Some have commented that our limericks thread is so long that it takes quite a bit of time to load on their computers. So I've started a continuation thread here.

If the Limerick thread is too long
And if Schuphitz deems that is wrong
He can just go ahead
And spin a new thread
And the rest of us travel along.

TrossL, your last limerick(s) was delicious, witty & sensual! What a talent you have. Having begun to write these limericks (and even a few dactyls), I realize that, in the end, it is the content and wit that count. That's where you see the real talent. Many here, besides TrossL, have shown a great deal of talent.

No matter what the sweet King says, that's where my limericks peter out. Perhaps I have caught on to the meter, my rhyming is good, and I may even have a little alliteration now & then....but my content is mundane; case in point, a limerick about my dog--as TrossL writes about "thighs"!

Seeing as how we are taking our subject to a fresh, new thread, this seems like an opportune time to put the monarchy to bed.

The original idea was to establish a challenge so that other limerickists (word?) would attempt to gain the crown through competition which would lead to better and better pieces. In particular, I completely expected R.E. and Hic et ubique to jump into the fray in a big way. This didn't exactly happen and my "crown" became primarily a target for brickbats (loving, respectful brickbats, maybe, but still...) snowballs, and etc. Oh, well. No biggie.

Also, as TrossL mentioned on the DD thread, the grading system may have put some people off to the extent that they hesitated to contribute. This certainly was not my intention.

Lastly, I was recently attempting some character development which I (apparently alone) thought might be interesting. The "rewriting the OED" idea was going to blossom into a Mad King scenario in which I was going to eventually invade and attempt to conquer TrossL's DD realm in a "Mother of all Threads" parody of our recent madness in the Middle East. What was I thinking? Obviously this would have entailed too much work and, even in the beginning stages, it seemed like I was only pissing people off.

So. As my final regal proclamation, I declare this thread to be monarch-free. The King, while not dead, is civilianized. I am abdicating the throne for the woman I love. If any of you are so enclined, Britney Spears and I are registered at Tiffany's, Neiman Marcus, and White Castles.


The ex-King has spoken.

His Majesty, need we explain,
Has the grace to relenquish his reign
His note indicates
That he now abdicates
As his subjects we never complain

....... well, hardly ever !


* ** *** ***** ******** ******** ***** *** ** *

Whispered question for sensitive ears:
While you're strollin' along with Miss Spears:
Who pays for the jitney
For transporting Britney,
Our taxes, or your lordly peers?

~~~ jerry

[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Mon Mar 10th, 2003 at 15:06.]

Feelings on forums are funny;
People are not always that sunny.
Forgive and forget;
Don't be upset.
(I wish I could make this line punny!)

CJ gave up the throne!
It was his decision alone
He had a wonderful reign
But sometimes was a pain
And he frequently made me groan.

(But ya' know I love's ya' CJ!)

Revenant your Limerick's in keeping
With traditional guilt-inspired weeping
Perhaps you were misled
And the girl in the shed
Was really not dead, only sleeping

quote:

---

Revenant (e) ??

What is this supposed to mean?

---

"revenant" is the French adjective for "returning." By extension "returning from death," which seemed appropriate to your Limerick. With that spelling, it's grammatically masculine gender.

"revenante" is the feminine form of the same word.

Sorry I didn't explain that.

I'm curious and would like to ask how you happened to choose your "handle."

~~~ jerry

[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Tue Mar 11th, 2003 at 8:21.]

Before you ask, revenant, I'll explain my response to your reply, which was, "Curiosity killed the cat."

Saying "Come again?" is one of the ways we express the idea that we have not understood what has just been said -- or written. It calls for a repeat of the response, perhaps in other words.

It's also a "play on words," or a "pun." You will find an abundance of such stuff in this Wordcrafters Community.

Because your "handle" means "returning," "or one who returns," it inspired me to write, "Come again?"

Whew!

Have you been here before, and just returned? Is all of this, for you, déja vu?

One more question ==> Are you a blond(e)??


~~~ jerry

[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Tue Mar 11th, 2003 at 12:15.]

Well, Revenant, whatever the reason for your handle, welcome aboard! We hope to see more of you!

M-H defines revenant as "one that returns after death or a long absence", so, welcome back, Revenant. (Grammatically that should be "one who returns..." After C J finishes updating the OED, maybe he'll straighten out M-W.)

The OED defines it as "One who returns from the dead; a ghost. Also attrib., as adj., and fig." or "One who returns to a place".

Both sources date it to 1827.

The OED also gives an obsolete meaning (from 1440): "One who returns to a place".

Tinman

Our shy Asa has sent me a limerick and has given me permission to post it:

There once was a lady named TrossL
Who thought she'd give Jerry a jostle
But JT turned her down
As he said with a frown,
Alas, I've become an apostle!

I do need to learn my words with more depth as they get me into trouble way too often!

Once again our Kalleh does error;
Let's kick her fat derriere!
Ignorant of "jostle",
Offending our TrossL,
And making things tense for Jerr(y)

Thank God CJ is no longer grading these!

I am sorry, TrossL, Jerry and Asa.

It's time to respond to the jossL
Allegedly offered by TrossL
There's no need for courage
Comparing my age with your age
You're invited to call me a fossL

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Once again our Kalleh does error;
Let's kick her fat derriere!
Ignorant of "jostle",
Offending our TrossL,
And making things tense for Jerr(y)

Thank God CJ is no longer grading these!

---

Grading, no (the sound you heard was my brain exploding at first reading) but critiquing, well...

Change "error" (a noun) to "err" (the verb you were looking for) and not only does the "err/derriere" rhyme work but the also rhyming "Jerr(y)" at the end gives the piece that final fillip that makes for a superior limerick.

Tex-KHS

Yes, CJ, you of course are right about the word "err". I was having too much fun, I guess, with the word "derriere" to pay close attention. Sweet Shufitz said I shouldn't have used the word fat so that definitely made my day!

I'm Available

Dear TrossL, what could your excuse be?
In all aspects of sex from A to Z,
This gal with the duck
Is familiar? What luck!
You're my friend so why not introduce me?!


Hmmmm...

Meter & structure: D (line #2 shaky)
Rhymes: C (ditto)
Text, heartfelt: A (last line a good closer, but...)
Overall: a weak C


The king (lower case k) is rusty

quote:

---

Originally posted by C J Strolin:
_I'm Available_

Dear TrossL, what could your excuse be?
In all aspects of sex from A _to_ Z,
This gal with the duck
Is familiar? What luck!
You're my friend so why not introduce me?!


Hmmmm...

Meter & structure: D (line #2 shaky)
Rhymes: C (ditto)
Text, heartfelt: A (last line a good closer, but...)
Overall: a weak C


The king (lower case k) is rusty

---

Very rusty. The metre is so easy to fix I'm surprised at you.
How about

TrossL, what could your reason be?
In all aspects of sex - A _to_ Z,
This gal with the duck
Is your friend? Oh, what luck!
So am I, so please introduce me.


And that only took about five second's work. The first two lines still don't make much sense but the metre's fixed.

You need more practice.

Vescere bracis meis.

Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

quote:

---

Originally posted by BobHale:
Dear TrossL, what could your excuse be?
In all aspects of sex from A _to_ Z,
This gal with the duck
Is familiar? What luck!
You're my friend so why not introduce me?!

TrossL, what could your reason be?
In all aspects of sex - A _to_ Z,
This gal with the duck
Is your friend? Oh, what luck!
So am I, so please introduce me.

---

See what happens when you only take five seconds?

The whole thing was driven by the last line "you're my FRIEND so why NOT introDUCE me" so this makes your first line out of kilter. I don't see your elimination of a syllable here and there as any major improvement but, on the other hand, it's not a disimprovement (word?) either.

However...

quote:

---

Originally posted by TrossL:
Dear TrossL, what could your excuse be?
Tired of waiting for _you_ to seduce me,
This gal with the duck
You know her? What luck!
You're my friend so why not introduce me?!

---

Ba-BOOM! This one hits the mark.

I had worked a while with a "seduce me" line but abandonned it as a bit of a cheat seeing as how the last two rhyming syllables of lines 2 and 5 would actually be not rhymes but identical. "(se)DUCE me" rhymes with "(ex)CUSE be" but not, technically, with "(intro)DUCE me" again, or at least that's my understanding of it.

In this case, however, a little less pedantry on my part would have made for a better piece, especially that contrived "from A to Z" part. Well done.

The final standings:
TrossL - A
My original - a weak C
B.H. - a slightly weaker C
Shufitz & Kalleh - F (no limerick turned in before the time limit)
Morgan - C+ (for the limerick she would have turned in if she had had the time. I'm sure it would have been wonderful.)

An "F" again, for dear, sweet Kalleh? Here I am, slaving away, at a conference in DC; I have not even read about this competition. More time, teacher???? Please?????

I'm guessing CJ never read the last limerick I posted here.

TrossL's on lie, I espy,
So I write these remarks on the fly.
Besides being prettier
She's sharper and wittier,¹
Cuter and cleverer than I.

¹Much like the author of Snow Bound.

Our CJ gives Kalleh an "F";
This grade falls on ears that are deaf!
An over-achiever
Who works like a beaver,
This Kalleh requests a new ref!

I know I'm in trouble when Americans aren't getting my jokes! There was no competition, Kalleh. That was the point - that I was assigning grades for entries that weren't sollicited.

And yes, Morgan, I read every syllable you deem worthy to post. By giving you a "C+" for work you didn't submit, my intention was to make Kalleh and Shufitz crazy when they received their equally undeserved "F" but I just ended up confusing everybody. I can hear Shufitz now, "You seven seven seven!!"

And Hic, "TrossL's on lie, I espy"???

CJ's sense of humor is weird,
About which wordcrafters have sneered.
Yet, definitely cute,
He's really a hoot!
We're glad he has not disappeared!

quote:

---

Originally posted by C J Strolin:
And Hic, "TrossL's on lie, I espy"???

---

"Line". <blush>

quote:

---

Originally posted by TrossL:
Relax, I did not misconstrue,
Bit'o fun's what I'm having with you.
Your lines brought a smile
To my face for a while.
And of course my esteem for you grew!

---

I know that we can't be a twosome,
For though you are gorgeous, I'm gruesome.
Your esteem for me grows?
That's fine, I suppose,
As long as I don't misconstruesome.

There's wisdom in what people say:
"No matter what, love finds a way."
Although in the light
Surely I'm no delight,
In the dark, my dear, all cats are grey.

(Reminds me of this one, by Anthony Euwe. It's by President Wilson's favorite, and he recited it so often that people assumed that he had written it.)

As a beauty I'm not a great star,
There are others more handsome by far,
But my face, I don't mind it,
Because I'm behind it--
'Tis the folks in the front that I jar.

PS. A bit of "link the limericks":

Have you heard of the knock-kneed Sam Guzzum
And Samantha, his bow-legged cousin?
There are some people say
That love finds a way.
But for Sam and Samantha it doesn't.

In Ubique's Samantha verse
The problem could have been worse
For their amorous quest
(Which was close to incest)
With their skeletal bends in reverse

The tale of Samantha and Sam's
The ones with the oddly-shaped gams
Though they won't win a prize
For the shape of their thighs
Can we see them on video cams?

.

[This message was edited by TrossL on Thu Jun 5th, 2003 at 7:34.]

Let us not hear of ifs, ands, or buts
The protagonist is a putz
No need for prognosis
In this diagnosis
In a word, friend, the lady is nuts.

quote:

---

Originally posted by TrossL:
We were talking about not being able to write serious stuff in limericks in the chat today...
And they were right...

---

Your valiant attempt to write something serious in limerick form proves the point perfectly. Try reading it, as soon as the rhythm of the first line is heard the expectation is created that this is going to be funny. As the second through to fourth lines build the expectation of a punch line builds and so when there isn't one in the fifth people try to find the joke anyway.


It's impossible to hear the limerick rhythm without expecting it to be funny.

Vescere bracis meis.

Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.

Whereas this is undoubtedly true, people's expectations are not always confirmed.

After all, some people drink American Budweiser in the expectation that it will taste of beer!

Richard English

quote:

---

Originally posted by Richard English:
After all, some people drink American Budweiser in the expectation that it will taste of beer!

Richard English

---

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

I agree. Limericks are inherently funny and there's nothing humorous about a woman going insane.

Maybe you could write one about some old guy getting hit over the head with a beer bottle. (or would that be too abrasive?)

I'll give it a try CJ:

Richard hits CJ with a Bud,
Which lands on his head like a "thud"!
Now, CJ does hack,
Employing Hog's Back,
And Kalleh must rescue each stud!

This Limerick's surely a joke
Kalleh's vision's obscured by the smoke
The bud that he used
Left us somewhat confused
For a "hit" on a "bud" is a toke

What some of you may not yet know
there's a brand new "King Bud" beer although
it's brewed by the Czechs
which surely must vex
A-B and their "fizzing-beer" show.

Richard English

Love it, Jerry and Richard!

Sweet Hic calls Kalleh "poetess".
Kalleh says, "thanks, but no-etess".
Fun is her goal,
Warming her soul.
But, talent--it takes more it does!

I have been waiting for weeks for an opportunity to rhyme "poetess" with "no-etess", just ask Shufitz! Thanks, Hic.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Richard hits CJ with a Bud,
Which lands on his head like a "thud"!
Now, CJ does hack,
Employing Hog's Back,
And Kalleh must rescue each stud!

---

Hmmm... How about:
1st line - Change "CJ" to "Chris" for better meter.
2nd line - Change "like" to "with" for better syntax.
3rd line - First comma optional.
Last line - Followed by photo of (left to right) R.E., Kalleh, & yours truly lying in bed enjoying post-coital cigarettes, doobies, British beers, whatever.

Ah, Yes..... Much better!


And J.T., your "Token" piece was one of the best of this entire thread! First class, A+!

quote:

---

Originally posted by C J Strolin:
R.E., Kalleh, & yours truly lying in bed enjoying post-coital cigarettes, doobies, British beers, whatever.

---

You're risqué-ting on thin ice, here, buddy.

CJ has the hots for Richard ???

Who'd have thought it? Now I understand why TrossL couldn't get anywhere with him.

Sadly I have never been good at sub-texts or hints! (Which is doubtless why I have led a life of such virtue - I just don't pick up on the clues!)

Tell me, and I'll probably understand it
Ask me, and I'll probably do it
Hint to me and I'll probably miss it.

Richard English

OK gang, this is getting just the slightest bit tedious, having to explain myself over and over when it should be obvious (to my mind, anyway) that what we are dealing with here is something commonly referred to as "humor."

My critique of Kalleh's limerick has been assailed both in this thread and via private topic as being, at the very least, of questionable taste. Allow me to respond.

First and foremost, I most definitely do not have designs in any way, shape, or form on either Kalleh or (shudder!) R.E. In fact, the idea of our venerable British beer expert and I being involved in any sort of slap-and-tickle activities in the same country much less the same bed is ridiculous to the extreme. It is from this outrageous imagined situation that the humor (bed)springs.

My response was based on Kalleh's referring to the two of us as "studs" in her limerick (an unfortunate choice of words, made just for the sake of rhyme, that I'm sure she now regrets) and the fact that she, in the past, has been the one to come between R.E. and me when we've had our occasional verbal dust-ups. Overlap those two images and you get, voila, the aforementioned post-coital image of the three of us.

It was a joke, people. Lighten up!


(Although, Shufitz, nice wordplay with "risque-ting.")

I appreciate your reply, CJ. I was a bit taken aback by that, though perhaps I shouldn't have been.

I do realize that I used an unfortunate word--"stud" in my limerick. I couldn't come up with another word to rhyme with "Bud" (and I know you hate inexact rhymes!)--so I blame the whole incident on Anheuser Busch!

quote:

---

having to explain myself over and over that what we are dealing with here is something commonly referred to as "humor."

---

Now, now, CJ. I took it as humor, and (as I'm sure you recognized) wrote my response in the same vein.

quote:

---

Originally posted by C J Strolin:
the idea of our venerable British beer expert and I [sic ] being involved in any sort of slap-and-tickle activities in the same bed is ridiculous to the extreme.

---

I am rolling with laughter at the image, CJ. I can't help thinking of the saying, "Bedfellows make strange politics."

Thank you. The pun wasn't original, but it was fun to get a chance to use it.

quote:

---

Originally posted by shufitz:
the idea of our venerable British beer expert and I [sic ]...

---

Good catch, Shoo, and thanks. This is one grammatical error that I make a conscious effort to avoid but, well, what can I say? The "and I" just sounds right so it's an easy error to make.

And Hic, yes, I did see your response as non-serious. It reminded me of an exceptional episode of "Fraiser" where, through a long set of circumstances too involved to spell out here, some visitors come to mistakenly believe that Frasier's prissy brother Niles and their father are actually a May/December homosexual couple. In a secluded and rushed conversation in the kitchen, Fraiser expresses outrage over the situation but Niles responds "You?! What about me?! They think that the best I can do is an old man!!" (In other words, I'm sure R.E. is a very nice person, but...)