I could vote for the one I wanted, #13. I vote for #12. I think it flowed better and, after it beat into my head by many people, I finally understand the last line. I asked 2 friends today which they liked best. (Yeah, I know, it "should" be better). They read them and, without any hesitation, they both picked #11. So, the author of #11, stand up and take a bow, and pick the place-name for the next limerick.
Here are the authors:
1. Tinman, inspired by a politician who once said "I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times."
2. B3, the runner-up. Nice idea, but I think Trump beat you to it.
3. Greg. Perhaps you could use B3's program.
4. Geoff, a vagrant no more. Sue took him in.
5. Greg. Or is it Gregette?
6. Tinman. It's a real bummer when you're in the throes of passion and she's not even paying attention.
7. Bob. Big as a thighbone, huh?
8. Sattva. She saw moonbeams.
9. Tinman. Sweet memories.
10. Proof. Does your wife know about this?
11. Kalleh. The winner with her poem of unrequited lust. I mean love.
12. Joan .. I mean, Sattva.
13. Greg, with a satisfying grin on his face.
14. Sattva. I'd never heard of bumperstomping before. How's that old song go? "When Sat, Sat, Sattva goes bumperstomping along." She did her homework and I was impressed that she managed to throw the word strewn in.
15. Tinman, inspired by that old joke: "How do you make a hormone." "Don't pay her."
16. Hab. A fencer who's a bleeder?
17. Sattva and her little green men. #14 and #17 are probably my 2nd and 3rd choices.
18. Tinman. Advice I've often been given.
19. Sattva strikes again.
20. Tinman, inspired by Sattva's last post, in which she said "I'm done!" I could just see her look of satisfaction and relief at getting this nonsense out of the way so she could do something important. But it doesn't compare to the look of satisfaction Greg has!
I've had lots of fun with this game
Though some of the lim'ricks were tame
But some were quite bawdy
And others just naughty
I enjoyed them all just the same
I am so glad you could post this tinman!!!! It was as entertaining as the limericks! Well done!
Well, thank you all three who voted for me. I loved Hab's and thought it was probably his. Made me laugh, and his technical skills are always top drawer.
I'll think about the next one. I promised Sattva to make this go faster - I'll get a place tomorrow. Shu has promised to send one in as well.
Nice story Proof, and it does seem to suggest at least a tolerance of the fact that some of us pronounce the word to rhyme with farce, rather than mass, but nobody answered the original question, which was whether or not "Tinny" had a usage meaning "arsy" (lucky) elsewhere, or is that Aussie slang.
Good game "Tinny" by the way - you and Sattva have really shown us how it should be done with these last 2 games.
It seems to me that "Tinny" has been used in times past, but I can't find an example. It does come close to his real family name, so is appropriate.
Good going, Kalleh, and, Sattva, - WOW!