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McCartney's performance and the show was absolutely marvelous. And the Budweiser commercial with all the animals arriving wanting to be "on the team" was absolutely priceless. "Now look what you've started" is going to be added to those lines I remember and quote occasionally.

Like "I've got to save my ass" from Shrek.
 
Posts: 915 | Location: IowaReport This Post
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Just as a follow up...

Did anyone else get nearly hysterical over the cat, tomato sauce and knife commercial? I loved it. Rex hated it.
 
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Ooh - now I'm sorry that I didn't actually WATCH the thing! Glad to hear McCartney was great! No wardrobe malfunctions this year?


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReport This Post
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No wardrobe malfunctions this year?

No...darn! I mean, haven't they heard of a "tit for a tat?" Wink

I loved Paul, but our Chicago Tribune's media critic panned him; he called him "too boring." The critic said he imagined everyone was out in the kitchen getting more chips as Paul sang "Hey Jude." Not me! I guess I am just the boring type!

Jo, I loved that cat/ketchup/knife commercial, though I imagine some cat lovers will complain. I thought it absolutely hilarious...and we do have a cat.

Here is a picture of the cat ad. I did read on one site where they didn't think it was right to have a black man and a white cat. I have to say, I didn't even realize the man was black until I saw the picture again today.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,
 
Posts: 24064 | Location: Chicago, USAReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
No wardrobe malfunctions this year?
No...darn! I mean, haven't they heard of a "tit for a tat?" Wink


Kalleh, I love it when you go out of your normal humor range. You had me rolling!


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
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I love it when you go out of your normal humor range.

Pray tell, what is my normal humor range? Wink
 
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Found in another Web forum:

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim.

Attorney: At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?

Farmer: That's right.

Attorney: Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?

Farmer: When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life!


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
Posts: 10940 | Location: LondonReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
I love it when you go out of your normal humor range.

Pray tell, what is my _normal humor range?_ Wink

Clean.


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReport This Post
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I can't remember if this one has already been done, but I can't be bothered to read all 8 pages again to check!

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse
me,can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault".
 
Posts: 669 | Location: EnglandReport This Post
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arnie & Cat, those are great! Big Grin Cat, I was surprised to see you spell "realize" like we Americans do. Is that how you always spell it?

Clean.

Mad Balderdash! I can be as dirty as the rest of you!
 
Posts: 24064 | Location: Chicago, USAReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
Cat, I was surprised to see you spell "realize" like we Americans do. Is that how you always spell it?

Actually, I just copied and pasted it, with a quick tidy-up of basic grammar.

I tend to spell the word according to what looks best at any given time rather than follow any rules (as I'm not sure of the rules!), but I will tend to spell 'realize' for 'to realize you left the iron on' and 'realise' for 'to realise a dream'.
 
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Clean. Mad Balderdash! I can be as dirty as the rest of you!


You just don't share the nasty thoughts with the rest of us as often as others. And you know - I rather admire that in you, Kalleh.


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"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReport This Post
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I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this point being non- negotiable.

2.Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3.Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non- negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
 
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Oh, Jerry, that's great! Big Grin
 
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Jerry - I like that joke, too . . . but to be honest, as with all legal stuff, I read the first few lines and then my eyes glazed over and it seemed I was just reading "blah blah blah blah".

Big Grin


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReport This Post
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Now here's a question. We tend to smile at the verbiage attached to this seemingly simple task of changing a light bulb. "Lawyers do talk like that," we say with a smirk, and it's a great joke. And yet... I suspect that a lawyer sees such wording and recognizes that there's a reason for the lengthiness, that it really _isn't_ redundant and gratuitous, that there is a purpose and indeed a need for all those qualifications and stipulations. That being the case, the humor vanishes.

I recall one line from the movie MASH where a supposedly outrageous line - because of its apparent silliness - really was Standard Operating Procedure; nothing ludicrous or humorous to laugh at whatsoever. Unless of course you're a civilian.

Any attorneys on the Board want to comment?
 
Posts: 5824 | Location: Worcester, MA, USReport This Post
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Speaking of lawyers

Only to a limited audience will find this one be funny, and yet... There may be a particular suitability to having it appear on a language board:

============ orignal message =============


Yiddish in U S Federal Court

In the heat of litigation, tempers often flare and lawyers sometimes have difficulty expressing their frustrations. When English fails, Yiddish may come to the rescue. So it happened that defense counsel, arguing in a recent summary judgment motion in federal court in Boston wrote, in a responsive pleading, "It is unfortunate that this Court must wade through the dreck of plaintiff's original and supplemental statement of undisputed facts."


Plaintiffs' attorneys, not to be outdone, responded with a motion that could double as a primer on practical Yiddish for lawyers:


UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT DISTRICT OF MASSACHUSETTS
MONICA SANTIAGO, Plaintiff, v. SHERWIN-WILLIAMS COMPANY, et al., Defendants.
Civ. No. 87-2799-T
PLAINTIFF'S MOTION TO STRIKE IMPERTINENT AND SCANDALOUS MATTER

"Plaintiff, by her attorneys, hereby moves this Court pursuant to Rule 12(f) of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure to strike as impertinent and scandalous the characterization of her factual submission as "dreck" on page 11 of Defendant's Rule 56.1 Supplemental Statement of Disputed Facts (a copy of which is attached hereto as Exhibit A).

As grounds therefor, plaintiff states:

For almost four years now, plaintiff and her attorneys have been subjected to the constant kvetching by defendants' counsel, who have made a big tsimmis about the quantity and quality of plaintiff's responses to discovery requests. This has been the source of much tsorris among plaintiff's counsel and a gonsah megillah for the Court. Now that plaintiff's counsel has, after much time and effort, provided defendants with a specific and comprehensive statement of plaintiff's claims and the factual basis thereof, defendants' counsel have the chutzpah to call it "dreck" and to urge the Court to ignore it.

Plaintiff moves that this language be stricken for several reasons.

First, we think it is impertinent to refer to the work of a fellow member of the bar of this Court with the Yiddish term "dreck," as it would be to use "the sibilant four-letter English word for excrement." (Rosten, The Joys of Yiddish (Simon & Schuster, New York, 1968) p. 103).

Second, defendants are in no position to deprecate plaintiff's counsel in view of the chazzerai which they have filed over the course of this litigation.

Finally, since not all of plaintiff's lawyers are yeshiva bochurs, defendants should not have assumed that they would all be conversant in Yiddish.

WHEREFORE, plaintiff prays that the Court put an end to this mishugass."

========== end of original message ========

I am unable to find a source for this (that means, I haven't bothered to look for one) and so I cannot vouch for its accuracy, or even its age...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: haberdasher,
 
Posts: 5824 | Location: Worcester, MA, USReport This Post
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Oh, my God! That is hilarious. Big Grin

I remember Shu telling me about this deal he had that involved 21 lawyers (not including the Title Company lawyers) from Connecticut, NY, Delaware, Iowa, and Illinois, in specialties that included corporate, real estate, tax, partnership and litigation. Twenty of the 21 were white, male, Jews! Roll Eyes
 
Posts: 24064 | Location: Chicago, USAReport This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
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In honor of Sunflower's dandy debut in the Bluffing Game, I submit this:

In an Eastern European city there is an ancient park with two nude statues, one of a woman, and one of a man, which have stood on either side of the entrance for nine hundred years.

One evening a tremendous thunderstorm arose, and a lightning bolt struck the two statues, and they became animate. They turned to one another with obvious passionate intent, and the man said to the woman, "Would you like to get together and do with me what we've witnessed happening for these hundreds of years?" The woman replied, "Oh, YES, YES!!!" and so they hopped off their pedestals and had their fun. At dawn they assumed their usual poses, waiting until dark would conceal their desires once again. At dusk the man asked the woman if she would like to "do it again," and the woman replied, "Yes, but this time YOU hold the damned pigeons, and I'LL get revenge!"
 
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That's a very cute joke, Asa! Wink I'm glad you enjoyed my pigeon word.

Haven't I heard something about talking "pigeon," as though it were a dialect or something?
 
Posts: 235 | Location: Portland, OregonReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by Sunflower:
That's a very cute joke, Asa! Wink I'm glad you enjoyed my pigeon word.

Haven't I heard something about talking "pigeon," as though it were a dialect or something?

That's pidgin. Here's a Wikipedia article.

Tinman
 
Posts: 2800 | Location: Shoreline, WA, USAReport This Post
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Thanks, Tinman, for the fascinating links on "pidgin"! I never knew. . .
 
Posts: 235 | Location: Portland, OregonReport This Post
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A cartoon in the Daily Mail:

Two guys in a bar:

First guy: "I can't believe how much Juanita moans."
Second guy: "Tell me about it. Mine does nothing but complain."
First guy: "Oh, Juanita never complains."


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
Posts: 10940 | Location: LondonReport This Post
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There are two parrots, sat on a perch.

One says to the other: "Can you smell fish?"
 
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Excellent, Quickbeam - and welcome to the board! Glad to have you here!


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"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
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First man: "People tend to take an instant dislike to him."
Second man: "Why is that?"
First man: "It saves time, I suppose."


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young ( hens ) layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
simply by listening to the bells.

The farmers favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair.. and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...

The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a Politician in the making. Who else could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying
attention?
 
Posts: 915 | Location: IowaReport This Post
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From my son, Simon:

How did Vikings communicate?

Norse Code.


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReport This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
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Tell Simon he's runed my day.
 
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I did, Asa - he got a good laugh out of it - thanks.


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
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I know Kalleh is going to ask for the actual study so she can read it, but even so, I thought you'd like to see this:

Women's Ass Size Study
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses. I thought the results were interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too big
10% of women think their ass is too little...

The other 5% say that they don't care,
they love him, he's a good man, and they
would have married him anyway.


This also reminds me of the saying:
Sometimes I wake up crabby in the morning . . .
and sometimes I just let him sleep.


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
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This is reputed to be a true story, concerning a female news anchor in Michigan who will in the future likely think before she speaks.

It seems that one night the TV weatherman predicted a heavy snowfall. Nothing of the sort materialized. The next night the anchor segued to the weatherman by saying, "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

He, and half the crew, laughed so hard they had to leave the set.
 
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To Be 6 Again

A man asked his wife what she'd like for Mother's Day. "I'd love to be a six again", was her reply

On the morning of Mother's Day, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming, Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smiling and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
 
Posts: 6708 | Location: Kehena Beach, Hawaii, U.S.A.Report This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
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Why are lawyers usually buried twice as deep as most people? Because deep down they're good people.
 
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The World's Shortest Fairy Tale


Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "will you marry me?"

She said "No"

And the guy lived happily ever after.
 
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Funny, amnow! Big Grin

I just heard this one:

"My dad has Dunlap's Syndrome."

"Oh, no! What's that?"

"His belly done laps over his belt!" Big Grin
 
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I have no assurance at all that this is true, but with that disclaimer I offer this e-mail that crossed my desk today::



Lawyer Story !

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things.

Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued ... and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA!!! NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS WE'RE NUTS!!
 
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quote:
I have no assurance at all that this is true, but with that disclaimer I offer this e-mail that crossed my desk today::

Well, let's hope it's not true. I feel like going to Snopes with it, though I have always had trouble there logging in. If it is true, I might just move up north to Canada! Roll Eyes
 
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This timely piece came from Asa, but he can't cut and paste here, so he has asked me to do it for him:

I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, DO NOT wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a beer, it should be presumed that I won't do so ever again. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these assholes mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who AREN'T in a permanent coma and who nonetheless may be in need of nourishment.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and/or crusade on
my behalf. They should mind their own damn business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.

Signed________________________Dated_____________


Witness______________________Dated______________

[Um, I doubt this is legal, so you'd better not really use it! Wink]
 
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It may not be legal, but it is certainly RATIONAL... something of which government doesn't approve...

Common sense... where is it?
 
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You don't need to log into snopes. The cigar story is on their main pages, at http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/cigarson.asp


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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While I believe that every case is different and it's a subject with many shades of grey, one thing I don't get about the claim that euthanasia is 'playing God' is, well: isn't keeping someone artificially alive on a machine long after they'd have died in Nature also 'playing God'?

Just a thought.
 
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And now, to get back to the original thread (apologies in advance to anyone who reads the whole lot!):

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a
timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party
of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall
be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry
way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by
the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the
aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal
transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at
his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of
elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said
direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb),
notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties.
The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural
failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the
aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this
agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil
(counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer)
throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of
the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state,
local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first
part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of
the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner
consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this
selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a
clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party
of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his
heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the
objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of
the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress
and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

Taken from this page
 
Posts: 669 | Location: EnglandReport This Post
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Another from my son:

Why was the broom late for work?


He overswept.

(Even cuter because this comes from a kid with a speech disorder)


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReport This Post
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Overheard in the Broom Closet:

Straw broom: "We're going to have a little whisk broom."

Push broom: "That's impossible; we have never swept together."
 
Posts: 6708 | Location: Kehena Beach, Hawaii, U.S.A.Report This Post
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Cat, I missed your light bulb joke. Funny! Big Grin

Here is a joke that Asa sent me, but he can't cut and paste so he asked me to post it. I love it!

Some Walmart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Walmart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range.

While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Walmart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She said: "The right name is important."

So, here we go: The top 12 suggested names for Walmart Wine:

12. Chateau Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
And the number 1 name for Walmart Wine .
1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (possum) and red meat (squirrel). Big Grin
 
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We here in Georgia don't find that funny at all... believe it not, we are not eating possum and squirrel... you'd have to go back 60 years to find that. And we are not all Nascar fans... and we are not all White Trash.. and we don't all live in trailers... some of us actually have college degrees and wear shoes.

And, believe it or not, I don't watch wrestling matches.
 
Posts: 3737 | Location: Georgia, USAReport This Post
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Sorry, KHC, but this South Carolina native thinks it's pretty funny! But then, I've sat in WalMart parking lots and watched who goes in them! Lots of drivers of pickups with gun racks! And you probably hate Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy too!

Asa the stupid, lowbrow, uneddycated chainsaw mechanic, writing this while sipping a glass of Willamete Valley Pinot Noir. Wink
 
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quote:
Originally posted by jerry thomas:
I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this point being non- negotiable.

2.Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3.Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non- negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."


I posted this in another Forum I belong to and someone added this rider:

*******Important Addendum to the Preceeding Contract************

A certain specific assumption has been made in the foregoing and upon execution of the contract said assumption may, as evidenced by direct observation, be proven to be correct or incorrect.

In specific, said assumption consists of two parts:

Part A: That the Party of the First Part possesses the knowledge to be be able to recognize the Party of the Second Part, and furthurmore;

Part B: That the party of the First Part possesses the necessary mechanical skills required to perform the proscribed procedure.

In the event that either or both Part A and/or Part B are proven to be false, then Party of the First Part is herewith required and obligated to locate a Party of the Sixth part who can be identified as the nearest available housewife for the purpose of information and assistance.
 
Posts: 480 | Location: UKReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by KHC:
We here in Georgia don't find that funny at all... believe it not, we are not eating possum and squirrel... you'd have to go back 60 years to find that. And we are not all Nascar fans... and we are not all White Trash.. and we don't all live in trailers... some of us actually have college degrees and wear shoes.

And, believe it or not, I don't watch wrestling matches.


Until you posted this, I didn't understand it. Well, that's not quite right, but I thought it was getting at WalMart in general, not American southerners in particular - but then I live in the UK and I miss a lot of the subtle nuances of inter-States rivalries.
 
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