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Firing the man in charge of the wind tunnel made him disgusted.
They replaced him with Amos and Andy, who were regusted.

I hope I'm not the only one old enough to get that one.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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"What ever happened to Skeezix?" they asked, gasolinally.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Proofreader:
Firing the man in charge of the wind tunnel made him disgusted.
They replaced him with Amos and Andy, who were regusted.

I hope I'm not the only one old enough to get that one.


Do da name "Ruby Begonia" ring any bells?
 
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Was Prince Rainier disgraced?


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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I used to have a copy of Ender's Game but it was disCarded.
 
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A fired Macdonald’s manager is disenfranchised

A vampire would be decrypted

We once printed an 11-month calendar and the boss was dismayed

An unruly oysterman would be subject to disclamation

A poor quilter would be discomforted

A Royal Family member in exile could be discounted

Nixon nominated Carswell for the Supreme Court but he was disappointed

A bad French chef would be let go for a baking discrepancy

The bank refused to give me a loan since I was discredited

The contestant asking for too many letters on Wheel of Fortune led to his disavowal

“This is a wonderful meat dish,” said the cannibal whole-heartedly

A plumber would be discommoded


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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A Catholic Mass might be disTracted.


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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Losing your farm makes you distilled


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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The major transgressors have sinned,
and, not yet blown away by the wind,
endure deprefixation;
as a manifestation,
they are from the oleum linned.
 
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When unkempt Cain slew his brother he most certainly was dis-heveled !

edit: insert hyphen for clarity

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Banishing Tanya Harding from skating left her disfigured


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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If the Screen Actors Guild goes on strike, will all the porn stars be dismounted?


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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David's Song after the death of Absalom was dissonant .

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When they caught me cheating on the exam, I was detested.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Valentine:
Was Pol Pot a despot?


Yes; and to run him out of town on a rail they had to take him to the depot.
 
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And now he's buried in potting soil

When you unsaddle a horse, don't forget to debit.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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"It's the first of June," he said with dismay !
 
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Mon Dieu! My illness, she is gone! Is that the reason I am dismal ?
 
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If a guy has a sex change, is he dismantled?


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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A Sikh without his headgear is disturbed


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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Was Paris* destroyed?

* The original one, son of Priam, not Paris, France or Paris Hilton. Cool


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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They took away the French chef's tools so he is now decrepit


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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"The employee from Kelly Girls isn't working out," said the boss. "We'll have to dis-temper."


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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I'm running dry here.

If you can remove a king, is he desirable?
And if he cannot be removed, is he undesirable?

History gives little credit to Jeremiah Johnson, who may have been America's first postman. At least no one ever complained about his delivery.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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If Daddy is a bus driver, is he transparent?
 
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The steroid-using athlete refused to give up his awards, so they were wrestled from him in a rare non-medical case of muscular dystrophy


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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To All Who Went Before Me:

My sincerest apologies if I re-used words that others had already punned upon. I never noticed there was another page until a few minutes ago. I could blame my aging eyes but that wouldn't be true.


Unfortunately, from my point of view, all those other puns were better than mine, too.

I am totally disgraced!

Damn! That's already been used twice.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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After the bridge player became totally disheartened he was endplayed. Or was it the other way 'round?
 
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Depressingly, someone run over by a steam roller cannot be depressed.

If you fire a female botanist, is she deflowered?

While a male undergoing a sex change is dismantled, he (she) is also disjointed. (a repeat, but in another sense)

Is a demon's butt the same as an impasse?

A fired portrait photographer is defaced.

Gary Kasparov can be deployed.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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Medical, but what the hey...

The people of Camelot couldn't get the words out trying to describe life without the King - they were dysarthric.
 
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The parade went well but the marchers lost decadence.

Is dis d'moon? No, it's dearth

Little known fact: Shakespeare was a lawyer until he was debarred


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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My friend overheard her ten-year-old son praying "Give us this day our jelly bread.
(True story)

Another that I like but can't verify ... the preacher overheard his son, together with his ten-year-old friends, having a funeral for a dead bird .... "Glory be to the Father, and to the Son , into the hole he goes."

(original official version says, "and to the Holy Ghost")
 
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I've heard "Our Father, who art in heaven, Hello! what be thy name?"
And of course there's Malachy McCourt's memoir A Monk Swimming.
 
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A popular and appropriate greeting given to an Officer of the Law on his arrival at the Crime Scene After the Fact: (a loan word of unknown origin)

Copulate
 
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No matter how many times you lick an ice cream cone, you can never delicate

The zoo wouldn’t let me paint an ostrich but they did let me diarrhea

They stole my son’s Play Station and now he’s unconsolable

The fired guitarist was diluted

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Proofreader,


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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The band Dire Straits have re-formed and hooked up with Chris Rea to make up a new super-group named Diarrhea (Diarrhoea in England).


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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"I'm sorry," said the rabbi. "Once you're circumcised, you can't debris. It's much like sex; there's no way to be delayed."

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Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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This might interest you, Jerry.

A man visited relatives in Texas and went with them to see their church's Christmas pageant. He was surprised to note that all the participants weree dressed in traditional Biblical garb except the Three Wise Men. They were wearing fireman's hats.

On the way home, he asked his relative about the hats.

"Why, boy," she said. "That there's all part of the Bible story. Don't you New Yorkers know anythang?"

"I'm sorry," he said, "but it don't recall anything like that mentioned in the Bible."

His relative opened her Good Book and pointed to the passage, reading aloud, "... and the Three Wise Men came from afar . . . "


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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Thanks, Proofreader.

That's a new and valuable addition to the Collection. As the Innkeeper in Bethlehem was fond of saying, "HOW WAS I TO KNOW?"

Another long-concealed part of the story is ..... one of those Wise Men (his Fireman's Helmet temporarily shoved aside) happened to step on a rake that had been left, tines up, on the floor. The handle of the rake come up and whopped him between the eyes and he shouted, "Jesus Christ!"

Whereupon the young couple, who had been discussing what to name the kid, agreed that that name had a nice ring to it. Amen.
 
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And it came to pass that as that same young man was wandering the countryside preaching, he came upon a young woman about to be stoned for adultery. And he said unto the crowd, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
And a large rock hurtled over their heads and smashed the woman in the face.
And he turned and said, "I thought I told you to knock that stuff off, Ma."

After his funeral coach broke down, the undertaker had to rehearse.

Following her mastectomy, the film starlet was repaired.

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Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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When Alley Oop lost his voice, he was disgruntled.

(Although not exactly, if you saw this little plot twist!)
 
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This variation on the "man walks into a bar" theme, either goes over well, or not at all, depending on the audience:

Jesus Christ walks into a motel, throws some nails onto the counter, and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"
 
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Chasing that wascally wabbit made Elmer befuddled

What's next, the Katzenjammer Kids?

I once sold hardware for doors but now I'm unhinged.

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Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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When my wind tunnel broke I was disgusted.
 
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...and then we took the chests of plundered gold from the Barbary Pirates and distributed them!
 
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My wife did a terrible job repairing my torn jeans and I was soon dispatched


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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Was the High Court judge on the take dishonoured?
(Perhaps his American equivalent would be dishonored.)


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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They removed the booths from the turnpike so the road is now extolled.

While trying to think of another word, I remembered a portion of an old joke about the man who was trying to have a child. But it didn't work and he told his buddies his wife was impregnable. But one buddy said she was inconceivable. There was a third term which I can't remember and it's driving me crazy. Who knows what it was?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Proofreader,


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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Eventually they decided children were unbearable, anyway.
 
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Excellent! You've thawed my brainfreeze.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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