The "amorous M.A" limerick is not original to me. Unlike Richard's clever production, which beers -- er, bears -- clear evidence of his authorship.

Since Richard encourages abbreviation-limericks, here is one penned by Mark Twain:

A man hired by John Smith and Co.
Loudly declared that he’d tho.
Men that he saw
Dumping dirt near his door.
The drivers, therefore, didn’t do.

quote:

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On Valentine's morning my Mrs.
Said "Why don't you look at what Thrs.
"I bought in a sale
This I.P.A.
- That must surely be worth a few Krs."

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...but I'm just not getting the "I.P."

P is pint? package?

quote:

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Originally posted by haberdasher:

quote:

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On Valentine's morning my Mrs.
Said "Why don't you look at what Thrs.
"I bought in a sale
This I.P.A.
- That must surely be worth a few Krs."

---

...but I'm just not getting the "I.P."

P is pint? package?

---

I.P.A. = India Pale Ale, a kind of beer (as if it could be anything else !)

Every silver lining has a cloud.
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Here's another one I've just thought up (and no beer references!):

A fellow from Bountiful (UT)
Once purchased a very small scUT
Though it was a strain
He made it to ME
To hunt with a famous duck shUT

Richard English

"India Pale Ale" fits a lot better than "International Phonetic Alphabet."

A linguist, lean, muscled, and mannish,
Had a wit that no umbrage could banish.
His polyglot maw
Could produce a guffaw
In English, French, Yiddish, or .... Catalán !

quote:

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Originally posted by Richard English:
A fellow from Bountiful (UT)
Once purchased a very small scUT
Though it was a strain
He made it to ME
To hunt with a famous duck shUT

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Excellent, R.E.!! Not just with abbreviations but with a bit of a British accent as well. I do believe this is one of the best things you've ever posted here. Very well done! And if this sounds like sarcasm on my part (possibly because of your limerick's beerlessness) I swear this isn't the case. One good turn deserving another, you've inspired the following:


As you know, I'm a man from Connecticut.
It was there that I learned about etiquette -
Amy Vanderbilt's views
About which forks to use
But, according to Rhymezone.com I run out of rhymes for Connecticut at this point and so even though written in about two minutes (thereby bolstering a reputation for composition speed I seem to have acquired) the whole thing goes straight down the toilet and, as the man said when he heard a musician boast that he could play the Minute Waltz in 47 seconds flat, "What good is it to play it fast if it comes out flat?" so I say the hell with it.


Yep, R.E., you've definitely got me today...

One thing that must surely astound
Is the strength of the GBP
The poor USD
's getting smaller and smaller
Don't worry - we'll buy the next round!

Richard English

A salesman who comes from CT
Is an expert at practicing ET
He supplies the housewives
With cleavers and knives
Assuming they know what the HT

Thank you, CJ.

I appreciate your compliments.

And how about:

As you know, I'm a man from Connecticut.
It was there that I learned about etiquette -
Amy Vanderbilt's views
About which forks to use
(Or which knife to make sure of the better cut)

Of course, I might have got this wrong since I'm not sure - is the middle "C" in Connecticut pronounced?

Richard English

Excellent, both of you, even though this is yet another case of egregious cross-threading. (Note how I gently shepherd the conversation back to its original point.)

HT (meaning "heck to cut") is a better rhyme for my home state than "better cut" but this is primarily when it is read. This would always have to be the case with any verse relying on abbreviations for its humor. On the other hand, if spoken "Or which knife to make sure of the betta cut" (with the slightly mispronounced "better") would be an improvement but, then again, that doesn't look as good on the page. It's a trade-off but both, as I say, are first rate.

And to answer your question, R.E., Connecticut shares a quality with a broken piano in that its middle C is silent.

quote:

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Originally posted by C J Strolin:
As you know, I'm a man from Connecticut.
It was there that I learned about etiquette -
Amy Vanderbilt's views
About which forks to use

But I run out of rhymes for Connecticut at this point.

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Here you go, CJ:
An inventive young lass from CN
Once sopped up a spill with her P,
Which, the gentry opined,
Was presence of mind
But deplorable absence of E.

quote:

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Originally posted by Richard English:
A fellow from Bountiful (UT)
Once purchased a very small scUT
Though it was a strain
He made it to ME
To hunt with a famous duck shUT

---

Continuing the UT theme:
Brigham Young never was nUT,
A pansy, a gay or a frUT.
Where ten thousand virgins
Succumbed to his urgin's
We now have the Great State of UT.

Neither of these are original with me.

One more non-original based on a state, but not suitable for abbreviations

There once was a gal from Alaska
Who'd make love whenever you'd ask her
But soon she grew nice,
And went up in price
'Til no one could touch her but Jesus H. Christ
Or conceivably John Jacob Astor.

Perhaps I am on the wrong forum? Richard and CJ not bickering? Will wonders never cease?

Great limericks there, guys!

First off, Kalleh: Who bickers? I merely point out R.E.'s occasional linguistic gaffe and gently correct it while he, in his role of proper English gentleman, harrumphs softly and makes mildly disparaging comments about the pretentions of upstart American youth. At 52, yes, I realize this is a bit of a stretch for me but anything's possible, right? As a greengrocer friend of mine has been known to say, "Will wonder's never cease?"

And Hic: Your "limerick" (??) brings to mind a picture I once saw of a calf with 5 legs. Four legs were right where you'd expect them to be but the fifth, apparently the remnant of a conjoined twin gone awry, extended out from the calf's side in an almost perpendicular fashion. You could recognize this beast as a calf but found yourself not being able to quite believe its structure or look away from it. Quite egregious!