...his girl friend might have been Spanish-speaking and pregnant, which would then have been linguistically appropriate for another reason...

...and what a pregnant pause _that_ was!

"Many are cold, but few are frozen," said Tom, warmly.

"I just ate a hunk of strong Cheddar," said Tom Cat, while waiting at the mouse's hole, "so I'm speaking with baited breath."

"I buy a lot of things at auction sales," said Tom, morbidly.

"Surely Cleopatra can't be buried here," said Tom in deNile.

"My dog loves canteloupes and honey dews," said Tom, "and that explains my melancholy."

quote:

---

"I buy a lot of things at auction sales," said Tom, morbidly

---

I love it, Jerry!

I don't think this works, but....

"I think I'll ride bareback," Tom said sadly.

"I have a colt," said Tom, hoarsely.

"I hate being average," Tom said meanly.

"I swear I'll tell the whole truth." said Tom, evidently.

"I am Tarzan, king of the jungle," said Tom, savagely.

"Give me seven days." said Tom, weakly.

I got this from the Fun with Words site:

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kalleh:
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.*

---

"Since that means I can straddle any issue, I will run for political office," said Tom incongruously.


*Shouldn't it be "We have a split personality"?

"The autopsy's nearly finished," said Tom, operating in dead earnest.

quote:

---

Originally posted by jerry thomas:
"The autopsy's nearly finished," said Tom, operating in dead earnest.

---

The version I've heard is in two parts, and is not for the squeemish. No squeemishes here, right?

"I'm gay," said Tom, in earnest.
"And a necrophiliac," said Tom, in dead ernest.

"I have no idea which direction to go," said Tom, non compass mentis.

"...and those ugly bugs are gone from the pile of recycling garden waste," he said non compost mantis...

Yes, Hic, we is much better in describing the split personality. Thanks!

"Which breathmint works the best? asked Tom non compare mintis."

[This message was edited by Kalleh on Tue Feb 24th, 2004 at 17:16.]

"I just don't understand fine art," declared Tom, non capisce Monas.

"I am running very fast away from these Wordcrafters, who are making me into a gay, split-personality, art-bashing, mint-taking bug crusher!" said Tom swiftly.

"I just can't come up with any more of these puzzles for you smart poeople!" he said non compose Mensas.

"There will be a strip show at lunchtime for the City Fathers," said Tom. "Noon councilmen's tease."

"I believe I am going through menopause," said Tom non comprende menses"

I love everyone's here, but I must admit that my last one has just about made my day! I needed it after that bad limerick I wrote to aput and Robert.

"Sarge delivers the Company's mail with his feet!" said Beetle. "Non-com postman toes!"

"Are there people at University to help you and guide you?" said Tom, "known campus mentors?"

"Displaying their effigies will still be a major part of their initiation," said Tom. "Newcomers' mannikins."

Hic, you created a monster.

"A choir leader has left her church, and she now composes sacred music for her new-found Buddist faith," said Tom, nun compose mantras.

quote:

---

Originally posted by jerry thomas: nincompoop
Originally posted by shufitz: Hic, you created a monster.

---

"Don't you go blaming me," said hic; "this is nincompoop monsterous."

"Hic, this has got to stop," muttered Shufitz. "Non creamus monstruum!"

"The pampas seem safe enough," said Tom non campos menace.

"For riding comfort I prefer this to the standard English saddle," Lady Godiva sighed sadly.

"I've been swallowed by a great beast," said Jonah, indemonstrably.

"I accept the things I cannot change," said Tom, serenely.

"I change the things I can," said Tomasina courageously.

"I know the difference," said the owl, wisely.

quote:

---

Originally posted by jerry thomas:
"I know the difference," said the owl, wisely.

---

"Variety is the spice of life," said the owl sagely. (a thymely remark, that)

"I thought I saw a red-hot metal plate held before my eyes, and now there's darkness there, and nothing more," said Tom, abacinatedly.

Great, J.T. Now just put it into limerick form.

"Stationmaster, where is the train coming in?" Tom asked distractedly.

(Edit: as long as the subject is transportation:
. . ."I'm not a member of the Mile High Club," sighed Tom uncomplainingly.)

Reviving a thread...

Remember the Tom Swifties? Is anyone up for this game again?

I'll start:

"My girlfriend just had breast augmentation," Tom said upliftingly.

Tee-HEE, Kalleh!

I'm always up for Tom Swifties. But what happened to all the Swifties we've been posting for the last few years???

Oh well gives me a chance to resubmit a few:

"Sorry, we have no bathroom," said Tom incommodiously.

"I’m seriously ill," announced Tom inhospitably.

"Hey, public TV is commercial-free," shouted Tom inadvertently.

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:


"My girlfriend just had breast augmentation," Tom said upliftingly.

"Just wait five years and see what happens," said Tom droopliy.

"That was a snide remark," said Tom cattily.

CHAIN SWIFTIES! I love this concept.

quote:

Originally posted by Asa Lovejoy:
"Just wait five years and see what happens," said Tom droopliy.

"That's why I've lost interest in my wife," said Tom limply.

We must keep abreast of this situation," she said, titillatingly.

"I love this concept," she conceived, lovingly.

"This is inconceivable," he ejaculated.

"More never," quoth the Raven, preposterously.

I'm a breast man, myself," he said, boobishly.

Her current position notwithstanding, she sat.

"Why won't you buy my three-legged horse?" Toam asked, lamely.

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
"Why won't you buy my three-legged horse?" Toam asked, lamely.

"Because I'd prefer a three-legged man," she said cockily.