As I have recently been watching again "Life on Mars" where Sam claims to have transferred from Hyde and as I can't think of any easier word to rhyme that's the choice this time.

I EXPECT ENTRIES FROM ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY
NO EXCUSES WILL BE ACCEPTED.

THERE IS AN ABSOLUTE DEADLINE OF 4TH AUGUST AS I'M AWAY FROM 5TH.

GET CRACKING!

Do you have a PG?

Er... exactly as it looks, just like the word "hide".

Too tough for me. I'll wait for the next one.

What's a "PG?"

Parental Guidance?
Please God?
Postgraduate?

... Probably Pronunciation Guide (which rhymes with Hyde).

quote:

What's a "PG?"

It's a kind of tea - PG Tips. Now I'm off to make a cuppa whilst I think about this.

Not an entry since I didn't write it - but it's very good.

An very old fellow from Hyde
Fell into a sh*house and died.
His elderly brother
Fell into another
And now they're interred side by side.

The way I heard it

There once was a young man from Hyde
Who fell in an outhouse and died.
His brother, the twit,
Jumped into the shit
And now they're in turd side bhy side.

In an outhouse, a young man named Packet
Was heard making a god-awful racket
When they said, "Why are you
Digging round in that poo?"
"'Cause my lunch fell down here in my jacket."

There's a very funny scene WRT an outhouse in this movie: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Cat,_White_Cat

Here is info on outhouses, which use a great many names and come in many styles (I particularly like the two-story version, though being on the first floor while the second is being used may be messy).

However, what caught my eye is the disclaimer at the top of the article.

Let's cut the crap and get to the nitty-gritty.

Ode To The Outhouse
by James Whitcomb Riley

--------------------------------

But when the crust was on the snow and the sullen skies were gray
In sooth, the building was no place where one could wish to stay.
We did our duties promptly, there one purpose swayed the mind,
We tarried not, nor lingered long on what we left behind,
The torture of that icy seat would make a Spartan sob,
For needs must scrape the gooseflesh with a lacerating cob,
That from a frost-encrusted nail was suspended by a string-
For Father was a frugal man and wasted not a thing.
When Grandpa had to "go out back" and make his morning call,
We'd bundle up the dear old man with a muffler and a shawl,
I knew the hole on which he sat, 'twas padded all around,
And once I dared to sit there-'twas all too wide I found,
My loins were all too little and I jack-knifed there to stay,
They had to come and get me out or I'd have passed away.
Then Father said ambition was a thing that boys should shun,
And I just use the children's hole 'till childhood days were done.
And still I marvel at the craft that cut those holes so true,
The baby hole, and the slender hole that fitted Sister Sue.
That dear old country landmark; I've tramped around a bit,
And in the lap of luxury my lot has been to sit-
But 'ere I die I'll eat the fruit of trees I robbed of yore
Then seek the shanty where my name is carved upon the door,
I ween the old familiar smell will soothe my faded soul,
I'm now a man, but none the less I'll try the children's hole.

Back to business...


The three I have for this easiest of easy rhymes are ALL from proofreader.

COME ON!

You should all send a limerick on Hyde.
It's the easiest one I have tried.
I already sent three --
Prove you're better than me.
I can state losses don't hurt my pride.

Even though limericks prove I'm a ninny,
Poor Bob griped that he just hadn't any,
Save the Proofreader three,
So he got one from me,
Though its tone's rather scratchy and tinny

quote:

And now they're in turd side bhy side.

I preferred the wordplay using "interred" - but it's a close call.

I will try to write a limerick when I get back from the Classic Car Show at Amberly today. See here http://www.amberleymuseum.co.uk/

Mine's on the way tonight...

I swear, we have more fun with these limerick threads than we do with the actual game!

MORE PLEASE!!!

I have 12 from 5 right now.

If the rest of you worked as hard we could make this a record number!

Results on SUNDAY

quote:

Results on SUNDAY

I shan't be here - it's the Lingfield steam fair.

Proofreader, it looks as if a couple of yours have gone missing - any chance of resending before I post the results?

On their way.

OK. Thanks.
Here are the entries.

Proofreader

Between Oldham and Stockport is Hyde;
Manchester is off to its side
To its east is Low Bradfield
And it’s there Fenster Hadfield
Was screwed naked, then dead, by his bride.

Fenster Hadfield said his loving bride
Was a harlot that he’d had in Hyde
When she said they should marry
He presumed to be wary
But he pitied the kid and complied.

So it isn’t good form to deride
Our poor Fenster and his bride from Hyde
She could screw like a mink
And he was tickled pink
Till he blew his aorta and died.


Asa

An S and M master named Hyde,
Down in old gay Paris, there he plied
His craft, and, I fear,
travaillé à son cuir,
Got the pox up his rear and he died

Kalleh

In me, my good friend did confide:
"I'm afraid to my bride I have lied.
I drank and was fried;
Saw my morals collide
With a beautiful hooker in Hyde."

Of my boyfriend I need to confide;
He's arrogant, jerky and snide!
I'm planning to ditch him;
Unleash and unhitch him.
I'm leaving and going to Hyde.

Richard

Remarked a young fellow from Hyde
To his girl, "My dear let's decide,
Shall I get on top,
And remember to stop,
Or would you feel safer astride?"

There was an old fellow from Hyde
Who married a young teenage bride.
Said his friends, "It sounds harmful
To wed such an armful".
He said, "Sure, but the others all died."

A randy young fellow from Hyde
Took a girl on the ferry to Ryde.
When they landed in Wight
She said that she might...
And his might was not then denied.

A feisty young typist from Hyde
Whose boss tried to kiss her, once cried,
"It's quite a wrong act
To kiss me, in fact,
It's wrong we're in bed side by side.

stella

A lady residing in Hyde
Ran a shop called “A Bit On The Side";
When her chutney and pickle
Had slowed to a trickle
The old slap and tickle she plied.

The problem with living in Hyde
Is the land is so prone to subside;
Though you build on the heights
And delight in the sights,
Within weeks you might float on the tide.

and for two reasons (because he probably doesn't want it, and for gratuitous use of French) I choose Asa to pick the next town.

quote:

Originally posted by BobHale:

and for two reasons (because he probably doesn't want it, and for gratuitous use of French) I choose Asa to pick the next town.

Are you out of your (*&!^%$#!)*%$# mind!?!?!?
Pick someone who knows how to write these things!

quote:

Pick someone who knows how to write these things!

That's the advantage of winning. You don't need to write one -- just pick the place.

You must have plenty of time in the Plasticwood Home.

Well, keeping you in mind, Proofreader, if I were to pick a place, I'd pick that little crossroads south of here, Wankers Corners.

I was cruising down by Wanker's Corner
Where I picked up a cute little for'ner.
So I gave her a go
And she said, "Take it slow."
But I thrusted too fast, now I've torner.

Nicely done, Asa!

Is that your choice Asa? Remember you won't have to write one. And then when this round is done you can quietly forget all about the game.



(And by the way your limerick wasn't bad, and the gratuitous use of French might well have won it anyway)

Ah, curses! Not long come back from holiday and thought I had longer! Well done, Asa, great poem!

In the interest of not letting limericks go to waste, here are the two I wrote while I was away:

An astrologer, visiting Hyde,
Bumped into a lamppost and cried,
"Damnation and blast!
Was I walking too fast
Or do Neptune and Mars conicide?"

Whilst walking on moors far and wide,
I pondered my limericks for Hyde.
Of it I know bupkis
I just thought them up 'cause
I thought it should look like I'd tried.

quote:

Originally posted by BobHale:
Is that your choice Asa? Remember you won't have to write one. And then when this round is done you can quietly forget all about the game.

Since I am not a good judge of limerick quality it really would be best if you select another to submit a name and do the judging. Keep Wankers Corners if you so desire, but do select another judge.

quote:

Since I am not a good judge of limerick quality it really would be best if you select another to submit a name and do the judging.

Nobody is. You can tell that by the fact that my limericks rarely win

How good a judge do you think I am?
I chose yours.

Well drat! I though my second one was particularly good this time (my last one for Stanley stunk!), given the double meaning of "Hyde" vs. "Hide" at the end.

However, I am fully aware that some artists aren't appreciated until their demise. I suspect that will be the same for me.

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Well drat! I though my second one was particularly good this time (my last one for Stanley stunk!), given the double meaning of "Hyde" vs. "Hide" at the end.

However, I am fully aware that some artists aren't appreciated until their demise. I suspect that will be the same for me.

Ah, it was, but you didn't speak foreign did you?

I've copied all of Kalleh's limericks to my hard drive, anticipating the day they increase in value.

But Kalleh, I punned "Hyde/hide" in French, since "cuir" is leather (hide) and it fits in with "gay" Paris, since it's pronounced, "queer." I tried my best to include as many innuendos as I could, and, of course, "innuendo" is the Italian word for buggary. Anyhow, if it takes this much work to write a limerick, I'll pass!

Please, Bob, select a person with talent! I'm outa here!

Asa

Asa, yours was excellent, and I do wish you had taken the torch from Bob.

Anyway, I was just commiserating out loud, as I am wont to do. I so much want to write good limericks, but I have to face it that people in the 2000s don't like mine that much (I've never won in the Empress's contest either). But one never knows about the 3000s. Proof is very smart.

Very well.
You can lead a horse to water etc.
Kalleh, for sheer persistence in the unseemly act of asking for favour - I name you substitute winner.
Pick a town.
As I leave for my summer job tomorrow, no further correspondence will be entered into.

Oh, I really didn't mean that, Bob. I had misread your post to Asa and thought you had already crowned Richard. However, I am happy to do the posting on this, but I'll collaborate with Asa. Asa, yours really was very clever and you at least need to work with me on this.

I've been thinking about my irksome competitiveness and am planning to blog about it. It really can be a pain!

As soon as Asa and I can come up with a venue, I'll post about it. Stay tuned limercists!

You did notice the , didn't you?

Of course, Bob, and have a great time on your summer job. Maybe when you come back, by some miracle, you'll be able to chat with us again.