<Proofreader> posted March 08, 2010 19:07
The cow lost its signalling device so we'll have to rebel .
<Proofreader> posted March 12, 2010 12:08
A lot of people use Twitter but military men can only send a message once since they hate to re-tweet . That reminds me of an awful joke someone once aggravated me with. A "friend" stood next to me and inncocently asked, "Did you ever hear what a two-hundred-pound canary sounds like?" I said, "No, I have never heard one that big." He then yelled as loudly as he could in my ear, "TWEEEEEEEEEET!" After I had somewhat recovered, he asked, "Do you want to learn what a two-hundred-pound skunk smells like?" I left before he showed me.
Member We'll have to REDISTRIBUTE the crimson dye among the pirates for ransom.
<Proofreader> posted March 17, 2010 14:16
A woman backed into an airplane propellor. Disaster. You may have heard that before but not that she is looking for a rebuttal .
<Proofreader> posted March 19, 2010 08:54
Is a lifeboat full of male models a hunky-dory ?
Member Nah, that's a Bohemian rowboat. And a rowboat is one in which people argue. And if the preceeding seems
dis jointed, it's because someone stole Proofreader's marijuana.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
Member I here they're sending his will back to the Courts for a second evaluation. I"m not surprised; I always knew he was an old REPROBATE .
Member I've figured out how government works: Since "con" is the opposite of "pro," we've got
Con stitution and
pro stitution.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
Member Similarly - the CON GRESS is the opposite of PRO GRESS ? (a cynic's Oldie-but-Goodie)
<Proofreader> posted March 21, 2010 08:38
Members of the legislature are now required to sit at the back of the bus in a move called congregation .
Member If you pay for
con gress, it's
pro stitution.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
Member If you can figure out how to take the shame out of using a chemical detergent, then paradoxically you will have made a DIS odium phosphate !
Member I can't say "phosphate" without getting the front of my shirt wet.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
<Proofreader> posted March 29, 2010 19:07
After Lorena hacked at John Bobbitt, do you think she helped him remember what happened?
<Proofreader> posted March 31, 2010 15:28
After all the rain we've had in Rhode Island, we're asking God to deriver us.
Member Just be careful not to forfeit your sled again - that would be another DELUGE . (I think someone used that one already...)
Member Highwayman to offal purveyor: "Stand and
deliver !"
Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
Member If nothing else will get rid of those grub-digging varmints who make tunnels in your lawn, you may have to resort to DEMOLITION .
Member Or if you're in the Mason's youth auxiliary in Canada, and you want to get rid of those varmints, you have to
De Mole, ay.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
<Proofreader> posted April 03, 2010 05:38
You can place a mole on Mary, and put one on Jane, but don't molester .
Member True. With Ester you have to put an alcohol on an acid.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
<Proofreader> posted April 03, 2010 09:15
Over at OEDILF, one lim mentioned that you disjoint a chicken but dismember a heron. Amazingly you can to either or both to a male human.
Member If someone take the wind out of your sails, is that DISGUSTING ?
Member If a curvy woman puts on lots of weight is she
dis figured?
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
Member Turn it around - a skinny woman who puts on weight in the right places has been con figured.
Member She's CON-figured if she uses silicone.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
<Proofreader> posted April 05, 2010 05:51
Before the Civil War, southern estate owners did plastic surgery on their implantations .
Member So THAT's what all that cotton was for!
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
Member The Bosc and the Anjou are all missing from my fruit salad! Please explain this disappearance .
Member Don't dispearage the salad!
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
Member I know a couple named Bartlett. They're the Bartlett pair to me.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
<Proofreader> posted April 25, 2010 05:35
The Devil's actual name is Bartlett. That show's he's impaired .
Member How would you define "impair" ? He's a real son-of-a-devil !
Member Impair ? - to
decouple of course.
Regards Greg
Member I saw a performance of The Mikado once in which in the last scene the director inserted just four words of her own bit of whimsy, with great effect: MIKADO: ...But my difficulty is that, as you have slain the Heir Apparent---- (enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum. They kneel.) NANKI: The Heir Apparent is not slain! MIKADO: (with amazement) An heir ! NANKI: A parent ! ...Nobody in the audience was expecting that.
<Proofreader> posted April 29, 2010 09:59
Prince Edward was overcome with libido when he pursued Wallis Simpson. In an effort to reduce his amorousness, doctors injected him with chemicals in an attempt to dispassioned .
<Proofreader> posted May 03, 2010 11:17
Wrong! Cain's trouble was he was abel-bodied .
<Proofreader> posted May 05, 2010 12:49
Please, don't worry about the skunk. It's a pet and it's distinct .
Member Has the guitar-playing lawyer who's been forbidden to play chords in the courtroom any more been disbarred ?
<Proofreader> posted May 06, 2010 05:29
No, he's discordant .
Member If separated from a religious commune that cuts up animals are you
dissect ?
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
Member quote:
Originally posted by haberdasher: Has the guitar-playing lawyer who's been forbidden to play chords in the courtroom any more been disbarred ?
No, I believe that was the naughty ballet student.
Posts: 2605 | Location: As they say at 101.5FM: Not New York... Not Philadelphia... PROUD TO BE NEW JERSEY!
IP
<Proofreader> posted May 08, 2010 14:23
No, that was the ostracized owl.
Member And here I thought it was the disgraced Shakespearean actor...
<Proofreader> posted May 09, 2010 05:34
Or maybe a released convict is disbarred .
Member I think I may have mentioned previously that I thought
disbarred had something to do with a gymnast falling off the parallels, but having rethought it I have now decided it's when you are allowed access again. Then again maybe it's when they turn a former prison into high density accommodation.
(fixed typos - about 4 of them)
This message has been edited. Last edited by: Greg S , May 09, 2010 08:43 Regards Greg
<Proofreader> posted May 09, 2010 08:27
I recall my father causing a commotion in a lounge, upon which the owner said, "That's it. You're disbarred ."
Member quote:
Originally posted by Proofreader: ...the owner said, "That's it. You're disbarred ."
Or did
DISBARRED apply to the guy who got thrown out of the
pizza shop ?
Member Next time I catch my daughter playing a computer game when she should be doing her homework, I'm going to tell her to
display that thing straight away.
Regards Greg