Well folks, here are the limericks and, sadly, I have completely forgotten how to post a poll (it's certainly not intuitive) so I'll just have to hope this has worked - or someone else can sort the damn thing out...

Question:
1.
There’s something about Upper Dicker
That makes a young lad’s heart beat quicker -
It’s Dan’s daughter Daisy,
Who drives the boys crazy
By giving ‘em free reign to lick ‘er.

2.
For all of its faults, Upper Dicker
Allows you to trade your wife quicker –
If you covet a nag
But the wife’s an old hag,
You can barter when she starts to bicker.

("Nag" here is used in the sense "horse")

3.
The thing that made the couple snicker
As they hit town - a bumper sticker:
"I know a lotta
Lower Twatter
Is hard to find in Upper Dicker!"

4.
In Sussex's a town, Upper Dicker
Where people would barter and bicker;
Thus came the name,
Which I hate to defame,
But even a vicar would snicker!

5.
All us folks here in old Upper Dicker
Find each year that our skin must grow thicker.
Do the clods who abuse us
Still think they amuse us
With their limericks which end “Dicker sticker”?

6.
A young lad who roamed Upper Dicker
Caused a Mum and her daughter to bicker:
"But Mum, he's so cute!"
"Darling I've heard his flute's
The town's Number 1 Cherry picker."

Choices:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

 

Looks like you've Posted the Poll properly. I've voted.

vote here and vote often

Mine's in.

Considering the nature of the submissions, Kalleh, you might want to rephrase that.

I know it's too late to garner any votes, but I've got the winner right here:

A woman from round Upper Dicker,
So her man could get up 'er slicker,
Would grease up his pole
Which worked on the whole -
Except when it made him come quicker.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Greg S,

quote:

So her man could get up 'er slicker,

So her man could get up in 'er slicker

Yep - works even better!

Wasn't there a soft drink with aphrodisiac properties? I remember a 1950s jingle, "Dr. Pecker is the quicker dicker-upper..."

I think you have it confused with Cocka-Cola. Or perhaps it was Mountain, Do-me.

That's Mount N' Do

So it is.

Looking good. I've not voted yet myself (because I know the names of the contestants) but I will do so if there's a tie. Thus far the result's looking pretty clear.

Wish I had thought of this one sooner.

A virginal lass (Upper Dicker)
Found no man there was willing to sticker.
So one day after supper
She departed from Upper
And in Lower, the whole town did pricker.

Sadly those limericks added after the close can't count

I do confess to a feeling of slight surprise that there weren't more submissions for this easy rhyme with its plethora of smutty possibilities.

As I am off to Canada on an early flight on Friday I will close the voting on Thursday 23 September at around 1200 BST.

I think (only if you prefer mine, of course!) that you could vote in this competition.

It looks like we have a clear winner anyway, even if you do vote. Any other voters?

Well, the votes are in and limerick 6 is a clear winner written by...Greg S.

The other limericks were:

Number 1 - Mike
Number 2 - Mike
Number 3 - Greg S
Number 4 - Kalleh
Number 5 - Proofreader

My personal preference was Number 1, with its nice alliteration in L3. Greg's number six was marred for me by the faulty rhyme in L3/4. But they were all very good and so it's now over to Greg for the next destination. I won't be around for three weeks - unless I can find a computer to borrow in Canada.

Good to see Mike back in the game, but where were Bob, Arnie, Stella and Richard (you should have put one in - it probably would have won)? I voted for Kalleh's which I really liked, but my favourite was actually the one I submitted after the event, especially after Proof improved it.

I will open a new thread shortly for the next game, which will be based around the second biggest city in the State of Victoria, behind our capital Melbourne, which is the city of Geelong.

I have now posted the new game.

I didn't think it would be right for me to submit an entry for my own destination. And in any case, had I won I'd have not been around for a while to sort out the new one.

Congrats, Greg! I can't even remember which one I voted for.

quote:

where were Bob, Arnie, Stella and Richard

Unlike some others I find writing limericks very difficult and the results are rarely good enough to enter, let alone win. On the rare occasions that my muse visits I might send in an entry, but I can't be included in the same sentence as Bob, Stella, and Richard.

quote:

Unlike some others I find writing limericks very difficult

Please don't attempt to do this at home. We are trained professionals.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Hi Richard,

I know you wont see this until you get back from Canada, but I'd appreciate your comments when you get back. I understand your dissatisfaction with my imperfect line 3/4 rhyme, and was just wondering if the following minor variation, which is technically no different but works aurally is technically acceptable as a properly formed limerick or not:

A young lad who roamed Upper Dicker
Caused a Mum and her daughter to bicker:
"But Mum, he's so cute!"
"Sweetie I've heard his flute's
The town's Number 1 Cherry picker."

Hi Greg,

I'm not sure what Richard's response would be, but I am guessing that his objection was not to the word Darling , but to the imperfect rhyme of cute and flute's. The easiest fix would be to move the 's to the beginning of line 5:

A young lad who roamed Upper Dicker
Caused a Mum and her daughter to bicker:
"But Mum, he's so cute!"
"Darling I've heard his flute
Is the town's Number 1 Cherry picker."

A young lad who roamed Upper Dicker
Caused a Mum and her daughter to bicker:
"Honey, dn't let his flute
Anywhere near your chute
Or he'll tell all the boys and they'll snicker."."

quote:

but I am guessing that his objection was not to the word Darling , but to the imperfect rhyme of cute and flute's.

Exactly. That's why changing Darling to Sweetie makes it work aurally, because it is then cute's and flute's.

"But Mum he's so cute!" "S-
weetie I've heard his flute's

Thanks for your contribution Proof - love the flute and chute rhyme, but they are no longer bickering within the limerick.

quote:

Thanks for your contribution Proof - love the flute and chute rhyme, but they are no longer bickering within the limerick.

Different guy. I think she's a nymphomaniac.

I have managed to get the use of a computer in Canada. And yes, the objection to the L3/4 rhymes were solely cute/flute's. My solution would simply have been to get rid of the apostrophe s and but the verb "is" into L5.

If I get a chance I'll look back later.