My friend Robert had sex on Monday but didn't ejaculate until Wednesday. He was sort of discombobulate.

Sting would be jealous. He might even be lusting after the secret.

Discuss: Don't cuss

I wish those guys would discuss. My kids shouldn't have to hear those words as they watch the baseball game.

Discombobulated: What we were when Robert said he'd be tardy but wasn't.

If someone misshapen is contorted, when they stand up straight are they protorted?

Similarly, if you wear a condom, you're protected. If you don't, are you contected?

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
If someone misshapen is contorted, when they stand up straight are they protorted?

No, no, no, "protort" is what you are when you're in favor of a crime (tort)

quote:

Similarly, if you wear a condom,...

The Pope will anathemize you. I think that means he'll put you to sleep.

And if you like prostitutes, you're protarted?

The Maya used a special obsidian knife to dishearten heir victims.

We buried the wrong body s now we'll have to dishevel the coffin.

The man who takes all the copies of Epithalamion and The Faerie Queene from the library and issues them to all comers is a dispenser.

(Or is it the London bank teller who empties all the small coins from his pocket and gives them away? Spell it as you wish.)

Did the inattentive restaurant busboy who took away the dishes before the diners had finished eating DESERVE his tip?

M brother used to resemble a mole but a plastic surgeon demolished him. (He wasn't really a 'plastic" surgeon. He was totally human.)

If you take the toy swirling above a baby's crib away, has it been demobilized?

While my sister was once a very nasty person, she took some classes that demeaned her.

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Don't do any circus tricks with the tightrope walker.
Why not?
His wife complained he's getting unbalanced.

When deciding who would be the next Russian President, there was considerable disPutin'

If you no longer care for your girlfriend, is that an antidote?

Is the period immediately after the divorce postpartum?

I appealed my traffic conviction and had myself defined.

I din't like the daisies my girlfriend pasted on her dress, so I deflowered her.

I started work as a tailor, but the job dematerialised. I then looked for work as a fruit picker, but employment opportunities had disappeared.

His singing was terrible so the synagogue's congregation decided to decanter.

If something is no longer quiet, is it distilled?

Who will accompany Denise to the prom? Denephew.

If the doctor cancels your prescription, does it become a description?

Should an earthquake close up a crack in the earth, is that now a default?

Dispositive: a synonym for negative.

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Don't you mean "negative"?

Damn! You got there before I could change it.

These are fun, aren't they? I tend to repeat myself, but here's one:

Distemper - A person who never gets angry.

The dis- game huh?

YO mama's so fat she goes to the movies and sits next to everyone.

Oh, wait....I did that wrong; maybe my "dis" should be distributed.....

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Or if you've lost your ability to spread your seed, disseminated

If you're distaffed are you circumcized?

Distaffed implies a Lorena Bobbit job.
i.e.dismembered

I was supposed to pick up something at the grocery store but I dismember what it was.

If you fire the woman who works around the house I think you'll be DISMAYED.

(Also if you delete next month from the calendar.)

I shall mend the hole in your dungarees with DISPATCH.

No, if you remove the repair, then you dispatch. I'm surprised a haberdasher wouldn't know that.

Sure if the specific undoing of the repair was the removal of a patch, but the more generic verb, of which dispatch is specific case, is disrepair.

You're both right, of course, but at the same time I wanted to do it quickly.

Now I get mixed up....is "distill" the same as "until"? Or is distill what the revenuers do to the bootlegger after they catch him?

When the student was kicked out of seminary school was he disseminated?

(sorry if I am stealing anyone else's witty definition. I did read through them all, but may not remember if something was already done.)

Until is what you do to bad soil.

To steal a previous joke is plagarism, but to steal many previous jokes is research.

quote:

To steal a previous joke is plagarism, but to steal many previous jokes is research.

- Proofreader

I like that. When I first skimmed it I thought it said "my" instead of "many": that was pretty funny too.

I'm sure there must be a dis-game word for changing the quote for someone and then taking credit for it.....I'll have to think about that one.

quote:

To steal a previous joke is plagarism, but to steal many previous jokes is research.

Or an anthology

Ithink I'm beginning to understand now, sir....

So if your joke is stolen once you have been plagiarized, but if someone steals it many times, you have been displeasure-ized (displagairized).

(okay, I'm stretching a bit)

Perhaps. (If you want to bold your word, do this without the spaces. [ b ] bold (or your word)[ /b ]

Thank You!!

If the victim explains how he might be "made whole" again, will his meaning be DISTORTED ?

Distorted is what occurs when someone steals your bakery product.

When school began again, the teacher called out to the frolicking children, "Display!"

...and straight from the cryptogram section of my Sunday paper last Feb 27 - paradoxically, when the electrician replaced all the old wiring in the house, the customer was DELIGHTED !

"Removing a spell," said the witch, "is such a disenchantment.

An author whose work was heavily larded with profanity was chastised by a critic for his choice of words. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he answered, "but I'm not going to discuss it."

If I thaw an icicle, did I unicycle?

Okay, instead of dissin' I must be "union".

Or wait....is unionizing the process of taking ionized water and reversing the process?

I am so confused...

Nice thoughts Tom - I hope you have more of them - this game needed some livening up.

If I crumple I photograph I assume it will be unflattering.

Have I disposed of my subjects if I photograph them without their knowledge?

There are 96 virgins in every women's professional tennis tournament - they are the unseeded ones.

If you have an abortion, then you're unseeded.

After the picture is taken, then the subjects dispose.

Do not don that vbelvet costume, sir. I beg you to dissuade.

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
If you have an abortion, then you're unseeded.

Surely if you were unseeded you'd have had the Snip and possibly feel unmanned?