1. Our Wordcrafter, punster is Geoff-ingham,
Asking for limericks on Effingham.
It's way down the state
Where people are straight,
Eating southern cuisine by a chef-ingham.
2. A well-heeled gent living in Effingham
Paid oodles for England’s best cheffingham
To barbecue ribs
For all of his sibs
Out back in his well-gardened feoffingham
3. There once was a songsmith from Effingham
Who sadly from birth was stone-deafingham.
Unlike one famed closer
(I mean Deutschland’s composer),
He wrote his tunes in the wrong cleffingham.
4. A frustrating site I’ll call “F”-ingham
Was chosen by taskmaster Geoffingham
As the limerick locale
Giving teammates grand mal
Methinks he may have trouble reffing ‘em.
5. Dr. Seuss wrote in Effinham
A book he titled Geoff I Am
“Hey, that doesn’t rhyme.
We won’t pay a dime!’
Green eggs, Seuss made for f-ing Sam
6. The lovers’ names were Steph ‘n’ Sam
They made their home in Effingham
They had twin boys
Who were both joys
They called their children Geoff ‘n’ Graham
7. When Mary went to Effingham
She took along a treff lean ham
Georgie came to play
No one ran away
With Humpty D, this deaf’ning slam
8. All of his staff in Effingham
Called him the name of Chef mean Sam
Attila the Hun
With no sign of fun
Till introduced to Ref Gene Graham
9. At the football games they play in Effingham
They don’t like the way they are reffing ‘em
The crowd shows they’re minding
With much effing and blinding
So loud that the refs find they’re deafing ‘em
10. On his way to a restaurant in Effingham
Gordon Ramsay was cussing and effing some
The cause of his trouble
Was someone’s Dubble Bubble
On the sidewalk made him a “chef in gum”
11. A lovely young lady from Effingham
(Or perhaps it was Epping? Or Sheffingham?)
Would play with her dollies
Deriving her jollies
From choosing their clothes and then dreſſingham.
12. The illiterate coeds of Effingham
Have no thought, and no means of expressing ‘em.
Even light conversation
Is beyond contemplation.
They’re suitable solely for effing ‘em.
13. Nothing to do in Effingham (USA)
Seldom do tourists give a damn
Neither chateau nor schloss
Just a fifty-foot cross
And butchers selling effing ham
14. While on a journey to Effingham (UK)
Trump tupped some trollops from Chippenham
A vicar said, “Fie!”
And Trump told a lie:
“I never have been covfefing 'em.”*
*Covfefe is a spelling mistake made by by Donald Trump in a tweet
15. Effie keeps sheep in Effingham
Tracking them all by body cam
Her ram, it is said,
Oft' sleeps in her bed
Reading from Seuss, Ram I am!This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,
Though Sorely tempted by #14-- I stand in awe of "covfefing 'em"-- I must cast my vote for the hilariously quirky #11.
There are some pretty good ones here, given how hard it is. I loved #14, too. I also liked #4, but just couldn't make L5 work. In the end, I like #12. I know the "expressing 'em" isn't perfect, but then whose rhymes here are?
Where have you been, Tinman??? I wish you had submitted one!
Stick around - we need you!
This is not an election in the USA - don't be so apathetic! VOTE! VOTE!
Hey! I just drove past Effingham,NH !!
Perhaps they should vote on our limericks. https://www.effinghamnh.net/ Should I forward them?
I have the feeling that several of the limericks could be considered as reflecting poorly on either them, or us, or maybe both. I’d say no.
(But of course you’re _really_ saying we should vote, ourselves. Sorry, it’ll take me a few days more…)
I had to think about it awhile. This seemed to be a hard one for everyone. I am voting for 4.
The trouble is that I only consider one to have fully correct rhymes and I wrote it so I need to find another to vote for.
Ok I will tale 14 just for the creative use of Mr Drumpf’s non word
Five votes, each different. Let's hope Haberdasher's vote will be for one of those already selected, thereby making it the winnah.
What's the score so far? It is hard to keep track in the thread like this.
There are votes for 4, 6, 11, 12 and 14. No consensus on anyone's. I personally have a favourite, and it's one of the above, but we'll have to wait until Haberdasher gets back and casts his vote.
Come on, someone, break the tie - or Geoff will have to.
See Hab's post of August 9. Awaiting his return from Effingham, New Hamster.
I tend to be a purist; if the rhythm's not accurate, I have a hard time calling it a True Limerick worthy of Victory.
I'm reluctant to vote for my own entry, Dick Dauntless notwithstanding ("If you wish in this world to advance..." etc.).
That leaves me with # 14, with props for cleverness and sheer audacity.
So there it is!
Hab, you've created a problem. You see, I wrote #14, and I will NOT declare myself President for Life of the Limerick Game!
Your limerick has only one thing missing: Narration by Sterling Holloway. (He's the guy with the high, quavering voice in all the best Disney animated features.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sterling_Holloway Except for that - and you had no control over it - your own was BRILLIANT!!! I hereby name you Leader of the Limericks! It's your turn!
I wrote 13, 14 and 15. The rest of you, please out yourselves since I can't count!This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,
# 11 is mine. Anyone remember The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane from the 50s? The lyrics were the inspiration here (though you have to read them all the way to the end).
And on another point - it's funny but my image of Stanley Holloway is different: it's Alfred P Doolittle.
Sterling, not Stanley. It's his voice that should have narrated your limerick. And yes, I DO remember that song! The Ames Brothers?
Anyhow, pick a destination, Hab!
Aha! Two different “S Holloway”s !
In any case - let’s try ORLEANS as our next destination.
(That’s Or-LEENS in Massachusetts, not NAW-lins in Louisiana.)
Ne pas ici? http://www.orleans-metropole.fr/ You remember, Joan of Arc and whatnot.
And the winner is?
Nope. And no “distinction ebbs before a herd of vulgar plebs” here, either.
Mine are 9 which rhymes properly in the Uk and 10 which doesn’t but is close.
Can we see who wrote all the limericks, please?
Oops, I missed Geoff's request to "out ourselves."
#2, the backyard bbq party, whick shockingly got no votes even tho I used the antique word "feoff"! (Look it up).
#3, stone-deaf composer, no votes
#4, F-ingham, thanks for the vote sattva. (For Kalleh: maybe, "Methinks he'll have much trouble reffing 'em"?)
Oh, I missed it too, Bethree. Mine was # 1. I think I can always be outed because often I try to relate the content to the place. That was the idea in the first place when Bob started this game. It seemed to go by the wayside.
BTW, happy birthday, Wordcraft! In July we had our 17th birthday. Can you believe it? Geoff just pulled up a thread where he talked about someone having a VCR. Remember those? We didn't have cell phones then, either, or Words with Friends or Facebook or Twitter. Therefore, people spent a lot more time here. We'd have chats every Saturday at noon. Sometimes we'd have a Halloween party where we came as someone else and people had to guess who we were. And we celebrated each other' birthdays in Community, with a limerick or a pun or a double dactyl. Things are a lot slower now because times have changed so much. I do sound old, don't I?