Here is the poll for the Wineham limerick. The limericks are posted as I received them.

Question:
1.
If you’re taking your granny to Wineham,
Then the Royal Oak’s where you should dine ‘em
But don’t let ‘em lose
Their teeth in the booze
It’s one 'ell of a bother to fin(d) ‘em.

2.
A diamond prospector from Wineham
Is looking for women to mine ’em.
If they don’t make the grade
With a pick and a spade,
He’ll take rough uns and try to refine ‘em.

3.
When randy dudes wine 'em and dine 'em,
The very fine women of Wineham
Won't fall for the bloke
Unless at "The Oak",
Where well may the meal undermine 'em.

4.
A naval lieutenant from Wineham,
Did his Service on HMS Pineham.
If the damn Japanese
Had laid mines in the seas
Then he’d sail there and promptly unmine ‘em.

5.
Different preferences? Why not combine 'em.
Bestiality? Bondage? Align 'em.
And some necrophilia?
Well, what could be sillier?
Just try flogging a dead horse in Wineham.

6.
At the pub that I frequent in Wineham,
The fare that they serve does define 'em
There's steak and french fritter
With Sussex Best Bitter.
They really do wine 'em and dine 'em!

7.
There is a young fella in Wineham
Whose drunkenness sure does define 'im.
He chugs down his beer,
And Whiskey's good cheer,
But I fear the police will confine 'im!

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

 

Thanks, Richard!

I see limerick number 4 has leapt into an early lead. I'll only cast my own vote if it's needed to break a tie.

I have no wish to tout for votes but if no one votes for me I'm coming round and beating your deceased equine with a stick!

Damn!

Richard, go ahead and vote. I am sure you can be objective, even though you know who wrote them.

I know we've talked about these graphs before, but they are so counterintuitive, aren't they? I just count down to see which ones got votes.

Let's have some more votes, people!

Still only four votes - maybe everyone's on holiday. I'll leave the poll open for a bit longer.

Good idea. We are a little thin these days because of the holidays.

With seven limericks and only four votes there seems little point in closing the poll yet, so I won't.

There's no dusty boots here in Wineham.
It's not that their owners consign 'em.
The cobbler in place
Works at quite a quick pace
At polishing shoes and to shine 'em.

Yah! Proof has voted as I see there are now 5 votes. I would have voted for yours, Proof!

Come, now. Can we get a couple more votes? ["Pretty please," she whines about Wineham.]

I see we presently have a tie. Some more votes would be nice, otherwise I will use my own vote as a tie-breaker.

So here's to the ladies of Wineham:
They are prone to let all men recline 'em.
They're such erotic sluts
They will screw men or mutts
Never caring if you wine or dine 'em.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Two excellent limericks - a shame they are too late for the competition. But at least it shows that Wineham isn't that hard to rhyme!

Don't ignore those young ladies in Wineham.
It's a shame to pass through without trineham.
Kiss their red luscious lips
Grasp their smoothly plump hips
Run your hands down their legs and entwineham.

I would love to meet young girls from Wineham
If only I knew where to fine' em
For young here means forty
And the ladies most naughty
Are so wrinkled you'd first have to iron 'em

There's a group of men living in Wineham
Whose concern is with condoms. Not buyin' 'em.
They create ribbed projections
On ends of erections --
There's good money if you can design 'em.

These active men living in Wineham
Perhaps you would care to define 'em?
Most can't have erections
So condom selections
Are pointless since LRC do not design 'em.

(LRC = London Rubber Company, makers of the well-known "Durex" brand)

In Wineham, you'll find a fine condom.
"These are great!" declared wearers who donned 'em.
"They won't slip off your dick
And the ribs do the trick,"
Say the gals as we merrily pound 'em.

My apologies for the slant rhyme.

Plenty of fine limericks (too late to be judged, sadly) but still not many votes.

Tomorrow, if there's still no clear winner, I will choose between the two leaders.

Well, I doubt we're going to get any more votes so it falls to me to decide between the two leading entries - limerick number 4 and limerick number 6.

Limerick number 4 is technically perfect and the "unmine 'em" rhyme is masterly. If it has a fault it is that the only connection with Wineham is that of the rhyme, although I am aware that HMS Pineham was an actual vessel.

Limerick number 6 has a strong connection with Wineham, Sussex Best Bitter being the flagship brew of Harvey's Brewery, the owners of the local pub. The slight problem I have with this one is the scansion in L1, which does not work for UK English speakers since "frequent", when used as a verb, is stressed on its second syllable (it is stressed on its first syllable when used as an adjective).

However, in view of its appropriateness I give my vote to number 6, which was written by (roll of drums) Kalleh.

The full role call of writers is:

1. Mike
2. Mike
3. Greg S
4. Mike
5. Bob Hale
6. Kalleh
7. Kalleh

So it's over to you, Kalleh, to come up with the next exciting destination.

Yes!!!!

Thanks so much, everyone, and I promise not to disappoint you as I represent Wordcraft's Limerick Game to the masses.

I'll start another thread on a place for us to limericize.

I only just found this thread. I was waiting over Christmas New Year for a note in the original Wineham thread (which would result in an email via notification in my Inbox), to say that the Poll was open, but none was forthcoming. I was here all the time and could have voted, but didn't know the vote was on. Nice set of limericks. I probably would have voted for No. 5.

Sorry about that - I started a new thread and assumed that everyone checked the threads for new postings.

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:
I probably would have voted for No. 5.

And I would have been duly grateful.