What is its origin?
In England the "toilet's" its name;
America's "bathroom" has fame.
Whatever it's called,
I'm not so enthralled.
But, lavatory? That's a bit lame!
A ...... theory, favoured by many, refers to the trade name `Waterloo', which appeared prominently displayed on the iron cisterns in many British outhouses during the early 20th century. This is more credible in terms of dates, but corroborating evidence is still frustratingly hard to find.
The Captain once said to the crew
Here is one thing you can do
When heeding the call
To buy a small doll
Wait your turn in the next Barbie queue."
This reception is really benign.
The wedding proceeded just fine.
Here's where we use leverage
To acquire some beverage
For you see ...
.... ..... ...... this is
. .. ... ..... ........ ..... the punch line.
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Tue Jul 22nd, 2003 at 11:17.]
Whatever happened to "W C"?
(Or, to use its full name, "Water Closet.")
And what did they call it before indoor plumbing?
I s'pose it don't matter now, does it?
The story goes that Winston Churchill was one morning perched on the toilet when there was a knock at the door. Understandably angered at the interruption, Winston is said to have bellowed,
"What the f*** do you want?"
It was a rather flustered manservant, who relayed the news the the Lord Privy Seal (known to be a rather bumptious and self-important official) had turned up early for his appointment.
"it's the Lord Privy Seal" said the flunkey.
Churchill is said to have replied:
"Well, tell his lordship that i'm am sealed in my privy, and I can only deal with one s**t at a time."
There once was a site named snopes dot com,
That contained many facts folks relied on.
As a joke tour de force,
Claimed Ed's zebra, not horse!
Now folks all pissed off falling for the con.
The meter's not perfect but then again, maybe it is... Don't believe everything you read!
Welcome back, TrossL! Haven't seen you for awhile, and I've missed you!
As far as not believing everything you read, certainly that is important. However, when you trust a particular medium to try its best to debunk myths or urban legends, and then they purposely hookwink you.....well, that logic eludes me.
Nobody has hoodwinked anyone. That part of the site has disclaimers all over it saying don't let the lack of truthfulness stop you from enjoying the following stories. The lead page for the Lost Legends section specifically says they are not true. It's kind of like when people quote verses from the bible out of context. For example, there is a verse that says something like, "You have heard 'an eye for an eye,' but I say forgive your neighbor" or something like that. Now if someone was to say, But it says in the bible in such & such a verse that it should be an eye for an eye" it is technically correct, but taken out of context, the meaning is lost.
Same thing here. Yes, snopes is known as debunking central and so you take their word as written in stone. But at the bottom of that very tablet was a link to the truth.
The moral of the story (what Snopes wanted you to come away with) is that you it sounds wrong and your logical sense tells you it's wrong, trust that instinct! Also, click all the links before going off on a rant.
That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
OK, OK, I'll consider myself spanked.
BUT! You wouldn't believe the number of sites I researched before going off on my stupid rant. I'm now a sadder Budweiser man.
(NO!! WAIT!! CANCEL THAT!!! I DIDN'T MEAN IT, R.E.!!!!)
An accurate and nicely contrived pun.
All those who drink Budweiser are definitely sad.
Reverting to the theme of this thread. Also agreeing with Tree's point elsewhere that in its proper time and place, Budweiser serves a purpose too. (After all, that which is not excellent can still be satisfactory.)
At times when you're thirsty, m'lad,
A draft of Budweiser's not bad,
But it's profligate waste
Of superior taste
That you could have, and ought to have, had.
I quite agree. And I used a bottle of it (or to be precise, on of its clones that I was left with at a party) and a few weeks ago.
It was excellent.
For sanity's sake please, please don't ask !
He didn't say he drank it and I, for one, don't actually care if he used it to clean the drains, kill the slugs or wax the Rolls one of which will doubtless be his reply to anyone foolish enough to ask the question.
Glaubt es mir - das Geheimnis, um die größte Fruchtbarkeit und den größten Genuß vom Dasein einzuernten, heisst: gefährlich leben.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.
Oh, but, Bob, I am soooo curious!
And, Shufitz, I cannot believe your comment about Budweiser (Budweiser serves a purpose too), knowing you as I do.
I love Fuller's 1845 beer...and the Cubs!
(*2) 3 full stops preceding, 4 afterwards, but why quibble.
(*3) As in "On, Dasher, On Dancer, On Budweiser, etc"??
(*4) "That I was left with at a party"??!! Such syntax!
(*5) "And" what?
(*6) I have no doubt. It's apparent that our esteemed R.E. has been dipping into his Tennant's Extra recently. Your day-before-payday brew, is it?
(P.S. If anyone from the Humane Society should be surfing by, allow me to state that no slugs were harmed in the production of this post.)
A curious girl from Dundee
Had a problem with identity
Both concave and convex
She could love either sex
Uncertain, she put out to see.
Great pun (as always) at the end but the meter in line 2 throws it all off. "a CURious GIRL from dunDEE" (perfect) had a PROBlem with I-den-ti-TEE" (not so much.) That last word, of course, is pronounced i-DEN-ti-tee." May I suggest:
A sexual girl from Dundee
Knew not what her preference might be.
Both concave ... etc.
"Preference," yes, technically, is three syllables but is easily pronounced with just two.
Not that anyone asked but you can tell the gender of a box turtle by whether its bottom shell is concave or convex, the difference being which is "on top" during mating. In effect, turtles do it "doggy-style" which I'm sure is not the perversion that the term might suggest.
The turtle lives twixt plated decks
That practically conceal its sex
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.
~~~ Ogden Nash
Your "preference" line is preferable, C. J.
Jerry, I have always love that Ogden Nash limerick.
Kudos, Ogden Nash is the greatest.
Why does CJ know about turtle mating habits? Has he been Shell-acking the amphibious world?
No, I was shell-shocked in a previous lifetime...
C.J. and his favorite tortoise
Fit together like tenon and mortise.
Despite his rigidity
Her apparent frigidity
Is caused by acute rigor mortis
I'm accused of bestiality and necrophilia. I would have enjoyed your limerick a bit more had I not needed to Dictionary.com "tenon & mortise" though, now that I've learned two new words (and thank you for that) I can see why a shortage of words rhyming with "tortoise" would prompt your limerick to go in the direction it did.
For better or worse (depending on your view of puns) your piece prompted the following:
Warning! Groaner Ahead!!
It's true other runners won't thwart us
Though our speed might suggest rigor mortis,
If our progress is steady
For success we'll be ready -
A lesson which Aesop once tortoise!
[This message was edited by C J Strolin on Tue Feb 10th, 2004 at 16:39.]
As my teenage daughter would say, I am LOL.. laughing out loud. What great turtle limericks.. Jerry and CJ.. those were 5-stars*****.
Now, I have to write a bloody limerick after I have "massaged" my Theodore Roosevelt Double-Dactyl. Too much stress..
Oh, I love "thwart us," "rigor mortis," and "tortoise!"
I've been on kick to write a limerick about everyone that works in my office.
This has been the best one so far.
There once a woman named Valarie
Who didn't make much of a salary.
She said she needed more dough,
Or she'd have to go
And make more as a prostitute hourly!
A former barber named Haals
No longer cuts hair in the maals.
His shop is now dark.
He's a cop and a nark.
He's responding to hair-raising caals.
This is one of the 100 Limericks I wrote while employed as Communications Supervisor in a certain northern Colorado police department (1970 - 1978)
There once was a surfer named jerry,
To Hawaii he fled, making merry.
Waxed his board 'til it squeaked,
Rode the waves 'til he freaked.
Our jerry is now fragmentary.
A Georgia lady named Kay
Set out to write Limericks today
She takes her sweet time
Choosing meter and rhyme
And blows all her readers away!
Jerry - that was great! Are you still picking up all the pieces of your mind and body?
This started out as an attempt to incorporate abbreviations into a limerick but the damn thing just absquatulated away on its own.
Some careless folks in the Bahamas
Took to sleeping without their pajamas.
With lust as their goal,
(But with no birth control!)
They're known now as papas and mamas.
The humor (such as it is) exists on more than one level but I'll assume I don't need to spell it out.
C J Strolin lives in Illinois
Where they treat Limericks as a Tois
According to song
(I could be wrong)
That's where Adam played as a Bois.
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Tue Feb 17th, 2004 at 11:25.]
Thanks, J.T. Once again you have inspired me:
IL? No, Actually I'm Feeling Pretty Good!
Works On So Many Levels...
I met a young nurse at a spa
Who suggested a menage a trois,
(She'd just been to France)
So I lowered my pants
And she opened her mouth and said "Ahhhhh!"
(I refuse to apologize for that one - it's a corker!)
As a nurse, I object!
[It is pretty damned good, though!]
But does shufitz object?
Quote: "I met a young nurse at a spa
Who suggested a menage a trois"
So, who was the third of the ménage - and what was he or she doing whilst the nurse was saying "ahh"?
(Notice the use of the acute accent?)
They say that the State IL
Is an excellent place for a boy
(Or a girl) who likes beer
Since they know it is here
That Goose Island is brewed - what a joy!
Your post brings to mind an old story, supposedly true, and an old joke supposedly based on an actual incident though I sincerely doubt it.
A young soldier was bragging to his barracks buddies that his girlfriend back at home would never in a million years cheat on him. As proof, he offered a photograph of her and a group of her friends enjoying a day on the beach. Everyone was obviously coupled off together, snuggling lovingly in pairs, except for this guy's girlfriend who sat forlornly alone on a blanket.
After enduring this guy's constant harping about how wonderful and pure and chaste his girlfriend was, someone had the presence of mind to ask "Who took the picture?"
(In other words, the third person of the threesome was none other than myself, writing the limerick about the woman, me, and my alter ego. Quite a treat for the young lady if I do say so myself!)
An 80-year-old man happily told his doctor friend that he had finally found true love. When the doctor learned the woman's name he was faced with an ethical dilema since she was not only a patient of his but was also gravely ill. Deciding to set aside his medical ethics he informed his friend "I know this woman. She has acute angina" to which he, of course, replied "You're telling me!"
And Kalleh, I would have been astounded had you not objected to that piece but have you ever noticed how very often members of your profession are the primary characters (if not the actual butts) of jokes in general? Next to prostitutes and, possibly, traveling salesmen, nurses seem to inspire more lascivious humor than any other profession. I wonder why that is...
Here's an old song about the State of Elanoy. The /z/ sound shows up in the final chorus, where "Elanoy" rhymes with "boys."
Then move your family westward,
Bring all your girls and boys
And cross at Shawnee Ferry to
The State of Elanoy.
The Algonquin word "illini" allegedly translates as "men," or "warriors."
Speaking of ménage à trois,
That person he met at the spois,
Was it really a nurse?
Could have been worse!
For example, a je ne sais quoi !!
[This message was edited by jerry thomas on Thu Feb 19th, 2004 at 15:34.]
There once was a boy named Rex,
Who thought he was under a hex.
He found a wordsite,
Where he'd Jumble all night,
But it really was all about sex.
quote:Interesting question, CJ. I don't know. Nursing is predominantly a female profession (92% are women), but then so is teaching, though not as extreme. Yet, you can see why the public doesn't kid about teachers being sexually promiscuous, as they do about nurses. I have wondered if that frivolous nursing cap that nurses used to wear has anything to do with the public's perception of nurses. Or maybe it's that old-fashioned idea that nurses go into the profession to "catch a doctor." I recently was at a medical museum and saw a greeting card that they used to sell in the 1950s. On the front it said, "Congratulations on your graduation from nursing school." On the inside it said, "Now, it's time to find that doctor and settle down!" Can you believe it?
Most nurse television shows or movies are highly insulting to nurses. In fact, "Nurses," a TV situational comedy, was finally taken off the air because of the outcries from nurses. "ER" is really the only show that I have ever seen that treats nursing seriously and accurately.
It is said that the manager of a large whorehouse staffed the top floor of his place with Nurses, the second floor with Telephone Operators, and the ground floor with Teachers.
Some time later a survey showed that the ground floor was far more popular than the other two. Secret hearing devices were installed to find out Why.
The Nurses were all saying, "This is going to hurt a little."
The Telephone Operators were saying, "Your three minutes are up."
"We're going to keep on doing this over and over again until we get it right!"
Good job! Nursing is brutal and highly stressful.. I have 2 family members there. I had 3, but one opted out due to burn-out. I work in an almost all female atmosphere, except for a few males, and we always wonder why they are there, though they do a good job.. usually, they are seeking administration jobs. And we sit back, and raise the families, and run the home. It's life..
I don't know whether you see the Carry On films in the USA. However, if not, I will now confess that I am an addict and feel sorry that you are missing them!
All the non-polically correct humour, the sexist stereotypes and the frequent double entendres have led to their being universally castigated by the "cognoscenti" while simultaneously being the most popular comedy films ever to have been produced by the UK industry.
Lat week "Carry on Nurse" was on - one of the earlier black and whites. If I remind you that it was the one with Wilfred Hyde White and the daffodil...
Oh, and by the way, just to clear up any suspicion that I might be "anti-nurse", let me say that my wife was a nurse and then a health visitor and I know only too well how difficult her jobs were. I wouldn't DARE to be anti-nurse!
quote:First, let me say that having met both Richard and his wife, I do know that Richard is not anti-nurse. Further, I have not seen the show, so I probably shouldn't comment.
Yet, let's admit it. Were the "double entendres" about other professionals or, heaven forbid, other cultures, they wouldn't be allowed. I have often thought that nurses ourselves should take the blame because often we let that sort of thing continue. We don't speak out enough. We don't demand salaries or prestige that we deserve. Partly, I think it is because, at least in the states, many nurses were nuns who never would speak up for themselves. Also, I think it is because the majority are women. Men in nursing rise much more quickly than women do and make more money, on average.
The Carry-ons were a series of films (movies) not TV shows - although that's where they are usually to be seen these days.
A typical Carry-on double entendre is this:
Ambulance man, eating a pear, suddenly bumps into Barbara Windsor (whose mammary development is legendary).
Barbara "Ooh, what a lovely pear!"
Ambulance man (gazing into Barbara's well-exposed cleavage) "I was just about to say the same thing myself!"
Barbara giggles and flounces off.
That's it. Very funny and really very innocent.
But there are plenty who decry the humour and who call it sexist. Make your own mind up.