Tells us how she and our
And her habitual
Frequently makes other
(PS as a possible fertile source for the six-syllable words we need: my rhyming dictionary has dozens, of suitable meter, ending in -ality and -ility.)
Christopher Strolin's up
Set about "twee." So we
Called on Ri-CHARD!
Twee's OK in UK
But never uttered in
Chris's back yard
((( edited to add that elusive sixth syllable to the seventh line)))
Wordnerd, see "Instant Graemlins" in the lower left corner of your screen.
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Tue Mar 4th, 2003 at 21:36.]
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Tue Mar 4th, 2003 at 21:40.]
Shu-this is wonderful! Perfect 44 syllables and all the right stresses. A-. I only took off minor points for the inaccuracy in part 1. I never caroused with CJ. Like Jimmy Carter, I only lusted after him in my mind. (Jimmy Carter lusted after CJ???)
jerry- Much better! Grade B. 44 syllables, yes. Stress is wrong in places still. These need to roll off the tongue.
Maybe instead should read...
Strolin of Illinois
Bothered by "twee" so we
Called on Ri-CHARD.
Twee's OK in UK
But never used in our
Chris's back yard.
Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
[This message was edited by TrossL on Wed Mar 5th, 2003 at 6:01.]
[This message was edited by TrossL on Wed Mar 5th, 2003 at 6:02.]
Simon E.* Winchester
Writes of a murder a-
mong those who penned
Ears does he bend.
* The guy must have a middle initial; without it, of course, this doesn't work. The "E" is made up.
[Wordnerd, kudos for a brilliant piece of work! You are a damned hard act to follow. Please pardon the French, but I am double-dactlyed out (after only 1!)--and I am sure those who have written these know precisely what I mean!]
Good for you Kalleh! Welcome to the thread! Solid A. In my humble opinion, it is fine to add middle initials or extra letters on the end of a name to make it flow. The flow is everything and the second line is ONLY supposed to be the name/title of someone or something, so you were perfectly correct in adding the "E".
[This message was edited by TrossL on Wed Jun 4th, 2003 at 20:27.]
Doktor Heinrich Schliemann
Searched Asia Minor for
Traces of Troy
Led him to treasures be-
Young Jesse Clyde Nichols
Markets for all;
Here's one result of his
See one of them and you
have seen a mall
Wow. Not only are you great at these, but you're teaching us in the process. Only complaint would be that Schliemann's name is a mouthful; but when repeated out loud several times, I did get it to flow. I give you an A for both of them.
But now I have to abdicate my throne because I can see that I am unworthy to judge such good and erudite poets. Any takers?
[This message was edited by TrossL on Thu Mar 6th, 2003 at 6:43.]
Oh, TrossL, will you at least compile (heh! heh!) more of your marvelous double dactyls for us? We all love yours!
I nominate Jerry!
The Iraqis Don't Deserve Hussein But,
In More Ways Than One, We Do!
Crazy Sadam Hussein
Says "I'm so rich I can
"Do what I please!"
Laughs at Americans,
Willing to fight for their
Pardon the slight political nature of this one but one of the (many) negative aspects of being an American that really gets under my skin is dealing with people who just don't get it when it comes to squandering the world's precious resources. "So what if Americans make up 5% of the world's population and use 25% of its resources (or whatever the figures are). We're Americans so screw the rest of the world!"
Let these morons go fight the damn war!!
I Never Get Nominated so I Really Don't
Give a Rat's Ass Just Who Wins!
Up for an Oscar, this
Might be her year.
Wonders aloud "Was it
"I get the nod but they
"Snub Richard Gere?"
B.H., I wrote this about the same time you wrote your Zeta-Jones piece so I held off posting it a bit. Both are flawed in that she pronounces her name with just two syllables ("KATHrin") and that her last name, while hypenated, doesn't contain any mention of "Douglas." So what's that all about?
Sidenote: "I don't give a rat's ass." Doncha just love that colorful phrase? I don't suppose you guys use it over there in England since "...a rat's arse" simply doesn't sound the same.
If Anyone's Interested,
I Still Have the Recipe.
Alice B. Toklas, while
Having her "tea," to her
Friend once confessed:
"When it comes down to groups
"Girl Scouts are fine but my
"Brownies are best!"
Judging from the DDs posted on other sites, I get the impression that it's a cheat to have any words in the second line that do not directly relate to the person's name as I've done with this one. I would check this with our monarch but it suddenly seems we don't have one!!
I know that there are Girl Scouts in England but I'm not sure our trans-Atlantic friends have "Brownies." They are roughly the same but for girls too young to join the Girl Scouts. "Alice B. Toklas brownies" are, of course, a different matter entirely.
Ah, yes. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. I've taken more than my share of shots on the limerick thread but such is the life of royalty.
You put up your short posting while I was tapping out my longer one (and, yes, I know, it's not the length that's important) so, for the benefit of the rest of the Wordcrafter double dactylites, allow me to point out that I did private topic you to provide validation among raising other points. I didn't post it publically since part of what I had to say involved a bit of monarch-to-monarch tounge-lashing, the sort of discussion best kept away from the commoners, bless their hearts.
"Welcome back" Queen T. You scared us!
TrossL, see my post in limericks! We love you! Please stay! You're beautiful, talented, discriminatory--and fair (the King's downfall!)
TrossL, be not afraid; you are fully worthy of that august royal position. Recall this saying from Yip Harburg:
No matter how high or great the throne,
What sits on it is the same as your own.
In fact, they are usually referred to here as "girl guides". Brownies are the same.
The Girl Guides were founded by Lady Baden Powell, the wife of the founder of the Boy Scouts.
Why the title changed in the USA I do no know.
Sadly, I suspect that many people believe that this is a common attitude in the USA. And this is one reason why, in spite of the many good things that the USA has done, many of that 85% of the world who happen not to be US citizens have such a deep loathing of the country.
When one considers that probably 50% of the world's population is living on less that 2 dollars a day and that every ten seconds a child dies of disease or malnutrition, it's easy to understand why these sorts of feelings arise.
Dame Alice Toklas
Was out of recipes
Cookbook half done
Gertrude had written her
Help from Brion.
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Fri Mar 7th, 2003 at 6:43.]
You are correct in your assumption that no other words can be on the second line. However, you can have titular words. For example, your name "Strolin of Illinois" would be fine on second line, while "Chris Strolin smoked some pot" would not. So this one is a "B". Very nice work!
As usual, once we click the link and read the article, we can understand and appreciate Jerry's DD. We are very impressed. (Yes, since I am Queen, I refer to us as we...) Anyway Jerry, good job, except of course for the word "was" in the second line. We shall grant you a B+.
(We see that you have gone back and fixed the second line. Very nice, it's now an A.)
[This message was edited by TrossL on Fri Mar 7th, 2003 at 6:49.]
(only) In the beginning was the word "was" ...
Her Majesty TrossL
Barged down the broad river
with a big smile
Overboard leaped shouting
"I'm like Cleopatra --
Now that is freakish beyond belief. I am listening to the radio and that song, "Queen of Denial" was just on. Girl singer talking about her cheating boyfriend, chorus, "Just call me Cleopatra, cause I'm the Queen of Denial."
Really, how weird... what a coincidence.
It's even freakier when you learn that I was totally unaware of that song's existence.
Being quite deaf, I have neither listened to the radio nor watched TV for years.
~~~ jerry (former member of the Mass Media's mass audience).
An aspect of critiquing established on the limericks thread and (I hope) applicable here is that anyone may comment on any posting. Allow me to break the regal ice.
The first one, a "B+" only because it falls down a bit at the end. First off, I'm assuming the name of a geographical location is not an infraction of the DD rules (a name, after all, is a name) and I applaud your uses of place names here. I would have thrown in a comma after "temperature" but that's the most minor of matters.
Stress, however! The last two lines work only if you say them "ONE twenty NINE degrees BElow zeRO." The "129 degrees" scrapes by since the meter can roll over "degrees" not being pronounced "deGREES" but then "beLOW ZEro" being twisted into "BElow zeRO" brings to mind a dog choking on a chicken bone. Sorry, T. As evidenced by your other work, you can do better.
The second one gets an "Incomplete." I'm willing to be sold on this one (great meter, fine stress, etc) but why is it a sign of "mega-conservative"ism to take a canoe to work? I don't get it.
P.S. Don't worry. The dog is OK.
HMMMPH! And after all the support I've given your writing!
The King is piqued.
No Relation (My CollosL Ego Does Not Extend That Far.)
Holy Saint Christopher
Once was the patron saint
He was demoted most
Due to a Catholic Church
(Seems the good St. C. might not have actually existed. Happens to the best of us. This one did not have the sense of zip at the end which I think is so important and so I offer the following alternative ending which, admittedly, isn't perfect either.)
He was demoted most
Now we've got medals all
Up the wazoo.
(Having been produced in the multi-millions, do some people now wear "Mister Christopher medals" around their necks? And I'm not sure "Up the wazoo" makes the trans-Atlantic transition that well but I assume you can accurately get the gist of it. We've got a lot of medals left over.)
These damn double dactyls have gotten into my brain. The front page headline in the local rag read, "Bush to Give Nation the Case on Iraq," and I immediately thought:
(Dah dah dah Dah dah dah),
Bush to Give Nation the
Case on Iraq,
Someone stop me, before it's too late!
No peek-ing, sir!
Because a canoe doesn't take any gas to get from one place to another for one thing. Secondly, the majority of jobs on New Caledonia are as fisherman and sailors. I was trying to express conservation of natural resourses.
Things that make you say, "Hmmm..." The grade has to be a C-. Can't go any higher. Not with the plethora of six syllable words out there and words that can be made to be so with a little "ultra" or "mega" or "hyper" put in front of them. I did appreciate the info though. What do I do with my St. Christopher's medal now?
quote:Sorry, King! I will write you a groveling limerick (not another double dactyl, please....my brain is hurting!) You must understand, I was only trying to bring Lady TrossL back.
Here it is, Queen, and I have a few gray hairs because of it. Plus, my darn 6-syllable word has already been used (according to my onmiscient husband)--but, honestly, I had not known that when I wrote this!
Richard the Englishman
Drinks lots of beer from old
Kegs, or casks, too--
Bitters and porters with
Yet, give him Budweiser,
Nix to that brew!
I decided you deserved a double dactyl, CJ, and I can tell you--this wasn't easy!
CJ the Wordcrafter
Says that he's "piqued" and calls
She criticises his
There, there, King. Kalleh thinks
You're really great!
See??? You do fine when you put your mind to it! And so what if insatiability has been used already. You get an A.
The only thing I would change in this is the 3rd line. Might flow better as "Says he is "piqued" and calls" I give this an A-.
Mister Poe, Edgar A.
"The Imp of the Perverse"
Now rings a bell
TrossL's an expert at
When is my next? On a
Cold day in Hell.
My initial fear is that you are under the impression that I have difficulty counting up to 7...
Granted the structure of the DD is far more strict than that of the limerick, certainly a very small amount of stretching of the rules is permitted. I was using "unceremoniously" as a six-syllable word pronounced "UN-sare-a-MOAN-yus-lee" which I would consider acceptable. If you disagree than maybe I should hop on a plane to Georgia and pop you on the nose! "C-" indeed!
(just kidding. about the pop on the nose, anyway.)
Regarding the rules, yes, I pretty much knew that the line "Mr. Fred Rogers was" (in my Feb 28th effort) while metrically perfect, was a violation of the "second line - proper name only" rule but I went ahead anyway under the belief that, as an obituary, an exception might be made. Aside from this freely admitted flaw, I still think it's a gem but, then again, I tend to be my own favorite author.
Regarding your Caledonia piece, sorry, but I just didn't get it. No matter how aptly the conservation of natural resources may be linked to the word, "Conservative" brings to mind the political viewpoint instead. Let's call that one "our bad."
And, Hey Queenie! Before you finish handing out the grades (and a shocking majority of the bad ones seemed to have fallen into my lap, thank you very much) you never bothered to comment on my "Bela, We Hardly Knew Ye" piece. Go ahead! I dare you to find a blemish!!
"How to Write a Double Dactyl"
by Chris J. Strolin
Dozens of times every day, people come up to me and ask, "Chris, how is it you can be so f**king brilliant?" I smile modestly, scrawl my name on whatever scrap of paper they are proffering, and then wish them the best.
Recently, however, the question came up regarding how it was that I became a master of the double dactyl and I recounted the story of a recent experience that I thought might be of benefit to Wordcrafter posters.
What follows is, I swear, a completely true story and illustrates the way in which a double dactyl may be written. By me, anyway. It's simply a matter of following these simple steps.
1. Attempt a DD involving space travel based on the six-syllable word "extraterrestrial."
2. Get stuck.
3. Sweat it out for about 30 minutes and decide what is needed is the name of a planet three syllables long with the accent on the first syllable.
4. After much internal debate, choose "Jupiter" over "Mercury" because the former has a big red spot on it which might come in handy and the latter is too damn close to the sun, not that had any effect on the DD as it was presently being compiled.
5. Let mind wander to the name "Uranus" which was already dismissed as not having the right stress. Wonder as to the correct pronunciation.
6. Decide that the more common "your-ANE-us," as the core of a hundred sophmoric jokes, would not be my preference over the more scholarly-sounding "YUR-run-us." (Sidenote: I once actually heard the business slogan "We reach for the stars but will settle for Uranus" (pronounced "your anus"). Where the hell were they coming from?!)
7. Further decide to postpone the space travel DD to look up "Uranus" in the American Heritage Dictionary, 3rd Edition, copyright 1992, my favorite dictionary. (The "word usage" notes are excellent!)
8. Discover that "YUR-run-us" is, in fact, the preferred pronunciation. Hooray!
9. Letting eyes wander, notice that "your-ANE-us" is the preferred pronunciation of the two in the entry just next to "Uranus" which is "uranus" meaning "containing Uranium." How odd! The "your-ANE-us" soil content of "YUR-run-us" could someday lead to a nuclear war with Neptune. (though I doubt it)
10. Letting eyes wander further, notice a picture of a statue of a robed woman near the top of the page with the caption "Urania - holding her attributes, a compass and globe.
11. Immediately flash on the double-dactylity of that phrase! Just drop the "a" and you're there!
12. Read the definition: "The muse of astrology" and go further nuts! A whole new DD is writing itself before my very eyes!
13. Start new DD: "Higglety-Pigglety/Goddess Urania/Holding her attributes -/Compass and globe." Giggle with delight - I'm already halfway home!
14. Pause to consider the possiblity that a muse, technically, might not be a goddess. This is just the sort of detail that smart-ass Wordcrafter regulars like to pounce upon, especially in my work.
15. Look up "muse" and discover a muse is one of nine daughters of Mnemosyne, Goddess of Memory (and is that a great name or what?!) and Zeus, King of the Gods. I figure that this makes the muses goddesses in their own right and if anyone wants to argue, they can bite me! This DD is progressing too nicely to quibble over details.
16. Also look up "attributes" since I think I know this one but, well... Turns out I'm OK. Attributes are those things most closely associated with a person or a position. Compasses, globes, and like that.
17. Hit roadblock in that there are no rhymes for "globe" which suggest an ending. There's "disrobe" but a goddess shouldn't involve herself with strip-teasing. "Robe" works, since she's wearing one, but is a bit dull. The name "Job" works but this isn't a biblical DD. "Space probe" might work for my first DD. "Occipital lobe"? No, too cerebral. "Probe"? Hmmm... Seems to be my best bet but nothing comes to mind.
18. Decide to make the piece about my discovering Urania in the dictionary. (And, by the way, aren't dictionaries great?!)
19. Decide final work should be: "Higgledy-Piggelty,/Goddess Urania,/Holding her attributes -/Compass and globe,/Muse of astronomy/AHD-istically/on page 1 - 9 - 6 - 4,/ Wearing a robe."
20. Write it out. Read it. Hate it. The coined word "AHD-istically," while imaginative, is contrived and an assault to the eye and ear. Worse, the second half is terribly anti-climactic.
21. Look up six-syllable words in rhyming dictionary and stumble on "representational." Hmmm...
22. Put the first part second, lose "AHD-istically," form new premise, decide "Jiggery-Pokery" is more appropriate (though don't ask me why), rewrite middle, etc etc etc.
Muse of Astronomy,
Wearing a robe.
Of worlds untravelled, she's
Holding her attributes -
Compass and globe.
22. Write it out. Read it. Like it. Reread it. Get up from seat and do happy little dance.
23. Go back to original space travel work in progress. Decide it's garbage and unsalvagable. Decide to be happy with Urania.
24. Lesson over.
Here's hoping that these guidelines help you with your double dactyling efforts.
[This message was edited by C J Strolin on Mon Mar 10th, 2003 at 15:32.]
On the subject of literary criticism:
Ye who judge poetry,
Though it's with gentle in-
tent that you speak,
I, perhaps due to per-
Write for amusement, and
Not for critique.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by C J Strolin:
_Bela, We Hardly Knew Ye_
Evil Count Dracula
Master seducer (or
Was it just rape?)
Nowadays women are
Never would fall for some
Schmuck in a cape!
CJ... you are right! This is a gem! A peach! An absolute A+
Just so you know though... I think capes are very sexy. Remember when Frank threw his open and Janet fainted? "What a guy-y-y, makes you cry, und I did!" (Yes, I know the song was about Eddie.)
Cooper, James Fenimore
Writes about Mohawks
Bumppos and such
Mark Twain later writes with
Rates Cooper's artistry
Not very much
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Tue Mar 11th, 2003 at 18:02.]
dit da da .. dit dit da
Samuel Finley Breese Morse
Dreamed up a system of
Dashes and dots
His first telegram was
D C to Baltimore
"What hath God wrought?"
.................. [ SamWELL ]
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Wed Mar 12th, 2003 at 14:32.]
Mister Saddam Hussein
Says that reports of his
Strength are untrue.
Claims the inspectors are
What's a poor put-upon
Madman to do??
(While royal ratings have been phased out, self-grading is still permitted. ColossL ego or not, this one's an "A+", thank you very much.)
March 22 P.S.
Upon reflection (not to mention some very astute critiquing by fellow wordcrafters) I've come to the conclusion that this one works better as "MISter saDDAM hussein" instead of the original version which had "Iraq's" where "Mister" is now.
The revision is official and the grade is retained. Hossanahs may be forwarded to the author c/o this board.
[This message was edited by C J Strolin on Sat Mar 22nd, 2003 at 12:36.]
It is we who should thank you! That was indeed a slam-bam-thankyou-Saddam perfectly composed/compiled DD. It really is a shame there's not some way we can turn that skill into a way to make money.
I've posted elsewhere that my primary audience for my writing is myself. If I write something that I enjoy and if, by chance, I'm the only person to approve of the piece, it is, by my definition, still very much a successful piece.
That having been said, however, under the heading of "No man is an island," I do very much appreciate the occasional compliment my stuff generates from time to time, especially when coming from individuals whose intelligence and judgement I respect and admire.
Thanks much, T. I appreciate it.
(Oh, and by the way, while it's true that no man is an island, I do like to think of myself as a fairly substantial peninsula.)
And, vice versa, I'm sure. The operative word here is "compliment".
Nice work, CJ.
Bob Hale the Englishman
Finally cast us in
Carrol's great works.
Sees me with hookah quite
Inhaling deeply. (That's
One of the perks!)
This was one of those weird ones which from beginning to end took about 90 seconds. I may not be good but I'm fast!
(Wait a minute! That doesn't sound like something I should be bragging about...)
CJ, I would fully agree with your A+ self-rating of your Hussein DD, but for the fact that it leaves no room for a higher rating for your Dracula DD.
Stormin' from Normandy,
William the Conqueror
Sailed 'cross the Channel in
And, with remarkable
Conquered the Angles, Jutes,
Saxons and Picts.
(I'm not happy with the sixth line. Any help, especially from the brits?)
And, with remarkable
Conquered the Angles, Jutes,
Saxons and Picts.