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A man named Shufitz is tops. To Kalleh he’s king of the pops. More than twenty-six years, Full of laughter and tears, Have passed since they first tied the knot. The King of Strolinia’s request: Why don’t you just give it a rest? Since you cannot agree, And you cannot decree, Why fight over which beer is best? If you have enough time to spare For spewing and spouting hot air, Then belabor the point In your favorite beer joint. As for me, I really don’t care. Tinman | |||
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In answer to wordnerd's question about which muse I am... Here a muse, there a muse, everywhere a museamuse There once was a muse they called Thalia who tinkered with limericks inter alia Erato and Euterpe well they made the men slurpy for they tinkered with male genitalia  [This message was edited by museamuse on Sun Feb 16th, 2003 at 8:55.] | |||
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quote: Perfect meter you say in this one? Allow me to differ, O King. In line three you would have to stress the word 'if' to make the meter work, which is unnatural. The meter in line five has a similar problem. An improvement would be: "Well that would mean instant disafter" | |||
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Muse, you are such a hard act to follow!  I definitely crown you Queen of Limericks! Tinman, love yours, as well! And, "dale" is a current enough word--sheeesh! I could just see Richard "paling" as I read that one!  Muse, Richard, Wordnerd, & Arnie, Hic, TrossL, FatStan, & Jerry, Graham, CJ, Morgan, Bob, Asa, Duncan, Shoo, Tinman--let's meet in Killarney! (Please forgive if I've missed your name.  It most assuredly wasn't intentional.)[This message was edited by Kalleh on Sun Feb 16th, 2003 at 12:12.] | |||
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To the shop clerk, voluptuous, seductive, The Inspector was terse and abruptive He positioned the wench On the gift-wrapping bench And rated her counter productive. ~~~ jerry | |||
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quote: Thank you, Kalleh! I was surprised that C J thought "dale" was too old fashioned. Perhaps he doesn't remember the Army song, "Over hill, over dale..." I have a hunch the word is more common in England. I don't know, of course. Any comments? The amusing part about his remark that he didn't "know how current the word 'dale' is...", is that he liked my limerick containing "cingulomania", which is definitely not a "current" word. When I wrote the last line, I pictured Richard with his pint of ale raised half-way to his mouth when he hears the dreaded words, "Bud and Bud Lite". He may want to throttle them, as C J has suggested, but his proper British upbringing won't let him. Instead he just chokes on his words while the color drains from his face. This you could see, but C J apparently couldn't. His ending would have Richard reacting violently, which I can't see. I doubt that C J really thinks Richard would pummel someone for drinking Bud, and he just threw it in for effect. He understands the hyperbole of his ending, but not the understatement of mine. Perhaps he lacks imagination. Tinman | |||
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Tinman, you are exactly right about CJ's lack of imagination. As I have said previously, I have a vivid imagination. As a matter of fact, with your limerick about dale, in the line "with his club in the pub in the dale"--I remembered an old post by Richard where he mentioned bathing, and if the rhyming had worked, I laughed as I changed it to: "With his club in the pub in the tub" | |||
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quote: A "D" and you're lucky to get it!! "tops/pops/KNOT"??!! There I was, reading along as merrily as you please and then "Have passed since they first tied the knot." KLUNK!! What a poke in the eye! This limerick was like a home run into the upper deck that goes foul at the last moment (see related thread) to the disappointment of all. Tinman, I can't help but believe that you perpetuated this outrage just to make me eat my liver. Only my agreement with your two-stanza limerick on beer and my general good nature kept this one from being an "F". "tops/pops/knot" indeed! | |||
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quote: WHOA! A shocking entry that rates an "A-" even though I had to look up "inter alia" (among other things) Erato (muse of lyric poetry and mime), and Euterpe (muse of lyric poetry and music) (there seems to be some overlapping there) (and, Muse, speaking of overlapping...) Whew! Hot stuff. Great title, too. There is a convenience store in the states that sells a flavored slush concoction known as a "slurpy." I'll never have another one without thinking of you, Muse, though, come to think of it, considering your usage of the word, I doubt I'll ever have another one at all! The "-" was for the lack of capital letters in each lines' first word. Testing me, are you? | |||
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quote: As B.H. pointed out, limericks are often better recited than read. I often have to reread a limerick a couple of times to determine just where the author intends the stress to fall. The best ones convey this on the first reading and as this was apparently not the case here with you, well, that's probably your fault. (HA! Expecting an apology, were you?!) Among other things, Iasaac Asimov was an expert in this field. The limerick he described as perfect (though not one of his own) which I'd say illustrates perfect stress went: A honeymoon couple named Kelly Were stuck tighly belly to belly. It seems, in their haste, They used library paste, Instead of petroleum jelly. In the case of "Keep the Home Fires Burning" (which still causes me to beam with pride) the stress is as follows. i FEAR for the SOUL of wordCRAFTer. is HEAVen his, IN the hereAFTer? what if LINguistic SIN means you CANnot get IN? well THAT, of course, WOULD mean disAFTer! TKHS | |||
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quote: "Tops, Pops, Knot" - Part 2, the Sequel! Kalleh tried an impossible task. Was it really just too much to ask Each name for her to use From Bob to museamuse? I'm in! Now which way is Killarney? An "A" for tackling the near impossible, K. But "dale"?? Really? Does anyone use this word in place of "valley" aside from the random poet searching for a good -ale rhyme? In the states, it's often the second half of a place name (Springdale, Glendale, etc) but the word itself is never heard outside of nursery rhymes (mostly written generations ago) and, yes, "Over hill, over dale..." (ditto). It's not listed in the dictionary as such but I suspect this one's a Britishism. | |||
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Whoa CJ! You just set yourself up for this one! Stressing the first syllable of 'linguistic"? tsk tsk. We all know 'linguistic' is normally stressed on the second syllable. Think that's why I couldn't get it? Do I get my apology now? | |||
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quote: Excellent! The made-up "abruptive" for "abrupt," the pun on "counter," great meter, and a steamy word picture on top of it all. An "A"! Put this one in the "Cast(s) Away" thread and I claim the male lead with museamuse as my co-star! TKHS | |||
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quote: Well.... Yes and no. The acknowleged meter of the limerick often will skew the pronunciation of words, particularly in the way syllables are stressed. That's not just your King speaking, that really is how it is. In writing this one, I overlooked the fact that the correct pronunciation of "linguistic" might trip up the reader. My intention was that the limerick form would force your ear to hear "LINguistic" instead of "linGUIstic" but, obviously, this was a faulty synapse on my part. Upon reflection, I am forced to downgrade my effort to an "A" with a mournful sigh and a quivvering lower lip. Thanks m. I apologize. Sort of. TKHS | |||
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Her limericks with limerance she writes But on the counter she turns and she bites Though she may be seductive She's also eruptive For SHE opts when to pull down her tights! | |||
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quote: Another first class effort including one more recent vocabulary word, always a plus. An "A" and another apology if your King appeared to be too forward. I do not picture you as being easily sprawlable over just any counter. Thank You, Princess! May I Have Another? As Princess, you do not outrank me. For my comment, you really should thank me. Still, I do not mind it. There's no malice behind it. I don't mind if you (verbally) spank me! (Heh, heh, heh.) | |||
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Sarah's boyfriend hastily scurries. His pickup's the least of his worries. In an anteric rage She wrote a new page In the book of scorned women and furies | |||
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The Inspector, aroused by the clerk Was delighted to inspect her work She twisted her torso Making him even moreso And off came the tights with one jerk. | |||
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quote:Well, I see we finally have CJ's confession that "agley" is equally current since it too has been used in the Wordcrafter Vocabulary forum. Quick, Wordcrafter, put "dale" in there too! What in the world is this prejudice against poor, neglected Tinman? I love his limericks, especially when he writes them about me! (  Thanks, Tinman!) Really--he does not deserve a D, just because of "knot" versus "pops" "tops". Muse, as Queen of limericks, can you please regrade Tinman's limerick, keeping in mind that he did write it about me and Shoo. [This message was edited by Kalleh on Tue Feb 18th, 2003 at 14:57.] | |||
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Kalleh, Kalleh, Kalleh... There is no prejudice against Tinman at all. Let's put it this way: You're on a flight to the Bahamas for a romantic holiday with Shufitz. When you check in, there's no line and you get great seats. The meals are first rate and the attendants meet your every request promptly. There's no turbulence and the flight arrives 30 minutes ahead of schedule. Five minutes before landing, the plane crashes into the ocean. Question: How would you rate the flight?? I would give it, at best, a "D" for reasons identical to those on which I based the grade for Tinman's latest limerick. I would love it if it turned out that he purposely wrote that last line that way as a deliberate poke in the eye as I still somewhat suspect. But if you insist he is due an upgrade, all I can answer is "KNOT"!! On a semi-related sidenote, Bob Hale's pseudo-limerick in the Valentine's Day thread elsewhere is a winner. A solid "A", B.H. Excellent! And may I also state for the record that I totally agree with Hic et ubique's limerick here about grading being subjective and not being a cause for invective (or however he stated it). Furthermore, by Royal Decree, effective immediately any and all subjects of this thread may offer grades to any and all limericks posted herein as they see fit. Only the grades I give, however, will count on your official transcripts. TKHS | |||
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While This Board Does Wonders for My Vocabulary, I Could be Better Spending My Time Elsewhere. While British beers R.E. keeps flogging, Too much of this thread I am hogging, At the expense of proclivities And other activities Such as limerance and full-frontal snogging. See you all Friday, TK | |||
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Well, I am no expert in rhythm and meter and the like (that's why my limericks stink), but, CJ, that one is a winner in my book. Love the use of all our words! Solid A. And, since you've given us the right to grade, I give Tinman's limerick about me and Shuftiz a solid A as well. | |||
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______________________________________________ Originally posted by C J Strolin (Feb. 18): "tops/pops/KNOT"??!! ______________________________________________ No, it’s not a perfect rhyme, but it is a rhyme. It’s the best I could do. If you don’t like it, tough ______________________________________________ Originally posted by C J Strolin (Feb. 18): The "-" was for the lack of capital letters in each lines' first word. ______________________________________________ How petty can you get! By the way, your apostrophe is in the wrong place. ______________________________________________ Originally posted by C J Strolin (Feb. 18): But "dale"?? Really? Does anyone use this word in place of "valley" aside from the random poet searching for a good -ale rhyme?…It's not listed in the dictionary as such but I suspect this one's a Britishism. ______________________________________________ Yes, C J, I said that in an earlier post (Feb. 16 - “I have a hunch the word is more common in England.”) Since the limerick is about Richard, and since Richard is British, and since he would most likely be drinking his ale in Britain, it seems that “dale” is entirely appropriate. At least “dale” is a word. That’s more than I can say for your incredibly bad pun (even for you), “disafter”. And you rhymed it with “hereafter”. Those are the same words, with different prefixes. ______________________________________________ Originally posted by C J Strolin (Feb. 18): Only the grades I give, however, will count on your official transcripts. ______________________________________________ Is that right? Remember when you first proposed we submit original limericks about each other? That was on Jan. 30. Remember your rules? ______________________________________________ Originally posted by C J Strolin (Jan. 30): No mean-spiritedness (meaning I promise not to get nasty) No scoring No standings No wagering ______________________________________________ Of course, you couldn’t abide by them. On Feb. 5 you broke your second rule and gave your first score, a B+ to Richard. You also, modestly, gave yourself an A+. By the way, how's your arm? Tinman | |||
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Ah tinman, the damage you've done with that thoughtless post. Don't you realise the lengths we all go to to humour the old chap in his delusions ? You do know that we're his only friends and that he agonises for hours about every one of his posts, don't you? All this talk of other friends and family that he has and his dwelling on past glories, it's clearly the deranged and confused ramblings of a poor sad fellow in the twilight of his years. Why he's even gone to the length of sock puppeting his imaginary friend TrossL so that we'll believe in his mythical popularity. We all go along with his delusion and keep him happy but then along you come and criticise him. How could you ? Picture the poor old fellow, sitting down with his mug of hot chocolate, wearing his fingerless gloves, hunched and bent over his keyboard into the small hours of the morning - just seeking the comfort and solace of a few cyber-friends. Imagine the long lonely hours that he endures between our posts. Now you've gone and spoiled it all for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he were crying in his bedroom at this very minute because he thinks nobody loves him any more. [Edited to add : Oops, sorry - that should have been a private topic. ]Vescere bracis meis. Read all about my travels around the world here. | |||
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You know, a newbie coming onto the board might be intimidated, not knowing that the grading is good-spirited and the insults are Pickwickian.  | |||
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quote: Oh, this has multifarious potential! Blushingly foregoing the malice/phallus rhyme, I'll confine myself to addressing CJ with my tongue in my cheekiness: Your rankings ought not to appall us. For I know that you speak without malice. You claim to outrank her; I say, without rancor, You're surely the rankest of all us. (PS: no rating please. Thanks, CJ.) | |||
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In England it's true we have dales, and also we have leafy vales. They're words of our time - not simply for rhyme - they're as real as our wonderful ales! Richard English | |||
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quote: My thoughts exactly. | |||
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Says Richard: In England it's true we have dales, and also we have leafy vales. They're words of our time - not simply for rhyme - they're as real as our wonderful ales! What can we do with dales, vales, ales? The US has Oakland and Dallas, But such cities are hardly Valhallas. "Pooh" to citified grime! Your vales sound sublime, So I say to you, "Brits uber alles!"  | |||
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quote: Apologies to dear LadyBeth Who probably wishes me death! I forgot her name, Give me the blame. My mistake number ninetieth! So sorry, LadyBeth--and after you started this wildly successful thread! | |||
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Indeed there is Evesham's fine vale where Morgans are still made for sale. There's Worcester's fine sauce* and there's Elgar, of course and don't forget Wyre Piddle's ale. *In England "Worcester" is pronounced "wooster". Richard English | |||
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That famous old preacher named Pugh Preached alongside the Curate of Kew. Aglay vestments revealed He was in the right field Of vision from Miss Morgan's pew. ~~~ jerry | |||
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quote: [This message was edited by C J Strolin on Fri Feb 21st, 2003 at 13:22.] | |||
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quote: For any contribution I have made to anyone's mistaken belief that we are a mean-spirited bunch (particularly to any newcomers to this site) I do very sincerely apologize. Occasional appearances to the contrary, we are not a rancorous lot. If there is anyone here who sincerely believes this not to be the case, please point them out to me and I will have them flogged, thank you. The King has spoken. | |||
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quote: Thanks, CJ. One thing I like about this board is that people are willing to apologize. Sometimes even the most innocent remark can offend--I know, because I have at one time or another been offended, though I have always dealt with it either on the board or in private topics. Similarly, I have apologized when I have looked back and realized that I may have offended someone. quote:Really, Richard? I sure wish that were the case here! Do you know how we pronounce it? I cannot even try to tell you because I have never pronounced it right! | |||
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quote: FANFARE, PLEASE!!! Trumpets! Drums!! Kazoos, what-have-you!!! Richard has joined us and (pregnant pause...) IT IS GOOD!!! ("It" referring to the limerick, I mean, not Richard. I'm really doing my best not to piss anybody off here.) Great meter, solid rhymes, good use of topical material (the "dale" question) plus the appropriate use of a nice introductory title. First rate all around! I could quibble about the non-capitalization of some first words but readily concede the matter to be one of personal style and preference and, as such, beyond the scope of even this thread's humble monarch. And I suppose the beery punchline was unavoidable but I truly do not care! It's a winner! Welcome back to the thread, R.E. An "A+"! TKHS | |||
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quote: OK, So the Rooster is Actually the Logo of Bantam Books, Not Simon and Schuster. Consider it "Poetic License" Since There Just Aren't That Many Rhymes for "-ooster" According to Simon and Shuster, (Whose logo is that of a rooster) Around Boston when they Will endeavor to say "Wor-KESter," they say it as "WOOster." Worcester Massachusetts, in the middle part of that state, is pronounced "Wooster." It is undoubtedly from this that the British got their pronunciation. | |||
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Effective immediately, your gracious and glorious King will discontinue His grading of the limerickial contributions of His subjects. They, however, are welcomed to grade the works of each other or those of His Beloved Majesty. Here's the deal, guys... When I first announced my own Kingship, admitedly an act a bit more than slightly presumptous, my hope was that I would be challenged by a stream of interesting limericks (which has occurred) but not so much that this ridiculous pronouncement would prompt ill-will towards the "crown" itself which, apparently, it has. Somewhat, at least. Anyway, it wasn't my intention to piss people off. I really did try to be constructive with my comments as if to turn this thread into a limerick writing workshop of sorts. Still, the greatest pleasure limericks provide is in the writing of them, not the reading or (worse) critiquing of them. I see that I may have inadvertently caused some Wordcrafters to hesitate to contribute. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just my colossL ego (great line, Hic) talking. Anyway, no more grading for me except to say A's to all who add their efforts to this thread from here on in. The King has left the building. | |||
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We'll cancel the favoured solution Of a popular front revolution There's no "et tu Bruté" In the palace today As the monarchy's in dissolution. Vescere bracis meis. Read all about my travels around the world here. | |||
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"In England 'Worcester' is pronounced 'wooster'," says Richard. "Really, Richard?" asks Kalleh. "I sure wish that were the case here!" Yes, CJ confirms in a great limerick of his own. ------------------- Indeed. Oddly-pronounced British place-names have generated many witty limericks. Here's an example using Worcester. There once was a lady from Worcester Who orcester crow loud as a rorcester. She yorcester climb Seven trees at a time, But her sircester yorcester borcester. And a less clean example with better scansion: Sweet Hester of Leicester's young sister (I gorcester her in Worcester and Bicester) Was beautiful Julie; I wooed her in Beaulieu But mostly in Towcester I kircester. | |||
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Such a challenge shall not go unanswered! There one was a lady from Worcester. From her maiden restraint I unlorcester. I wooed her, pursooed her, Subdooed her and scrooed her, Sedorcester, misyorcest and tradorcester. (Ought I to have thus aborcester? ) | |||
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quote: What's the difference between a play on words and a pun? The AHD defines a pun as a play on words. The M-W doesn't use the phrase "play on words", but I interpret their definition to mean just that. The OED'sdefinition agrees with M-W's, but adds "a play on words". The OED entry is worth reading. The first quote is fron 1662 (Dryden): "A bare Clinch will serve the turn; a Carwichet, a Quarterquibble, or a Punn". That gave me a bunch of other words to look up. One of the definitions of clinch is "A sharp repartee that twists or turns about the meaning of a word; a word-play, a pun. Also CLENCH" (OED 6). Carwichet is not in the OED, but carriwitchet and carwitchet are: "A pun, quibble; a hoaxing question or conundrum". A quarterquibble is "? a poor or weak quibble" and a quibble is "A play upon words, a pun" (OED 1). But wait, I'm not done. More quotes: Punning is not intirely banish'd from the pulpit... Some persons have alledged..that this pun-ick art is of divine institution. (Amherst, 1721) It is no wonder that a punning monarch produced a race of punning and pun-admiring liege subjects. (Amherst, 1721-2) Thomas Adams had as honest a love of quips, quirks, puns, punnets, and pundigrions as Fuller the Worthy himself. (Wesley, 1820) under pundigrion. The Paronomasia or Pun, where a word, like the tongue of a jackdaw, speaks twice as much by being split. (Pope, 1727) The *punlet, or pun-maggot, or pun intentional. (Coleridge, 1819) [He] frequently laid pun-traps and quibble-springes of which he took advantage. (Moriarty, 1839) Even Shakespeare's magic is not proof against the artillery of puns. (L'Estrange, 1870) Other definitions: paronomasia - A playing on words which sound alike; a word-play; a pun. pundigrion - Obs. rare. A pun, a quibble. punkin rare, punlet, a little pun punless a., void of puns punnage, punning punnet - Obs. rare. ?A little pun. 1676-1820 [see PUNDIGRION]. punnic, punnical adjs., of, pertaining to, or characterized by puns punnigram [after epigram], a punning saying or mot punnology, the subject or study of puns. M-W suggests pun may have come from the Italian puntiglio, fine piint or quibble, but the OED disagrees: Note. Pun was prob. one of the clipped words, such as cit, mob, nob, snob, which came into fashionable slang at or after the Restoration. Longer equivalents, found a1676, were PUNNET and PUNDIGRION; the former app. a dim. of pun. It has been suggested that pun might originally be an abbreviation of It. puntiglio, small or fine point, formerly also a cavil or quibble (‘cavillazione, sottigliezza nel ragionare, o nel disputare’, Vocab. Della Crusca), a pun being akin to a quibble; and that pundigrion might perh. be a perversion, illiterate or humorous, of puntiglio. This appears not impossible, but nothing has been found in the early history of pun, or in the English uses of punctilio, to confirm the conjecture. To answer your question, C J, there's nothing wrong with a good pun. I like good puns. The key word is good. Sorry about the missing period. I'll take my flogging. Tinman [This message was edited by tinman on Fri Feb 21st, 2003 at 23:41.] | |||
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quote: Delusions? Kings don't have delusions! Do they? Tinman | |||
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quote: Let me chime in here. I have no malice or bitterness toward anyone. As I've said before, I wouldn't pick on C J if I didn't know his skin was as thick as a rhino's. C J revels in abuse (verbal, not physical). You couldn't deflate his ego with a ball-peen hammer. When the King dies in fifty years or so, they'll need two caskets: one regular size for C J, and one extra-extra large for his ego. All I said was in jest. There was a smidgeon of truth with copious hyperbole, but no anger. I wouldn't dare get mad at the King. He would beat me! Tinman [This message was edited by tinman on Fri Feb 21st, 2003 at 23:44.] | |||
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quote: I have no objection to your grading, C J. I just wanted to catch you in an inconsistency (a foolish inconsistancy). I enjoy your analysis and grading of each limerick, though I imagine it's very time-consuming for you. quote: If you weren't presumptous, you wouldn't be C J. Keep your crown and wear it with piety and haughtiness. Long live the King! quote: I don't think you pissed anyone off. I think some may have thought I was really mad at you from my post. I couldn't get mad at you! quote: ColossL. You got that right! quote: Keep on grading, and be brutally honest. We love this verbal jousting. quote: Hurry back. Tinman [This message was edited by tinman on Fri Feb 21st, 2003 at 23:46.] | |||
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CJ, your grading of my limericks didn't bother me at all, either. I agree with Tinman--I hope you hurry back. You give this thread spirit--and I love your limericks. As far as "worcester", Hic, your limerick is great! So--how do all of you pronounce "worcestershire sauce"?[This message was edited by Kalleh on Sun Feb 23rd, 2003 at 12:49.] | |||
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Using my "General American" dialect I say "wooster sheer sauce" BTW I nominate Kalleh as Most Charming Member of this community. Do we hear a second? | |||
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