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"I can't find my equipment, so I can't do my knitting," said Tom needlessly.
 
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"I can't read this tabula rasa," said Tom blankly.

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"I can't find my equipment, so I can't do my knitting," said Tom needlessly.

"Sore hands prevent me from manipulating my bread dough," said Tom, needlessly.
 
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"Sore hands prevent me from manipulating my bread dough," said Tom, needlessly."
That, too.


"I have to do three sets of those movements, ten times in each set," was Tom's reply.
 
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"I'll scratch where I itch, and Devil take the consequences!" said Tom rashly.
 
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As Ogden Nash wrote,

"There was a young belle of old Natchez
Who ripped all her garmets to patchez
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes
She drawled, when Ah itches, Ah scratchez!"

"Belle, scratch Mah itch!" Tom ejaculated
 
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"Damn crustaceans are biting my toes," said Tom, crabbily.

"My pants just split," said Tom, unseemly.

"This is excellent Chinese soup," said Tm, wantonly.
 
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"Shall I lick off that ketchup that you spilled down your dress," Tom said saucily.
 
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"I have the feeling that young scoundrel deceived me," Tom implied.

"...and I don't suppose it was for any legitimate purpose, either," he insinuated.
 
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"Watch me flex," Tom insinewated.

PS: Kudos, Hab - a double pun with "implied!"

"This coat is lovely, but where's the cat?" Tom's wife inferred.
 
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Not a Swifty but I wonder, if someone seeks to have sex with a bicycle, does that make him a pedalphile? Or must it be a very new bike with training wheels?
 
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"This coat is lovely, but where's the cat?" Tom's wife inferred.

A propos of double-puns - consider

"Ah, I see you've been out hunting for mink," Tom's wife inferred.
 
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"He's over his head in manure," Tom's wife said, as he was interred.
 
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"Two plus two does equal four!" said Tom, positively.
 
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"Hand me the lye," Tom said caustically. (Tom was a base fellow, y'see)
 
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"Two plus two does equal four!" said Tom, positively.


Should be in World's Worst Joke, maybe:

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street.
One says "My goodness, I've lost an electron!"
"Are you positive?" asks the other.
 
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I got a charge out of it! Of course, if he'd been a boy with a great voice in a medieval church choir, he'd end up as a neutrino.
 
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Not to be confused with... (see World's Worst etc...)
 
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"I use a lumberjack's birth control." said Tom, logarithmically.
 
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"I'm tired of getting up to urinate five times a night, "said Tom peevishly.
 
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"You can buy all the salmon and mackerel you like, but I'm going to charge you twice the price, 'cause I've the only market in town!" said the shopkeeper selfishly.
 
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Originally posted by haberdasher:
...selfishly.
Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
 
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Venial at worst:

"I heard tell you used to enjoy beef on Fridays, Father Xavier," he insinuated.
 
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"Rotten SOB or not, we've still got to use the defibrillator on this politician," Dr Tom said repulsively.
 
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"He'd had a heart attack, and I thought it was appropriate to leave the aircraft and take him to a hospital," Tom explained patiently.

(And if it had been his own illness it would have been impatiently...)
 
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"This rodent stuck in my aura organ makes it hard to hear," said Tom, erratically.
 
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"I won with my last lottery ticket, and I'm not anxious to tempt fate again!" said Tom reluctantly...
 
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"I've always been a breast man," Tom said, boobishly.
 
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I really detest golden showers, Tom said peevishly.
 
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"I'm doing online research about how to bowl a tricky cricket ball," said Tom googly.
 
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"The bark from redwoods can cure many ailments and wounds," said Tom, tremendously.
 
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"The obstetrician said we apparently had twins!" said Tom.
 
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"The obstetrician said we apparently had twins!" said Tom.
That's it?
 
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Apparently.
 
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Jim 'n I had twins.
 
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Swifties need an adverb ending, in most cases/.
 
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That was just a pun. Gemini/ Jim 'n I Even I know what a Thomas cum celeritas is
 
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That was just a pun. Gemini/ Jim 'n I Even I know what a Thomas cum celeritas is


I was referring to Hab's
 
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You're right. Generally. This one was internal. I was trying to THBOXINK. Or at least expand it.
 
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How about

Apparently, Tom said "The obstetrician told us we had twins!"

instead?
 
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If brevity is the soul of wit, your single word is perfect.
 
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Apparently, Tom said "The obstetrician told us we had twins!"

It's even worse than I thought - I just, after all this time, saw the "pair" in "apparently." And I'm the one who wrote it in the fist place.
 
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"We need Venetian curtains," said Tom, blindly.
 
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"Let's make America great again and buy a US-made assault weapon," Trump said, coltishly.

( Colt, of Hartford, Connecticut, makes the AR 15 used in the two last mass murders)
 
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"I must never mention "guns" while discussing school shootings," said Trump, automatically.
 
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Comic Caesar got punched in mouth, said Tom incidentally.
 
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"Phone the midwife!" cried Tom hysterically.

"I wear tightie-whities," Tom advised briefly.

"Excuse me," muttered Tom astutely.

"Lemme at those Panzers," shouted Tom cantankerously.

"Poetry sucks," said Tom conversationally.

"Put the recyclables out early," asvised Tom cannily.

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"Poetry sucks," said Tom conversationally.

"I believe I have a poem to suit your needs," said Tom, perversely.

"Excuse me," muttered Tom astutely.
CLASSIC!
 
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It's a flatulent leprechaun Tom said gastrognomically.

"The obnoxious electrician shocked me again," Tom said, repulsively.
 
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"It appears your water broke," said Tom, laboriously.
 
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