1
There’s a couple living in Skookumchuck
And the husband looks and acts like a duck
Though he quacks all the day
His wife thinks it’s okay
As she pecks the ground, and then makes a cluck

2
I was courted by a fella up near Skookumchuck
He thought chocolates and some flowers might just bring him luck
This guy thought me quite a femme
But I'm into S&M
So I stomped him with my high-heeled pump, the poor dumb fuck!

3
“I once saw an an old kangaroo come, Chuck”
Said a wife to her hubby in Skookumchuck
She went on in annoyance,
“You could use more flamboyance
It had rather more bounce than when you come, Chuck”

4
I once met a fella in Skookumchuck,
He was handsome and strong, and a true young buck.
While plenty of zen,
He wasn't a ten:
He'd make me so mad I'd yell, "You dumb schumuck!"

5
I got stuck in the muck in Skookumchuck
While driving around in my pickup truck
I almost cried
When the engine died
For I was out of gas and out of luck

6
A Haida living in Skookumchuck
Said, “Salish woman will bringmeluck”
He saw one out clamming
He thought it not damning
To offer his big, slimy geoduck
Geoduck pronounced “gooey duck”

7
It wasn't Greece, but Skookumchuck
That sprite fellow no goo’ bum Puck
He, with potions, does wrong
So, the queen starts to long
For ass, ---Bottom, to woo ‘un f*ck

8
There was a man from Skookumchuck
Renowned for bravery and pluck
He feared no one
Under the sun
Except his wife, a French Canuck

9
When watching the tennis in Skookumchuck
The women make me wanna puke 'n' chuck.
Their play still appeals -
It's those horrible squeals
That make me and even John Newcombe chuck.

10
Had a blowout-- badly-timed--in my pick-up truck
I went off 95 up near Skookumchuck
I was nearly washed away
In the rapid Kootenay--
Saved by rafters-- totaled truck-- what a clusterfuck!

(May be sung to the tune of "While Strolling Through the Park One Day")

11
I said to the children, "Well do come chuck
Some wood on the bonfire", in Skookumchuk
They responded with glee
But for Charlie, and he
Just sulked when we said, "Why don’t you come, Chuck"?

12
He was lost and searching for Skookumchuck
Thought he’d ask some dudes in a pickup truck
“At the fork in the road,
Which way should I go?”
Looking mean, one replied, “I don’t give a f*ck!”

13
I went to a bar in Skookumchuck
Started a fight with a man named Buck
Got knocked to the floor
And kicked out the door
And landed in the filth and the muck

14
Whichever way you wanna spruik 'em Chuck,
I tell ya these people from Skookumchuck
Hate strangers and so
If you really must go,
Whatever you do, do not spook 'em, Chuck.

15
I was tryin' to find the little town o' Skookumchuck
At Vancouver, headed north through all the mire and muck
At the rapids near the narrows
Told to go east with the sparrows
So I drove 600 miles from West to East Bumfuc

Question:
Name your poisin.

Choices:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen

 

S/B "poison".

Proof, why did you delete the photo of a geoduck in my #6?

It was covfefe.

I'm confused. I just tried to vote for #3-- then tried again-- but the poll did not register my vote.
??!

Have another go. It registered mine OK.
Click vote then choose 3. It should be OK (I know your vote hasn't registered because at the moment 3 has no votes.)

I just copied what was posted into the poll. I accept no responsibility for errors (but will gracously acknowledge praise fotr fine work).

OK, it worked for me today

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
I just copied what was posted into the poll. I accept no responsibility for errors (but will gracously acknowledge praise for fine work).

Clapping!

We need more votes - it's a four way tie at the moment.

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
I just copied what was posted into the poll. I accept no responsibility for errors (but will gracously acknowledge praise for fine work).

#6 should read
6
A Haida living in Skookumchuck
Said, “Salish woman will bringmeluck”
He saw one out clamming
He thought it not damning
To offer his big, slimy geoduck

Geoduck is a large clam that has a very long, phallic-looking neck and is pronounced “gooey duck.” Here's a photo.

Your version eliminated the blank line after "To offer his big, slimy geoduck," and before what should have been "Geoduck is a large clam that has a very long, phallic-looking neck and is pronounced 'gooey duck.' Here's a photo," but which you rendered "Geoduck pronounced 'gooey duck.'" The blank line serves a purpose, that is, to separate the descriptive line from the limerick. You got it right in #10. The description and photo also serve a purpose. In fact, they are essential for the understanding of the limerick.



I don't know why a poll is necessary. People manage to vote in the "Bluffing Game" without a poll. The poll results are confusing to some and I would favor eliminating it.

Lotsa them needed a bit of imagination with the meter. Funny how there is certainly no unanimous choice.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,

The poll keeps the voting anonymous and avoids any arguments about why someone voted the way they did when MY limerick was clearly so much better.

Five way tie now.
I have to admit that very few of these work for me at all and - eliminating my own - I was only left with two that I could consider. All of the others don't, to my ear, have the right metre for a limerick. It would be interesting to hear how the authors pronounce them.

Six way tie now. This is kind of funny and makes me happy, too. I hope everyone gets a vote!

Hahaha, agree, sattva, this is a funny vote. These limericks remind me of the 17 Republicans in the 2016 primary

As to metre issues you raise, Bob: might have something to do w/the metre of Skookumchuck Like Stanley, I thought 'I coulda been a contendah!', but too many syllables & too little metre have left me w/nary a vote...

The metre of Skookumchuck isn't really the problem. The only natural way to stress it is SKOO-kum-chuck and that's fine for a limerick because one form of perfect rhyme is to rhyme the last stressed syllable and have any subsequent unstressed syllables identical. And it's acceptable to have two identical unstressed syllables after the rhymed syllable in lines 1.2 and 5.

The problem is that several of the limericks presented are so far from anapestic that to make them work at all you have to deliberately put stress on words like "it" and "a". As I said, apart from my own there are only two that manage it and one of those (actually the one I voted for) is very slightly off.

It is an interesting distribution of votes though.

quote:

I have to admit that very few of these work for me at all and - eliminating my own - I was only left with two that I could consider.

Same here, Bob. I got mine, but not many others.

I had trouble make my own limericks work for me! I will cast a vote soon, maybe i will be able to split the tie, or maybe I will spread the love make and it a 7 way tie and leave it up to Tinman with casting vote.

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:
...or maybe I will spread the love make and it a 7 way tie and leave it up to Tinman with casting vote.

<3

Sorry Tinman but I made it a 7-way tie. I decided not to look at the results when deciding, so that I just picked the one I liked best. #11 scanned and rhymed best for me, and although most of limericks using oo as the main rhyme all end with chuck, this one made a clear distinction between the use of chuck as a verb in one case and a name in the other, and it cleverly mentioned his name in another form (Charlie) as well. Whilst it wasn't particularly funny or blue, I still liked it the best. But there were many good ones, especially considering how little we had to work with.

Don't think we have ever had a seven way tie before. Anybody want to make it eight?

Eight way tie, now!

quote:

Originally posted by BobHale:
The poll keeps the voting anonymous and avoids any arguments about why someone voted the way they did when MY limerick was clearly so much better.

Yes, the poll assures anonymity. I wonder how much this is valued since many voters post which one they voted for and why and what's wrong with the others. Still, it's nice to have. Only the tie-breaker gets no anonymity!

My major objection to the poll is the published results can be confusing to read. Is it possible to separate the choices with a blank line so it would look something like the following?

0 (0%) One

0 (0%) Two

0 (0%) Two

1 (13%) Three

And there should be no reason for arguing over the reasons for voting for a particularly limerick. The person who proposed this game presented only 2 rules , both of which have been "relaxed." And that the voters were to vote for their favorite, using " whatever criteria they choose."

quote:

1. It must be of the classical "person from place" form

2. The place name must be in the A-rhyme position.

When the originator has enough he publishes them without names and everyone gets to vote on which one they like best (by whatever criteria they choose)

Edited to provide link.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: tinman,

Somehow I missed or I had forgotten those two rules, tinman. By the way, do you have to break the tie or can you vote for one that hasn't been picked?

quote:

My major objection to the poll is the published results can be confusing to read. Is it possible to separate the choices with a blank line so it would look something like the following?

Short answer? No. The layout is part of the forum software.

Try this Dummy Test Poll.

I have cast the first Vote already and I voted for Number 4 Lets see how obvious it is that that was the one I voted for. I am not yet sure if it helps. Cast a few more votes and we shall see.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Greg S,

quote:

1. It must be of the classical "person from place" form

2. The place name must be in the A-rhyme position.

Can you point to where the "rules" were promulgated? I was under the impression that the only rule was that the place name had to be at the end of L1, 2, or 5. There was no restriction on L1 requiring a "traditional" limerick beginning.

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:

quote:

1. It must be of the classical "person from place" form

2. The place name must be in the A-rhyme position.

Can you point to where the "rules" were promulgated? I was under the impression that the only rule was that the place name had to be at the end of L1, 2, or 5. There was no restriction on L1 requiring a "traditional" limerick beginning.

It is just that now. And that it must actually be a limerick. I originally (oh so long ago) suggested the game and at the time I did suggest it had to be "person from place" form but that was quickly abandoned.

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
Can you point to where the "rules" were promulgated?

I'm sorry. I forgot to post the link, but here it is. I've also edited my original post to include the link.

If you notice, I said the rules have been "relaxed." In other words, they're not really followed. I wasn't posting that to say that we should follow those rules. I was posting it to show that the rules are pretty loose, almost to the point of "anything goes." This was not meant to be a criticism, merely an observation. My main point was in the last sentence of that quote: "When the originator has enough he publishes them without names and everyone gets to vote on which one they like best (by whatever criteria they choose)." (Emphasis mine)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: tinman,

quote:

Originally posted by sattva:
Somehow I missed or I had forgotten those two rules, tinman. By the way, do you have to break the tie or can you vote for one that hasn't been picked?

The proposed rules were never really followed, Sattva, and are not really important. The important thing is to enjoy the game and avoid bickering or arguing. One of the reasons this game was established is because of the dissatisfaction with the OEDILF (Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form, originally Oxford English Dictionary in Limerick Form, but changed for legal reasons). I can't say much about it since I was not part of it.

Yes, I have to break the tie, unless some else breaks it for me. I'll do so tomorrow.

quote:

Try this Dummy Test Poll.

I have cast the first Vote already and I voted for Number 4 Lets see how obvious it is that that was the one I voted for. I am not yet sure if it helps. Cast a few more votes and we shall see.

Bob's had a look and said he thinks it makes it worse, maybe it does maybe it doesn't, how the hell could we possible tell? Nobody but me has voted in it??? And it is only after a few votes are there that we can tell. There are not limericks there, it's just as it says a Dummy Test Poll, where you pick your favourite number between 1 - 10, not too taxing, just to see if it helps. Maybe it won't but can't tell yet.

Mine is one of very few not chosen. Oh well. I have known for awhile I've not been on the same limerick wavelength as many of you. I still like writing them!

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Mine is one of very few not chosen. Oh well. I have known for awhile I've not been on the same limerick wavelength as many of you. I still like writing them!

Kalleh, I got the booby prize this time. Of the 6 limericks unvoted-for, three were mine!

quote:

Originally posted by bethree5:

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Mine is one of very few not chosen. Oh well. I have known for awhile I've not been on the same limerick wavelength as many of you. I still like writing them!

Kalleh, I got the booby prize this time. Of the 6 limericks unvoted-for, three were mine!

How strange! I have voted for both of you in other limerick games.

I was hoping someone would do it for me, but I have to break the tie. My vote goes to #6, Geoff and his big geoduck. So Geoff gets to pick the next place-name if he so desires. If he doesn't feel like doing it, he can pass it on to someone else.

Here's the rundown:
1 Sattva
2 bethree5
3 BobHale - 1 vote
4 Kalleh
5 Tinman
6 Geoff - the winner with 2 votes, including mine
7 Sattva 1 vote
8 Tinman
9 Greg 1 vote
10 bethree5
11 Bob 1 vote
12 Sattva 1 vote
13 tinman 1 vote
14 Greg S 1 vote
15 bethree5

If I didn't have my English sense of fair play, I'd have voted for one of my own. Then I would have won.

I have never voted for any of my own limericks. Some might say, "Well, of course you wouldn't because they aren't as good as mine." I know that Geoff didn't vote for his own, because besides tinman, I voted for his. I immediately liked his the best.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sattva,

We used to have a rule that you couldn't vote for your own, but, if I recall, it was overturned as people thought you should be able to vote for themselves. I have never voted for my own, and most of the time I wouldn't anyway.

I would be very surprised if anyone has ever voted for their own.

Yes, me too.

I gave #7 its vote because I was tickled to see A Midsummer Night's Dream used as its basis. It was awkward, to be sure, but clever, I thought.